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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/8/2009 4:03:26 PM
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2joyful
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quote:
A little philosophy I like to follow is this: Run after Christ as hard as you can (in ministries and life in general), then look to your left and right and see who is running with/next to you. That person is probably going to be a good match. Just wanted to say, that I love this!!!! and how very true it is!!!
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/9/2009 7:13:01 PM
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jjbird
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? Before I was a Christian I would ask out woman for one reason only, "sex" even if it was disguised as being a friend at first. Men are pigs! Christian men are repentant pigs! LOL!!! After becoming a Christian I would ONLY date Christian women and now my purpose and motive had completely changed! I had become celibate so that took pressure off dates. I dated to encourage my Christian sisters building true Godly relationships with them encouraging them. I think single Christian brothers should ask out their sister's in Christ even if they are not interested in them romantically but to just have fun and be friends because our sisters get bombarded by worldly men daily, tempting them and it is very tough. I later was motivated to ask out certain sisters who were very spiritual and exhibited the fruits of the Spirit....patience, kindness....etc I started becoming attracted to woman who were spiritual and not just beautiful on the outside. When I started dating my now wife it was because she was spiritual and loved God more than anything else. She was fun and vibrant! We became best friends. We started dating and I would not go inside her apartment alone with her to avoid being tempted. I would give her a little kiss goodnight and that was it. We got engaged and were completely pure until our wedding day! We never even "made out"! The first time I touched her leg was on our wedding day pulling the garter off to throw it! Sorry to go off on a tangent there! But dating for me as a christian man was for encouraging my sisters and also to find a wife. Been happily married for coming up on 7 years now! My advise for you is to not compromise! You want a man who will lead you to heaven. You want a man that loves Jesus more than he loves you!
< Message edited by jjbird -- 11/9/2009 7:21:11 PM >
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/11/2009 12:15:20 AM
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bricole77
Posts: 358
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grand Haven, MI
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jjbird quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? Before I was a Christian I would ask out woman for one reason only, "sex" even if it was disguised as being a friend at first. Men are pigs! Christian men are repentant pigs! LOL!!! After becoming a Christian I would ONLY date Christian women and now my purpose and motive had completely changed! I had become celibate so that took pressure off dates. I dated to encourage my Christian sisters building true Godly relationships with them encouraging them. I think single Christian brothers should ask out their sister's in Christ even if they are not interested in them romantically but to just have fun and be friends because our sisters get bombarded by worldly men daily, tempting them and it is very tough. That's a really good idea I think as long as the woman knows the intent. I later was motivated to ask out certain sisters who were very spiritual and exhibited the fruits of the Spirit....patience, kindness....etc I started becoming attracted to woman who were spiritual and not just beautiful on the outside. When I started dating my now wife it was because she was spiritual and loved God more than anything else. She was fun and vibrant! We became best friends. We started dating and I would not go inside her apartment alone with her to avoid being tempted. I would give her a little kiss goodnight and that was it. We got engaged and were completely pure until our wedding day! We never even "made out"! The first time I touched her leg was on our wedding day pulling the garter off to throw it! Sorry to go off on a tangent there! But dating for me as a christian man was for encouraging my sisters and also to find a wife. Been happily married for coming up on 7 years now! My advise for you is to not compromise! You want a man who will lead you to heaven This made me get all sappy!!!! It was very encouraging thank you so much:) You want a man that loves Jesus more than he loves you!
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~*britanni *~
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/13/2009 4:32:41 PM
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walkbygrace
Posts: 300
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Bricole77...Christian guys try to be a little more respectful (usually) than worldly guys so it might take a little longer for them to actually ask you out. Bear this in mind, please. Other than this, I think what will influence me to ask a girl out is as I observe her does she smile a lot? Is she friendly and therefore approachable? I think for a woman to smile, say a friendly hello and giggle over some trivial thing seems attractive to me. Not an airhead....because some guys are turned off if they don't think there's much going on upstairs. And a lot of guys find it attractive when you have something to add to the verbal exchange. For instance, if you were standing in the aisle speaking to a man and a small child came running around the corner and you said to the child "be careful." That might be attractive to the man you were speaking to because it might indicate that you were friendly, caring and had a warm personality. This stuff usually attractes Christian men. Also, if a conversation starts up and as you have the opportunity to interject you might state how you enjoy going to church on Sundays. This will indicate that you are a Christian woman. Watch his reaction closely if you should bring this up in the conversation. Also, maybe he won't actually "ask you out on a date" right off the bat, but if he is interested he might say something to the effect of "can I buy you a cup of coffee?" or " I have to run over here to do (whatever) do you always shop here?" Of course this means he is interested in you, but he might be a little intimidated at first...give him some time. Remember, Christian guys will attempt to be more respectful towards woman and therefore may require a little bit more time to get to know you first. But generally speaking, I think smiling, being friendly, saying hello all seem attractive to men. Judging from your pic you seem to be a fairly attractive woman and this might be intimidating to some guys..."I know she is taken," ..."she would never speak to me,"....or sometimes..."She seems attractive...if she isn't taken yet there must be something wrong with this picture." guys sometimes think these things. But overall friendliness, smiling and a hello can break through these barriers. I hope this was of some help to you. Good luck!
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/14/2009 9:29:54 AM
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makarizo
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2 big things: the subtle hints (sometimes this requires good listening skills), and the attraction.... I - unlike most of the other men I know - am attracted to intelligence, and faith.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/14/2009 11:06:44 AM
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bricole77
Posts: 358
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grand Haven, MI
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walkbygrace and makarizo, Thank you guys for your responses:) I really appreciate all of you!
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~*britanni *~
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/17/2009 4:34:18 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? Getting to know someone is like peeling an onion. You have to dig down through it one layer at a time (and usually it makes your eyes water) The first layer is physical attractiveness. I will not ask a woman out unless I find her physically attractive. Since I date ONLY for the purposes of finding a wife I figure if I have to look at this women for the rest of my life I may as well enjoy the view. The ideal is to be able to investigate behind the scenes a bit and find out what sort of person she is before asking, but the ideal doesn't seem to happen very often when you only see someone once. The next layer is her relationship with Christ. From a dating perspective this doesn't matter if she is not physically attractive to me (as I won't be marrying her anyway so I wouldn't date her). I will ask a woman out without being sure she is a Christian but if she is not a Christian there will be no second date. Dating is for the purpose of getting to know someone. If I just happen to see her in the grocery store and she looks good I will invest the time to see if we fit. (After all, if I don't ask her we may never run into each other again). If she turns out to not be a Christian than at least we had a good meal and maybe I was able to influence her life for the better in some small way. If she is a Christian (and we fit so far) than further dates will peel back more layers. Third layer is character, doctrine, likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies etc. These things don't matter if she's not attractive to me and not a Christian. Here is where we get into the meet of finding out who each other is. We've eliminated those who don't fit at all and can start getting into the details of if we fit together.
< Message edited by John_O -- 11/17/2009 4:44:16 PM >
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/17/2009 4:35:54 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date. From this and later posts jhuperetes, I see that you like to paint with a very broad and somewhat offensive brush. Not every guy who asks a girl out is a cad or a pervert. Some of us are downright nice stable Christian men.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/17/2009 11:12:25 PM
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Gigem08
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Hey John_O, I like your take on if you have to look at her for the rest of your life... Makes sense to me. Bricole, please don't think I'm super shallow, I just would very much like to be "smitten" by her and I don't feel that I am in the wrong. Of course this is not entirely physical but it does play a large role.
_____________________________
Jonathan S. Wilder I only ask that you be real... (Me) (Please call me Jonathan, THANKS!)
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 7:14:13 AM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 1560
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Dear John_O, Would you approach her in the mall, and if so what would be your truly first opportunity to get any impression of her? We do, by necessity, talk in generalities. But, have I offended you with my statement? quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes bricole77, think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date. From this and later posts jhuperetes, I see that you like to paint with a very broad and somewhat offensive brush. Not every guy who asks a girl out is a cad or a pervert. Some of us are downright nice stable Christian men.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 8:24:29 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes Dear John_O, Would you approach her in the mall, and if so what would be your truly first opportunity to get any impression of her? If she was physically attractive to me, yes I would approach someone in the mall. This does not mean I am lusting after her. It means that she meets my list requirement for physical attractiveness. quote:
We do, by necessity, talk in generalities. But, have I offended you with my statement? Yes. Your statement below accuses all men who would ask a stranger out of being fornicators. Which we know is nowhere near the truth. quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 8:54:24 AM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 1560
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Then I apologize. I am sorry for speaking in generalities, thereby including and offending you. What would be the primary reason for you to approach a physically attractive stranger in a mall? That is, what is your underlying thought process when the only information you have about a woman is her physical attractiveness? quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes Dear John_O, Would you approach her in the mall, and if so what would be your truly first opportunity to get any impression of her? If she was physically attractive to me, yes I would approach someone in the mall. This does not mean I am lusting after her. It means that she meets my list requirement for physical attractiveness. quote:
We do, by necessity, talk in generalities. But, have I offended you with my statement? Yes. Your statement below accuses all men who would ask a stranger out of being fornicators. Which we know is nowhere near the truth. quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes think about what insight the men have of you, who ask you out in a mall or grocery store. Unless they know you from somewhere else, there is only one thing they can take into consideration. Knowing that, you have to answer if that is the kind of men you want to date.
< Message edited by jhuperetes -- 11/18/2009 9:00:59 AM >
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 11:25:59 AM
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bricole77
Posts: 358
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grand Haven, MI
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 I am ready to start going out and doing things again but I never get asked out. I was thinking maybe it's just a vibe I put off or something. It used to happen just randomly, at the mall, grocery store or wherever but it seems to be less and less these days:( So I was wondering what kinds of things make you want to ask a girl out? Getting to know someone is like peeling an onion. You have to dig down through it one layer at a time (and usually it makes your eyes water) The first layer is physical attractiveness. I will not ask a woman out unless I find her physically attractive. Since I date ONLY for the purposes of finding a wife I figure if I have to look at this women for the rest of my life I may as well enjoy the view. The ideal is to be able to investigate behind the scenes a bit and find out what sort of person she is before asking, but the ideal doesn't seem to happen very often when you only see someone once. The next layer is her relationship with Christ. From a dating perspective this doesn't matter if she is not physically attractive to me (as I won't be marrying her anyway so I wouldn't date her). I will ask a woman out without being sure she is a Christian but if she is not a Christian there will be no second date. Dating is for the purpose of getting to know someone. If I just happen to see her in the grocery store and she looks good I will invest the time to see if we fit. (After all, if I don't ask her we may never run into each other again). If she turns out to not be a Christian than at least we had a good meal and maybe I was able to influence her life for the better in some small way. If she is a Christian (and we fit so far) than further dates will peel back more layers. Third layer is character, doctrine, likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies etc. These things don't matter if she's not attractive to me and not a Christian. Here is where we get into the meet of finding out who each other is. We've eliminated those who don't fit at all and can start getting into the details of if we fit together. Well at least you will ask her out with the intent of getting to know her. Providing you think she's hot, right?;) Instead of getting to know everything about her before asking her out (which is the impression I have gotten somewhat on this topic)
_____________________________
~*britanni *~
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 11:47:08 AM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 1560
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I would say, from my experience Christian men will want to find out at least something about the character of a person before asking the lady out, no matter how "hot" she is. quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 Well at least you will ask her out with the intent of getting to know her. Providing you think she's hot, right?;) Instead of getting to know everything about her before asking her out (which is the impression I have gotten somewhat on this topic)
< Message edited by jhuperetes -- 11/18/2009 11:53:34 AM >
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 11:55:38 AM
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dnp200450
Posts: 599
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes I would say, from my experience Christian men will want to find out at least something about the character of a person before asking the lady out, no matter how "hot" she is. Yes, I am that way. I never ask out total strangers, I have to know them first. You know, don't want to do the un-yolked thing
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 3:10:09 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes Then I apologize. I am sorry for speaking in generalities, thereby including and offending you. What would be the primary reason for you to approach a physically attractive stranger in a mall? That is, what is your underlying thought process when the only information you have about a woman is her physical attractiveness? Dating exists ONLY to find a spouse. The first step to finding a spouse is finding someone who meets the physical attractiveness requirement of the list. So my thought process is "She meets the looks requirement now lets ask her out and see if she meets the rest." Just because someone says they are a Christian does not make them a Christian. You need to observe them and learn them before you can be sure. The best way to do that is to spend a lot of time with them. And the best way to do that is to date them. The moment it is clear that they are not a Christian the relationship ends. The whole purpose of dating is finding a spouse. You do that by eliminating those who don't fit. The reason I would ask a stranger is because I may not see her again and would hate to miss the opportunity. The worst that could happen is she says "no" or she says "yes" and doesn't fit. The best that could happen is I meet my new wife. (My first wife was essentially a stranger when we went out the first time. I didn't even know her last name. We were married for 18 years before she went home to be with Jesus)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 3:12:26 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 Well at least you will ask her out with the intent of getting to know her. Providing you think she's hot, right?;) If she's hot I'll offer her a cold beverage. If she's good looking I'll ask her out. (I really don't care for the word "hot" as a descripter of looks. ) quote:
Instead of getting to know everything about her before asking her out (which is the impression I have gotten somewhat on this topic) If a man is waiting to know everything about a woman before he asks her out, she'll be married to someone else before he asks.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 3:15:02 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7031
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes I would say, from my experience Christian men will want to find out at least something about the character of a person before asking the lady out, no matter how "hot" she is. I'm a Christian man and I will ask her out knowing nothing about her. THAT is what the first date is for, to find out all about her. Character cannot be detected or determined by observation. A woman can have perfect character to all appearances but you will not know she is lacking until you see her be mean/rude to the waiter or waitress when you're on a date. True character takes time to discover.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/18/2009 5:22:42 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 1560
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O Dating exists ONLY to find a spouse. The first step to finding a spouse is finding someone who meets the physical attractiveness requirement of the list. So my thought process is "She meets the looks requirement now lets ask her out and see if she meets the rest." Clearly we have different methods of approaching this. Although I do not deny that those whom I see intrigue me, but I would want to find out if they walk in the faith, first and foremost. TI do not allow myself to put them through the "attractiveness requirement" before they pass the faith & character test. What good is an attractive wife if she is a faithless narcissist with a bad temper? Even if she is faithful, what good is an attractive but nagging and selfish wife? quote:
Just because someone says they are a Christian does not make them a Christian. You need to observe them and learn them before you can be sure. The best way to do that is to spend a lot of time with them. And the best way to do that is to date them. The moment it is clear that they are not a Christian the relationship ends. The whole purpose of dating is finding a spouse. You do that by eliminating those who don't fit. Even being married for decades one can never be sure. Only my Lord knows for sure. Past that theological issue, we can still see the fruit of the Spirit (or something faked very well). As such, I look for character and actions. Or, ask people who seen her in action. Watching her order that sweet & sour pork in the mall is not going to be beneficial. quote:
The reason I would ask a stranger is because I may not see her again and would hate to miss the opportunity. The worst that could happen is she says "no" or she says "yes" and doesn't fit. The best that could happen is I meet my new wife. (My first wife was essentially a stranger when we went out the first time. I didn't even know her last name. We were married for 18 years before she went home to be with Jesus) This presumes that I only get a single chance to meet my future wife. I have slightly more faith in my Master. My x was an 11+ on a scale of 1-10 of attractiveness. Got me three beautiful children & a divorce. Character beats attractiveness each and every time. quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O I'm a Christian man and I will ask her out knowing nothing about her. THAT is what the first date is for, to find out all about her. Character cannot be detected or determined by observation. A woman can have perfect character to all appearances but you will not know she is lacking until you see her be mean/rude to the waiter or waitress when you're on a date. True character takes time to discover. Again, your approach may work for you. I rather ask my elders, friends or common acquaintances about her character before asking for a date. Maybe I just consider others' insight valuable and beneficial to temper my potential blindness. Attractiveness comes and goes. Character is till death.
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/19/2009 10:09:21 AM
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bricole77
Posts: 358
Joined: 7/28/2006
From: Grand Haven, MI
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jhuperetes I would say, from my experience Christian men will want to find out at least something about the character of a person before asking the lady out, no matter how "hot" she is. quote:
ORIGINAL: bricole77 Well at least you will ask her out with the intent of getting to know her. Providing you think she's hot, right?;) Instead of getting to know everything about her before asking her out (which is the impression I have gotten somewhat on this topic) I agree with knowing some about her of course. You dont want to ask out an axe murderer. I just cant imagine having the patience to play 20 questions with a guy before he asked me out. Even a first date shouldnt be like an interview. So even if your not asking her all those questions who are asking? Those that know her? Members of the church? I would rather a man desire to get to know me than judging me from others perceptions of me.
_____________________________
~*britanni *~
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RE: Single Men: What Makes You Ask Out a Woman? - 11/20/2009 3:15:23 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1130
Joined: 5/4/2005
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Physical beauty, loveliness, personality. - Physical beauty: if I say a girl’s looks don’t matter, I’m a liar. Period. However, it’s not all. - Loveliness: I define this as the “vibes” a girl emits. Some women are physically very gifted but look very cold, mean, arrogant, stuck-up, or a host of other adjectives. I would prefer not to be with such a person. Yes, impressions can lie; I myself can look mean if I don’t smile. But over time, when one sees a person often enough, one gets a general idea of what that person is like just from the vibes that person emits. - Personality. What else? Granted, I can’t know enough about a girl, but bits and pieces of a person’s character and persona inevitably emerge even in small talk. Which reminds me there is a girl at my church I am still attracted to and she’s a great combination of all these factors, and she’s a devout believer, and my own senior pastor recommended her to me – without knowing I’d been previously interested in her. EDIT: faith in Christ is non-negotiable. I, as a matter of policy, do not date let alone get into dating relationships with non-Christian women. If I can know how mature in Christ a woman is, it sure helps - but often I don't know. Still, if a girl is not a Christian, I will not even consider her.
< Message edited by RichLP -- 11/20/2009 3:30:22 PM >
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