|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:12:28 PM
|
|
|
Elena1030
Posts: 2562
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
So, I, as a man should date her, make emotional and spiritual commitment, but she will make no such attempt because she may get hurt?
No. We're not talking about not ever opening oneself to bonding. We're talking about not letting one's emotions run ahead of where the relationship actually is. And not emotionally attaching too early too quickly.
Although... since it is the man's role to initiate and pursue, then yes, initially he is the one to step out and take a risk. Eventually, both people are "risking"... in the sense that many things are not concretely guaranteed.
quote:
Or, should I also avoid all those bondings?
It's probably wise for both people to tread cautiously. Not just the woman.
quote:
Then... Why would I marry her? What is different between her, and the woman in the next cubicle? That woman I see every day. Knows most of my daily work habits, what I eat for breakfast and lunch, seen me angry, upset, happy, calm, sick, and such...
Depends on how much face time and other communication time you and the woman you are dating spend together.... as far as which one knows more about you.
Of course, with someone you're dating in a relationship whose trajectory is heading toward marriage (as far as the two people know so far), you're gonna eventually start knowing more and more about each other than the other people in your lives do. That's the process of pair bonding.
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:14:01 PM
|
|
|
Psalms274
Posts: 2457
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
So, I, as a man should date her, make emotional and spiritual commitment, but she will make no such attempt because she may get hurt?
...
Or, should I also avoid all those bondings?
...
Then... Why would I marry her? What is different between her, and the woman in the next cubicle? That woman I see every day. Knows most of my daily work habits, what I eat for breakfast and lunch, seen me angry, upset, happy, calm, sick, and such...
...
No ... I did not say that. I am just letting you fellows know how praying WITH someone effects the heart of a woman. What I am saying is you need to be on your knees, just you and God, as you seek His heart in even something as trivial as a date. I am assuming that you would be interested in keeping her from getting hurt by something you say or do. She should also be seeking God's heart as she goes out with you because I am assuming she is concerned about how her actions and behaviors affect you ... Praying is very important and it should most definitely be done ... just not together right away. You seek His heart separately at first ... then together as God leads the two of you as you grow in your relationship together.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:28:48 PM
|
|
|
Noddi
Posts: 49
Joined: 11/10/2009
Status: offline
|
Isn't emotional bonding the whole point of having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I'm not saying that if a relationship ends you dont wish you hadn't bonded emotionally, coz breaking up really hurts for that very reason. But how do you get from 'just friends' to 'I'm gonna marry this guy/girl' with out bonding emotionally? It's gonna happen and is supposed to happen, so why not let God be the center of a couples time together instead of their raging hormones?
Praying together helps keep the focus on loving God more than each other, a key most dating couples miss.
_____________________________
BOYAKASHA!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:29:47 PM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7599
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
|
I think that's why I have been supporting jhuperetes's opinion's because I don't consider someone I have dated a few times a "relationship".
_____________________________
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:38:56 PM
|
|
|
Psalms274
Posts: 2457
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I think that's why I have been supporting jhuperetes's opinion's because I don't consider someone I have dated a few times a "relationship".
If it's an established relationship and you are seeking God's heart about whether the two of you should marry ... then yes you need to be praying together. But I thought I saw a few advocates for praying from the first date on, which is not a good thing because of how most women are wired. I know in each of my posts I was very specific that the two should proceed with caution in the very beginning ... when you are getting to know one another. At that point you are not in a relationship.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 4:46:32 PM
|
|
|
Elena1030
Posts: 2562
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: WalkingwithHim2
I believe the thread is called Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Not praying with your date on date 1
Well, the title is an unfortunate wording for the way the thread has developed, though it did encapsulate Britanni's (bricole77) original thought on the matter.
Here's what Britanni wrote in her OP:
quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77
Can anyone give me your opinion on this? I personally believe praying together can cause you to become interdependent on your relationship with God with that other person and can cause premature spiritual bonds. Tell me what you guys think.
And she was talking about any time before marriage -- to not pray alone together.
Then Ben (rawr.ben) made the point that a dating couple should be praying together.
So... both of them had a piece of the puzzle to what I believe...
I was the one who honed the topic with the idea of praying together alone is likely unwise in the early stages of dating, rather that not at any time before marriage.
I wanted to clarify when the bonding could be premature. Not that there shouldn't be any sort of bonding before marriage.
The thread developed from those points.
Hope that makes sense.
_____________________________
Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/19/2009 6:33:13 PM
|
|
|
jhuperetes
Posts: 1565
Status: offline
|
I appreciate all of you willing to discuss this topic without getting defensive. This could get very easily personal as I believe some of us have been exposed and hurt.
I grasp the dangers of emotional and spiritual bonding while having no assurance of success in dating.
This is a risk we all must take. Otherwise, we will live alone and isolated.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 11/20/2009 12:25:09 AM
|
|
|
rawr.ben
Posts: 2526
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes
I appreciate all of you willing to discuss this topic without getting defensive. This could get very easily personal as I believe some of us have been exposed and hurt.
I grasp the dangers of emotional and spiritual bonding while having no assurance of success in dating.
This is a risk we all must take. Otherwise, we will live alone and isolated.
Indeed.
No one wants to see someone get heartbroken, but it does happen. I don't think it is a necessary evil, though.
I think there are things that should be done to avoid heartbreak . . . but not-praying is not one of them.
And sorry about the confusion. I thought we understood that we are talking about committed relationships, per the title of the thread.
_____________________________
rawr.ben
Facebook
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/1/2009 6:36:07 PM
|
|
|
churchsinger
Posts: 44
Joined: 7/23/2009
Status: offline
|
Good grief. Developing a premature spiritual bond with each other is bad? You are not supposed to have a physical bond with someone, meaning sex, but there isn't any scriptural basis for not praying with your boyfriend. It isn't any different than praying with anyone else in your life.
The one book that was making a sexual connection out of praying with someone is absurd. I think praying with your boyfriend would deter physical temptation and make your relationship more focused on the spiritual. Obviously don't isolate yourselves when praying. But prayer is hard work and takes discipline. It will only strengthen your relationship.
Obviously you don't want to bear your inner most secret sins and deep personal struggles during this time. Kepp that for your individual time. But You can pray about God 's direction for your lives, pray for strength and wisdom, pray for common friends and family members, and other daily concerns you'd pray about with anyone of your other friends.
I wouldn't wait until being engaged to pray together. Next thing you're going to say is that they shouldn't read the bible together. You need to know whether to go forward in a relationship with a person. Prayer reveals a lot about a person. So does bible study. If he doesn't pray with me now, he isn't going to pray with me when we're married. Prayer should be part of our lives. How do I even know the person has a prayer life?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/1/2009 7:37:38 PM
|
|
|
Redjasper
Posts: 407
Status: offline
|
quote:
Our prayers have never been "God help us to be together forever" or anything along those sorts. In fact, we pray that if it is God's will that we be apart, that we will faithfully separate.
This is what I had in mind in the first place too. I think couples should pray together but they can't twist God's arm for Him to do what His children want about their relationship. Otherwise praying together should be encouraged (especially for spiritual growth).
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/1/2009 9:44:36 PM
|
|
|
Gigem08
Posts: 225
Joined: 10/9/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rawr.ben
Why shouldn't a couple try and find themselves right before God as soon as possible? Why wait until marriage to THEN take matters to God together?
I agree with Ben, however it really depends on the couple. I would think that at a certain point (obviously not in the very beginning) the couple should begin praying together BEFORE engagement because it allows you more insight into their spiritual lives to a degree. However, if you feel that praying together is impeding your own walk with God, then (if you're the man) gently tell her so. If you're the woman, let him know very clearly and explicitly how you feel as soon as possible to avoid any confusion.
_____________________________
Jonathan S. Wilder
I only ask that you be real...
(Me)
(Please call me Jonathan, THANKS!)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/9/2009 9:36:47 PM
|
|
|
Ninjaearth
Posts: 51
Joined: 2/16/2008
From: South Charlotte, NC
Status: offline
|
Well, my response is that, praying with anyone will cause a bond, but not necessarily between them. Praying is like steeping into a room where someone is before God. If someone is praying with you, you two are coming together. It's although two people are before God's throne and they are pleading their cases together or whatever the case is. In the end, you two leave the courthouse and you're back home. Not much has changed (except God's response on the prayer). You two are neither closer or further than you were in that sense, but still connected to Christ because both of you are bonded with the Holy Spirit. So, in regards to Scriptural truth, there is nothing wrong with two Christians praying together, but the Bible only (and ONLY) forbids Christians bonding with unbelievers (non-Christians). On the other hand, just because there is no premise as Christians in regards to other Christians (except the cases with someone has a grudge against another) if two Christians (male or female) want to pray together, go at it. HOWEVER, if male-female pairs are praying together, then it would be WISE to use caution because it's just that the fact that male and female are naturally attracted and not that prayer brings them closer, but with any situation temptation is always lurking. But in a sound Scriptural matter, it's okay.
_____________________________
"Spiritual Soldier Ninjaearth"
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/10/2009 11:35:32 PM
|
|
|
KIG877
Posts: 328
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline
|
how does god lead to people togather Ive been hurt like that
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/11/2009 1:18:50 PM
|
|
|
sunshine22
Posts: 211
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
|
Hi, I know I may be a bit late to this discussion but based on my personal experience it is not a good idea to pray together with someone you're dating in the beginning stages of the relationship. Trust me, I did and I believe that the bond that was formed through that praying time blinded me to who the guy really was. Thankfully he broke it off (and broke my heart); although we remained friends for a while after that, God opened my eyes to this guy and the serious manipulation that went on due to the earlier activities (praying/devotions time) in our relationship (which I must admit stopped after 6 months and something else took over). I therefore had to end the friendship completely to be free and heal from all the mess this "Christian" man put me through...
I once warned a friend that praying together with his girl too soon would lead to a bond that is harder than anything to break, but he didn't take my advice and I believe he married and divorced her in a matter of months. Go figure!
...Perhaps if the relationship is serious and is leading to marriage then it can only strengthen the relationship, but otherwise I say leave it alone. It is easy to minister with and to the person you're dating without taking it to another level of intimacy...and that's what it is...intimacy.
*sorry if i rambled a bit*
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Praying with your boyfriend/girlfriend - 12/11/2009 7:16:53 PM
|
|
|
rawr.ben
Posts: 2526
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
|
I'm still unsure why the occassional broken heart is good reason to not pray together.
I'd rather take my chances and come before God with my girlfriend, than be scared of a broken heart and not spend time in the presence of the Lord with her.
_____________________________
rawr.ben
Facebook
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
