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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/27/2009 7:58:31 AM
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agapetos
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Good for you! I know that it couldn't have been easy, but you did it. Perhaps he'll stop contacting you now.
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Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/27/2009 7:00:50 PM
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betty42
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Yes I can do it again. He hasn't contacted me since yesterday and I am glad about it. I do; however, have conflicting feelings about the whole incident -- was I too insensitive, I really hurt his feelings, I think I really did it this time. I know my decision was correct but I second guess myself at times. I know -- DO NOT GIVE MY FEELINGS ANY WEIGHT -- ONLY GODLY WISOM.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 2:59:02 AM
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Redjasper
Posts: 407
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If he ever approaches you again, think about repeating the very issue why you broke up with him. I can't recall if you posted that before, something like he's an unbeliever? I'm not sure. If that is the reason, reformulate the reason again to him. He got sidetracked about your behavior and how he feels about it and ignores the core issue. He needs to refocus on the reason why this relationship ended. No bull, just the facts.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 7:43:56 AM
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agapetos
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quote:
was I too insensitive No, you were honest.
quote:
I really hurt his feelings Perhaps you did... but please remember that you didn't set out to hurt his feelings. You tried very hard to take his feelings into account. If he'd listened a little more, you wouldn't have had to go this far.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 3:43:49 PM
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betty42
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The reasons I broke up with him were: financially irresponsible (i.e., loosing his possessions, being summoned by the court to pay arrearages on child support); difficulty trusting him because a female friend kept calling him after I mentioned my discomfort (he has other female friends who have spoken to me on occasions; however, this particular one had her heart set on getting him back and he kept the door open); spiritual immaturity. I need to know my future husband's measuring rod for his behavior is not his situational ethics but the Word of God. I didn't feel or see the evidence of him seeking after the Lord's precepts for his life. I do believe his only reasons for joining the church and attending were me. When I didn't go, he didn't go; when I went, he went. We've been apart for almost two months and he hasn't been to church (well at least to my knowledge).
I guess I spoke too soon. He's called seven times today and texted me twice. I have not answered nor intend to answer. I just hope and pray he doesn't stop by my home uninvited. I will not answer the door. I just wish he would leave me alonne.
Oh I forgot to mention, his previous girlfriend filed a restraining order against him for stalking her because he wouldn't take no for an answer. She would come home and he was waiting for her and he would show up at her place of employment. Please pray he doesn't do this with me.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 3:46:09 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9903
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quote:
I just wish he would leave me alonne. Betty, have you blocked his phone number? If not, you need to do this.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 4:08:12 PM
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BJinWA
Posts: 49
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betty42
quote:
I guess I spoke too soon. He's called seven times today and texted me twice. I have not answered nor intend to answer. I just hope and pray he doesn't stop by my home uninvited. I will not answer the door. I just wish he would leave me alonne.
BRAVO Betty--you're doing great
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 5:08:33 PM
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betty42
Posts: 34
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How do you block someone from calling your cell #? Thank you all for your continued encouragement. I need it because this journey is fresh. I want to be strong. I desire to stick to my guns and not give in to anything or anyone that isn't worthy of me. I am royalty. I am a child of the most High God!
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 11:14:29 PM
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betty42
Posts: 34
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This night has been so frightening. He kept calling and texting me. I finally texted him back and said please leave me alone. Do not call me, do not text me, do not come by my home. Pls. leave me alone. Ten minutes later, I heard a car pull up on front of my house and I knew it was him. He must have been in my area all along. He's stalking me. I waited and then there was the knock. He texted me and said I just want to talk to you for a minute. I said please go away or I'll call the police. He wouldn't leave. My gf called him and then he finally left. 30 minutes later while I'm on the telephone with my gf, I heard a noise downstairs -- like something dropped. I immediately called the police. They stayed on the telephone with me until the cars arrived. Hey searched the outside of my house and didn't see anything. They took his information and said if anything else happens or if he shows up, do not hesitate and call. Now it's 11:14 and I'm exhausted but am too afraid to sleep. This is absolutely crazy. Please pray I get a good nights sleep because I've been up since 3:00 a.m. and have to work tomorrow. Plus I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own home. I want to feel safe. Lord please protect me.
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Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/28/2009 11:34:15 PM
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pink..
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Betty - is there someone who can come stay with you?
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Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin and an antiseptic.
~ John Henry Jowett
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/29/2009 7:28:22 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 4543
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From: Land o Cheesecake and Pizza
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Betty I think it's time to seek a restraining order--- TODAY.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/29/2009 8:08:41 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 4543
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PinkCarnations
Betty - is there someone who can come stay with you?
I also agree with this. Find someone to stay with you or stay with someone else until that restraining order gets puts in place. The man already has one restraining order on him, and that is enough to tell you that this man is not stable.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 9/29/2009 8:27:45 AM
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herestoresmysoul
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
quote:
ORIGINAL: PinkCarnations
Betty - is there someone who can come stay with you?
I also agree with this. Find someone to stay with you or stay with someone else until that restraining order gets puts in place. The man already has one restraining order on him, and that is enough to tell you that this man is not stable.
Amen I agree too
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/5/2009 11:20:19 PM
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betty42
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I'm okay. I'm sorry I haven't written. I spoke with my father and my adult children, who decided to keep me company more than I really wanted. I am grateful for their concern and company because it kept the ex away. My father spoke with him about his obvious disrespect and how frighten I was. He apologized to my father for frightening me and then called me several times and left a message apologizing, after which had the nerve to leave me a voicemail asking if he could come over and cook me dinner.
I am having a hard time, at times and other times I feel so blessed to have a God who continues to afford me another opportunity to get it right. I will be happy when another month goes by and I am not feeling so perplexed. I feel like I've been so foolish for giving him chance on top of chance, even when the evidence showed me otherwise. I am reading a Proverbs a day and pleading for wisdom.
Please pray my strenght that I can continue to respect myself and allow the Lord to direct my path. I am so angry with myself.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/6/2009 8:21:19 AM
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FunBetty
Posts: 4543
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Thanks for letting us know you are safe, Betty.
And don't let your guard down, yet. It appears that via this dinner invitation that there is reason to keep a wary eye out for this man. Continue NOT to have any further conversation, as a conversation could mean an invitation for him to keep persistent.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/6/2009 10:30:04 AM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betty42
Ten minutes later, I heard a car pull up on front of my house and I knew it was him. He must have been in my area all along. He's stalking me. I waited and then there was the knock. He texted me and said I just want to talk to you for a minute. I said please go away or I'll call the police. He wouldn't leave. My gf called him and then he finally left.
He needs to be served a subpoena for a day in court for harrassment. Go talk to a lawyer. It could be you can get a restraining order. A piece of paper won't stop him, but if he shows up again he'll spend time in jail for violating it.
This guy has stepped waaaaay out of bounds for decent behaviour; and could have mental problems. When a woman says no, a gentleman never pushes, so this guy is no gentleman. He keeps trying to lure you back on the basis of your emotions. The fact that he has a track record of stalking is scary; go to the law to help you, dear. That's what it's for, and God is the one who established law (our laws are based on the Ten Commandments).
This may help you be more objective (which is so hard in the midst of the battle):
Jerk I: may accidently hurt another and would be horrified if they knew
Jerk II: may hurt another if they think they can get away with it or no one will know
Jerk III: hurts another and doesn't care who knows; no guilt. Possible sociopath; has no morals but knows only self and greed. Can be dangerous. Often tied in with drug use and sexual immorality.
Non-Jerk: takes care to not hurt others, but be a blessing to others
Here's how I size up potential husband material:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too? Has he kept all the promises and vows he's made?
- Does he have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is he willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got a good handle on it before asking for her)? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)? Is he teachable?
- Is he available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional or legal hold on him, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he ready?
Is he healthy?
Is he available?
He's walking all over you and trying to take advantage of your emotions. Do not go to dinner with him (he wins!) or talk to him (he wins!) or text him (he wins!) but talk to the police - they've seen it all before and will give you an idea what to do next. Then go see a lawyer and see what you can get to protect you. He's not taking your "no" so let the law deal with him.
God bless and keep you, Sister. Now go put legs on your prayers.  (((HUgs)))
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/11/2009 2:03:40 PM
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betty42
Posts: 34
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I finally did it! I went to the courts and filed a restraining order against him. This was a very emotional time for me and right now I'm feeling so many things (frustration, annoyance, depressed, angry, sad, sorry, apprehension, unsure) in addition to knowing I did the right thing. I am so mad I had to do this. Why didn't he just leave me alone? Why did he make me do this? Daggone it! I'm so ****ed off. I hate confrontation and now I'm going to have to go to court and be in the same room with him while we talk about this. I don't want to do it but I know I have to. My father is going with me. He called my father and girlfriend after they served him. The thing about it is before leaving the police station, the officer told me he has a warrant out for his arrest already. I was so stuned and wondered why. He wouldn't tell me. My ex told my father that I had the police issue a warrant for his arrest. I told my father that isn't true. My order was issued to him to stop contacting me and to appear in court. The initial filing of a restraining order doesn't constitute an immediate arrest. Now he's telling everyone I did this to him. I know I cannot worry about that but I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't bother me because I have always suffered from what others think of me. Darn it, this is too much. He made me do it! He did. I didn't want to but he made me. He contacted me on Wednesday and yes, I answered the telephone because before then he sent me a text saying he wanted to talk about this show we usually see that that he promised not to make the conversation long and heavy. We started out great and I was hopeful, until he started with the relationship questions and asking why I broke up with him. I said we aren't doing this again but he persisted. I had to hang up on him. He texted me 5 times after that in a row. The next morning at 1:00 a.m., he sent me a text saying others have evidence of the awful person that I am and I need to prove to him it is untrue. I'm thinking what in the world? He also said he drove past my workplace on Wednesday. I can't do this any more. I feel unsafe. I drive to my house wondering if he is lurking somewhere. When I hear noises in my house, I'm wondering if he got in some how and will restrain me. Maybe I'm freaking out and letting my vivid imagination get the best of me. I have work to do and can't concentrate. I feel so sleepy and annoyed/agitated. My hands feel tingly and my chest is a little tight. I think I'm having a panic attack. I do have pills but I have things to do and need to concentrate fully.
Please pray my strength in the Lord. I just want to lay down and sleep. I'm so sorry I had to do this. I really really am. I love him and just want him to leave me alone. I'm so sorry but you made me do this. I do wonder if I overreacted. Did I? I know I didn't. I shouldn't have to be forced to talk to anyone or entertain anyone.
I know I did the right thing. I know it but . . . .
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/11/2009 2:26:20 PM
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FunBetty
Posts: 4543
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From: Land o Cheesecake and Pizza
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Betty, you did the right thing, and in no way should you bear the responsibility of what he has done to make you take this step. HE is the one the needs the restraining order because HE is the one out of line. He is the one not showing respect by continuing to contact you, follow you, and contact your friends and family knowing that it was not welcomed. Don't be sorry-- it's not your fault.
He has made his bed, and he needs to lay in it. You don't need to prove yourself to him or anyone. Go to court, save all of the txts and go with the calling history. Take every piece of information with you that is needed to show the judge his unacceptable behavior.
Don't beat yourself up over this. It's time to be strong, and take care of yourself.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/12/2009 12:21:49 PM
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betty42
Posts: 34
Joined: 6/13/2005
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Today is still not good. I have a presentation on Wednesday and cannot concentrate. I had to take an anxiety pill to take the edge off. My chest is tight and I'm sleepy again. Please pray for my mind and I can empty this situation for the next 5 hours so I can study and prepare. I'm so tired and I need to decompress the best way possible. He is due to come back in town either today or tomorrow. Please pray he honors the restraining order and leaves me alone. I don't need this drama.
Thank you all for caring so much and helping me through this trying time.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/12/2009 1:45:12 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8738
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betty42
He contacted me on Wednesday and yes, I answered the telephone because before then he sent me a text saying he wanted to talk about this show we usually see that that he promised not to make the conversation long and heavy.
betty
IMO it was really inadvisable to have answered the telephone to him after having filed a restraining order against him and could really have given him mixed messages. I also wonder how the court might react if you have to go back to them and they hear that you have chosen to have contact with him.
Does the restraining order cover text messages? Keep copies of them, because you may be able to use them as evidence. And whatever you do DON'T reply to them (have you replied to any of them?)
You have done the right thing in taking out the restraining order. Hang on in there, and keep records of anything, anything at all, that concerns you (eg texts + content), including feelings of being unsafe.
How about changing your phone number?
_____________________________
"Manda stole my answer" - bolt. March 2010
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/12/2009 2:18:16 PM
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betty42
Posts: 34
Joined: 6/13/2005
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Hi Manda, I answered his last call on Wednesday, I filed the restraining order two days later -- Friday. The order states he is not to call, text, email, come past my house or job, and his friends can't either, as well as me and my friends. I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY FUTURE CALLS. I PROMISE MYSELF.
I know I shouldn't have answered his calls. I really wanted to believe the best for our situation -- that being we could be friends, could still celebrate our families' accomplishments, etc. I said to him before I broke it off "please don't let this turn ugly. Let's be civil and please give me the space I need even if you don't understand." He agreed and at times he was very cordial, polite and engaging.
Today has been difficult and I had to take one of my anxiety pills because of the pressure in my chest and lack of concentration. I am feeling a little better - still have the pressure but I'm a little more relaxed.
The Daily Bread from Saturday "Speaking the Truth" states at the bottom "It is better to declare the truth and be rejected than to withhold the truth just to be accepted." I am trying to claim 2 Chronicles 24:15-22. This is truly a tough journey but I know I will come out as pure gold.
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/12/2009 3:09:55 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8738
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: betty42
Hi Manda, I answered his last call on Wednesday, I filed the restraining order two days later -- Friday.
Oh ok! Sorry that I misunderstood the order of things from your post.
quote:
The order states he is not to call, text, email, come past my house or job, and his friends can't either, as well as me and my friends. I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY FUTURE CALLS. I PROMISE MYSELF.
Were all those texts from him *before* the restraining order?
_____________________________
"Manda stole my answer" - bolt. March 2010
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/12/2009 6:32:08 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 9903
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
I WILL NOT ANSWER ANY FUTURE CALLS. I PROMISE MYSELF. Betty, please make sure that you're doing as much as you can to block him. If you're not sure how for your landline and mobile, it's perhaps worth giving the company you have a service with. Your email should be straightforward. Are your friends aware of the restraining order and fully aware of what it means?
I'm glad you got the restraining order. I'm sorry that you're having such a bad time. I hope that it starts to ease off soon.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
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RE: Why is this taking so long? I want to get over him - 10/19/2009 4:28:31 AM
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brenda50
Posts: 35
Joined: 1/24/2009
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Betty
As long as you are leaving your phone number unchanged you are giving the message that you really want to have contact but you are mad at him (hence the restraining order) so that means he can persist and you will give in and have him back because he has shown you he loves you by his persistence. This kind of man is incapable of love and a healthy relationship, it is all about power if he did not fix himself when you were together.
Alternatively, he is purposely getting his revenge on you for leaving him and therefore causing him shame by making you a nervous wreck and the fact that he is telling you these tales about others would seem to back this up. If this is the case he is a very dagerous man and you need protection and advice from experts. Pleaase do not underestimate an unstable man at a time of high stress. Please read up about it on the internet. You are in danger.
Brenda
< Message edited by brenda50 -- 10/19/2009 4:44:50 AM >
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