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married, not equally yoked - 11/21/2008 8:32:36 PM
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pbwenk
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/10/2007
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i am writing to say how hard this is for me living with my husband who rejects God and Jesus. I cried to Jesus again and asked him to pierce him and asked why I have to keep loving God alone. He and i are not equally yoked and it is so hard. I also have no friends, let alone Godly friends who can help me be strong. Everyone I know does not know Jesus or even acknowledge that God is in charge. I just don't understand why God wants me to go this alone, all my life i have felt this way.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 11/21/2008 8:52:01 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 2071
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So get in a church. Find some friends.
Being married to an unbeliever is not a sentence to misery. My father was not saved till I was an adult (actually until pretty soon before my mom died)...she held on to her faith and saw her prayers answered, eventually. But they had a wonderful marriage. The Bible tells wives exactly what to do in this situation in 1 Peter 3. And every other verse relating to wives still applies (Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, etc.). In fact, living with an unbeliever I think it's 10x more important that a wife learn to be the kind of wife God has called her to be. Being miserable in an unequally yoked marriage is not that different from being miserable in any marriage - if you're miserable regardless then you need to focus on the Lord and not on yourself or your spouse. The Lord will take care of the rest.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 11/21/2008 9:50:55 PM
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pbwenk
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Joined: 11/10/2007
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i forgot to say that I go to church and take our two daughters with me. He yells all the time and uses God's name in vain and it hurts me when he says these words. I know i have to trust the Lord but i still feel so alone and my parents are lost too. My daughters are young so i am at least sharing my faith with them, but it's hard.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 11/30/2008 4:24:17 AM
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rrayy81
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You are not alone, you are never alone. God is with you always even when you might not feel it He is there. Have you ever red the poem called footprints? Always look to Jesus Christ because He is there and you
are never alone.
_____________________________
The Lord is my strenth and song, and he has become my salvation;He is my God and I will praise Him
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/1/2008 12:57:46 AM
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KnowJesus
Posts: 275
Joined: 7/21/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbwenk
i am writing to say how hard this is for me living with my husband who rejects God and Jesus. I cried to Jesus again and asked him to pierce him and asked why I have to keep loving God alone. He and i are not equally yoked and it is so hard. I also have no friends, let alone Godly friends who can help me be strong. Everyone I know does not know Jesus or even acknowledge that God is in charge. I just don't understand why God wants me to go this alone, all my life i have felt this way.
My heart goes out ot you. It must be hard to live with a husband who rejects the Lord. But the Lord knows all, and he has not given you more than you can handle in your marriage. One thing for sure, you are not alone if Jesus is your Lord and Savior.
Love your husband. He may not be a believer, but he is still loved by God. Praise God, that you know Jesus. YOU may be the only one in your husband's life that is praying for him. Your children are watching you as much as they are watching him. If you are embittered by his actions and unbeliever attitudes than it will show in how you respond to him. So pray for him when you hear things that make you cringe.
Thank your husband for his faithfulness in your marriage, and the job he keeps. In other words be thankful and alert to the positive things he does do. Treat him the way you yourself would want to be treated. Let him see Jesus in you everyday (not by quoting scripture and reference outloud), but by being a doer of the word infront of him.
Forgive his unbelief, and don't give up praying that he will one day come to Christ. It is God who will draw him. But it is your witness that he sees. According to your post I get the feeling that you are the only one in his life that has a relationship with the living God. Your husband is blessed to have a wife like you. Embrace him as God's gift to you and see him the way Jesus does, one that he gave his life for in hopes that he will one day trust him as his savior.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/1/2008 12:05:55 PM
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journeyman7
Posts: 65
Joined: 11/11/2007
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I to am in a similar situation as you. I have been married for six years, but my wife and I have been together since high school; which makes us being together for 15 years. My wife is agnostic and simply does not believe in God, Jesus, or anything in the Christian faith. She is accepting of my faith, but merely sees it as something that people use as a crutch in life. She feels religion and the Christian faith is a good thing because it helps so many people, but she is total non believer. I would find it so wonderful to pray together, read the Bible together, go church, and other Faith building acts as these as a couple. Instead I do these alone, well not alone but with my young daughter. We both come from families that were not believers, but I accepted Christ after we were married.
I tell you my story in a comforting notion that you are never alone. The situation is hard to get you hands around. It is ongoing and a daily reminder of a believer and non believer. I agree that you do need to appreciate all the positive and that you can have a great marriage. My wife and I very happy and will grow old together; unevenly yoked or not.
I wish you the best in prayer, God bless you.
_____________________________
Mt 16:24 -
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/1/2008 12:08:31 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 2071
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quote:
ORIGINAL: journeyman7
I tell you my story in a comforting notion that you are never alone. The situation is hard to get you hands around. It is ongoing and a daily reminder of a believer and non believer. I agree that you do need to appreciate all the positive and that you can have a great marriage. My wife and I very happy and will grow old together; unevenly yoked or not.
I wish you the best in prayer, God bless you.
This is exactly how my mother approached her entire married life and my parents were very happy! God will bless your marriage through you.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/7/2008 4:01:59 AM
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angel4eva
Posts: 39
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I'm in a same situation as you. My husband does believes in Lord but hasn't become a born again christian. I read all the above replies you got and agree with what they said. I don't have much other advice to give. I want to let you know, your not alone. God with you and so is this forum!
_____________________________
The rightous will live in fath<--- Romans 1:17
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/12/2008 2:50:50 PM
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m4maggie
Posts: 54
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so what do you do when your husband is a God hating atheist?. My husband is so against God and religion he has gotten upset with me for going to church, going to online Christian sites, talking to our kids about God, you name it.. So bad I have to hide these things to avoid fighting.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/12/2008 5:35:25 PM
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all.consuming.fire
Posts: 191
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I am not married, so my husband does not say that to me...but my dad is 100% against me being a Christian. I live with him now and am afraid what he might do. He thinks Christianity is stupid and only stupid people follow a God that supposedly does not exist. He also hates that I come here on Crosswalk, hates that I want to go to church, and hates that I want to be a Christian. I wonder what he will say when I tell him I want to study Theology? I too like you have to hide things from him. I know your pain and although its differnent, its really the same thing in the end. Its an awful feeling. I will keep you in my prayers.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/12/2008 8:33:33 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6187
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: all.consuming.fire
I am not married, so my husband does not say that to me...but my dad is 100% against me being a Christian. I live with him now and am afraid what he might do. He thinks Christianity is stupid and only stupid people follow a God that supposedly does not exist. He also hates that I come here on Crosswalk, hates that I want to go to church, and hates that I want to be a Christian.
My mother was much the same.
quote:
I wonder what he will say when I tell him I want to study Theology? I too like you have to hide things from him.
Don't!!
You're an adult, he will just have to get used to it. Ride the storm, stand up for your faith, all the while being polite and civil, and he will get over it. (I grew up in a non-Christian household, and only became a Christian at 17, so I speak from experience).
Who knows, by your witness he may one day come to faith! And in the meantime, through having to face opposition at home, your faith will become that much stronger! There's nothing like a bit of persecution to really fire you up inside!
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/12/2008 9:26:51 PM
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kidV1
Posts: 24
Joined: 11/19/2008
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You are never alone. Feel the wind hit ur face every day, thats Jesus touching you. You have a tough life it seems finding friends I know how you feel. as csl7037 said find a church that God leads you to and he will provide for your needs. I pray that God will strengthen you to lead the ones you are talking about as nonbelievers to him. I pray that you will be blessed by your deeds done for our heavenly father. God bless you and look at all who have responded. They are your friends and so am I.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/13/2008 12:20:48 AM
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all.consuming.fire
Posts: 191
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Thanks Manda....yes you are right, just like your siggy always says ;)
I will be honest with my dad about me wanting to pursue Theology and me being a Christian. He has made remarks about how he is "going to knock that Christianity right out of my head" He does not mean physically, but rather just talk me out of it so to speak. So I gotta get fired up like you said and be ready for what is going to come my way....a storm.
Back to the original post, I think Manda might me right (as always..hahaha). What if you are facing all this opposition to strengthen you deep inside and fire you up the way that I am facing the same opposition with my dad? This could just be it. Manda is pretty smart ya know....hahah, she has offered me some good advice over this short time that I have been on this board. ;)
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/13/2008 12:50:55 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1775
Joined: 4/25/2005
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Have you ever read a book called "Beloved Unbeliever?" I know someone who read the book and implemented a lot what was said. It took a while, but her husband started to soften, eventually became receptive to the gospel, and was saved.
We know that it is the Lord Himself who saves, but perhaps the book might help you to know how to deal with this situation effectively?
< Message edited by rgod -- 12/13/2008 12:59:47 AM >
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/13/2008 12:52:19 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 769
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Make friendships with people at church... you can
set aside time for fellowship with other Christians,
so you can have the support of your Christian family...
ask them to pray for you and your unsaved husband.
Pick a meeting place - at their home or some other place where
you can talk about the Lord and experience a time of peace so you
can get refreshed/renewed.
You aren't alone... Christ is with you!
Praying for you and the circumstances
you are facing.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/17/2008 10:37:56 PM
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mikesayen
Posts: 40
Joined: 12/17/2008
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your not alone.. all your bother and sisters are there for you. You just need to reach out to them :)
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/20/2008 11:03:28 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 645
Joined: 7/14/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbwenk
i forgot to say that I go to church and take our two daughters with me. He yells all the time and uses God's name in vain and it hurts me when he says these words. I know i have to trust the Lord but i still feel so alone and my parents are lost too. My daughters are young so i am at least sharing my faith with them, but it's hard.
If he yells at you and uses abusive language, that's abuse period, and not something you should put up with. It is also abusive for your daughters to hear this as it hurts them as well; do you want them to grow up thinking that this is how they should expect to be treated by men? Ask your pastor to refer you to a faith-based counseling service because you and the children need it. Get out and get active in the church and community- it helps when you can put your energies into positive activities, and include your daughters for their edification and healing.
Since he is angry all of the time, ask if the two of you might need marriage counseling. If that sets him off or he refuses, then go alone. Pray for him but realize that neither you nor God can force him to become a believer. If he dies unsaved, it will not be your fault. If he continues to be verbally or emotionally abusive, or stepsit up and becomesphysically threatening- get out immediately! Your life and the lives of your daughters could depend on it.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/20/2008 11:22:41 PM
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mikesayen
Posts: 40
Joined: 12/17/2008
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the above is bad advice. 1 Cor 7:12-14 as long as the unbelieving husband is willing to stay married do not "leave" him.
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/20/2008 11:27:20 PM
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karlie
Posts: 16433
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
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Attention: Moderator's Note:
Before it even gets started here, lets remember that any and all discussion of divorce, biblical grounds, etc MUST be taken to the one stop thread below. That may not be debated here.
You may continue this discussion at either of the links below.
Divorce-One Stop Thread
Please do not reply to this message within the Community, or send me PMs regarding this.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Sincerely,
Karlie
Forums Moderator
_____________________________
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf~
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RE: married, not equally yoked - 12/21/2008 12:26:01 PM
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PaleHawkWoman
Posts: 645
Joined: 7/14/2005
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I was not advocating divorce, only that if your husband's behavior becomes harmful or physically threatening that you should take yourself and your daughters to a safe place. Your husband needs to find out why he is so angry and your family needs counseling. There is no excuse for anyone to verbally, physically, or emotionally hurt or abuse another, and especially not a spouse or child.
Read over your marriage vows. If one or the other of you is not fulfilling the obligations proscribed therein, then you need help. There is no place in those vows that permits or encourages the behavior you have described from your husband. There is no place in the Scriptures that permits it either. Being "submissive" does not mean allowing yourself to get treated like a dog or be the target of your husband's anger/frustrations/etc., nor does it mean making yourself a punching bag for abusive outbursts. It means treating him lovingly while protecting the both of you from himself.
I was once married to a man who beat me for any reason, every reason, and no reason at all. In the 10 months after our marriage he put me in the hospital 3 times with broken bones,concussions,and bruised internal organs and caused me to miscarry our baby. He called me vile and hurtful names, criticizing me and everything I did. He cheated on me openly, and bragged about it in front of me. When I tried to reason with him to get him to stop, he spouted scriptures on wifely submission. He didn't want to end the marriage, but had I stayed he would have killed me. It was not a decision I made lightly, and I had no help as my pastor at the time said it was my duty to stay even if my husband maimed or killed me as going to jail might be his salvation. My instinct for survival was too strong for that kind of sacrifice, and the Lord and I settled it between us long ago.
He ended up in prison for manslaughter sometime later after killing his girlfriend in a fit of rage.
Please consider getting marriage and family counseling even if your husband doesn't want to, and go even if he doesn't. Become active in a circle at church doing community charity or ministry, a weekly women's Bible group, a community or neighborhood group, a hobby group (knitting, quilting, painting, flower arranging- whatever hobby or craft interests you), anything that enables you to form a supportive group of people and gives a a way to channel your own angers, hurts, etc., in a positive way. Expanding your horizons gives you a broader base from which to serve the Lord and reach out to your husband.
As I said in my previous post, YOU cannot save him. All you can do is pray for him and set an example for him by living life to the fullest in the Lord, being all that you were meant to be and exercising all of your God-given talents to His glory. He will either hear the Lord's call or he will not, but that's not up to you- that's his choice. Your choice is how to meet the challenge.
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