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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/5/2009 9:30:50 PM
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mrf084
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A struggle indeed. Wishing to help and not being able to do anything at all is a sickening quandary. I sometimes wonder how God must feel when we as his children flounder and stray from all the good things he has for us. And yet, He doesn't force us to see things His way. He provides a path and assistance if we repent and ask for it. I believe he provides multiple opportunities for many of us more stubborn creatures. Ultimately we have to make the decision in our own time no matter the frustration we engender in those who love us. God allows this because He is the source of our ability to love and knows it is of no value if forced. How can we as humans beings in all our fallibility expect to do anything more than following His perfect example will provide.
Love in its ultimate form is sacrifice and at times we might have to sacrifice more than other people or than at other times. It appears that your choice now is how much are you willing to sacrifice. Understand God won't give you more than you can bear, but it might seem like it at times if you take this on. Pray continually because you will need His strength. I hope and pray that it all works out speedily and well in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. God Bless
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 9:32:36 AM
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mariamaria
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update:
I was finding it hard to talk to my sister so I emailed her telling her very nicely that I was having trouble getting over the fact that she sold me out to this man but that being a christian I realize I have to forgive and asked her to give me time to do so.
she wrote back and was really mean.Later I caught up with her on msn messenger and she wasn't nice to me at all, saying I had to except her new man and that Christians are a bunch of non loving, non forgiving hypocrites. She can not understand why I am bringing this all up again and has no idea why I am not over it yet!
I felt bad about this conversation as it ended bad so I called her a little later to say sorry that the discussion got out of hand and that I love her and didn't want to fall out as we are close, and again she went off and started going on about how she seems more emotionally settled then me and doesn't judge like I do (which I think she has a point) and she hasn't got God in her life, trying to tell me that she has got life and treating people right and I haven't and I'm the christian and should be getting it right.
we finally agreed that I would go over on Wednesday so we can keep the peace and break the ice with her new man.
I feel gutted that I now look like the villain that is trying to make life tough for her...
Not sure if how I have left things is right
< Message edited by mariamaria -- 11/7/2009 9:39:10 AM >
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 9:59:03 AM
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bolt.
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The problem with your approach is that you are somehow viewing her as a painter in restoring your relationship and a confidante in your struggles about it.
She's not.
She's a ministry to you. If you want to bear the love and grace of God into her life, it will have to be through strategy, discernment and self control, not through the kind of 'help me help you' thing you were trying to do.
Now you've got yourself trapped and bullied into an open, "Come over on Wednesday to prove to us that you are not a hateful witch" situation.
Think about it. You don't write to a new neighbour, "I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that you own your house and can do what you want with it. I hate the colour you've painted it. But I'll forgive you and get used to it if you give me time. God loves you!" If you want to minister to your neighbours, you keep your personal feelings to yourself and open yourself intentionally in pre-determined ways. It's not hard, it's just that you wish your sister would do more.
She won't.
And Wednesday is possibly going to be a free "beat up the Christian with snide remarks and see what she does" session. At least from him, possibly both. Do you have a plan for that? If you want to repair things and are willing to go a long ways, personally, I'd suggest (1) changing the subject (2) asking for a glass of water - and remembering the verse and (3) having 'plans' made as an easy-out after a certain time (4) crying... she is your sister. If you are not willing to go that far, pick a point at which you will go home, and go.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 11:18:09 AM
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mariamaria
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
The problem with your approach is that you are somehow viewing her as a painter in restoring your relationship and a confidante in your struggles about it.
She's not.
She's a ministry to you. If you want to bear the love and grace of God into her life, it will have to be through strategy, discernment and self control, not through the kind of 'help me help you' thing you were trying to do.
Now you've got yourself trapped and bullied into an open, "Come over on Wednesday to prove to us that you are not a hateful witch" situation.
Think about it. You don't write to a new neighbour, "I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that you own your house and can do what you want with it. I hate the colour you've painted it. But I'll forgive you and get used to it if you give me time. God loves you!" If you want to minister to your neighbours, you keep your personal feelings to yourself and open yourself intentionally in pre-determined ways. It's not hard, it's just that you wish your sister would do more.
She won't.
And Wednesday is possibly going to be a free "beat up the Christian with snide remarks and see what she does" session. At least from him, possibly both. Do you have a plan for that? If you want to repair things and are willing to go a long ways, personally, I'd suggest (1) changing the subject (2) asking for a glass of water - and remembering the verse and (3) having 'plans' made as an easy-out after a certain time (4) crying... she is your sister. If you are not willing to go that far, pick a point at which you will go home, and go.
You are right I have delt with this all wrong..I was stupid enough to think that being honest would work after all me and my sister have that kind of relationship where we have always been honest and up front, I had no idea that had changed but now I do I'll know better.
I don't feel good about how I am dealing with this at all...oh well, welcome to being me!
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 4:27:38 PM
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bolt.
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It seems to me that you will be fine to go over Wednesday and prove you are not hateful. Especially if you follow the 4 steps above.
But it might be wise for you to take the weekend to acknowledge what you have lost in terms of the person your sister used to be, and the relationship you used to have. Take the time to grieve your loss. It's very real, and you can't go on pretending that those elements of your life are not gone. They are gone. She took them away from you when she abandoned the life of a Christian woman of virtue. The bond that makes you sisters is now blood but not Spirit. It must hurt. Don't run from the pain.
After you have grieved your loss, you should be better able to face the practicalities of ministering to her in a responsible and effective way. And also you will be better able to give a polite Joe-on-the-bus face towards her boyfriend without much strain, if you find your way towards forgiving him for targeting her with temptation and successfully drawing her into this apostasy and debauchery.
_____________________________
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/8/2009 2:46:05 AM
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mariamaria
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Bolt,
you have been of great help..I see things clearly now . I am just so glad that God still loves me even when I mess it up as I have.
God bless
Maria..x
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/8/2009 2:53:27 AM
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rgod
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It sounds to me like this guy is trying to be as obnoxious as possible so that he can control and isolate your sister. Keep visiting your sister, loving her, and inviting her to spend time with you. Keep loving her and most of all keep praying. Keep talking to her about Christ. It sounds like this guy has some sort of demonic hold on her - sounds very much like a soul tie to me at the very least.
Keep praying and don't give up on that. But you can't control your sister's choices. You can't make her leave him and you can't make her see what you see. You can pray though and keep letting her know you are in her corner. Chances are, this man will leave her for someone else fairly soon since he has the ability to control and intimidate women - and she'll be devastated again. Just keep praying for her.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/26/2009 6:57:24 AM
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mariamaria
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Hi all, I have and update and would love some more advice, your advice helped last time.
O.k...so this guy has gone back to the Island where he lives to stay close to his kids, he will be back with my sister on the 19th December for 4 weeks before he heads back home.
In the mean while my 11 year old daughter is 12 on december 21st and has decided that she wants family over in the evening for birthday cake ect, she does not consider my sister's boyfriend family yet as she doesn't know him at all and has told my sisiter that maybe he can come to her birthday party next year when she knows him a bit better.
world war 3 broke out my sister started calling her a spoilt brat and said to me that my daughter had hurt her very badly and that she should grow up! My answer to this was that she is 12 and does not look at things from an adult perspective, all she knows is that she doesn't know this guy and only wants family over on that day.
My sister went on and on at my daughter to the point that my daughter is so upset and feels she has no choice but to agree for this man to come BUT now my hubby is saying that no way can this man ever set foot into our house (hubby is not a christian) not since my sister has almost bullied my daughter into changing her mind.
she is my sister I love her, and I also love my husband I feel stuck in the middle, what, as a christian should I do in this situation? Should I just have nothig to do with her any more and just pray for her instead?
she has also canceled christmas day at hers because we don't like her new man...
.. I am so angry at my sister right now that if I were not a christian I would of gone over to her house by now and given her such a mouth full that I would leave her crying, so as much as she laughs at christians and says we are hypocrites she should be happy that it is having christ in my life that is stopping me from doing some verbal damage myself.
PLease advice would be great as my heart is heavy with this
Maria..x
< Message edited by mariamaria -- 11/26/2009 7:05:19 AM >
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/26/2009 7:47:27 AM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
Now you've got yourself trapped and bullied into an open, "Come over on Wednesday to prove to us that you are not a hateful witch" situation.
And Wednesday is possibly going to be a free "beat up the Christian with snide remarks and see what she does" session.
Bolt has wise words.
Your sister is framing the question of "what does a Christian do?" according to her selfishness and manipulation, and not according to what God says it is. Who gets to say what is true, God or your sister?
Going to her house gives her more "power" because she has home advantage (football games are more likely to be won on the team's own field, not the opposition's). She's telling you you have to be a certain way to win her approval that you are a good Christian. That's nuts - sin blinds people. She's not going to recognize godly behavior if it met her on the street.
Her are some of her demands to prove you are a Christian:
1. act like her adulterous boyfriend is a good guy
2. act like you like adulterers
3. act like you approve of adulterers
And now she's laying a trip on a 12 year old:
1. act like a creepy, unrelated guy you don't know is family
2. feel ashamed that she didn't consider a non-related person as a relation (that's insane - believing something to be true that isn't)
3. she's supposed to feel shame because she made a very reasonable and mature offer to include him next year after she knew him
4. that honoring her on her special day is less important than his being invited to a party of someone he doesn't know (oh, he's so huuuuuurrttt! Your daughter's birthday is not about him)
This 12 year old girl should not be in the middle of this war your sister has brought to your family - protect her, Mom! Be the grizzly bear mama and protect your cub! Her father should be standing between her and the sister/boyfriend even stronger. She is being manipulated inspite of being upset, and she now feels forced to include a person she doesn't know. If she wasn't afraid of him before, I bet she is now, because no one is protecting her from him. This could be training her to have no boundries around scary or dangerous men later in her life.
I'm sorry, MariaMaria; this is so hard for you. This is not a person who is wondering what she can do to bless you but someone who is trying to mold you into someone you aren't for her benefit. That's not love. It is destructive to you and now your child. Protect her.
_____________________________
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Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/26/2009 6:46:41 PM
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deermousie
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I'm glad it helped, MariaMaria. You knowabout my similar situation, and it isn't easy when it's inside our own families. It tears us apart because this isn't how it's supposed to be. It's wrong.
Maybe the hard part here for you is that you don't want to lose the loving and supportive relationship you've had with your sister or be guilty of wrecking it by distancing yourself from her. In reality, she has already done that to you. She's not loving, she's not supportive, but rather she is attacking you and now is attacking your child.
You're not the one who is attacking anyone. You're not the one bringing strife into the family. You're not the one upsetting your daughter and insisting she pretend something she knows isn't true and giving away her special day to a stranger who has unsavory habits. You aren't the one insisting everyone pretend it's okay when you are in deep sin. You aren't the one trying to tell Christians what they're supposed to be doing when it contradicts the Bible.
Christians tell the truth about sin.
Christians separate themselves from sin.
Christians separate themselves from gross sinners unless they are doing ministry with them. No one does ministry 24/7 but they go home to their families after work hours.
Christians protect their children from the ravages of others' sin (home is a safe place from a sinful world).
Christians do ministry with people who are willing to do ministry with them.
You aren't leaving your loving relationship with your sister, dear one - she left you. And now she's throwing emotional bombs at you so you'll give in to her lifestyle of sin and lies. She wants you to stop living like a Christian, and she's going to be mad as long as you stand for Christ and His ways.
I'm praying for her tonight. May God get her attention and show her her wretched life and how she gave God up for lies and sin. May God be merciful to her and bring her to repentance and a renewed life in Him and with you. May God heal your family, and give you wisdom and strength in this hard time. (((HUgs))) God bless you.
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/26/2009 7:17:15 PM
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dls9260
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One thing to remember as you follow Him. We are still flesh and bone, and with a Spirit from Our Father, we will still struggle with the flesh. Paul talks about the spirit of the flesh and the Holy Spirit. Even he talks about his flesh doing things he does not want to do, but does and he says that its' the flesh, which is not of the Holy Spirit, but the flesh. So even Paul knew about the problems that come with being a Christian in the world. With that said, understand we all will make mistakes and as soon as you realize that we all will make then, maybe it's time to seek out a christian counsel to help you sort out your ideals and thoughts of what a christian marriage should represent. Christian and non Christian is the worst mistake you could ever make, and don't assume if you marry them, they will change. Don't even go there!! There are a lot of wonderful marriage books out there to read that will give you an ideal of what a marriage is to represent. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. Gary Chapman and others are great writters on marriage. The library is a great source.
Keep your chin up and keep your eyes on Him. Always remember, His ways are perfect.
Blessings
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/27/2009 12:21:43 AM
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mariamaria
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thank you deermousie, I feel for you and your situation also...I guess this is the time to focus on God even more and to also protect my family.
I can only pray that in time she comes to realize what she has given up when she gave up Christ..as always thank you..x
dls9260, thanks for your reply, yes we as christians understand that although we are christians we are human too and make mistakes but non christians don't see it like that, they will find any reason they can to point the finger and say "look how unchristian you are !".
christian and non christians mixing can be a huge mistake especially if there is no "God agenda" there, if a person won't listen to reason when it comes to God what can you do? But this is not always so, I was a non christian when I met my hubby and came back to the Lord 6 years ago, my hubby listens and even agrees a lot with what I say about Christ, so to me this is a some thing God wants me to pursue simply because my hubby will listen to reason..I've even taught my daughter all about Jesus ,God and the bible the past 6 years and my hubby has never said not to, so maybe my hubbies heart is getting soft toward God, I so hope so 
thanks to you both
God bless..x
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/27/2009 9:25:05 AM
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bolt.
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quote:
My sister went on and on at my daughter to the point that my daughter is so upset and feels she has no choice but to agree for this man to come BUT now my hubby is saying that no way can this man ever set foot into our house (hubby is not a christian) not since my sister has almost bullied my daughter into changing her mind.
First off, you really should have intervened and put a stop to your sister abusing/bullying your daughter this way... you should have stopped it in the moment by physically removing the phone from your daughter's hand.
Second, you have an obligation to teach your daughter to respond to situations of abuse/bullying in a steadfast and pro-active way. Do not allow her to begin learning to cave in to those who act this way. As such your course of action must include you guiding and supporting your daughter in kindly and politely telling her aunt, "I didn't like the way you spoke to me <last week> about my birthday party. You were rude to me and I am upset at you. I wanted to let you know that I have decided not to have you come to the party this year. I hope we can have a good relationship again sometime soon. Goodbye." And hang up the phone.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/27/2009 1:49:21 PM
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mariamaria
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hi bolt,
thanks for you input...I was in the kitchen when this all kicked off and had no idea of it till I walked into the living room in which in this time my hubby had already intervened...I then spoke to my sister that same evening and told her that she was out of order picking on a 12 year old..she couldn't see what she had done or said wrong and the conversation went round and round in circles so we decided to just end the conversation.
I did advice my daughter who had pre warned me that she would at some point tell her aunt of her decision ,that her aunt wouldn't be too happy and that I would tell her and my daughter insisted it should come from her.. I told her to be careful how she worded it so that no offense could be taken but as it is it went the way it did..
For now we aren't really talking which is painful for me as I am very close to my sister but I feel this is the way it has to be for now, for my daughter and hubbies sake..
x
< Message edited by mariamaria -- 11/27/2009 2:21:27 PM >
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/27/2009 4:04:06 PM
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bolt.
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I understand that you have difficulty confronting people when they sin, especially when they are family and you want to preserve a surface level of harmony...
But given how much stress that is causing you right now, you might want to ask yourself if you are comfortable with what you are teaching your daughter about conflict, abuse and sin.
I might be reading you wrong, but it seems to me that you are counselling your daughter not to worry about these things, and that you will take care of it as her parent. Is that accurate? Because the message behind that is one of extreme weakness in a context that calls for strength.
It is saying to a young woman, "An angry person is too big and scary for you. Only their words have power. They have power because they are loud and filled with emotion. You should not say anything. You are not strong enough. I'll deal with it for you. Eventually I'll let you know when to start pretending nothing happened."
That's just not something I think young women should be taught.
If verbal confrontation is not something you can face, perhaps you can support your daughter in writing a short letter. She needs her dignity back.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/27/2009 5:48:57 PM
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mariamaria
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sorry? hmmmmmmmmmm, I was trying to not get my daughter involved in what I knew would cause a huge argument..why should she get involved in what in essence is mine and my sister beef? I promised when I was pregnant with her that I would love and protect her and her still just only being 12 I feel I still need to do that, I think I will always feel the need to do so.
My sister has taken this argument to a level it should never of got to..I do not pretend that nothing has happened, my daughter is well aware of the stress my sister is causing...
And yes for a 12 year old and angry person especially one she loves so much and is bullying her is scary..she is 12 not 40!
what it does say to my daughter is this (and she has told me so): that we will always be there for her and help her if she needs it. she knows conflict is not a good thing because as she has witnessed no one "wins" infact every one loses.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/28/2009 8:13:19 AM
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buckifn
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I agree Pray and follow the Holy Spirit...However, be very careful because the Holy Spirit could also be what is putting you on high alert about this guy. There are deceiving spirit's as well..so make sure you are praying constantly about this.
It's not uncommon for a man who is not a Christian to breathe hateful words about Jesus. Who is a better ex of that than Paul? We often make the mistake of thinking a sinner is going to respect and appreciate our Savior when they know nothing about Him. The only way this man can ever be won to Christ is to see Christ in someone else enough to make a difference and when the Holy Spirit draws him to the Lord.
I believe we provide a channel for the Holy Spirit to work in hardened hearts when we pray for them and model Christ's love around them day after day.
Demonic forces war against God's Spirit so it's not surprising at all you feel the way you do. Make sure your sister knows you are there for her anytime in case she has trouble. If domestic violence becomes a problem the LAST thing she needs is isolation from family. You could be the only lifeline for her and for your nephew. Don't break that line now.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/28/2009 2:56:35 PM
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SwatcH
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mariamaria
This is my question, as a Christian what should I do? Do I treat him with love and respect and still keep going over to my sisters as I always have or do I stay clear away?
As soon as somebody is doing sin, you have the right not to love but to kick against. If you treat that person with love and respect you treat his sin with love and respect.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 12/17/2009 1:35:07 PM
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gimmejesus
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Hey,
Okay, I probably not the best person to give advice on this, as I have been through some-what simlilar relationship issues even recently.
But, I am giong to give my input anyway ;-)
First, realize that yes - you can see what he is about and no- your sister cannot at this point in time. You can gently speak to your sister reminders of your viewpoint - but try to do so in a non-condenscending way (otherwise it may push her closer to him in an effort to feel someone is on her side). Try to sepak lovingly and non-judgementally to her about the changes you have seen in her since she has been with the guy. Does she seem to have lost her peace? her joy? herself? Speak to her in concern for her well-being and how you truly want to see her at her full potential.
Keep in mind these conversations may not do the trick - but that is where God will pick up. Either she will heed your adive and avoid a major pit-fall, or she will fall hard eventually and God will redeem her and pick her up, should she turn to Him (he has a funny way of bringing us closer than ever to him in times of desperation). Maybe you could also remind her in a positive way that if/when she starts to feel confused, or lose her peace or struggle with the relationship she can always turn to Jesus in prayer...he is always there just waiting for His children to turn to Him!!!
As far as being around the guy at her house - no doubt that will be uncomfortabel at first. Pray about it - ask the Lord to guide your attitude and behaviors in those instances.
Look up some scripture on how Jesus handled himself in the presence of the lowly - but remember that you cannot accomplish Jesus' attitude on your own. Atm yourself with the Word, pray to Jesus and God to change you in the ways they see fit, and have faith that they will guide you in the way you should go. The only way to overcome evil is with good - but to really know what that means you must look in the bible and listen to the Holy Spririts guidance and direction.
Wish I had some scripture to quote here, but I guess you could say I am a 'baby' christian (as some refer to it) at this point and don't have alot of scriptures memorized yet. Looking on the internet with key word searched would help I bet.
Good luck, it's not an easy situation, but with God's grace he will work it out for you and your sister's good.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 12/17/2009 1:58:41 PM
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gimmejesus
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okay - sorry just read the rest of the posts about your 12 year old etc.
A couple more of my 2 cents:
You are stuggling because your sister has hurt you and your family in ways that you were not prepared for. It sounds like she is not the same sister you once knew and were close with - that is something that you have to accept. yes, you can see how she is, and what she is doing hurts - but it sounds like alot of your internal tormet is rooted in that fact that you have not accepted this 'new sister' you have been left with. My advice is to mourn the sister you thought you had, so that you can begin to accept the one that is here now. By no means am I suggesting accepting her behaviors and such. no. I am talking about accepting what she is right now and letting go of who she once was. come to terms with that and then I beileve you will be in a better place to start making progress.
You cannot change her. no amount of guilt, judgement, or pointing out reasons she is wrong can change her. only GOD can change her. your hope for seeing things change for the better is going to come through prayer. pray and pray hard. be examples to her of how Christians lead their lives...it alsmost seems like a test - a test of your faith and commitment. The 'devil' is coming at you full force and even pulling in your children to try and steer you away from your creator. don't let him win!!!
Trust God to see you and your family and your sister through this. Look to him for answers - not the circumstances. I think circumstances are almost like an illusion. They seem so real and concrete, yet there is NO limit to what God can and will do with our circumstances when we pray and trust completely in him.
continue to be examples of Christ to your sister and her boyfriend. They will likely reject it for a good while, but god's timing is not ours. He WILL work this out for good. sTake some rest in his promise of that. Don't stress so much about what you 'should' do .... you will never figure that out on your own. Start trusting the Holy Spirit to guide and direct you in the ways you should go. It's not your responsibility to fix this situation - it is in God's hands, as he is the ONLY one who has any control over the circumstances.
Increase your activity with other Christians - go out in the world and do good for others!!! that is one way to bring peace back into your life. Give thanks to God every day for what you do have, and help others who are in need.
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RE: advice plz :-) - 12/19/2009 3:03:33 PM
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mariamaria
Posts: 249
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gimmejesus
okay - sorry just read the rest of the posts about your 12 year old etc.
A couple more of my 2 cents:
You are stuggling because your sister has hurt you and your family in ways that you were not prepared for. It sounds like she is not the same sister you once knew and were close with - that is something that you have to accept. yes, you can see how she is, and what she is doing hurts - but it sounds like alot of your internal tormet is rooted in that fact that you have not accepted this 'new sister' you have been left with. My advice is to mourn the sister you thought you had, so that you can begin to accept the one that is here now. By no means am I suggesting accepting her behaviors and such. no. I am talking about accepting what she is right now and letting go of who she once was. come to terms with that and then I beileve you will be in a better place to start making progress.
You cannot change her. no amount of guilt, judgement, or pointing out reasons she is wrong can change her. only GOD can change her. your hope for seeing things change for the better is going to come through prayer. pray and pray hard. be examples to her of how Christians lead their lives...it alsmost seems like a test - a test of your faith and commitment. The 'devil' is coming at you full force and even pulling in your children to try and steer you away from your creator. don't let him win!!!
Trust God to see you and your family and your sister through this. Look to him for answers - not the circumstances. I think circumstances are almost like an illusion. They seem so real and concrete, yet there is NO limit to what God can and will do with our circumstances when we pray and trust completely in him.
continue to be examples of Christ to your sister and her boyfriend. They will likely reject it for a good while, but god's timing is not ours. He WILL work this out for good. sTake some rest in his promise of that. Don't stress so much about what you 'should' do .... you will never figure that out on your own. Start trusting the Holy Spirit to guide and direct you in the ways you should go. It's not your responsibility to fix this situation - it is in God's hands, as he is the ONLY one who has any control over the circumstances.
Increase your activity with other Christians - go out in the world and do good for others!!! that is one way to bring peace back into your life. Give thanks to God every day for what you do have, and help others who are in need.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply which to be honest has hit a rare nerve and I will tell you why..
I did what I stupidly always do and acted before thinking and before I could even stop to pray. I won't go into detail but I have been a bad witness for God and keep making things worse which has lead my sister and her boyfriend to believe even more so that Christians are scum.
I am totally ashamed of how I have allowed this situation to take me over..I am not sure where to go from here, I have let God down in a huge way.
once again thanks for your reply
God bless
Maria..x
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RE: advice plz :-) - 12/21/2009 1:26:01 PM
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gimmejesus
Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2009
Status: offline
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Maria,
I'm sorry for hitting a nerve....and if I made you feel worse it was absolutely not my intention. Furthermore, it is FAR easier to speak advice than to put it into practice. I will share a little of where I'm coming from on this, and try to make it short and to the point.
My daughter's father is not a christian. He is oblivious to Christ - now, he went to church his whole life (his mother is an organ player at their church!) and he'll make his 'appearances' at church now and then, but after knowing him for long enough it is evident that attending church is no more than a show for him, something he does to please others, not for himself or God (that I'm aware of). I do pray for him to come to know the Lord.
Anyway, it's a long story but we are in a rocky boat right now. I have forgiven him for many things that were extremely hurtful and am now working with God through prayer and study to get myself on track. I know in my heart that I am a Christian and love the Lord, but when it comes to xbf my humanity seems to get the better of me more often than not. I read read and read some more about Christ, love, and how to live my life for others...but when it comes to xbf all of that good stuff seems to go out the window. He knows I am seeking the Lord, but my behavior toward him is a POOR example of Christ. I often feel I have let the Lord down, by being a poor witness for xbf. I think : 'Great. another mess-up. if he's not close the Lord now, and wonders about Jesus at all I have just blown it by showing him poor behavior/words/actions.' Sometimes I feel as though I am just pushing him farther from the Lord, if anything in him has the desire to seek in the first place. I know what that feels like all too well.
I do pray about it. I do ask for forgiveness, and pray that xbf will come to know Jesus in spite of my behavior. And I remember that I am not more powerful than Jesus. Jesus WILL find a way to reach out to his children, regardless of what I show xbf. I don't give up...I determine to read the Word, and try, try again. and again. and again. and again. I refuse to give up on trying to turn from the thoughts and feelings that overwhelm me and hold tightly to my peace. It's not easy. I'm happy to say that there have been many times where Jesus has enabled me to hold fast to the h/s in those situations, but there have been many I have not. I have to believe the h/s is in work in me through this and is teaching me the way I should go. I believe it is the same for you. don't give up hope and keep on trying! your faith will be strengthened through this.
Hope this helps a bit. I guess I have not been posting the best responses, as many of them are corrected and/or disputed--but I try to speak from what I have here and now and from my heart.
Take care,
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RE: advice plz :-) - 12/21/2009 2:15:06 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2444
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mariamaria
I am not sure where to go from here, I have let God down in a huge way.
You mean you aren't perfect, either, dear Sister? C'mon over and sit with the rest of us then, and take encouragement that God is allowing things to happen the way they are, and His strong arm is not too short to bring grace to a situation that's messed up. He's been doing this for thousands of years, and He works inspite of our weaknesses and feeble efforts. If He can save great sinners, He surely can redeem an effort that came from His own dear daughter that didn't come off right.
No matter what you did, your sister is the one who has chosen to reject God and say bad is good, and nothing you did can hold a candle to her guilt. She's the one who started this whole thing, and she's the one who is fighting to cling to her sin and force others to like it. Well, the Christians who know about it don't like it, because we know what is right and what is wrong, and we choose right because God is moral and right.
Let your heart be at ease, dear one; God will make things right and He loves us and died to pay for us. Crawl up into His lap for a cuddle and strengthening. I am praying for you today, to be encouraged and at peace, and for your sister to fall on her face and confess and repent her sin.
On our faces is a good place to be before a holy God - He is worthy!And He loves us. Amazing!
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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