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I just plain ole' miss having a companion - my other half. And I dread the rest of my life being like this, but there is nothing that I can do about it. So I live each day as it comes - one day at a time - and try not to think about what my future is going to be.

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ORIGINAL: teacher1982

I don't think that I am bitter or angry, but I do feel SAD. I am a wife by nature and I know it. I can tolerate being single, but that certainly is not my choice.

I miss the most: making plans for a vacation or a spontaneous drive somewhere over the weekend, having someone to go to places with, someone to do things with, someone to talk to, someone to snuggle with, someone to look forward to retirement with, someone who knows me and understands, someone who I know and understand, Just to know that I am loved and special to someone. That he looks forward to coming home everyday, the same as I look forward to him coming home and I have a hot supper waiting. I miss buying mens' clothing, or something "just because" when I'm at the store. I just plain ole' miss having a companion - my other half. And I dread the rest of my life being like this, but there is nothing that I can do about it. So I live each day as it comes - one day at a time - and try not to think about what my future is going to be.

SAD.

(This is not a request for all kinds of advice on how I should join women's clubs, volunteer at nursing homes, run around with a bunch of women, and so on. Tried it all. I'm a wife without a job. Period.)

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dnp200450

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I just plain ole' miss having a companion - my other half. And I dread the rest of my life being like this, but there is nothing that I can do about it. So I live each day as it comes - one day at a time - and try not to think about what my future is going to be.

Who says you have to live like this the rest of your life? Why can't you do anything about it? Maybe you can take certain actions that changes your future.

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And deep inside I believe that there is a good Christian man out there somewhere who would give his eyeteeth to meet a woman like me. I just don't know where he is and he doesn't know where I am.

I wrote on the On-line Dating Op that I have been a member of several dating sites for a couple years with absolutely no luck at all. I don't get it because I am not ugly and I am a nice person who knows how to treat a man with respect and love and be a good wife. That's what I do the best.

But what I AM trying to do is accept what looks like the inevitable - I am going to be alone the rest of my life. I need to somehow learn to accept it and find a purpose for my life. But I don't know how to change and be someone that I'm not.

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I ain't got DECADES to live! :o) Probably two at the most, but don't want to live them alone and lonely. Probably will, though, because I must be too picky. I want a REAL Christian man who doesn't expect me to do things that are sinful. Ain't met one like that.

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Im not bitter, just disappointed sometimes and confused as to why Im still single, as wonderful as I am.

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There are many Christian guys who are looking for a REAL Christian woman who doesn’t expect them to do things that are sinful. The rumors and sermons you might hear about all guys being bad are greatly exaggerated.

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He sees these women as having too much baggage and undesirable.

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Do you struggle with such negative emotions at your single status?

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ORIGINAL: teacher1982

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There are many Christian guys who are looking for a REAL Christian woman who doesn’t expect them to do things that are sinful. The rumors and sermons you might hear about all guys being bad are greatly exaggerated.

I don't have this opinion due to sermons or rumors or even stories told to me by other people. My opinion comes from my own experience in an effort to try to meet a REAL CHRISTIAN man my age.

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But what I AM trying to do is accept what looks like the inevitable - I am going to be alone the rest of my life. I need to somehow learn to accept it and find a purpose for my life. But I don't know how to change and be someone that I'm not. It compares to decorating your house with all new furniture in a style and color that you hate. Or changing your diet to be ONLY the food that you can't stomach. It might be nice to someone else, but it just ain't "you".

Anyway....one day at a time. I don't think about tomorrow because it will be just like today, and today has been just like yesterday. Tomorrow, next week, next year and especially the thought of years ahead just like this scares me to death!! So I just don't think about it. I don't know what else to do.

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Do you struggle with such negative emotions at your single status?

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There is one singleness-related area in which I struggle with being angry or bitter at times: when I hear or read about how single Christian men, especially older ones like me, are basically a bunch of selfish, inmature, socially awkward, video game-playing, porn-addicted louts who are denying single Christian women husbands and children.

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ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt

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But what I AM trying to do is accept what looks like the inevitable - I am going to be alone the rest of my life. I need to somehow learn to accept it and find a purpose for my life. But I don't know how to change and be someone that I'm not. It compares to decorating your house with all new furniture in a style and color that you hate. Or changing your diet to be ONLY the food that you can't stomach. It might be nice to someone else, but it just ain't "you".

Anyway....one day at a time. I don't think about tomorrow because it will be just like today, and today has been just like yesterday. Tomorrow, next week, next year and especially the thought of years ahead just like this scares me to death!! So I just don't think about it. I don't know what else to do.

Boy oh, boy...I cannot tell you how much you sound like me inside my head. This is all the stuff that has gone through my head.

I tell you that to let you know that I honestly do know where you are coming from and how bad this can make you feel.

When I started to really hear myself saying these things, and a few friends made some helpful comments (Like John_O who said "why would God waste what He made you?), it helped me realize that what I was saying was biblically inaccurate, and distrustful and disrespectful toward God.

First of all, God is in control. Of everything.

Ev.

ery.

Thing.

If I am single, then, it's because He ordained for me to be single at this point in my life.

It's not a mistake. It's not chance, or happenstance, or even (in my case) the result of a bad decision by the fellow who ran over my husband and killed him. And it's also not a punishment...it is a consequence, but it is not a punishment. It is for His glory, and I am here because He ordained me to be here.

It's very possible I will be single the rest of my life. But...

If God made me single now, and he doesn't make mistakes, then my feelings that it "isn't me" to be single are the lie. My feelings are lying to me. It IS me...it's WHO God meant me to be for now.

Therefore IF God is good (and He is!) and IF He knows me so well that He could make another one of me exactly like me (and He does!), then nothing is out of kilter except my thoughts and feelings about the matter.

Once I had that sorted out, I realized that I did, I did, I did, I DID have a weapon against the hopelessness!

If my thoughts and feelings are wrong, then what I needed was a good dose of scripture to bring my thoughts and feelings into line with truth.

So I got down to business finding out who I am in Christ, and who God made me to be according to scripture.

I found out that no matter how lonely it feels, I am never alone.

I found out that no matter how painful it is, it will not last forever.

I found that I had been given things by God that could bless others...and that He wanted me to be about doing that.

I found out that thinking I needed to have a husband to be a real person, a good person, a god-glorifying person, and a joyful person was not only a lie but an idol.

I found out that God believes in marriage, too...and His default setting for us is marriage. That made me realize that He could very well be working toward getting me a husband in the future...which gave me hope.

But He also showed me that marriage isn't the be-all and end-all of everything, and that there were lots of advantages to being single. And He showed me that if I were going to "think on these things" as Phil. 4:8 says, then I needed to concentrate more on those things than on my lack of a husband.

There are things that I, too, have to choose not to think about. But that doesn't have to leave my mind blank and ripe for depressing or tempting thoughts to creep back in. I can choose to use my mind to pray for others, to seek the best way of serving God for today that I can, to think of what I have with which I can bless others. I can look for ways to bless people in their lives, and therefore insure that I will not be alone in the coming years.








Or I can choose to allow myself to think God has forgotten me, made a mistake, doesn't realize I need companionship, and has abandoned me to my fate.










Don't get me wrong. I want to find a good man and get married. REAL BAD.

But I am choosing to accept what God is doing in my life. I can learn to like it because it is HE Who has ordained it. And I will continue to daily accept it as best I can until that changes or I die.

Oh, I'll have bad days. But I have decided to refuse to be frightened or anxious or sad as often as God gives me grace to be courageous and peaceful and joyful. When I'm not, I'll ask for His grace to cover it. With these realizations, I am prepared to face the rest of my life as a single, if that is God's will.

And when you are feeling this way, teacher1982, I hope you'll come here, where we can encourage each other and help each other feel less lonely and more connected and minister grace to one another to hold on one more day.

shallbe

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I can learn to like it because it is HE Who has ordained it.

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ORIGINAL: shemaromans

God had Ezekiel lay (or lie) on his left side for 360 days. After that, God had Ezekiel lay (or lie) on his right side for 40 more days. God also had him prepare his bread on cow dung during that time.

God allowed Joseph's brothers to sell him into captivity.

God allowed Satan to torment Job repeatedly.

Come to think of it, God sent his only son to be tormented, ridiculed, beaten, scorned, rejected, and crucified on the cross...for us...



Whether I'm to be single indefinitely or permanently, I want to live like Paul--a singleton--lived:

In chains in prison,

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you....Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

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ORIGINAL: shemaromans
God also had him prepare his bread on cow dung during that time.

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I will never accept my life as it is. I will always fight it in my mind because I hate it. I want it to change and be different and I guess I have to make more efforts to change it. Somehow. We have free will about everything - not just salvation. We don't just sit back and wait for God to make every decision for our lives and fix everything.

I understand everything you said. It just won't work for me and the way I think and feel.

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Many times we must change the way we think and feel in order for our lives to be different. If we refuse to be thankful about where we are, why would God give us more? If we insist on telling God exactly what our job is why would we expect Him to do anything but sit back and wait for our attitude to change?

Paul endured some really miserable circumstances (worse even than any of us )...but he didn't hate his life no matter what was going on. He learned to be content in all circumstances. Speaking of Paul - talk about someone who was asked to be something very much other than what he thought he was made for. He thought he was perfectly suited for persecuting Christ followers. Turns out he was very wrong about what his job was. Can you imagine Paul sitting down and staying there blind in the road and saying he was now a Christian hunter out of a job?

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I know what my life's calling is, but the devil hindered and destroyed it. God didn't. The devil did. And it DOES leave me without a job.

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ORIGINAL: teacher1982

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Many times we must change the way we think and feel in order for our lives to be different. If we refuse to be thankful about where we are, why would God give us more? If we insist on telling God exactly what our job is why would we expect Him to do anything but sit back and wait for our attitude to change?

Paul endured some really miserable circumstances (worse even than any of us )...but he didn't hate his life no matter what was going on. He learned to be content in all circumstances. Speaking of Paul - talk about someone who was asked to be something very much other than what he thought he was made for. He thought he was perfectly suited for persecuting Christ followers. Turns out he was very wrong about what his job was. Can you imagine Paul sitting down and staying there blind in the road and saying he was now a Christian hunter out of a job?

I think we're comparing apples and oranges. It's obvious what God's will for Paul was and he accepted it. I know what my life's calling is, but the devil hindered and destroyed it. God didn't. The devil did. And it DOES leave me without a job.

There is NO WAY it was God's will for my ex to do what he did. God doesn't want or plan for people to leave Him and go out into open sin. However, when someone does that, he leaves behind a path of damage and destruction. (free will, remember?)

Back to the OP question - No, I'm not bitter or angry, just sad and lonesome, lonely and groundless. I no longer grieve for him, but I do grieve for his soul. I no longer want him to come back to me, but I sure want him to go back to God. I feel sorry for his children, grandchildren and parents, who he has hurt so much, but there's nothing that I can do to help them feel better except pray.

Meanwhile, I am trying to piece together some sort of life. Is it God's will for me to be single? Absolutely NOT! I know that without a doubt, but God doesn't make people live right and do what they are supposed to do. (free will again).

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Shallbe: This is an area that I disagree on. I do not believe that God ordained me to have the horrible life that I have. I don't know WHY I have it, but the God I serve did not give it to me. If HE did, I wouldn't love him very much because that would make Him a mean Father, not a loving Father.