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not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 6:31:05 AM
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Hope4Restoration
Posts: 14
Joined: 9/21/2009
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Ok where to start. I honestly don't believe that my husband has any love for me. I believe that our marriage is simply one power struggle after another. It's one game after another.
Let me start with the most recent issue. On the way to dinner with my parents (who traveled down to help us move into our new home) last night my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time. She is having some hard times and is staying with his parents. (At this point I need God to intervene in my heart because I am ferious and so afraid, and jealous.)
I now have to jump to the past. This "old friend" of my husband's family knows him well, in fact admitadly wanted to date my husband for a long time, they participated in ministry together for years, and his family wanted them to get married. He repeatedly refused. (At least that is what he told me when I met him and he pursued me). She is everything that I am not. Knows him, knows how to please him, I don't.
I have nothing good in may past. It is full of mistakes and iniquity.
There is more to this story. I have go and take care of my 17 month old son....to make a long story short...I don't know how to love this man. I am in desperate need of God's love and presence in my life right now. I feel so alone with out a friend. I have given myself to my husband over and over again and feel like he takes willingly but does not give in return. I long see him whole heartedly love and pursue Christ (His faith is another issue). Maybe I am blind.
I need Love right now From God I am hurting so bad. I have supported this man financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. And have no more to give him. He won't go to counseling, doesn't want to and doesn't want to pay for it. I
Our marriage is full of arguing, mostly over raising children and finances. (normal things). I have fought depression, and every other destructive thought as well.
I beleive that deep down in my heart God loves me and has a plan for my life. Inspite of all my faults and short comings.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 8:32:02 AM
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Feyth
Posts: 89
Joined: 9/4/2009
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Hello H4R,
I feel your desparation and sadness in your post.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through and feeling.
You're not feeling very good about yourself right now; I do understand.
It's so hard when we women get these feelings of hopelessness and that we have no one to turn to or confide in.
I'm not sure what to tell you about this old friend of your husband's.
Are you sure that you aren't just at a point in your life where alot just seems wrong, even the little things?
I do understsand the jealousy you explained toward her.
I'm guessing he had no romantic feelings for this girl because they didn't end up married.
Is it possible she is feeling like a threat mostly because your husband isn't giving you what you need in the marriage?
I mean, if things were better between the two of you, would you still feel threatened?
Well, the whole point is, you do, and that is one reason you're here.
I'm wondering how truthful you can be to your husband.
Without yelling or making accusations, can you be honest and tell him that with the way your marriage feels right now (not so good) that you don't feel comfortable or happy having another woman in the house. I think I would just tell my husband, as nicely as possible, that I don't like the idea of his old female friend staying with us when we are already having issues with our marriage.
Really pray about how you, yourself can change toward things.
Arguing all the time is so tiring and draining and it really brings you down even further.
Even when you know you are not in the wrong in a situation, practice talking in a kind way. And do this for YOU, not your husband, necessarily.
This will give you a feeling of being in control of your own situations, at least to some degree.
If you refuse to yell and argue, your husband might be taken by surprise and wonder what's up. 
You will give him something to ponder about.
Remember that God will give you strength; just believe in it.
I do hope things get better soon and yes, God does have a plan for each of us who is dedicated to him.
Keep looking up!
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 8:35:46 AM
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charity7
Posts: 560
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Well first of all I am sorry you feel the way youd-but I dont believe letting an old Flame come stay would be healthy for your marriage. Some thing that might help you is to take a notebook and sit down and write down all God's promises to you and the Bible references--then list all the good qualities of your husmand. Read them every morning and every night. Claim them as your own. Then pick 1 thing every day,that your hubby likes from you and do it every day. (pick a different thing every day) Marriage is work--start working on it. Love is a choice.
_____________________________
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 8:44:10 AM
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holymanna
Posts: 25
Joined: 6/4/2009
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Sorry to hear that you are in such distress. I understand how you would feel this way. I agree with Feyth: You need to talk with your husband in a calm manner, expressing your feelings concerning this potential visitor. Hopefully, your husband will respect your feelings.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 8:45:40 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8719
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hope4Restoration
Let me start with the most recent issue. On the way to dinner with my parents (who traveled down to help us move into our new home) last night my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time.
Tell him no, that you're not comfortable with that.
And even if he won't go to counselling, you go.
Have you spoken to your pastor about any of this?
_____________________________
"Manda stole my answer" - bolt. March 2010
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 9:16:07 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 2131
Joined: 3/13/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Hope4Restoration
Let me start with the most recent issue. On the way to dinner with my parents (who traveled down to help us move into our new home) last night my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time.
Tell him no, that you're not comfortable with that.
And even if he won't go to counselling, you go.
Have you spoken to your pastor about any of this?
Amen to this, he should NOT be having any contact with a single women who was after him for years. he is married to you and he needs to keep any other woman at a distance. it is a danger to your marriage and she is a danger to your marriage.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 12:49:18 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 385
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
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I don't think it would be a good idea to have anyone living with you right now while you are having problems that need to be worked on. I CERTAINLY don't think another woman who once had feelings for your husband should come and live with you. It is your house too and this should not happen unless you both agree on it.
_____________________________
I am my husbands #1 fan!
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 2:29:42 PM
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laura...
Posts: 3327
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time. She is having some hard times and is staying with his parents.
Just to clarify: I believe you are saying that the old friend would visit along with his parents because she is living with his parents.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/25/2009 2:58:05 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1045
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
quote:
my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time. She is having some hard times and is staying with his parents.
Just to clarify: I believe you are saying that the old friend would visit along with his parents because she is living with his parents.
And this appears as if it will be for the Thanksgiving holiday. There's no history of romantic interest on your husbands side, so I wonder if you are scared because of your own insecurities in your marriage. Counseling is definitely in order, and I'd say welcome the company for the holidays. You just may learn something from this other lady... learn more about your husband, how to make him happy, learn how to make yourself feel more involved in your marriage.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/30/2009 2:06:28 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 443
Joined: 11/28/2005
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quote:
I now have to jump to the past. This "old friend" of my husband's family knows him well, in fact admitadly wanted to date my husband for a long time, they participated in ministry together for years, and his family wanted them to get married. He repeatedly refused. (At least that is what he told me when I met him and he pursued me). She is everything that I am not. Knows him, knows how to please him, I don't. I now have to jump to the past. This "old friend" of my husband's family knows him well, in fact admitadly wanted to date my husband for a long time, they participated in ministry together for years, and his family wanted them to get married. He repeatedly refused. (At least that is what he told me when I met him and he pursued me). She is everything that I am not. Knows him, knows how to please him, I don't.
*Don't allow the enemy to sow discord in your life.
Cast down those thoughts of being inadequate because it's not true.
The Lord is the source for all that you need.
He's provided a help-meet(husband) for you - appreciate that.
Unless you have proof that your husband is lying about his past with
his woman friend - don't start twisting his words and mentally stamping his admission(s) as lies.
Forgive your spouse for falling short and forgive yourself.
Work on your own issues. The only person you can change is yourself...
learn to respond differently to your spouse(curb the arguments). Choose your battles carefully.
Your identity is found in Christ alone.
Buffet yourself with biblical truths not logical reasonings.
Christ is the only one who is perfect and without sin - all the rest of us, well we fall short. By the grace of God we attained righteousness through Christ(when we came to him for salvation).
{I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14}
Also----
You can seek counseling on your own... speak with your minister or a mature Christian woman at church about needing some spiritual guidance/advice/prayers.
*As for the woman friend who you say knows how to please him... how would you know that for a fact? Is your husband telling you this? Or is it his parents?
(I didn't see anything in your post about you knowing her personally.)
What's there to be jealous of - she's wasn't able to "land" your man when he was still single/available and they worked in ministry together for years and she still "missed" roping him in! (don't sound like she was "Miss Right" for him)(does it make you wonder what's wrong with her?)
You know your husband because you are with him (on a daily/nightly basis) and have a child together. You know what buttons to push to get a reaction. Time itself has made other factors known to you and you've acquired intimate knowledge of this man you are married to. You and him may have different likes/dislikes but all couples do.
You know him better than you think.
You may not like all that you have discovered about this man and that too
will make you respond to him differently.
It is important for you to seek Christian counseling.
(Scripture to share with you/him - 1 Peter 3:7)
In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 9/30/2009 7:30:03 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 2131
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hope4Restoration
Ok where to start. I honestly don't believe that my husband has any love for me. I believe that our marriage is simply one power struggle after another. It's one game after another.
Let me start with the most recent issue. On the way to dinner with my parents (who traveled down to help us move into our new home) last night my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time. She is having some hard times and is staying with his parents. (At this point I need God to intervene in my heart because I am ferious and so afraid, and jealous.)
I now have to jump to the past. This "old friend" of my husband's family knows him well, in fact admitadly wanted to date my husband for a long time, they participated in ministry together for years, and his family wanted them to get married. He repeatedly refused. (At least that is what he told me when I met him and he pursued me). She is everything that I am not. Knows him, knows how to please him, I don't.
I have nothing good in may past. It is full of mistakes and iniquity.
There is more to this story. I have go and take care of my 17 month old son....to make a long story short...I don't know how to love this man. I am in desperate need of God's love and presence in my life right now. I feel so alone with out a friend. I have given myself to my husband over and over again and feel like he takes willingly but does not give in return. I long see him whole heartedly love and pursue Christ (His faith is another issue). Maybe I am blind.
I need Love right now From God I am hurting so bad. I have supported this man financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. And have no more to give him. He won't go to counseling, doesn't want to and doesn't want to pay for it. I
Our marriage is full of arguing, mostly over raising children and finances. (normal things). I have fought depression, and every other destructive thought as well.
I beleive that deep down in my heart God loves me and has a plan for my life. Inspite of all my faults and short comings.
You said that she is everything that you are not and that she knows how to please your husband. That is totally wrong. If she were everything that your husband wanted, he would have dated her and married her and he didnt.
If she really knew how to please him then why did he repeatedly refuse to go out with her despite his parents pressure (which was totally wrong in my opinion). YOU are the right women for your husband. He chose YOU and he wants YOU. Please remember that. God bought you together and it was no mistake that you ended up being married. She is NOT the women for him and NEVER has been and he knew that all along. She may have wanbted to go out with him, his family may have wanted it but he DIDNT, he wanted YOU and had no interest in her in that way.
I wanted to ask, what is his parents attitude to you?. Do they accept you or do they still feel that he should have married her?
You are perfectly within your rights to say no to her comimg to visit. She is a big girl now and quiet capable of being in their house while they are with you.Just explain to your husband that becuase of the past you would feel uncomfortable if she came. Does he still have any contact with her as in phone calls, e-mails etc?If he does that isnt a god idea either..
You two need help to get your marriage back on track and you need to KNOW that YOU are the woman for him and SHe isnt.
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 9/30/2009 12:35:25 PM >
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 10/6/2009 5:54:50 AM
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Hope4Restoration
Posts: 14
Joined: 9/21/2009
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I want to thank you all for your prayers and support. Thank you all so very much. This past week we have been moving from our apartment to a new house about 45 min away. We still have yet to hook up internet access to our new house. I have fought this battle with a lot of prayer and the book by Stromie OMartin, "the Power of a Praying Wife." We have had some sweet times together this week. Have been busy but the interactions between us have been with more kindness and understanding.
I recently was honest about this "other woman" in my husbands life. I spoke with him about the insecurity that I was feeling and He reaussred me that I am the one he wants to be with. I still feel insecure because I feel that his parents would still have rather had him marry this other woman. THey see me as someone who has problems. His dad has wanted him to be in the ministry and he is not. THat is not my fault, he makes his own choices. He has a large family, they all talk about each other and tend to be (in my opinion) hard on spouces. They tend to blame the spouces for the hard times that the immediate family members go through, (this has happened to one other spouce). When I am close with the Lord I feel so strong and reassured. He truly is my rock. He gives so much confidence and strength
Their approval and acceptance of me is a big deal. Right now I have nothing but the Lord my children and my marriage. When I say that I mean I don't work, have any real training ( I have a two year associate degree but I just can't seem to keep focused on any particular major) I feel as though my idenity is wrapped up in my children and my husband). I gave up my job at a health food store because he wanted me to be at home with the kids more. I gave up my job at a preschool becuase I prayed about it and felt like that was what God wanted me to do at the time, we also bought a house that is wuite far away. I would just like to find either a greater purpose for our marriage ( a calling on our lives) Or I would like to pursue something and serve others ourside our relationship. I have tried many things becasue I love so many things but I have ended up quitting either to be with our children or becuase he has asked me to. I just feel like if he were to leave me then I would have nothing.
But on the flip side the Lord takes care of the lillies of the field. He would take care of me, my efforts are not in vain. He is El Roi the God who sees. He knows our situations. He loves us no matter what others think of us, our how others judge us. I have been praying for accountability for both of us, a small group to be accountable to, financial freedom, deliverance and true repentance.
Thank you all for your prayers and support.
hope
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pornography - 10/6/2009 8:17:56 AM
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Hope4Restoration
Posts: 14
Joined: 9/21/2009
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I know lots of wives have faced this problem. In additoin to the topics that I have mentioned in my posting, my husband as a history of pronogrpahy addiction. I try to leave matters in the past but last spring I found over 50 pornogrpahyic iomages on my computer, once more he lied to me for two weeks before he admitted it. Last sprong also I found two deductions from our savings account both from internet adult websites. He told me that it was a mistake. I don't know what to believe since he has a history of this. Today I found that he has subscribed to youtube, and watched 16 videos. He hasn't mentioned this to me. Of course the history has been erased. Which is what happened before when he was hiding pronography. It is like he is having an affair. Basicly he is. And lieing about it. Once more is if I confront him about it then he will probly lie and I will feel like I am going crazy. I know that other women have faced this issue. I guess we cry out to God to set us free.
Hope
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RE: pornography - 10/6/2009 1:24:38 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 2131
Joined: 3/13/2009
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it seems that he is into porn in quite a big way. He needs to see a godly Christisn man about this and get someone that he can be accountable to for his behaviour. Yes it must be like he is having an affair and on a way he is, with many different women. This is something that for me would be a deal breaker. I would seperate if any man I was married to was looking at porn. Then, if he was prepared to stop and get help, I would come back but not until then. It MUST be affecting him and your marriage badly. He isnt being faithful to you. Spiritually he has opened the door to all sorts of evil by doing this. it is serious stuff.
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 10/6/2009 1:44:37 PM >
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RE: pornography - 10/6/2009 2:59:13 PM
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Lyrach
Posts: 97
Joined: 10/20/2008
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Hope - I am truly sorry to hear about the lying. It is not basically an affair, it IS one. Matthew 5:28, and Matthew 5:32 state this - if anyone wants to argue with THe Man, be my guest. He & you both need help. He is lying to you & it is affecting not only your spiritual household, but also your children. I would utilize the churh, your friends in the church, and YOUR side of the family. Tell him he needs help - give him boundaries (e.g. you have 1 week to go to our pastor & get help) and if he does not follow through, consequences. Why? Because you cannot tolerate & live in sin. Let him know (yes, in a loving way, but obviously you HAVE been tolerant & loving or you would not still be married! There's a point where there need to be healthy loving boundaries so that a person knows that their sin DOES affect you & your babies) that you are not willing to share your marriage bed - make no mistake, do not be deceived - most men are not willing to admit that looking at that junk IS having an affair. Well, it is, and NO, women have NEVER been okay with it and are NOT supposed to be okay with it. IF all sin is equal - which it is, would he be okay if you slept around? Same thing. Most men separate their heart for their wife from this little fun facade of theirs. I encourage you to go to Fred Stoekers site, he deals with this topic without compromise or deceit. He is blunt. There is a message board that men & women are on, husbands & wives, testifying of marriages restored. You may feel like it's unfair, but You will have to start this - why? Your children are at risk. Not jsut you, not just him. When a man sins in this way, he is removing his position from the family - because you are Christian (I dont' know if he is or not) he is removing his spiritual headship & leadership over you. This needs to be erradicated NOW. Most men, and our sexually sick culture will tell all women & men that this is perfectly fine & normal. If it were, then how come there are hundreds of thousands of Christians and non-Christians who are damaged by all kinds of sexual sin? It doesn't matter how soft core how hard core what ever... this is sin & it needs to be exposed & dealt with. My prayers & heart go out to you. Sometimes we need to change our strategy to combat deceit & evil. God be with you. You have my support!
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RE: pornography - 10/6/2009 9:52:24 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2057
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Hon, the first thing I want to say is that in God's eyes you ARE the right woman for your husband. So you need to begin believing it.
You are just the woman the Lord had in mind for your husband. You are THE BEST wife for your husband. You are the Lord's will for him. Believe it.
Your post is filled with all kinds of self doubts and condemning thoughts. You are believing lies rather than the truth of what the Lord thinks of you. You need to call these lies what they are, lies, and stop listening to them and stop believing them.
Your husband chose you. Believe that. Love your husband and live love to him.
Believe what God says about you and reject these lying, evil, condemning thoughts about yourself. Read God's word and fill yourself with His thoughts about you because His are true words.
And pray for your husband. He needs your prayers and your love. Bless you for believing!
_____________________________
Liveloved
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: pornography - 10/14/2009 2:14:46 PM
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heremainsfaithful
Posts: 1137
Joined: 10/14/2009
From: Alabama
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Here are a few of my thoughts to take or leave as you wish.
First, I am not a big fan of opposite sex friendships when one is married. Especially when this woman has expressed past romantic interest in your husband and his parents may still have an attitude about it. Even if married people can go around being big buddies with the opposite sex, if your spouse feels uncomfortable with someone, it should stop.
I know this woman who was married to a man who had been a minister for many years. She had led women's ministries, written discipleship materials, and sung and spoken at retreats and churches. She grew up learning to have quiet times, memorize scripture, and love Jesus. She ended up having an affair with a friend at work whom she never expected to be attracted to....Oh, wait, that's MY story!
One of our jobs is to be protective of our marriages. Yes, you may have insecurity issues. You may care too much what people think. You may need to work on yourself some. But I can tell you embracing this woman as she moves in on your husband is not going to help.
I would love to recommend two books to you: His Needs, Her Needs and Fall In Love, Stay In Love. They are awesome!
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RE:not the right woman... - 10/15/2009 1:23:44 PM
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Lyrach
Posts: 97
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
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"Even if married people can go around being big buddies with the opposite sex, if your spouse feels uncomfortable with someone, it should stop. "
I say, isolate this phrase alone, and focus on it... very well put. I have grown up with several male friends, and I don't even attempt to ask my DH if I can have a lunch time with these guys without my DH in tow, or if there isn't another woman in the GROUP. I just don't think it's wise. As my DH put it - "you may be 'just friends' , but you're still a woman, and he's still a man, and I know men, honey." Werd! 
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RE: RE:not the right woman... - 11/2/2009 4:07:46 AM
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michele_erin
Posts: 180
Joined: 5/8/2006
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quote:
When I say that I mean I don't work, have any real training ( I have a two year associate degree but I just can't seem to keep focused on any particular major) I feel as though my idenity is wrapped up in my children and my husband). I gave up my job at a health food store because he wanted me to be at home with the kids more. I gave up my job at a preschool becuase I prayed about it and felt like that was what God wanted me to do at the time, we also bought a house that is wuite far away. I would just like to find either a greater purpose for our marriage ( a calling on our lives) Or I would like to pursue something and serve others ourside our relationship. I have tried many things becasue I love so many things but I have ended up quitting either to be with our children or becuase he has asked me to. I just feel like if he were to leave me then I would have nothing.
But on the flip side the Lord takes care of the lillies of the field. He would take care of me, my efforts are not in vain. He is El Roi the God who sees. He knows our situations. He loves us no matter what others think of us, our how others judge us. I have been praying for accountability for both of us, a small group to be accountable to, financial freedom, deliverance and true repentance.
I think as women because of what the world says we should be doing ( pretty much it all -- work, children, bake sales, volunteering, ministry, etc) - we feel inadequate when we're doing what God wants us to do -- be a wife and a mother. Your husband is supportive of this - -- please embrace it! It is an honor and a privilege to be able to "minister" to your children and your husband. I, myself, am learning this right now.
For 21 years I have worked outside the home. Recently, due to illness, I was forced to quit my job and stay home full-time and be a wife and a mother. It has been a hard adjustment because I feel like I should be doing more. Financially, we are fine and God has totally provided for us, so what is my problem? The world! And what "they" say -- and comparing myself to other women and what they are doing.
I'm learning gradually to enjoy being a wife and a mom. One thing that I have done (when the kids are in school -- they are all teens), is to get involved in a group called MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers). They meet twice a month, and I volunteer to babysit the babies! Since you have younger children, you could get involved so that you can meet other young mothers, and have the adult contact you are desiring -- which is important too. MOPS is usually done through churches, and it is a great way to learn more about the Lord, learn great tips on mothering and being a wife, crafts, fellowship, etc.
Just my two cents. Hang in there! It's worth it!
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 11/2/2009 10:02:34 AM
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KaptZ
Posts: 450
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Hope4Restoration
Let me start with the most recent issue. On the way to dinner with my parents (who traveled down to help us move into our new home) last night my husband mentioned that he would like and "old friend" to come down and stay with us when his parents come down to visit us in November. This "old friend" happens to be a gal that he has known for a long time.
Tell him no, that you're not comfortable with that.
And even if he won't go to counselling, you go.
Have you spoken to your pastor about any of this?
Yes. I agree.
Please seek counseling. The ex 'flame' seems to be only the latest issue for you and your husband.
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RE: not the right woman for my husband - 11/5/2009 11:38:13 PM
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agapeflight
Posts: 286
Joined: 3/29/2009
Status: offline
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Dear Hope4Restoration,
I empathize with you and just want to offer some encouragement. My husband and I have had many struggles over the past 13 years and I want to share some advice that I have learned throught the difficult times:]
1). Put God first (Don't make your husband into an idol)
2.) Pray for him
3.) Continue to be a godly example as a Christian wife ( No matter what foolish things he does)
4.) Confess to God your insecurites, jealousies, past issues.
5.) Be patient. God intends to restore your relationship.
I recommend a book called "BOLD LOVE" by Dan Allender and Longman III
God Bless You,
Mrs. AGAPEFLIGHT
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I was going to say sorry for being so blunt, but I'm not. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. It is okay to lovingly request that this woman not stay with you in your home. Period. Doesn't matter if you & your dh have the strongest marriage ever. Don't let ANYTHING hinder love or come in that would even POTENTIALLY lead to feelings of mistrust or anger. You are protecting & "keeping" your home - that's in accordance with God's Word. WorD! 
