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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 9/1/2009 6:35:06 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 2573
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laughinggirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
Related question....
Do you think it's a good idea to choose a man who gives ya "the tingles".... so that you eagerly look forward to sex with him..... rather than a man you're kinda "meh" about?
I don't know that I could marry a man who didn't make me melt just by looking at him and being around him.
I'm afraid I'm asking for too much. (Esp. since I'm not drop-dead gorgeous... or even conventionally pretty. Just... kinda cute, sometimes.)
You are not asking too much. A person doesn't have to be physically perfect to the rest of the world in order to make YOU melt. He only has to be drop-dead gorgeous to YOU. Love will do that, if it's the right person.
My mind knows logically that my husband is not ever going to be asked to star in a movie. But I still stare at him in wonder and am amazed at how gorgeous he is to me.
Bethany,
Thank you so much for replying!
Actually, I've always thought your hubby was (is!) cute! And what makes him handsome is his character - I know, by what you've said on your blog about him, about how he treats you and others, and about your life together. You chose wisely, girl! 
garsyt,
I hear what you're saying.  I don't believe in soulmates or "the one," but I do believe in God's guidance in choosing wisely the person one marries.
What I have dealt with in the past were opps to "settle" for a not-so-good match, just in order to get married, which is one of the goals I'd like to achieve in life. (Well, it's not so much a goal... it's not the same thing as saving up for a big purchase like a house or a car!) Sometimes there was a lack of "wow"; other times there were compatibility issues. And now that I think about it... each situation had both.
The only "wows" I've experienced have been unrequited....
Perhaps that's been part of God's protection of me.
ETA: Your husband's blog post was beautifully written. Yes, that's the life I want my yet-to-be husband and I to have - how we love and support each other, in good and bad and inbetween. If I am ever priveleged to be a wife. Thanks for the link!
I'm very aware of the possibilities of what can turn out to be negatives. That's why I believe in (1) choosing wisely the person you marry {you're deciding who you want to choose to love (agape + philia + storge + eros) for the rest of your life} and in (2) then working hard together on making the covenant of marriage a blessing for not only each other but for your families, friends, church family, community, and the world.
< Message edited by Elena1030 -- 9/1/2009 6:41:23 PM >
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Prayer thread for singles who desire to marry someday
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 9/16/2009 4:11:44 PM
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northstar
Posts: 199
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My hubby is truly the best man I have ever known. We had a rough first year, really rough, and obviously we have our ups and downs as most people do, but there is NOTHING that I feel I need to complain about, and I only have good things to say about him to others, because I just don't see anything bad in him. Neither of us are perfect, but he fears God and wants to please God above everything else, and that kind of oozes into our relationship, and consequently makes him a fantastic husband. i think he's better at being a husband than I am at being a wife, though I'm pretty sure he he thinks I'm doing ok too. The ups and downs that we have are just life - and my husband is the most loving, steadfast, loyal, trustworthy man I have ever known.
I second the list change that a PP wrote about. When I was younger I wanted a stunningly good looking, spontaneous, adventurous, life and soul of the party type man. Now that dh and I have been married for 5 years, I can say that the quieter qualities are the ones that I now think are important. Loyalty, trustworthiness, steadfast, gentle, kind, good father, considerate....these are the things that make me love my hubby more and more each day. Not that I don't think he's good looking - I love the way he looks, it's just that the *need* for the outward things has dropped waaaaay down my list now.
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Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee.
Psalm 122:6
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 9/16/2009 5:17:16 PM
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FallenOaks
Posts: 22
Joined: 8/21/2009
From: MS Gulf Coast
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I have 2 daughters and I try to share with them what I've learned throughout my near 30 year marriage. Let me share with you first of all this quote I have on my cubicle wall by Maya Angelou "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her". I'm not going to talk about the doom and gloom as you have heard so much about. I believe that if a couple can laugh and cry together, sex would be great as God wanted it to be for those in marriage. I've also read that if you look at a 3 legged stool as being the man, the woman and God. Should any of those legs become unequal, everything will be out of balance. Letting God be the center of the stool also because as we all know, a 2 legged stool will be much easier to fall over. From experience, place yourself around men of faith. Those who will be the spiritual leader of your family. With all this being said, best of luck and I mean that sincerely. Pray about your future spouse today and ask God to give you a good husband.
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 9/16/2009 5:23:51 PM
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FallenOaks
Posts: 22
Joined: 8/21/2009
From: MS Gulf Coast
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laughinggirl you are truly blessed. I pray that my son in laws will also be like your husband. My youngest daughter just got married in June to a man who is 13 years older than she is. The age difference never bothered me because from the very beginning he has treated her with respect and kindness. She has been blessed as well. She once was in a relationship is a guy who was considered as the "bad guy". I prayed to God that he would send someone into her life to let her know that someone else could love her because the "bad guy" made her believe that he would be the only one to. God answered my prayer and I thank him for it. Brad is in the military but should not go out of the states as he has had back surgery. The wedding was so beautiful. It was like watching an Officer and a Gentlemen.
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 10/5/2009 11:39:52 PM
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DebD
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Joined: 8/5/2009
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After being married for 22 years what I strongly recommend is that you read the book, The Man of Her Dreams / The Woman of His and have your fiance' to agree to abide by the biblical principles found specifically in scripture about the HUSBAND agape-loving his WIFE (he is told 5 times in scripture to agape-love his wife), to live with understanding with her, to honor her, to mutually submit to her (Eph 5:21)... when he initiates all of this love and life in her, she cannot help but respond with respect and love for him. If he is truly agape-loving you, he will never require submission. "Head" does not mean boss, NOR does scripture say he is to lead her --- for Romans 12 is for both men/women Believers as to "ruling" -- This intense love (of agape-love and understanding from husband to the wife who then responds with love and respect) makes for wonderful intimacy in the bedroom.
---mutual honor, mutual submission, mutual respect ---
www.MinistrytoMarriage.com My husband finally is agape-loving me and we are becoming a very happy couple (and all that includes) :)
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 10/8/2009 7:26:32 PM
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angelfire123
Posts: 4
Joined: 10/8/2009
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I tell you now if God does not put a marriage for you together it will not work. I know that for a fact. My Husband and I have been married for 22yrs , we have had our ups and downs but we have always been able to reconcile with one another. I look at it this way he is responisible for what he does and how he does it in our marriage just like I am. At the time that we were married we both had accepted the Lord. The Lord is the one that put us together. I really think you should ask God to find you a mate a saved one though. Let the Lord know what you desire. Just because it does not happen right away does not mean that it will not. My husband and I get along fine we both love the Lord we just try and live the way the Lord would have us to live. You cannot just marry anyone just because you think they are right for you. Because alot of times that does not work. You marry them and they totally change,you then see the real side of them . So be careful.
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 10/19/2009 12:32:12 AM
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m4maggie
Posts: 1159
Joined: 12/11/2008
From: I... AM...CANADIAN!
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marriage is a full time job where each day is different and full of it's own challenges.
I too married an unbeliever, but to be fair, I was one too when we got married. We're on our third year of marriage and despite everything we've gone through, I couldn't imagine not being with my hubby. He's always been my number one fan I'm very very lucky to have him However, I'd be one big ol' liar if I said I felt like that everyday! some days we drive each other nuts!! LOL
Best part is.. we know each other inside and out... and like each other anyways!! LOL
I think.. it's communication, mutual respect of each others foibles and differences, and working together to find a happy medium. Aside from being a parent, it's one of the most rewarding and toughest jobs out there!
I wouldn't look at being single as a bad thing. It gives you the chance to not only know yourself, but to know what you want in a life partner. What a lot of people forget is that marriage is for life.. Not until you're tired of arguing or you "think you've found something better".
I won't lie to you though.. it's not always a honeymoon. I think every couple has bad periods in their marriage when tension, kids, and outside influences get the better of them, but that is normal. That is life. But to say that marriage is easy and that 's it's one big fairy tale is a ridiculous notion.. that's like saying you never argue with your parents. LOL
Ultimately though, it's not the marriage itself that's the hard part. The hard part is finding that person with who you WANT to and who deserves to share your life on earth with.
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" I don't question your existence" - God
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 10/26/2009 2:02:28 AM
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michele_erin
Posts: 180
Joined: 5/8/2006
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Well, since you asked :) --- when I was single all my women friends were making their "lists" of what they wanted in a potential mate, and I remember thinking "hmm, maybe I should do that too." Then it occurred to me, doesn't God already know who my potential mate is? And God knows what I need best far better than I do -- so I submitted my will to God's will, and just asked not for the big list of things that I thought I wanted (I never made the list btw), but asked that since God knew what I needed, I wasn't going to tell Him what I needed, but just asked that He make it clear and obvious who He wanted my husband to be, and I was open to whomever he brought my way. Always prayerful of anyone who might ask me out.
So my now husband and I met in 2004. He was a client, and I wouldn't date him for that reason, but he didn't know that. He asked me out in May 05 -- I at first said yes, then three days later, said no because he was a client. I figured by the time he wasn't a client, he would have lost interest. In the meantime, I kept pursuing the Lord and things of the Lord. All the while, my husband was praying that if it was the Lord's will that He would make it happen. My husband was a patient man I tell ya!
So when he finally was no longer a client, he asked me out. I told him that I would need to pray about it and would get back to him. I figured that would either scare him off, but if he was okay with it then....hmmm... maybe. So the Lord gave me the ok, and we went and had coffee. Come to find out after several dates like that my husband was praying the same prayer. "God if this is not your will, please close this door." Whoa nellie! Prior to our dates, we continued to be friends, and we were involved in many of the same church activities, so I got to see him in many different surroundings, how he was with people, see that he had a life besides me, see that he had friends (godly wonderful friends), see how he was with kids, etc. This was definitely foundational.
I remember the exact moment that I realized I was in love with him, it was the same moment that he realized it too. We were at a Jazz restaurant, having the time of our life, he had that sparkle in his eye, and I remember looking at him across the table and thinking "I love him." Four months after that he proposed to me, and we were married 8 months after that (upon recommendation of our pastor because of our children), which was fine. We did a book study by Lee and Les Parrott (think that's their names) as part of our pre-marital counseling. We also saved ourselves for our wedding night.
Let me tell you -- it was worth the wait. No it hasn't always been easy, but no relationship is always easy, but if you put God at the center of it and you both seek Him, it makes a huge difference. God has truly blessed our marriage in more ways than I have time to write about. My husband is a kind, gentle, big teddy bear, strong, patient, plus many other qualities. For me it wasn't love at first sight -- not because of him, but because of me and past abusive relationships, and the ability to always choose the "wrong" guy. This time I opted for the "nice guy" and it is so worth it!
Again, no its not always easy, but if you get a good, godly man, chosen and approved by our Heavenly Father -- He is the best at choosing and knows exactly what you need. The man the Lord brings you may not come in the "package" you are expecting, but just remember that God does know you and He knows your future hubs, and He knows what you both need.
God bless you and all the best to you! Love, Michele
< Message edited by michele_erin -- 10/26/2009 2:10:35 AM >
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 11/19/2009 11:31:46 PM
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Blessed1ofGod
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/19/2009
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I couldn't agree with this more. Excellent way to put it. I'm going on ten years and marriage is work. You have to work to keep it interesting and going. sparks don't fly on their own. and if you get too use to each other communication becomes dry and unnatural. My husband and I seem to be going through a dry spell. But I love him so much sometimes I can't breathe. I mean I would never trade him for the world or anyone else. I truly love him, so I'm patiently waiting and consistently working to keep it going. I will admit it feels as though I am the only one working on it.
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RE: Single lady wanting honest feedback about marriage - 12/1/2009 1:44:08 PM
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heremainsfaithful
Posts: 1137
Joined: 10/14/2009
From: Alabama
Status: offline
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My H and I have been married 15 years, and it would take too long to chart our whole journey. Our marriage has truly been tested, but it has survived. We love and are committed to each other.
I knew his 7 years before we got married, some of that time as friends and some dating, so we were comfortable in many ways even before we said I Do. We are one of those seemingly rare couples where I seem more interested in the physical side than he is. No indictment against him, that's just how we are. But he loves me and knows my needs, so he is very giving. Likewise, I struggle being a "neat person." But I know order is important to him, so going outside what comes "naturally" to me is a given. These issues - for a time - were a huge wedge between us because we didn't talk lovingly about it. Talking, it sounds so simple. Now, however, total honesty is a rule. I don't mean that H says, "Boy you're having a bad hair day." I mean, "I felt hurt when you said so-and-so," or "I need so-and-so from you." You'd be amazed what a difference it made. See, I had been taught that seeking to get any needs met anywhere but God meant we weren't depending on him. It sounds spiritual, but I didn't think about the fact that maybe God was going to USE my husband or use me in that regard. So I didn't ask. I just wondered why I wasn't spiritual enough to stop being lonely.
I cannot imagine life without my H. He is amazing in so many ways, and even though at this moment in time we are facing some struggles, I know that I know that I know that he is God's man for me.
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Jer. 29:11, II Tim. 2:13, Jude 24, 25
https://www2.xlibris.com/bookstore/bookdisplay.aspx?bookid=58896
Eihstein's IQ may be higher than mine, but God's IQ is higher than anyone's.
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