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My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/28/2009 11:00:13 PM
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YungWife
Posts: 8
Joined: 5/12/2009
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Like the other day my doctor said I could be induced if i wanted to next week if the baby doesn't come. (I really want to have the baby natural so induction isn't what i want at all unless its medically needed.)He said me could either do it on Monday or Tuesday, so then my husband asks what the dates are for those days and I told him that Monday is the 1st and Tues. is the 2nd. Then he goes "NO because I don't want him to come on your brothers birthday!" So my doctor says we could do it on Friday if we want, so then my husband is like yeah lets do that. I felt pressured by my husband to do it so I agreed, but it weighed heavy on my heart all day because there was no important reason for me to get induced and put my baby at risk and increase my risk of having to get a c section just because of a birthday issue. So I finally told him how I felt about it later and he got really mad and tried to make me feel guilty about feeling how i feel. And then he was talking about how he already called everyone to let them know about the induction. So then we argued even more then he told me to do whatever I wanted. So I prayed about it that night and today I called and canceled the induction. Now hes mad because I actually canceled it and didn't tell him i was going to actually do it. but even if i would have told him he would got mad at me all over again and we would've argued AGAIN and I really don't have the energy for it. I'm just like really tired of all of this fighting. He said that he doesn't care how I feel about it, I should care about how he feels, and I do care but he doesn't care about how I ultimately have to go through the pain of labor, not him. It's not fair for him to tell me when I need to have the baby **Also his mother has a problem with me canceling my induction too which is funny to me because I told her all the risks involved and she acted like it didn't matter, but when I was in the process of having a home birth she was against it because of the "risks" involved. I have no support from my husband or his family and that really upsets me.
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/28/2009 11:07:57 PM
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LovingDaughter
Posts: 32
Joined: 5/28/2009
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Honestly! The MAIN thing here is your health and the health of the baby. Do what is best for both of you, with the sound advice of your Doctor. If you feel the need, consult with another Doctor even this late in the game. This is nothing to be arguing about and your sure don't need to be all stressed out. Sounds like your husband is only thinking of himself and I can't imagine a man doing that. This is the time for you to take care of you and that precious bundle that you are carrying. Be firm and tell everybody else that this is your decision - your body and you are thinking of the best for the baby.
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 7:02:27 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3556
Joined: 4/12/2005
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{{{{hugs}}}}
This is difficult. Are there other problems in your marriage? Because it's difficult for me to imagine a husband behaving like this *only* in this one situation. 
A couple of things:
1. His mother has no say. None. Don't even bother with her. 
2. The most important thing is that you and the baby end up alive, and preferably in very good shape. This means the decision cannot be based on anyone's convenience (yours, your husband's, the doctor's), but on what is medically best.
3. While I believe in submission to one's husband, when a husband for his own convenience wants his wife and baby to be shouldered with unnecessary risk, there is a problem.
4. Don't fight about it. Seriously. You are hugely pregnant, hormonally crazed, and the stress isn't good for you. Don't engage in arguments with him. Love on him, speak respectfully to him, but don't participate in arguments, and don't allow him to pick a fight with you.
5. Nobody, but nobody, can force you to undergo medical treatment that is unnecessary, particularly one that carries it's own risks. That includes your husband. It is your legal right to make that choice. If you are going to do what your husband wants you to, make sure that it is *your* choice and you are willing to accept the consequences of it without punishing him for the rest of your marriage. Otherwise, don't do it.
Now, for clarity, the doctor *offered* an induction, but there is *no* medical indication for one? If that's so, then you are perfectly right to be concerned about the risks, since they would be taken unnecessarily. Your body is not a machine or a toy to be played with for the sake of convenience, nor is your baby.
Lest someone think i'm on a natural birth tear  , I would say the very same thing if a baby was in trouble but the husband didn't want an induction to happen because it would interfere with a party he'd already planned, or if the unduction date was inauspicious according to the zodiac or something. There is something very, very wrong with this husband and his family.  He sounds childish and manipulative and YungWife, when the baby is here and things have settled down a little, please, please get some Godly counsel and help for your marriage. 
_____________________________
 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 10:04:26 AM
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YungWife
Posts: 8
Joined: 5/12/2009
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Yeah there seems to be so many problems arising in our marriage these days. I'm really sick of it. I try my best to be supportive and submissive to my husband but, he makes it really hard for me to do that. Like when we argued yesterday and I was telling him how this is my body and our baby and I feel that I need to make the best decision for us, he got in my face and starting yelling at me while I was still talking, then he starts to tell me to shut up and that I will respect him when hes talking to me...I'm like are you serious, I have given him respect when he was talking, but that was my turn to talk and he talked over me. Yeah I have other family to support me, but of course to him it looks like I'm biased towards my family in which I'm not at all. Anytime he's felt like my parents or another family member made him feel a certain way I took heed for it. But whenever his Mother in particular or his friends, or family make me feel a certain way, I'm wrong for it. I am going to seek some Godly counseling after I have this baby, because this is just ridiculous. I mean he made me sleep alone in our room last night because he is so upset. I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve this. Why am I being punished by my husband like this, I thought he was supposed to be my biggest supporter during pregnancy, but instead he's made my pregnancy feel like pure hell from the beginning to end.
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 10:31:44 AM
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laura...
Posts: 3281
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From: NE Ohio
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quote:
I mean he made me sleep alone in our room last night because he is so upset. I feel like I didn't do anything to deserve this. Why am I being punished by my husband like this, I thought he was supposed to be my biggest supporter during pregnancy, but instead he's made my pregnancy feel like pure hell from the beginning to end.
If he were my husband he'd be sleeping, eating and living alone for a very long time.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 11:14:09 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3556
Joined: 4/12/2005
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So this is more than just the pregnancy. I figured.
Listen, *he* chose to sulk and sleep alone. One of the best things you can do is not let his childish behaviors get under your skin. When he does that, don't be begging and pleading for his affection, because he's a bully and that is his goal, to get you grovelling. So don't do it. Enjoy having the whole bed to yourself and get a good sleep.
And again, don't bother fighting. It's pointless, and with people like him, it just fuels the bullying. Say what you must say once, and then you are done. He can argue with the air if he wants to, but you give him a hug and a kiss, a beautiful smile, and then walk away. If he tells you to shut up, your response should be something along the lines of "That is not an appropriate or Godly way to speak to me. I'd love to discuss this with you, but I will wait until you are willing to speak kindly and hear my side of it". And then you walk away. Do not let him draw you into a debate.
The other thing you can do is get complete control of your emotions and not make *any* argument or *any* decisions based on "feelings". Who cares about his mother or his friends? If they're ignorant or ridiculous, there is no reason you should feel bad. Look at it rationally. If your MIL says something awful, don't allow it to matter to you because you already know what kind of a person she is and you know that she can call you any name in the book and it has absolutely no bearing on your character or value.
I know that both these things--not arguing and controlling your emotions--are very, very hard, especially when you are pregnant. But they will work soooo much better for you than trying to fight fire with fire. And you will not be nearly as stressed. Turn your heart toward God for the love and affirmation you need. Let the knowledge that He loves you and that you are his precious daughter fill you with peace so that you do not need to fight with the man you married or play into his manipulations.
_____________________________
Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 11:19:17 AM
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5blessings4me
Posts: 125
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
So this is more than just the pregnancy. I figured.
Listen, *he* chose to sulk and sleep alone. One of the best things you can do is not let his childish behaviors get under your skin. When he does that, don't be begging and pleading for his affection, because he's a bully and that is his goal, to get you grovelling. So don't do it. Enjoy having the whole bed to yourself and get a good sleep.
And again, don't bother fighting. It's pointless, and with people like him, it just fuels the bullying. Say what you must say once, and then you are done. He can argue with the air if he wants to, but you give him a hug and a kiss, a beautiful smile, and then walk away. If he tells you to shut up, your response should be something along the lines of "That is not an appropriate or Godly way to speak to me. I'd love to discuss this with you, but I will wait until you are willing to speak kindly and hear my side of it". And then you walk away. Do not let him draw you into a debate.
The other thing you can do is get complete control of your emotions and not make *any* argument or *any* decisions based on "feelings". Who cares about his mother or his friends? If they're ignorant or ridiculous, there is no reason you should feel bad. Look at it rationally. If your MIL says something awful, don't allow it to matter to you because you already know what kind of a person she is and you know that she can call you any name in the book and it has absolutely no bearing on your character or value.
I know that both these things--not arguing and controlling your emotions--are very, very hard, especially when you are pregnant. But they will work soooo much better for you than trying to fight fire with fire. And you will not be nearly as stressed. Turn your heart toward God for the love and affirmation you need. Let the knowledge that He loves you and that you are his precious daughter fill you with peace so that you do not need to fight with the man you married or play into his manipulations.
great advice :)
_____________________________
5 blessings = 1 wonderful husband and 3 wonderful little girls and 1 new baby on the way!
Our Bouncy Baby!
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 1:28:47 PM
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sharonjef2007
Posts: 2278
Joined: 4/10/2007
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Do you like to read? There is a great book called "Boundries in Marriage." It is authored by Cloud and Townsend I believe. Anywho...it is a fantastic book and may give you some great insight on how to proceed with your husband. Since this is not just about the pregnancy but his general attitute toward you, it won't go away once baby is born.
_____________________________
my blog......Picture This.......
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 5/29/2009 3:25:27 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
A couple of things:
1. His mother has no say. None. Don't even bother with her.
2. The most important thing is that you and the baby end up alive, and preferably in very good shape. This means the decision cannot be based on anyone's convenience (yours, your husband's, the doctor's), but on what is medically best.
3. While I believe in submission to one's husband, when a husband for his own convenience wants his wife and baby to be shouldered with unnecessary risk, there is a problem.
4. Don't fight about it. Seriously. You are hugely pregnant, hormonally crazed, and the stress isn't good for you. Don't engage in arguments with him. Love on him, speak respectfully to him, but don't participate in arguments, and don't allow him to pick a fight with you.
5. Nobody, but nobody, can force you to undergo medical treatment that is unnecessary, particularly one that carries it's own risks. That includes your husband. It is your legal right to make that choice. If you are going to do what your husband wants you to, make sure that it is *your* choice and you are willing to accept the consequences of it without punishing him for the rest of your marriage. Otherwise, don't do it.
I agree.  Yungwife, you've gotten some good advice here so I won't have much to add.
quote:
If he were my husband he'd be sleeping, eating and living alone for a very long time.
I agree with this too because if the stress doesn't let up you might want to consider moving in with family or friends so that you will be well taken care of while you approach the birthing experience and also while you are in recovery. Sometimes no matter what you do or don't do, the other person will continue to create an unbearable atmosphere. If that's the case it might be best to remove yourself from the situation until you reach a point where you are less vulnerable and/or he gets his act together.
My husband wasn't very supportive at all throughout my first pregnancy so my mother ended up staying with us for a little while. Sadly, after our son was born he just got worse so I chose to stay with my parents for a while. I can understand a little of what you're going through.  (Thankfully my husband is a changed man now. I hope and pray that yours will be too one day.)
Bottom line is you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Do what's best for the two of you.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Sending a cyber hug your way.....(((((Yungwife)))))
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 7/8/2009 3:02:48 PM
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Hazel2
Posts: 482
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I will say that pregnancy brings out some of the lesser side of my husband ... he is not the bundle of sensitive, nurturing support that I need at this time. I adore him but also recognize his shortcomings. I'm not sure if it makes you feel any better to know you are not alone in failing to find the ideal companion for pregnancy in your husband. I kind of break things up a bit ... complaining to friends, getting advice from family, soliciting physical comforting from my husband ("I need a hug!").
I hope you got it all sorted out with the induction versus not. I think your thinking is good on the issue and it is truly YOUR decision. Submissiveness is important, but it is hard to see how it must be the top priority in this instance. Your good judgement concerning your health and your baby's health needs to prevail. Don't let him guilt you into things!
_____________________________
Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
"Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great battle" Plato
I sometimes blog at defrazzled.blogspot.com
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RE: My husband is mad because I dont want to be induced!!! - 7/11/2009 1:14:28 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1650
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Praying for you, your marriage and your little one.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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