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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 2:04:25 PM
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Krislynx
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We recently seem to be on an upturn with Josh's behavior, but it has been a while getting here. It was really bad last spring and in the early summer, got better for a while and then tanked again a couple of months ago. It really does seem to be an age related thing. And he is ultra clingy these days too. A couple of weeks ago I said "I don't want you on my lap" and for the rest of the day he kept crawling up on me saying "mama want me, mama want Josh?" Nearly broke my heart. He is cuddling a lot and asking for lots of hugs right now too. I don't know if that is just an age/phase thing or if it is reaction to our doing stuff to get ready for the baby.
Kris
ETA: Josh teeths the exact opposite - one at a time and they take forever. He does the crazy poop thing too, but only just as they cut fortunately.
< Message edited by Krislynx -- 10/28/2009 2:11:40 PM >
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 3:38:22 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3531
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
Ruth, it is definitely the age. I can tell you what I do if you want me to. (It's long to type out and I don't want to if you don't want me to)
Since you've BTDT, I'm certainly willing to listen to your advice, but I don't want to take a lot of your time. I know it's precious.
I'm not proud of the parenting job I did today. At least I learned a few lessons, and I hope to improve tomorrow!
_____________________________
Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 3:49:04 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 877
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ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
I'm not proud of the parenting job I did today.
Unfortunately I've had a number of those lately.
Kris
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 4:18:10 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
Since you've BTDT, I'm certainly willing to listen to your advice, but I don't want to take a lot of your time. I know it's precious.
lol...today it's fine. Done with school, and the kids are quietly doing their thing or watching Nemo.
What we do for fit throwing or whining is this....
*tell them in a calm voice (I know, hard to do sometimes, but practicing helps!!) "I don't listen to ___, when you are ready to talk to me I will gladly listen".
*remove them from your personal space...either to the other side of the room, or to another room, or you just walk away so they aren't right at your feet
*if they follow, repeat the above.
when there is a break in their fit/whine fest, ask if they are ready to talk. If they continue to scream/whine, say "OK, well when you are done, let me know so I can talk to you" and again remove them from your space by moving them or walking away.
If they get physical (which some kids, esp boys, tend to do), I will put them in another room and not let them stay in the room with me. Sometimes it takes moving them a hundred times, but they will eventually get it.
If I am nursing and they are at me and I can't get up, I will guide them away or to the floor with my foot...not pushing them, just guiding them so they aren't in my face.
The important thing is to ignore all their hoopla...just tone it out. When you hear a break, ask if they are done, but other then that, don't respond to them...no talking (other then the initial "When you finish I will talk" thing), no yelling, no staring at them, no holding them down, etc. Just ignore them. This is hard, but really once you get into the habit of ignoring it, it will become so much easier for you to accomplish. They want your attention, and they have to learn that they will get your attention when they are acting appropriately.
When they are ready to talk, don't dwell on the past. Just say "Are you ready to talk now?", and if they act/say they are, go on with your talking. If they relapse, start over with the top^.
With some kids it takes a long time to get past that and into this next stage, but some pick up on it rather easily.
With the next stage, you get much needed relief. AHHHHHHHH......Emma is in this now!!!! (she was my worst whiner!!! Jack was the worst at throwing fits...he is still working on it, not quite to this yet all the time, but working on it).
Now with Emma all I have to say is "I don't understand whine" and she will try to dry it up. If she needs to cry a bit, she knows to go to another room (sometimes I have to say for her to go to another room until she is ready to talk).
_____________________________
Proud to be...  
The LAW presses from the outside to conform. GRACE calls to the inside to change.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 6:21:48 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 5550
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Why must we walk around wailing and not tell me what is the matter? Sometimes I understand why people lock their kids in a closet. 
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 9:14:16 PM
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Krislynx
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We had two interesting potty type events lately. Last night I took Josh's diaper off and realized I didn't have the wipes - he was just wet but I like to make sure he is wiped down good anyway. So I asked him to go get the wipes, just a few feet away and I didn't reattach the diaper. He goes over, looks around (they are literally at his feet) and pees on the floor. I hand the diaper to him and send him to Mark while I clean up the floor. Totally annoyed, but can't blame him, this one is on mama. He says to Mark "Daddy, I peep on floor." We ask why he peed on the floor and his response "I squeeze water out mine pen*s". It sounds like maybe he did it on purpose or at least tried what he thought might work and it did. Tonight I am cooking dinner and he is standing there having a lot of smelly gas and I ask if he needs to poop. He says no and I ask if he wants to try the potty seat and he says no again. Then about 2 minutes later he says "I go bathroom mineself". He isn't allowed to go in there alone right now so I asked him why and he said he wanted to go potty. I nearly leaped out of the chair and followed him. We get in there, he picks up his potty seat and puts it on the toilet and takes off his pants - something he normally won't do. He'll sit on the potty/seat in just a diaper if that is all he has one but he won't take anything off. I start taking off his diaper and all he says is that he wants to keep his shirt on. I get him on the seat and he grunts etc and says "I going now". He didn't but I think he tried and just had a lot of gas. So I'm thinking he might be getting ready to potty train soon. I hope it is either really soon or he holds off for quite a while, I would rather do 2 in diapers for a bit than have him be half trained or just there when the baby comes. I think that will be quite enough adjusting for all of us!
Kris
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 9:40:46 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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We are getting to the same point, Kris.
Gabby is getting rather good at knowing she needs to poo, but she hasn't figured out the pee thing yet. She hasn't had any "dirty" diapers today, she's made it to the toilet both times but she has wet. She just ran up grabbing her crotch because she peed. Oh, and we have 2 potty chairs but she only wants to use the toilet. She just perches herself up there and leans on the seat.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 9:57:32 PM
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Krislynx
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We do have a plastic potty, but it is a very small, simple one. It is probably too small for him. Right now he seems happy to use the potty seat - it is a Cars one that he picked out a few months ago. Whenever he is willing to sit on the potty we give him a choice and right now he picks the seat. I do need to work on getting him to climb up on his own though. I think if he has more control over the situation he'll do better. We've been "going with the flow" for a while now! Definitely letting him set his own pace. If I ever get the washer fixed I am planning on getting some regular cotton training pants and giving them a try.
The more I think about it I am convinced that he tried to pee last night and did it on purpose. Not to pee on the floor and make a mess but to see if it would work. A couple of weeks ago he peed in the tub and was all excited that "water came out mine pen*s". Then last night he "squeezed" it out - so maybe he recognized a similar feeling and tried to make it happen. That would be good. Assuming I can convince him to use the potty and not the living room floor!
When I said really soon before I was thinking like within 4-6 weeks, but if he decides that the last week of January is his time, we'll go for that too. I don't want to hold him back if he is ready, just like I don't want to push too hard either. So we'll just keep on encouraging him and see what happens.
Kris
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/28/2009 10:57:43 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 877
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We have a step stool for the sink, but it might actually be too high for the toilet. I think tomorrow I'll try turning it and see if just the bottom step would work for the toilet.
Kris
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 10:22:11 AM
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Brandy
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From: Dallas
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He could want more attention, or control. Food control can be huge in kids. As long as he sits there and you don't take it away, to him he's in control. When you leave or take it away, poof control is gone.
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~Brandy
Our world of us.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 10:28:13 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3531
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Control could definitely be a big part of it. We're having a lot of issues with Nathan right now; it feels like they're coming to fast and furious.
And yet he seems to crave my love and approval all the more. He wants lots of hugs and kisses (which he gets) even after a big punishment. I think sometimes he's almost as bewildered as I am, and maybe he wonders if I still love him when he's bad.
_____________________________
Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 10:40:58 AM
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Brandy
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From: Dallas
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Do you tell him you love him even when he's been bad?
I have a good friend with a few kids under 6 and she makes sure to explain the misdeed and also end the convo with telling them that she loves them even when they are being naughty.
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~Brandy
Our world of us.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 10:44:40 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3632
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Ruth, how much structured play time are you guys doing? I've found with Gabby that her behavior is better when I have a structured more learning focused play time for her during the day. We do sorting, crafts, reading, etc... basically anything from the right age group from a Montessori playschool book that I have.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 11:01:10 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 4861
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Brandy
He could want more attention, or control. Food control can be huge in kids. As long as he sits there and you don't take it away, to him he's in control. When you leave or take it away, poof control is gone.
I would definitely lean towards this being the thing...at his age it is normal for him to want more control over some things, and for some kids food is it.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Ruth, how much structured play time are you guys doing? I've found with Gabby that her behavior is better when I have a structured more learning focused play time for her during the day. We do sorting, crafts, reading, etc... basically anything from the right age group from a Montessori playschool book that I have.
I definitely agree with this too!!! What kind of toys do you have for his age or above? Maybe he needs more time with you, maybe he needs to be more stimulated in his play, maybe he just needs a hand to get through this change in life for him. I know you would love for them to nap at the same time, so you can get stuff done or get a break...but maybe you should think about having "boy time" when Beth is down...do crafts, or beading, or puzzles...anything BIG BOYish...not something he could do on his own.
_____________________________
Proud to be...
The LAW presses from the outside to conform. GRACE calls to the inside to change.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 11:01:50 AM
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Brandy
Posts: 1779
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From: Dallas
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which book Ryanne?
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~Brandy
Our world of us.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 11:12:58 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3632
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Teaching Montessori in the Home
Montessori Play and Learn
Both are really good with tons of great ideas.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 12:38:45 PM
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SurpassingPeace
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Ruth, I find it very helpful to take Hannah out for girl time. I leave Logan with daddy or my mom and off we go. That way she has some time she doesn't have to share me.
Karen
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 1:21:49 PM
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Sideways
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Yeah, Nathan goes out with daddy all the time, but it's rare that he goes out with just mommy. Beth is eating enough solids that she doesn't need me within arms reach all the time.
Nathan and I colored and painted together during Beth's late morning nap, and we had a great time. He only knows a few letters, but he kept asking me to write out people's names. It went well. I usually like to do chores during Beth's nap, especially ones like cleaning the bathroom, but I'll try to fit it all in somehow.
He was still a pill during playtime outside with Beth, but at least we had a few nice moments earlier. Thanks for the book links, Ryanne. I really would like to do more enrichment activities with him.
All 3 of us are heading out soon. It's a pretty day.
_____________________________
Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
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RE: Baby Chat 6! - 10/29/2009 10:11:59 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 1437
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I spend all day long with Hannah so it took me a bit to realize she needed alone time with me, but she really does. Monday we are going to story time, just us girls. She really shares me so well for the most part but today she was feeling a little puny. She came up to me with Logan on my lap and said rather tearfully, "No, no brother. My mommy. My mommy." I was able to have some cuddle play time with her but we are definately due for a girls date.
Karen
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