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Struggling - 10/19/2009 1:13:14 AM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
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This is going to sound weird, but lately I have come to the conclusion that the Christian life is not worth it.
When I say Christian life, I mean living according to principles and commandments from the Bible, living according to morality and ethics that the Bible teaches.
Why should I bother?
"Everyone is doing it" they say. Whether it's sex, partying hard, dabbling a little in the occult, dressing immodestly, turning away from going to church, why shouldn't I?
I hate being the freak. How many single 25 year old people are there out there who are virgins? NONE. I feel like I am the only one. I don't know or have a single Christian friend who I could rely on for needing strength with my convictions. Everyone I know has fallen to temptation for something, a long, long time ago.
I hate having people who say they are Christian look at me with me that look...you know what I'm talking about? The one where their eyes get large and their mouths do something a little weird because you're still a virgin who's never been drunk, only had one serious boyfriend, has never experimented with any drugs, and enjoys going to church? That's what I am...a freak.
I feel so alone  I don't fit in anywhere-- I recently left the ELCA because I can't stand how liberal they've become and it's so hard for me to find a church now. It took me several months to find my old church, and it was a great place but I don't believe in homosexual unions. I'm still looking but am becoming frustrated because if it's not my race that makes me a complete eyesore, it's my interactions with other young adults.
I recently attended church a few times at a particular church where there were small groups for young adults. The topic was about the occult and avoidance and Biblical teaching, and I was the ONLY one who did not engage in the activities that were mentioned by everyone else. I've never been to a seance nor want to. Yet with the looks I received...I felt so weird. I haven't been back since. One of the girls there and I had made small talk afterwards in the parking lot and shared some details about each other. I remember the look on her face as we continued to talk and one of the things she said was "wow...I've never met someone like you."
There was another time where I worked with a girl around my age when my ex bf and I were dating and she was shocked to find out he and I did not live together. My ex bf was flawed, but he was still Christian and he and I at the time decided it was wrong to live together outside of marriage. When I told her that, she laughed at me and said that it was "weird" and everyone she knows did that, and you can still be Christian.
That's pretty much the reactions I get. Odd looks, being called weird, or having someone laugh. I feel like the world's strangest attraction.
This is starting to get in the way of my faith. I have not been to church for almost a month because I'm so fed up. I'm fed up of seeing how others can get away with unChristian lifestyles yet I follow what the Bible says because I am truly motivated by it, and am looked like like a weirdo. I think to myself, why should I even care anymore? Why even bother? I could probably get away with everything myself scott-free. But I know it would be wrong and not of God. So why do I feel so alone?
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 8:20:00 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4923
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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You are not alone. There are many Christians who have never done any of those things. I am one of them. Sure, it's unusual to find someone who has walked with God since their youth and never engaged in any of those things, but you have a testimony that they do not. I used to think I didn't have a testimony, since God didn't rescue me from any of the "big sins". Now I realize that my life is a testimony!
I know this is a poor analogy, since God is not a product to improve our lives by any means, but if you saw a commercial for something on TV and one guy said, "I've been using this product for X number of years, and look at the difference" you'd be pretty amazed. But when you see someone else who has been using that same product their entire lives, you can see that it makes a huge difference overall.
Think of the things you are missing out on by your lifestyle. No getting pregnant out of wedlock. No abortions, broken hearts. No STDs. No cirrhosis of the liver from drinking, no rotting, falling out teeth from doing drugs. No lung cancer or stained teeth from smoking. No criminal record. No jail time. No spiritual oppressions from dabbling into the occult.
Sin leads to death. The devil tries to make it look cool and fun, but it's not. That pleasure is only temporary. I'm only a few years older than you are, at 30, but I know my life is incredibly blessed and I know that the results of those things are a horrible way to live. I've seen it in people I've worked with. There was one guy who's teeth were so bad from drug use he couldn't even eat a slice of pizza. It was so sad.
You need to find a good, conservative church. I'd personally recommend the Assemblies of God, but there are other good denominations out there, too. In the meantime, stay strong. When people laugh at you, remember they treated Jesus the same way.
God bless you!
Lisa
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 11:02:19 AM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2104
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lea84
This is going to sound weird, but lately I have come to the conclusion that the Christian life is not worth it.
When I say Christian life, I mean living according to principles and commandments from the Bible, living according to morality and ethics that the Bible teaches.
Why should I bother?
"Everyone is doing it" they say. Whether it's sex, partying hard, dabbling a little in the occult, dressing immodestly, turning away from going to church, why shouldn't I?
I hate being the freak. How many single 25 year old people are there out there who are virgins? NONE. I feel like I am the only one.
That's a lie from the enemy of your soul -- not everyone's doing it.
I am a virgin. At almost 34. And I, and you, are not alone!! And when I was 25, I knew several. (And I know some in their late 30s and early 40s who are virgins!)
quote:
I hate having people who say they are Christian look at me with me that look...you know what I'm talking about? The one where their eyes get large and their mouths do something a little weird because you're still a virgin who's never been drunk, only had one serious boyfriend, has never experimented with any drugs, and enjoys going to church? That's what I am...a freak.
Well, if you're a freak, then I am too.
I've had alcohol, but I've never been drunk. I've never smoked and never tried drugs.
But you know what? Anyone who really takes following Jesus seriously is probably going to seem like a freak to others... at some point in life. Jesus said we would. We shouldn't be surprised -- people thought HE was a freak!
quote:
I feel so alone I don't fit in anywhere-- I recently left the ELCA because I can't stand how liberal they've become and it's so hard for me to find a church now. It took me several months to find my old church, and it was a great place but I don't believe in homosexual unions. I'm still looking but am becoming frustrated because if it's not my race that makes me a complete eyesore, it's my interactions with other young adults.
Are there some solid Bible-teaching, Bible-believing churches where you live?
quote:
I recently attended church a few times at a particular church where there were small groups for young adults. The topic was about the occult and avoidance and Biblical teaching, and I was the ONLY one who did not engage in the activities that were mentioned by everyone else. I've never been to a seance nor want to. Yet with the looks I received...I felt so weird. I haven't been back since. One of the girls there and I had made small talk afterwards in the parking lot and shared some details about each other. I remember the look on her face as we continued to talk and one of the things she said was "wow...I've never met someone like you."
There was another time where I worked with a girl around my age when my ex bf and I were dating and she was shocked to find out he and I did not live together. My ex bf was flawed, but he was still Christian and he and I at the time decided it was wrong to live together outside of marriage. When I told her that, she laughed at me and said that it was "weird" and everyone she knows did that, and you can still be Christian.
You've been experiencing the truth that the secular world has gotten decidedly more and more lax with its mores. When our parents were growing up, these "lifestyle choices" would have been majorly frowned upon. And the people you have been talking to would have been considered the freaks.
But ya know... you have the opportunity to love others, no matter how they treat you. And you know that as human beings made to have relationships with our Creator, that these other folks, who seem so different from you, deep down are just like you are -- needing a Savior and wanting meaning in their lives and wanting to connect with other people.
quote:
That's pretty much the reactions I get. Odd looks, being called weird, or having someone laugh. I feel like the world's strangest attraction.
This is starting to get in the way of my faith. I have not been to church for almost a month because I'm so fed up. I'm fed up of seeing how others can get away with unChristian lifestyles yet I follow what the Bible says because I am truly motivated by it, and am looked like like a weirdo. I think to myself, why should I even care anymore? Why even bother? I could probably get away with everything myself scott-free. But I know it would be wrong and not of God. So why do I feel so alone?
Because the enemy wants you to feel as though you are a sheep that has gotten separated from the flock... and wants to make you doubt the worth of following Christ.
And... you're probably also sorting through the stuff of wanting to stand for what you believe and to be who you are in Christ but yet still feeling the tug your flesh has toward looking to other people to say whether you are cool, normal, <insert other adjective of approval here>. It's called "the fear of man," and it can be really paralyzing.
I ditto C2G's counsel as well.
You're not crazy for feeling the way you do, but don't give in to those feelings. Hang in there!!! And we will be praying for you, sweet sister. Continue to do what you know is right and good in the Lord's sight (Deut. 6:18).
< Message edited by Elena1030 -- 10/19/2009 11:09:18 AM >
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Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 11:49:07 AM
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peace77
Posts: 273
Joined: 4/18/2005
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You are not alone.
The ones who told you lies are the ones who are in the wrong.
You can't be a Christian, follow Jesus and do what you want at the same time.
They believe this lie and try to convince you that the lie is a truth.
Hooray for you for standing up for the Truth!
There are many others that have seen the lies and deception of the ELCA and hundreds of churches have either left or are in the process of leaving. Many of the churches are joining the LCMC (Lutheran Congregations in Mission for Christ) You can find out more and look for member congregations on their website: http://www.lcmc.net
If you let me know where you live (pm is fine), I could possibly connect you with a church in the process of leaving ELCA.
I pray and hope that you find a good, strong, bible believing church with strong Christian members.
Peace,
Anne
_____________________________
I GoodSearch for Deaf Missions.
Raise money for your favorite charity or school just by searching the Internet or shopping online with GoodSearch - www.goodsearch.com
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 4:37:05 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 219
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lea_3
I hate being the freak. How many single 25 year old people are there out there who are virgins? NONE.
Quite a few, actually. My husband and I were both virgins in our THIRTIES when we married (and that was only 3 years ago, not in the dark ages). I have a close-knit group of girlfriends and every one of those was a virgin when they married. One girl is still single and waiting. She is 35.
You are not alone. That is a LIE meant to deceive you into doing something you'll regret forever.
The best reason to wait is not because "It's wrong! Don't do it!!" The very best reason to wait is because of how beautiful and RIGHT it is to be able to share this with your husband on your wedding night. I can't begin to tell you how amazing that was. So worth it.
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Bethany's Blog
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 5:51:44 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3567
Joined: 4/12/2005
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You are not alone. My dh was a 29 year old virgin when he married me.  I was only 19 so I guess that doesn't really "count" as having waited too long, but I was a virgin too. Neither of us ever did drugs. Neither of us has ever been drunk. Neither of us dated. Neither of us even kissed anyone but each other.
And all those people who are having "fun" in the moment, there is a consequence. As consecrated said:
quote:
You may not see it now, but it will come. Don't fall for that.Think of the things you are missing out on by your lifestyle. No getting pregnant out of wedlock. No abortions, broken hearts. No STDs. No cirrhosis of the liver from drinking, no rotting, falling out teeth from doing drugs. No lung cancer or stained teeth from smoking. No criminal record. No jail time. No spiritual oppressions from dabbling into the occult.
Sin leads to death. The devil tries to make it look cool and fun, but it's not. That pleasure is only temporary.
How sad is it that it is now standard care to test any pregnant woman for multiple gorey and awful STD's at the beginning of her prenatal care? And how happy am I that I *know* those tests will come back negative, and that I can even decline them with confidence if I want to? Very, very, very happy, let me tell you! I was reminded of that just today in the midwife's office.
You may need to keep searching for like-minded fellowship. There are still churches out there that belive in purity and right living as an important part of Christianity. You may also connect with people online. I would feel very alone if I hadn't met the friends I have through the internet (and then met some of them IRL!). You might try boundless.org, actually. Their target audience is folks in thier 20's and 30's, dealing with the mess that is our culture from a Christian perspective.
< Message edited by 3cappuccinosmom -- 10/19/2009 5:59:35 PM >
_____________________________
 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 7:39:20 PM
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Mollymouser
Posts: 3893
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california, land of the happy cows
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lea_3
This is going to sound weird, but lately I have come to the conclusion that the Christian life is not worth it. When I say Christian life, I mean living according to principles and commandments from the Bible, living according to morality and ethics that the Bible teaches.
Why should I bother?
Because God has asked you to bother. Jesus Christ died for you, and all He really asks in return is that you live for Him.
I know you feel alone ... but you aren't. He has promised that He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I know it's hard ... but He has promised that you can do all things through Christ who will give you strength.
Who I Am In Christ
I am accepted...
John 1:12 I am God's child.
John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1 I have been justified.
1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body.
Ephesians 1:3-8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
Colossians 1:13-14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.
Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete in Christ.
Hebrews 4:14-16 I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
I am secure...
Romans 8:1-2 I am free from condemnation.
Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed and sealed by God.
Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God.
Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.
2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
I am significant...
John 15:5 I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship.
Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
_____________________________
  MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 7:46:17 PM
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crimsonfollower
Posts: 181
Joined: 12/29/2006
From: the middle of nowhere
Status: offline
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Of course on a Christian forum like this, you are going to find lots of people who were virgins (not that all were/are). You can add me to the "freak" camp of those who have never been kissed, never had sex, never been drunk, never smoked, never did drugs... It is frustrating. I was reminded recently in my own family of how hard it is to remain pure. It has even raised the questions of what is the point in myself staying pure if my example doesn't seem to matter to those younger than me in my family.
The church is not the church that it is suppose to be. Occassionally you can find pockets that are being the church that Christ would recognize, but it appears to me that most are not anymore. I understand your frustrations as I have asked myself some of the same questions recently. However, I still live and want to live by the motto: "God said it, that settles it." It doesn't matter what the world says, it only matters what God says. God never said that living in this sinful world was going to be easy, but it promised that he would be with us at all times. I am sorry that your Christian friends seem to live by the world's standards instead of God's standards. However, God's rewards will be greater than the world. I will be praying that you can find some friends that share your beliefs.
_____________________________
Beth
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2 ISV
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 8:00:21 PM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
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Thanks for the advice everyone. I know one thing that really gets to me is how church leaders don't hold their congregants accountable for bringing unChristian behavior into the church.
I often feel like I'm being judged alot by people I know who say they are Christian. There was a group of girls I used to hang out with but I don't find making out with each other while one is drunk-- or sober-- to be a fun thing at all. However, they tell me that I am the judgmental one, and that they are still Christians and vote Republican and there's nothing wrong with what they do. I am so glad that there haven't been pictures of me floating around on facebook kissing other girls  needless to say...
It's so hard for me to feel a sense of solidarity with other Christians because I know that they probably think I am judging them when really, I'd like to provide myself as a support if they struggle. I was thinking about this today, and I realized that maybe others think I think highly of myself, when in reality I don't really share very much of my life. When I feel comfortable around others I also feel like I can open up, hence with the small group situation. However, I tend to not share anything and don't really allow others to know that I'm not into getting drunk, doing drugs, backstabbing/gossiping, premarital sex, etc. In fact, people who I know who are nonChristian don't even know these things about me because I've learned to just keep quiet.
Even when I am in a situation where others share, they act strangely. For instance, I once went to a retreat where many of the other women there shared openly how they had sex and lived with their boyfriends or spouses before marriage. One girl had the courage to speak up and insist that these were all gifts that needed to be saved for one's spouse, in accordance with Christian teaching. Afterwards, I went up to her and told her that I was proud of what she said and I wished more people would take a stand about these things. She gave me an odd look instead  and then dismissed the rest of what I said and walked away from me, very fast. I don't get it. You speak up openly about something like that and when someone congratulates you and wants to discuss it a little bit more, you get scared and run away?
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 9:04:07 PM
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anointed_archer
Posts: 311
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: United States
Status: offline
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Just wanted to reinforce that you're not alone. Dh and I were both virgins when we marrried at 26. In fact, I was Dh's only girlfriend and we were each other's first kiss. :-) It really is worth it to wait!
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 9:17:22 PM
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angels1203
Posts: 5
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lea_3
This is going to sound weird, but lately I have come to the conclusion that the Christian life is not worth it.
When I say Christian life, I mean living according to principles and commandments from the Bible, living according to morality and ethics that the Bible teaches.
Why should I bother?
"Everyone is doing it" they say. Whether it's sex, partying hard, dabbling a little in the occult, dressing immodestly, turning away from going to church, why shouldn't I?
I hate being the freak. How many single 25 year old people are there out there who are virgins? NONE. I feel like I am the only one. I don't know or have a single Christian friend who I could rely on for needing strength with my convictions. Everyone I know has fallen to temptation for something, a long, long time ago.
I hate having people who say they are Christian look at me with me that look...you know what I'm talking about? The one where their eyes get large and their mouths do something a little weird because you're still a virgin who's never been drunk, only had one serious boyfriend, has never experimented with any drugs, and enjoys going to church? That's what I am...a freak.
I feel so alone I don't fit in anywhere-- I recently left the ELCA because I can't stand how liberal they've become and it's so hard for me to find a church now. It took me several months to find my old church, and it was a great place but I don't believe in homosexual unions. I'm still looking but am becoming frustrated because if it's not my race that makes me a complete eyesore, it's my interactions with other young adults.
I recently attended church a few times at a particular church where there were small groups for young adults. The topic was about the occult and avoidance and Biblical teaching, and I was the ONLY one who did not engage in the activities that were mentioned by everyone else. I've never been to a seance nor want to. Yet with the looks I received...I felt so weird. I haven't been back since. One of the girls there and I had made small talk afterwards in the parking lot and shared some details about each other. I remember the look on her face as we continued to talk and one of the things she said was "wow...I've never met someone like you."
There was another time where I worked with a girl around my age when my ex bf and I were dating and she was shocked to find out he and I did not live together. My ex bf was flawed, but he was still Christian and he and I at the time decided it was wrong to live together outside of marriage. When I told her that, she laughed at me and said that it was "weird" and everyone she knows did that, and you can still be Christian.
That's pretty much the reactions I get. Odd looks, being called weird, or having someone laugh. I feel like the world's strangest attraction.
This is starting to get in the way of my faith. I have not been to church for almost a month because I'm so fed up. I'm fed up of seeing how others can get away with unChristian lifestyles yet I follow what the Bible says because I am truly motivated by it, and am looked like like a weirdo. I think to myself, why should I even care anymore? Why even bother? I could probably get away with everything myself scott-free. But I know it would be wrong and not of God. So why do I feel so alone?
I am over 25 and i am in the V club
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RE: Struggling - 10/19/2009 9:18:51 PM
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angels1203
Posts: 5
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline
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read Psalms 52 for me
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RE: Struggling - 10/27/2009 1:16:09 AM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
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I think one of the biggest things that frustrates me is how people assume that I have no real life experience because I haven't "screwed up" in big ways. For instance, how can I really say that I have self-control or know how to place good boundaries in a romantic relationship when I've only had one boyfriend? How can I really say that I have good control over abstaining until marriage when I haven't been "tempted" several times?
It's a no-win argument everytime.
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RE: Struggling - 10/27/2009 8:22:14 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4923
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lea_3
I think one of the biggest things that frustrates me is how people assume that I have no real life experience because I haven't "screwed up" in big ways. For instance, how can I really say that I have self-control or know how to place good boundaries in a romantic relationship when I've only had one boyfriend? How can I really say that I have good control over abstaining until marriage when I haven't been "tempted" several times?
It's a no-win argument everytime.
It sounds to me like you have excellent boundaries and self-control. It sounds like your lifestyle is convicting other people, and they are trying to make themselves feel less guilty over their own actions.
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Struggling - 10/27/2009 7:19:15 PM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
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I don't want anyone to think that I purposefully get myself into these "arguments"  Here is how it typically happens:
Either having a conversation, sometimes in a group, at church, related. We start to veer into a Biblical conversation and start talking about whether or not certain things are sins and what the Bible has to say about them. For instance, regarding premarital sex, in the group I was part of, I was the only one who was not having sex outside of marriage. Everyone else had or was and when I mentioned that while I was in no way judging, I firmly believed that the Bible clearly states what its intentions for sexual relations are. Of course, you have some people take offense to that and then attack me. So of course, I feel compelled to stand up for my beliefs and defend my faith. I have learned to keep things short though and just point people to the Bible. That's usually when I get slandered with "Bible Thumper".
There was also another instance where a girl I met a long time ago ended up getting pregnant outside of marriage and told me about how she knew it was wrong at the time and she was engaged to the father. They had since broken up and now it was years later, and she was seeing another guy. Then she began to tell me (I did not elicit this response in anyway) how she and her current boyfriend were having sex and still thought of themselves as "born-again" Christians, and sex was not seen as anything spectacular. When I asked her if she wasn't concerned about getting pregnant a second time, she shrugged and said "I'm on birth control."
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RE: Struggling - 10/27/2009 7:50:18 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 4305
Status: offline
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Sex outside of marriage is sin...plain and simple. The Bible does not equate not sinning with going to heaven though. So assuming someone who sins in any way is automatically not going to heaven is a little judgmental IMO. We could argue from now until eternity about the purposeful choice to sin and whether a true Christian can/should do that...and there are whole folders here where they do debate that often...however, for the purpose of just a basic discussion, it might serve you better to just do what you said...point them to the Bible and leave it at that. Let God be their conviction. Of course they are going to argue with you...and they are wrong. That doesn't mean it is your responsibility to set them straight though. You should be following the Lord's guidance in situations like that. (I am sure you do, and I am not saying you are judgmental either, just commenting on your post and the way it is written).
When someone is choosing to live in sin, there is really no convincing them of your argument, even if you have the Bible to back you up. The best thing is to pray for them and lay low. Speak when God tells you to, otherwise, just go on with living out your own convictions. You are not the only one out there, though you may be the only one you see. One of the things I love about CW is that I run into a lot of women (and men in other folders) who are a lot like me...I am not as "peculiar" as I once thought I was. That makes it much easier to keep pushing on and trudging through the days that seem hopeless.
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"When God said 'brains', some thought He said 'trains' and got on the wrong track" -Maxine
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RE: Struggling - 11/4/2009 1:22:15 AM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
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Thanks for the prayers and encouragement ladies!
I've been thinking about this issue for a couple weeks. I think the thing that really gets me at times is how isolated I feel because there aren't others with whom I can share my experiences or bounce encouragement off of. Everyone interprets things as being "judgmental". I feel like I'm in PC mode all the time, and it's hard to keep that up! lol.
What I often have a difficult time understanding is how there are so few young women (20's and early 30's) who share these same beliefs. YET-- I have been talked to by MANY older women (late 40's and up) about how they have many regrets in life and how I should be proud of myself. One woman I used to work with said that of all the things she regretted in life, it was sexual immorality. I don't understand-- obviously there's a reason why you shouldn't engage in certain activities because you probably will regret them. Why doesn't my generation get that? I feel so out of place!
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RE: Struggling - 11/4/2009 8:13:51 PM
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Lea_3
Posts: 295
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
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I don't mean to sound as if I am taking offense, but oftentimes people assume that I'm being snotty or "holier than thou". I want to get something in the open-- I don't openly talk about my life with others without being asked. I don't say "oh yeah, I'm practicing abstinence, don't drink, do drugs, go to church every Sunday, etc." unless I am asked. If I am asked, I try to keep my answers to the point and simple, yet polite. But I think it can be threatening to others for some reason. Especially to people my age.
I remember once working with an older woman and how she and I began talking and I found out she was Christian. So, we continued to talk and she told me how I should be proud of myself for living my life the way I was, because I was saving myself from hardship and heartache. She told me that she had a very stressful and unholy life when she was younger and in her older age, she saw that in hindsight. When I am sharing things with people around my age, I'm told "make the mistake because you'll never know if it was a mistake." Does that make any sense? A guy once told me that I should have sex outside of marriage before deciding I wanted to be celibate because then, I'd "really know". And this was a guy my age.
In all honesty, I try to avoid alot of conversations around this topic. I recently went to a party where people were making fun of a guy who stated that he wanted to remain a virgin until marriage and I didn't say anything about it. These people were all Christians as well. I was even once at a women's circle meeting and the topic of the night was about what tempted us, and a girl there shared that one of her temptations was wanting to kiss, but she wanted to save her first kiss for her future husband. A few people there laughed at her and told her that was not going to happen. They tried to joke about it with her, but the expression on that girl's face didn't see it that way. I would normally have said something to be supportive of her view, but I chose not to.
When I am asked about things personally, and then I get attacked, I defend my beliefs by pointing out that as a Christian, those are the beliefs I will follow. It's when I say that as a Christian we are commanded to follow a certain lifestyle, that I believe evokes the negative emotions of others. That's when they perceive me to be judgmental. The way I see it, as a Christian we don't get to put one foot into the water and the other foot on land, and still think we can say we're dry. Maybe it's my straightforwardness about that which can be hampering.
I don't go around judging others harshly for what they do or don't do-- I think it's when I say, "as Christians, the Bible tells us to (insert command here)" that people get mad because they don't think Christians should follow what the Bible teaches. That's when I'm judgmental in their eyes.
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RE: Struggling - 11/4/2009 8:49:03 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2078
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
...Sex outside of marriage is sin...plain and simple. The Bible does not equate not sinning with going to heaven though. So assuming someone who sins in any way is automatically not going to heaven is a little judgmental IMO. We could argue from now until eternity about the purposeful choice to sin and whether a true Christian can/should do that...and there are whole folders here where they do debate that often...
True. All of my friends know my beliefs, and my friends are sinners. So am I. I will not always choose the right things; neither will they. They do know how I feel about things, and we do disagree about things sometimes-- certain topics that the Bible isn't clear on. Usually though, they sin KNOWING that they are sinning, and knowing they shouldn't. I do the same at times. If they know it's wrong, I stay out of it. If it bothers me that much, then I can just choose not to be friends. I hardly ever see a Christian sin who didn't know what they were doing was a sin, but maybe my friends are just odd like that. The best thing I can do is hope that one day they get out of it, and that can take a long time-- for someone to get out of certain lifestyles, etc. A LOT of my friends have made sexual mistakes, sometimes that lasted for long periods of their lives... but one day they straightened up. I pray for them; I pray for myself because I'm a sinner and always will be on earth, but I cannot change them. I don't do the "the Bible says" stuff to them... because they know when they do something they shouldn't and it seems like I'm just rubbing their noses into it, when they and I both know they already know it's wrong... if that makes sense.
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but while watching that night, I remember the camera scanning the audience during the sermon and an overwhelming sense of God's love for His people filled my heart. It was as if God was telling/admonishing me that despite the behaviors/choices of these people He loves them and I could not help but to love them as well. It caused me to adjust my attitude. All of that to say, praise God that you've chosen the narrow road. It is most certainly because of His goodness---alone!
