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Anne-girl is back! - 3/18/2009 3:30:40 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wherever I am
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Hey everybody! Long time no... post!
I'm back for the first time in... wow, a few years! The trouble is... I don't know where anybody is hanging out anymore! So if you know me (or hey, even if you don't), stop in and say hello.
And if you hang out in Singles, if there's still a chatter thread going there, someone please point me in the right direction. I'm married now, but I'd love to see if any of the old gang are still around.
I don't really have any more time than I did when I stopped coming, but I've decided it's time to come back. Let's just say I may need someone to talk to now and then... and Crosswalk is a great place for that.
(((((hugs))))))
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/18/2009 4:49:29 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
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It occurs to me that I posted my main news in Women's only, and not everybody who knows me might read that.
Anyhow. My main news is that I had a miscarriage in February at 19 weeks. I've been having a particularly rough week, between a friend's baby shower, and the beginning of spring, which you'd think would make me happy. Maybe I'm sad because I'm happy. I don't know.
It's OK if you haven't any idea what to say, but I needed to say it, and I find myself needing to talk about it more, not less, as the days go by. Perhaps because, as the days go by, the people I run into on a daily basis aren't as aware that it's something I'm still struggling with.
Maybe that's a lot to heap on folks who haven't seen me in ages, but what do you do?
More later... must run to catch my bus!
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/18/2009 5:34:03 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 3167
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
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We've always called you by your first name, so I'll say it first ... ((Jen))
I am so sorry for your loss.
I think of you every time I sing a Veggie Tales song!
If you're on Facebook, PM me ... I'm one of Darcie's friends ...
And you have no idea how many times your name has come up in the Reunion thread....
< Message edited by ladioffaith -- 3/18/2009 6:49:09 PM >
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 6:16:27 AM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4851
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quote:
My main news is that I had a miscarriage in February at 19 weeks.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I think many people don't realize how traumatic it is for a mom to lose her child before she's even seen it. I will be praying for you.
Welcome back!
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 9:31:14 AM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
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Facebook? What's that?  I'm not on it yet... the reason I left CW in the first place was that it got so addictive it was interfering with my work... so Facebook can wait until I have more spare time to get hooked on it (although I do hear the novelty wears off).
I have thought about everybody here often... and I think if I'd come back to say hello as often as I had thought of you, I wouldn't be such a stranger!
The weird thing about this loss is that... well, I did see her. A late miscarriage is a lot like a stillbirth. I held her, and we named her Hope. We even had a funeral. There's this odd detached part of me that looks at it from that perspective and says... wow, how melodramatic. But it was what we needed; esp DH, who didn't really get to say hello until he said goodbye.
A month and a half later... I'm doing OK. Better than I expected, in fact. I had a tremendously weepy day yesterday, and Sunday, but I expected every day to be like that. Instead, I'm finding out that it's every few days. It's just that now the grief is less specific... I just feel generally sad, instead of sad about something specific.
My church community is incredibly supportive. I remember that when my grandparents died, my mother was always very weepy at church. Nobody ever knew what to do with that. At my church... they just let me cry, and listen to me. My church community is awesome.
And yes, my real name is safe. I just keep forgetting to add it... I should update my signature!
Jen
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 12:40:31 PM
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dsfuva
Posts: 2611
Joined: 8/25/2005
From: Virginia
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(((((Jen)))))
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
I remember you from my early days at CW. I mostly hung out in Singles the first couple of years I was here, and then began posting as often in PFY as I did in Singles. I've curtailed my participation at CW over the last year or so for a number of reasons.
I wonder what's happened to other folks who posted at Singles in my early days here? I've been thinking about SingingMama recently. She was going through some very difficult times the last I heard.
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 2:09:10 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
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I hung out mostly in Computers 101/ABC thread, which was the chat threads that started up way back in the early days (01 or so if I recall correctly); I can't remember if she used to post in that thread but I remember her too. There's a lot of us folks who still check in there even though we're married. I guess we get a grandfather clause.
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 3:14:14 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 3167
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
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Yup ... and married people can pop in there every once in a while as long as they don't start a revolt and take over the place. Kind of like adults posting in teens.
Jen ... your post made me a little sad thinking of this song:
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
For we know this goodbye is not the end ....
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 4:42:53 PM
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AlwaysR8chel
Posts: 4406
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From: Indiexas :P
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........... ((((((((Jen!)))))))))
Weepy days are good.... in an odd sort of way!
Good to see you back again!
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 8:43:30 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
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Rachel! Good to see you.
I don't think I've ever heard that song, Diane, although a quick search tells me it's by SCC. I'll have to check it out.
It's funny... we had been planning on using saint names for our kids. DH's family is Orthodox (but he's allergic to insense so we don't go to an Orthodox church), and their tradition is to give children a saint name, often from the day they are born. When we named her, it just fit... that, and using the name of a living relative didn't really seem like the best idea!
Well, it turns out that Hope is a saint who was martyred in childhood. So I think it's a particularly fitting name for her. If you're curious, here's a link to her story (be warned--saints' deaths are gruesome!).
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~Finding Nemo
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/19/2009 9:05:48 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4851
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quote:
I held her, and we named her Hope. We even had a funeral.
I'm so glad you got to do that.
quote:
I just feel generally sad, instead of sad about something specific.
Have you seen a doctor about this? You may need a bit of help from an anti-depressant to help you move forward.
quote:
At my church... they just let me cry, and listen to me. My church community is awesome.
Awesome!
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/20/2009 6:31:30 AM
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Darcyjo
Posts: 11998
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From: Sunny NC!
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I'm glad you have a church that seems to understand grief, hon. That can make all the difference in the world.
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/20/2009 9:57:14 AM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
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I actually haven't considered whether I need anti-depressants. It's probably a good idea to keep it in mind... it's only been a month and a half, and I have the occasional hard day every week or so, so I figure this is about normal for a grieving process. I think it would be more useful to me to go to a support group if I find the grief is hard to process.
I think my church has learned about grief the hard way. A year and a half ago, a woman who was quite prominently involved in leadership at our church died in a car accident. She was survived by her husband, and a one-year-old son. Because she was so involved, everybody grieved... it's still very fresh for many people, and I think that makes it easier for people to identify with others who have suffered a loss. Also, because we had already announced that we were expecting, and were well out of the "danger zone" of the first trimester, everybody who had gotten excited for us also grieved with us.
One of my comforts is that if my baby had to die, I sort of see her as someone my friend in heaven could mother. I figure that even in heaven, we probably know we are separated from those we love... so I've asked God if she can look out for my baby for me. Theologically correct? Probably not even remotely so. But I don't think God minds too much.
Today I am thankful for some good news. One of my colleagues just had his second baby yesterday.  It was a scheduled c-section and he was very nervous, so I am glad to hear that all went well. I'm also thankful that I am beyond feeling envious of pregnant people, or people who've had babies... mostly I just really, really want to hear that their babies are doing well. I guess it gives me hope for my future.
_____________________________
"Mine?"
~Finding Nemo
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/21/2009 12:51:47 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 16578
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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Hi Jen, one of the spice girls is back!
I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage! 
In lighter news it is good to see you back here as well! 
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/23/2009 10:35:45 PM
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cherish405
Posts: 32134
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
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quote:
ORIGINAL: anne-girl
I have thought about everybody here often... and I think if I'd come back to say hello as often as I had thought of you, I wouldn't be such a stranger!
The weird thing about this loss is that... well, I did see her. A late miscarriage is a lot like a stillbirth. I held her, and we named her Hope. We even had a funeral. There's this odd detached part of me that looks at it from that perspective and says... wow, how melodramatic. But it was what we needed; esp DH, who didn't really get to say hello until he said goodbye.
A month and a half later... I'm doing OK. Better than I expected, in fact. I had a tremendously weepy day yesterday, and Sunday, but I expected every day to be like that. Instead, I'm finding out that it's every few days. It's just that now the grief is less specific... I just feel generally sad, instead of sad about something specific.
My church community is incredibly supportive. I remember that when my grandparents died, my mother was always very weepy at church. Nobody ever knew what to do with that. At my church... they just let me cry, and listen to me. My church community is awesome.
Jen
(((((((((((((((((((((JEN))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so glad that your church is letting you grieve. You really need that. And we don't mind that you talk about Hope, or the way that you're feeling. That's important too. So talk away. As much or as little as you need to.
I'm glad you got to hold her. That'll always be something you'll remember.
I'm glad you had a funeral for her too.
I'd wondered about antidepressants as well. Just something to keep in the back of your mind as an option if you need them.
_____________________________
From this time forth, with the powers vested in me, this post serves as public notice of the issuance of one unrevocable lisence to cherish405 to have special dispensation in the matter of drive-by huggings as she sees fit. ~rayofson~
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/24/2009 6:36:52 AM
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Darcyjo
Posts: 11998
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From: Sunny NC!
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If you need meds, then take them. But you might just need time. Do you have a counselor you can see, even for a short time?
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/24/2009 12:31:26 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wherever I am
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quote:
I'd wondered about antidepressants as well. Just something to keep in the back of your mind as an option if you need them.
It's definitely something I will keep in mind. There is a tendency towards depression in my family, and I did have an undiagnosed round of depression a few years ago.
I have thought about doing counselling; there's a perinatal loss group that will connect you with someone who's gone through something similar. They don't have a group meeting, which I think I would find helpful, but I may well give the one-on-one thing a try. Really, though, most days I am surprisingly content... it seems as though, the more I talk about it, the better I feel overall.
DH and I had a chat about how ready we are to get back into the swing of things, esp roles at church. Some stuff, like music team, has been really helpful to go back to. For other stuff, we're taking a bit of time out. Eg we were asked to be on a prayer support team for missionaries we know, and we had to say "not now"... emotionally, neither of us has the spiritual strength to commit to intercessory prayer on that scale. Now that we've realized we're not as far ahead as we thought we were, I'm a little less anxious.
It helps, though, that we have projects with the house to keep us busy. We bought a new house a year and a half ago, and we have a fair bit of space to fill. So there's some rooms to fill with furniture; one of the reasons we bought new was because we knew we'd rather not do any renos, so the $ we had set aside for that can go towards getting a living room with actual chairs to sit in! What a concept!  When that's done, there's our filing system to merge, our storage to organize. We did a huge stuff-purge last year (eg DH's childhood bedding, high school wardrobe... no, I am not exaggerating!), so most of what's left for projects is just settling in.
Actually, before the miscarriage, we were pretty worried about how we would get all this stuff done, as well as get ready for the baby. Next time around, we can clear our calendar and just focus on getting ready to be parents.
_____________________________
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~Finding Nemo
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/24/2009 1:26:43 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 4851
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quote:
it seems as though, the more I talk about it, the better I feel overall.
THAT is why counselling, group support or even the one-on-one with someone who has walked this before you is a good idea.
Filling up the rooms in your house sounds like a fun project.
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/24/2009 1:38:18 PM
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laura...
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From: NE Ohio
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Welcome back Jen!! I was thinking about you recently and our trip up to pick you up on the way to Sophy's wedding. I am so sorry about your loss. You will be in my prayers.
_____________________________
This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: Anne-girl is back! - 3/24/2009 3:12:50 PM
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anne-girl
Posts: 1087
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Hi Laura! Good to see you. Thanks for stopping by... knowing that people are praying for me is so comforting, and I'm sure those prayers are the reason I'm getting through this a little easier than I thought I would.
Ya know, if I had stopped by every time I thought "I wonder how so-and-so from CW is doing" I would have been checking in at least once a week!
quote:
THAT is why counselling, group support or even the one-on-one with someone who has walked this before you is a good idea.
Which is why I'm thinking of going. I also have a good friend who miscarried two days after I did; she and I have been talking a fair bit. It's reassuring to hear someone else going through the same emotions and being able to say "yeah, I've been feeling that too." It makes me feel less weird. Although when it comes to trying to give each other counsel, it is rather like the blind leading the blind. So the support group might be the best approach for me.
_____________________________
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~Finding Nemo
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I'm hoping I won't catch his cold... I have a major fiscal-year-end deadline at work, and I'm finally cleared to go back to the gym, so the last think I need is a second cold! 
