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RE: Share what you've written

 
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RE: Share what you've written - 11/4/2005 11:10:14 PM   
Sirach

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
Aww, thank you guys, Greenish, Whisper, and jesusfreak2007! I love metre, because it seems so rare in our youth today to write in it. It's sad though, because I love poems that rhyme; it's so traditional, but it has a sense of rhythm. (Lullaby is my all-time favourite too, although I tried several attempts to put it to music, and failed miserably :D)

Ooh, I would absolutely adore it if someone posted up wonderful rhyming poems for a change! Any teen! :D

_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 101
RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 12:06:12 AM   
Purity88


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the basement comp
Status: offline
hey, my poem about boys has lots of rhyming.
Post #: 102
RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 1:11:27 AM   
whisper


Posts: 160
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I love rhyme, but my rhymes often sound quite forced. I've yet to master it. The only thing I've liked that I rhymed was an ode to the island on which I was born. Consistently my favourite poems have been rhyming ones... but if I'm going to like what I write, sadly it needs to be free form.

_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 103
RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 2:20:32 AM   
inlovewithshadowfax


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
I have tried rhyming before, but it never works well. It ends up so forced. Anyone who can rhyme well has talent.

_____________________________

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
Can I still pray when I look in your eyes
Stare right back down
Into something beautiful


~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
Post #: 104
RE: Share what you've written - 11/5/2005 7:55:37 PM   
Sirach

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
^__^ That's what makes writing so wonderful! It is without form, and always fluidic. It changes form, yet never removes its substance. I'm too busy lately to write poetry though (my last year of high school), but I praise those who devote to themselves the time to.

Don't worry; whenever I write poetry, my free forms don't seem so... wonderful. And as inlovewithshadowfax has said, at the present my poetry does sound quite forced. The poem, 'I Thank Thee Lord" is a subtle example .

_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 105
RE: Share what you've written - 11/6/2005 2:38:40 AM   
Sirach

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
Eww... I found some really old poetry. It just plain sucks because this is from my grade 8 year, but here it is. Both of them had the same rhyme scheme, and the second one is unfinished (the starred lines are the ones I wanted to change in the past).

Ka 'Aina Lani (This Heavenly Land)

My mind invoked a land of Eden,
Within one dreamless sleep of mine.
A place of beauty, ageless pleasure,
Granted by the Great Divine.

Like paradise beyond our senses,
Ne’er before have I conceived
This earthly land of purest splendour,
That my own eyes could be deceived!

Endowed it was with foreign florae,
Blossoms brought from heaven’s kiss,
And every tree bore fragrant fruit
That flowered round this garden bliss.

Upon a clearing, I perceived
The waves that tumbled from the sea.
The azure waters shone like silver,
As this peace came over me.

Even beasts of land and ocean,
Lived in love and harmony.
Each creature the Divine created
Never had to fear nor flee.

This land was perfect, pure in virtue,
Coexisting pleasantly.
This was the land of paradise;
The land without iniquity.

Alas! My dream had ended early,
When the sun rose from the deep.
And for a while, I pondered gravely,
Why this dream came from my sleep.

Was this Atlantis? Avalon?
Or just a deep desire of heart?
This was the past of all mankind,
For all had journeyed from this start.

If all do realize our beginnings,
Then we’ll know the source of all,
For we can be a paradise,
And this is mankind’s truest call.


Lucifer

In the dawn of new Creation
Of the heavens blest above,
Was an angel God created
In an image of His love.

Fashioned with His luminescence,
Flowing from His breath divine,
Life was given through His essence
Into Heaven’s blessèd shrine.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Holy light shone vehemently
From the work of angel hands
As the Lord created wonders
Dawning from the time of man.

This bright angel, Lucifer,
*Had bore the light of Father-God,
*With eyes of fire that flickered and
*His golden wings that spanned abroad.

~*~*~*~*~*~

His own beauty was alluring
Like the aura of the sun
Standing midst the grand Creation
Of the Great and Holy One.

Then, he saw this timid creature
Loved by God much more than him,
*Jealousy began corruption;
*He would lead Man into sin.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thinking that he could be greater
Than the Father of the Sky,
*He began to plan his evil,
*Smirking in his mind’s reply.

Gath’ring angels in defiance
As a battle would occur,
Soon the heavens were divided
‘Tween God’s law and Lucifer.

~*~*~*~*~*~

War began as Heaven trembled;
Callously, the thunder roared
As the angels fought the rebels,
Sided by their fallen lord.

But, alas! He was defeated
Smitten by the Father’s hand
And was banished with his rebels
To our earthly, God-made land.

~*~*~*~*~*~

But his plan was not completed,
Not ‘til death was introduced.
He would poison Woman’s thinking
*And God’s fury would be loosed.

Taking form into a serpent,
Slithered he onto the ground.
*On the tree of good and evil
*knowledge did he wrap around.

~*~*~*~*~*~

There was Eva, walking yonder,
‘Mongst the fruits of paradise.
*Little did God’s Eva know
*Of Lucifer’s corrupted vice.

When she wandered close enough
The serpent spoke to her.
*“Has God said, that ‘You cannot eat
*Of any tree, for sure?’”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Nay.” Eve spoke replying forward.
*“Any we may eat and try.
But if it is this tree you speak
Of, we may not eat, lest we die.”

“But you may not die” spoke the serpent.
“Gods you shall become” he said.
“And you will know of wisdom and
Receive immortal life instead.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

And so, believing he was trusting,
Taking all his words as true,
In her hand, she ate the fruit,
*And gave it to her husband too.

Lo! Behold! Their eyes were opened


_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 106
RE: Share what you've written - 11/6/2005 2:42:59 AM   
Sirach

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
Here's my Marian one. I just read it; it's very Christian, and not too... "Catholic" as I have thought of. Enjoy!!

To Mary's Heart

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she was born a child
So blest she was, a miracle
Whom God made undefiled.
Within the temple, she was three,
Immaculate and pure;
At thirteen, God sent Gabriel
To come and visit her.

I want the key to Mary's heart
As he proclaimed his case
That she would bear the Son of God
Through Holy Ghost and grace.
She'd marry Joseph to fulfill
Isaiah's prophecy
That by one day, their child would rise
To set all sinners free.

I want the key to Mary's heart
To know of her own joy,
When she proclaimed the Lord's great grace
To birth an infant boy.
Oh, how she smiled to know of such,
To praise her Yahweh well,
For He had bless'd her with this child
As our Immanuel.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she had thought within
The love of God ineffable
Whilst trav'lling to her kin.
I want to know her happiness
And see her radiant gaze
That shone the light of love divine
In following His ways.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When happiness was found
As her own cousin's baby knew
And leapt with joyful sound.
Her cousin said in great reply,
"My, you are bless'd indeed!
Among all women, you have come
To take this holy deed."

I want the key to Mary's heart,
To feel her great despair
To find a shelter for her King
In God and Joseph's care.
A stable dry was all they had
To house this unborn child
And shepherds came to witness by
This infant meek and mild.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she laid eyes on Him,
To see our dear salvation rest
With ev'ning growing dim.
Within a manger, sleeping still
When every noise did cease,
I want the key to Mary's heart
When all the world felt peace.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When fright did shake the night
As Herod wished to kill her child,
The King of Pow'r and Might.
I want to see her eyes in stress
As Joseph reached her hand
In hopes of comforting his wife
Across the desert land.

I want the key to Mary's heart
With Egypt near in sight.
To know of her relief, my Lord
Would leave my heart contrite.
I thank you, Lord, for saving them
From Herod's massacre
And bless the courage Joseph wore,
His faith, so strong and sure.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When sadness did arrive
Since baby Jesus grew into
A man of forward strive.
He left to teach the Father's reign
And wisdom sought by man,
And left His mother by His side
To then fulfill God's plan.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she had heard the news,
That her own child, her Jesus Christ
Would die from stubborn Jews.
I want to feel her breaking heart
As death approached her Life,
That her own Son would die for them
To save from sin and strife.

I want the key to Mary's heart
To feel her sorrow swell
When by her tears, her only Son
Took up His cross and fell.
I want to know her pain within
When they had struck His side
And left Him dying on that cross
With blood-stained arms stretched wide.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she saw through it all,
That her own Son was flogged and hurt
With every strike and fall.
He took on every mockery
That human minds could make
And took all sins of humankind,
Each error, for love's sake.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When they took down her Son,
By His apostles, followers
Who made His will be done.
Oh, let me be like Mary, Lord
To know her faith in You,
When You had died in front of her
And made the scripture true.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she beheld her Son
Within her arms that held so tight
Around the Chosen One.
He was our Godly Offering
Redeeming by His Love,
And so He was entombed in death
To be with God above.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When every joy was pined,
For she had loved her only Son
With heart, and soul, and mind.
I want to know her gladness when
She saw Him smile again
Before He rose into the sky
Amidst His chosen men.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When hope had filled her soul
Since Jesus told them, "Fear not friends,
For I shall send in whole
A ghost of Truth through tongues of fire
So all shall know Me too.
But till the Earth shall pass away,
I'll always be with you."

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she saw Jesus rise.
Someday, she'd come to be with Him
Upon those great blue skies.
The memories she shared with Him,
The ones she loved have passed.
But Mary knew from that time forth,
Her love for Christ amassed.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she continued on
To preach the kingdom of His reign
Before her time was gone.
For soon, God added in His plan
For death's cold grip to cede
And by surprise, our Blessèd Mother
Saw God intercede.

I want the key to Mary's heart
When she rose to the sky
To reign forever with her Son
And God, the One Most High.
I want to know her love divine
And share her sweet caress
For God and Christ and Spirit three
When all shall call her bless'd.


_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 107
RE: Share what you've written - 11/11/2005 3:21:22 PM   
whisper


Posts: 160
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
You're like my newest person on my favourite person list, Sirach .

I shared this poem about a year ago, and then completely forgot about it. I rediscovered it last week and I think it might be my favourite thing I've written. I still don't like the last line, but no matter.

Cancer


On those days when I have no idea where my Bible is
and on the ones when that thought doesn't play in my head to shame me
what colour are the contours of my heart?
And do I really live for anything good
when I think of nothing but coffee, sleep, and my late paycheck?
And what about those days when it's not that I think of nothing
but of everything insignificant?
my need for a second layer of polish, the grafitti on 109th.
I know that the toils that are scrawled in my cemented past
are of a more hideous and confusing kind.
When I sing a hymn to my Lord and think neither of the significance of His title
or the meaning of the song- how much that refrain turns to a clang of brass.
Concepts of truth, the everlasting, goodness and a grace beyond all reason-
I try to contain it in my intelligence. I try and fail.
I should keep straining, or stay in an awe of what evades my senses.
Yet I sit content to lower slowly into a familiar darkness
by which I'm more comfortable being swallowed.
Lukewarm am I and therein the cancer is found.
To root it out is painful-
But my physician comes highly recommended.


_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 108
RE: Share what you've written - 11/11/2005 7:31:31 PM  1 votes
notsuccinct


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Jill, thank you so much for posting that. it is amazing.


_____________________________

"Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God." -- Oswald Chambers
Post #: 109
RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 2:23:20 AM   
Sirach

 

Posts: 21
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
Wow, Whisper, thanks for sharing that poetic piece of prose. I also checked your profile, and you're not that much older than me but a few years!! In the realm of poetry, it is a large competition out there, lol. By the way, my uncle died of cancer, so it struck me-self.

If you don't like a line, it still is your poetry. I discovered a poem I wrote with high esteem back in grade 8. Oh, it sounds horrible now because it's so old!!

Speaking of finding old poetry, I was looking for my bank book (which is still not found... *gulp*) and I found an old book that has some of my Haiku: some in English, Spanish, Hawai'ian, French, Esperanto, Tagalog and an artificial language called toki pona. Here are some of my favourites from the English selection...


Sea of stars
Guide us from the sky;
Heaven's map.

Gem of the ocean;
A single Pearl of the East
Rose as islands.
(Philippines)

Island pearl
Shimers in the sea;
Oriental light.
(Philippines)

The Red Sun
Rises in the East;
Golden dawn.
(Japan)

Elegance
Lit with silver glow
Hangs above.
(The moon)

Fire lantern
Brings light to darkness;
Shadows flee.
(The sun)

Gentle strokes
Eloquently made -
Paintbrush speaks.

Darkness takes;
Shadows dwell within -
Evil wakes.

Moonlit buds
Blossom from the dark
Of the sky.
(Stars)

Graceful swan
Floats on moonlit path
Of silver.

Lonely soul
Trapped in submission -
A shadow.

Wise advice:
To catch bumblebees,
Use honey.

Life given
From simple creases
In paper.
(Origami)

Silver moon
Paints a reflection -
Glass shadows.
(Moonlit reflection on water)

Casted ring
Circles 'round the fire.
Spirits sing.


A Korean Shijo (3 lines, each with 14-16 syllables)

As the sun sets, the moon rises from the Eastern horizon
Bringing forth light from the heavenly sky, until the sun wakes.
A silent everlasting revery fades into slumber.

(I think I will let people think on that one. The last line, after comparison though, evokes whether everything, every cycle we go through in life is an eternal dream or illusion. The moon can be seen as the subconscious which is beautiful and we hide it from others, and that beauty can be dormant as the sun, being the conscious mind, suppress that within ourselves.)


A Filipino Tanaga (4 lines, each with 7 syllables; normally aaaa)

Though the ocean sweeps in wrath
Grains of sand along the way,
Never will the moonlit path
Disappear til break of day.

(The ocean is the subconscious mind that is always in tide, and the grains of sand are the little things that have irked us. The moonlit path however, are the lessons and memories reflected in our lives on that subconscious, and until we receive an epiphany for life, they will always remain with us.)


< Message edited by Sirach -- 11/12/2005 2:29:32 AM >


_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 110
RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 4:55:51 AM   
RecusantPoet


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Joined: 6/23/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline
Sirach and Jill you guys are just too good! :P LOL

_____________________________

"After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music" -Aldous Huxley


Salve, come stai? Sto bene. Adesso dero andare, Ciao! La vita è breve

Post #: 111
RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 12:29:00 PM   
whisper


Posts: 160
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
Greenish, Guitarman.... thank you. I don't take your encouragement lightly. I had such low self-confidence for such a long time that I would never EVER share with people the fact that I write, let alone share with them the actual pieces that I write. I find the poetry I love the most from others is something either very very close to my own style or entirely different (eg. Sirach's wonderful works!). "You admire what you lack," after all. Not that I lack the ability to write in a more structured, formal, eloquent manner.... but it really wouldn't be me.

Case in point: I wrote this "ode" to Cape Breton Island when I was quite young. The fact that I was young explains why it doesn't flow very well (esp. the last line) but it's the fact that it rhymes, and that it is an ode, that makes it hard for me to identify as my own writing:

How I long for your shores, oh Cape Breton
To dance on the beach once again
To hear the great crash of the waters
Or the songs of the bagpiping men
Oh, to feel the wet sand beneath me
Or to smell the sea-salty air
To see those trees ablaze in crimson
The east winds playing in my hair
To stand atop the great carved cliffs
To look for miles with ocean all I see
Amazed simply by the movement of the waters
Forever in Cape Breton I know my heart will be


The only other piece of rhyme that I kept I wrote entirely as a joke to myself- my little inside joke about me and rhyming poetry. Now it seems very strange to me, mostly because I've forgotten the joke and am left with a simple rhyme about a bird.

Kissed by the subtle summer sun
Filtered through the tallest tree,
Outside my open bedroom window
A little songbird comes to me.

I ask the feathered friend to fly
to tell my love that I still care
the songbird simply sang a song
about my love who is so fair

Within the notes I hear a message
About my love I had not known
The songbird sings of sorrow sadly
about my love from whom he'd flown

A tale of seclusion, a tale of pain
Told with a twitter and a tweet
My love has taken his own life
Sang the songbird sad and sweet

I asked the songbird to renounce
the sad sweet notes he'd sung to me
But swiftly turning he flew away
and the sun still shone so mockingly.


_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 112
RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 12:32:40 PM   
whisper


Posts: 160
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Sirach- I love haiku!

My favourite of what you have shared there:

"Lonely soul
Trapped in submission -
A shadow. "

_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 113
RE: Share what you've written - 11/12/2005 10:09:00 PM   
inlovewithshadowfax


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
Whisper- I acutally like your poem about the bird. Sure, it's not your best poem, but I do like it. And I know exactly how you feel about not sharing even the fact that you write. I like to keep that fact about myself a secret from the majority of the world.

_____________________________

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
Can I still pray when I look in your eyes
Stare right back down
Into something beautiful


~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
Post #: 114
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 1:39:03 AM   
Sirach

 

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From: Surrey, BC, Canada
Status: offline
Just wanted to say Whisper how much I love your Ode to Cape Breton. It is such a forgotten place in Canada, and I'd love to come and visit there!!

_____________________________

"Righteousness is immortal."
Wisdom 1:15
Post #: 115
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 2:02:37 AM   
whisper


Posts: 160
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
Oh yea!! You're a Canadian too. Good on ya. I used to live in BC in Tumbler Ridge (not anywhere close to Surrey). BC places a close second after Nova Scotia for my favourite province. I love our country.

_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 116
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 5:45:43 AM   
Konstantinos


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From: Greece Thessaloniki
Status: offline
lol I'm too bored to read long poems.

whos got a small one?

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i can pick you up off the floor and put you over my head
Post #: 117
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 7:51:00 PM   
inlovewithshadowfax


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
I have a shorter poem that I'm debating posting on here.

_____________________________

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
Can I still pray when I look in your eyes
Stare right back down
Into something beautiful


~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
Post #: 118
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 10:23:39 PM   
notsuccinct


Posts: 360
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: my desk
Status: offline
I don't think this one is that great, but it's the closest I've come to "dealing" with my grammy's impending death.

I hate this
the thought of your end
but worse is the knowledge
of how soon it will be.
my throat is a never-ending ache.
when I was younger
I thought you were weak
never realizing how strong you truly were.
you fought this unbeatable thing,
but now it's taking its dues
and you are too frail
to even say my name.
I simply can't handle this.


_____________________________

"Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God." -- Oswald Chambers
Post #: 119
RE: Share what you've written - 11/14/2005 11:25:12 PM   
ShutterBox

 

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I love all of these!! great work guys

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Adopted Sibs:
Rae
Elizabeth
Nikki
Post #: 120
RE: Share what you've written - 11/15/2005 1:11:48 AM   
painterchick

 

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/11/2005
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if not for you i'd have become
something inexorable
inexplicably horrible—
i would have given up
some time ago
i know it
better than i know my name
i’m in your debt, my friend
why do you stick by me
when i treat you so unkindly?
why do you love me?
i ask again and again
i don’t know why
but in your eyes
i see your love illuminated
as if by candlelight
and i love you so very much
desperately, hopelessly
endlessly I love you
for it is because of you
that i know
what “true love” means.



i just finished that poem today...it's for my two best friends, but also for God. and the annoying thing is, it's not showing up on here but i had this poem formatted so it was like this huge zigzag v thing. regular html codes don't work on this, it's really weird.

_____________________________

love is the music of the soul
Post #: 121
RE: Share what you've written - 11/19/2005 11:25:51 AM   
notsuccinct


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From: my desk
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um, well... kinda going out on a limb here, but this is for anyone who's ever struggled with eating disorders.

I shudder
at pictures of emaciated starlets
Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie
Gwen Stefani
who look like they've spent
an extended amount of time
in Ethiopia,
or somewhere else where food is very, very scarce.
hollow cheeks
tiny waists
protruding wrist bones
malnourishment, for sure.
and yet deep down,
I would love to be that thin.


_____________________________

"Beware of making a fetish of consistency to your convictions instead of being devoted to God." -- Oswald Chambers
Post #: 122
RE: Share what you've written - 11/19/2005 6:00:47 PM   
RecusantPoet


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/23/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline
(((Lydia)))

_____________________________

"After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music" -Aldous Huxley


Salve, come stai? Sto bene. Adesso dero andare, Ciao! La vita è breve

Post #: 123
RE: Share what you've written - 11/20/2005 6:52:43 PM   
whisper


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Status: offline
Lyd- I like it. I can entirely identify- you're simultaneoulsy revolted and insanely jealous.

Went through some old journal entries today.... wow have I been going through some stuff. I'm so glad for God's prescence in it all.

_____________________________

You can't make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your bum. And who wants to make bumprints in the sands of time?
Post #: 124
RE: Share what you've written - 11/21/2005 4:09:34 AM   
inlovewithshadowfax


Posts: 65
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Washington state
Status: offline
(((Lydia))) I agree with what whisper said. I know what it's like to be repulsed and jealous of them at the same time.

_____________________________

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
Can I still pray when I look in your eyes
Stare right back down
Into something beautiful


~"Something Beautiful"- Jars of Clay~
Post #: 125