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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 2:44:08 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 804
Joined: 11/21/2007
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Nicole, what a horrible tragedy. That is so sad.
Jenn, what on earth on these mothers problem. Good for you. Get your policies in writing and stick to them. My sister has hers all in writing and she is a stickler. It only takes a new momma one time to realize that. She is seriously firm, with the children and the mommas.
Ruth, I am so sorry to hear you dh is still feeling so unwell. My husband had to have emergency surgery on his leg when Logan was 6 weeks old. He had been mowing and a piece of wood flew into is leg and become seriously infected. I think that is when we descended into the true madness that we are just emerging from.
I am having a great week. Logan is actually napping once even twice a day. I have some time to do devotions, chores, and the other day I even sat down and watched a grown up movie all by myself. I didn't really know what to do. I am going to get a few more chores done so we can have an awesome family weekend. I think I might bake some Pumpkin Apple Walnut muffins. They are so good you don't even realize they are super healthy.
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Karen
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 3:07:11 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 653
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Please share the muffin recipe! We love muffins around here but don't eat them very often because it is hard to find a tasty one that isn't 8 parts sugar. I don't know what is wrong with your daycare moms Jenn, but I hope you can get everyone in line. I think at this point they are clueless, rude or taking advantage of you. Possibly a combination of all 3.
Kris
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 3:09:43 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3351
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Maggie (3capp) has the best, most flexible, muffin recipe I know of. Seriously, it's wicked healthy and you'll never get bored.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 3:20:50 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 653
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Maybe she'll share too. It would be nice to bake some to freeze for after the baby is born. And to eat now!
Kris
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 3:40:35 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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I would love those muffin recipes! I am always looking for healthy things to make so that my kids can come home and have a snack after school without overloading on sugar.
I am so frustrated today. My oldest son (16) got 2 F's on his report card (which is the norm for him, but still unacceptable) and now my 12-year old brought home 3 D's on his report card after being a previously near straight-A student. Even my 11-year old's grades came down from all A's to 2 C's and 2 B's. My husband is so upset and I feel like a total failure. My 12-year old wanted to argue the point, even though I kept telling him I didn't want to talk about it until his dad gets home, and he just kept trying to tell me he's doing his best, it's the teachers not him. I got so angry I said some things I shouldn't have and then he stormed out of the house and hasn't returned in over an hour.
One thing I am sure of: No more Ipods, TV's, Playstations, Wii's, DS's, PSP's, Stereos, etc. They obviously have too many distractions so those things need to come down and hide in my closet until I decide if I'm going to sell them all or not.
I really hate this. I don't know what is going on but today I feel like my head is going to explode.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 5:08:41 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 1738
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: the bottom of the laundry basket
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quote:
I am so frustrated today. My oldest son (16) got 2 F's on his report card (which is the norm for him, but still unacceptable) and now my 12-year old brought home 3 D's on his report card after being a previously near straight-A student. Even my 11-year old's grades came down from all A's to 2 C's and 2 B's. My husband is so upset and I feel like a total failure. My 12-year old wanted to argue the point, even though I kept telling him I didn't want to talk about it until his dad gets home, and he just kept trying to tell me he's doing his best, it's the teachers not him. I got so angry I said some things I shouldn't have and then he stormed out of the house and hasn't returned in over an hour.
Yep. I've heard all that too. We just had conferences and our older two have a LOT of work to do to get those grades into an acceptable range again. Aryn is struggling big time and I think a meeting with her math teacher is in order. That and maybe some tutoring time. We gave them two weeks to get things headed in the right direction and they have another week on that. If things don't show any improvement, well things are going to get UGLY around here and quick.
I'm also frustrated with some garbage that is going down at our elementary school - but all those details are on the public/private school folder.
Blessings,
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/6/2009 7:59:52 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
I am so frustrated today. My oldest son (16) got 2 F's on his report card (which is the norm for him, but still unacceptable) and now my 12-year old brought home 3 D's on his report card after being a previously near straight-A student. Even my 11-year old's grades came down from all A's to 2 C's and 2 B's.
I have to confess I really find it difficult to relate to the report card system over there. I think there is much less pressure on school children in the UK and I honestly prefer it that way. They only start getting a grade ever term once they are 15, before that it's just once a year, and even then the teachers show concern but don't make a big deal out of it.
quote:
My 12-year old wanted to argue the point, even though I kept telling him I didn't want to talk about it until his dad gets home, and he just kept trying to tell me he's doing his best, it's the teachers not him.
Have you looked into this and investigated his concerns over the teachers? When was the last time you and/or your husband met with any of his teachers?
quote:
I got so angry I said some things I shouldn't have and then he stormed out of the house and hasn't returned in over an hour.
Jenn, I'm sorry to appear critical, but you let him do that? Go out you don't know where? If either of mine had walked off like that, I'd have gone after them and brought them back. Is he still out now?
I suggest that you really need to stop taking it personally when your kids don't do as well as you'd like. If there's things you can do to improve things, then go for it, but, at the end of the day, their work is their responsibility. Do you have a daily routine whereby they do homework when they come home from school, after perhaps a snack and a short break? If not, start one now. Have all the babies gone by the time they get home from school btw? Is the house quite and conducive for study? Do they have a desk where they can do the work they need to? Or maybe there's a library nearby where they can go to do it?
quote:
One thing I am sure of: No more Ipods, TV's, Playstations, Wii's, DS's, PSP's, Stereos, etc. They obviously have too many distractions so those things need to come down and hide in my closet until I decide if I'm going to sell them all or not.
With respect, those things are not the offenders. Your children can keep all of those and still get their work done, if you have a good system going. Mine had/have to ask permission before they use those things, have to have done their homework first before using them (apart from the Ipods, which they use to listen to music on WHILE they are doing homework).
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"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:07:01 AM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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quote:
Jenn, I'm sorry to appear critical, but you let him do that? Go out you don't know where? If either of mine had walked off like that, I'd have gone after them and brought them back. Is he still out now?
I suggest that you really need to stop taking it personally when your kids don't do as well as you'd like. If there's things you can do to improve things, then go for it, but, at the end of the day, their work is their responsibility. Do you have a daily routine whereby they do homework when they come home from school, after perhaps a snack and a short break? If not, start one now. Have all the babies gone by the time they get home from school btw? Is the house quite and conducive for study? Do they have a desk where they can do the work they need to? Or maybe there's a library nearby where they can go to do it?
I don't take it critically, Manda. I posted for advice, I welcome it, even if there are questions I need to answer for myself or for you. I appreciate the help!
I can't say I've ever "let" him do that, since honestly, he's never done it before. I was upset and I said things I shouldn't have, and although I don't agree with him storming out the front door - he needed to walk it off, so to speak. I did what I have been working so hard not to do - I exasperated him by saying something just to vent my own frustration. He walked around the block a few times, and I could see him from the front window each time he came around.
quote:
I suggest that you really need to stop taking it personally when your kids don't do as well as you'd like. If there's things you can do to improve things, then go for it, but, at the end of the day, their work is their responsibility. Do you have a daily routine whereby they do homework when they come home from school, after perhaps a snack and a short break? If not, start one now. Have all the babies gone by the time they get home from school btw? Is the house quite and conducive for study? Do they have a desk where they can do the work they need to? Or maybe there's a library nearby where they can go to do it?
I don't know why I take it so personally. I just hate to see three young men so full of promise throw it away because they are too lazy to do what's required to succeed. My oldest started his 7th grade year this same way, and he is now trying to drop out of high school (his father won't even talk to him about it). I don't know how to help them succeed, other than what we are doing.
They have a desk in their room, but there is usually a sleeping baby in it when they get home from school, so they have to do their homework at the table. They seem to have a very hard time staying on task so I find it frustrating to watch them do their homework, as they seem to take a 20-minute paper and turn it into an all-afternoon ordeal.
To answer your questions, Manda, no the babies are still here when they get home from school at 3pm or so. One leaves at 3:30 and the other two leave closer to 6pm. I try to let them come in, take a little break, eat a snack, and then go to the kitchen table for homework. This is a hassle - every. single. day. Once the babies are up, I have my hands full and can't sit on top of them to make sure they are doing it (which obviously they aren't). Once all the babies leave, I'm cooking dinner, eating, cleaning up dinner, getting everything ready for the next day, bathing Aaron, etc. Someone always has practice at night, at least 3 nights a week, so I try to explain that it's imparative that they finish homework before practice (which runs until at least 8pm), but this is not happening the way it should.
As far as the electronics go, they are history until things improve. The "toys" are not the offenders, you are correct about that, although I think that they are not helping. I can think back over the past 9 weeks where I saw a handheld game system in their hands far more often than I saw a school book. They obviously lied to us about their homework being finished (the requirement for being allowed to play with the games) so now we will remove the temptation.
Ryanne, there is an online system, but as far as I can tell, it's not updated exactly and then there is the problem I had earlier this year with something being posted on it that the kids swore wasn't assigned in class and turns out it was from another class period (teacher forgot to remove it) so I can't be certain it is correct.
We did the whole daily agenda thing with our oldest, several times, and the teachers would be too busy to sign them, or get angry at him because he was persistant about getting it signed (they didn't really want to be bothered it seemed to us) and in the end, it didn't help him at all. It ended up being the biggest pain in the rear for us because we could never tell if he was forgetting to get it signed or if the teacher was just not signing it, blah blah blah.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:28:28 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
I don't know why I take it so personally. I just hate to see three young men so full of promise throw it away because they are too lazy to do what's required to succeed.
Jenn, do you really think it's because they are "lazy", or because they need a different environment in which to do their studies?
quote:
My oldest started his 7th grade year this same way, and he is now trying to drop out of high school (his father won't even talk to him about it).
What does he want to do if he drops out? Does he have to finish his education at high school or are there any alternatives? Here in the UK, children can leave school at 16 anyway, but if they want to do further studies, they can do this either at a high school or at a college (called a Sixth Form College). Sixth Form colleges offer academic subjects as schools do but also more vocational subjects. Does he have any particular job in mind that he'd like to do eventually? Does he have a part-time job now?
quote:
They have a desk in their room, but there is usually a sleeping baby in it when they get home from school, so they have to do their homework at the table.
I know that you need to be looking after these babies at the moment, but, honestly, for your teens, it's not ideal to not be able to relax in their home when they come home from school, and not have your undivided attention, and also not to have their own individual quiet space for homework. With my teens I've found that the time they most want to talk about stuff that's troubling them is when they come home from school. It must be hard for them having to compete with each other for your attention, let alone compete with the babies too.
What time does your husband get in from work? Is there any way he could help with the boys by checking (by looking in detail) that they've done their homework?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:37:30 AM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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quote:
What does he want to do if he drops out?
He has no idea. He doesn't currently have a job. I was afraid to let him get one because of his grades. I thought if he got a job he would flunk out for sure.
quote:
I know that you need to be looking after these babies at the moment, but, honestly, for your teens, it's not ideal to not be able to relax in their home when they come home from school, and not have your undivided attention, and also not to have their own individual quiet space for homework. With my teens I've found that the time they most want to talk about stuff that's troubling them is when they come home from school. It must be hard for them having to compete with each other for your attention, let alone compete with the babies too.
This is the single biggest source of frustration in my life at the moment. They compete with each other by fighting, sometimes phsyically, every afternoon. They come home from school and have to be quiet because there is a house full of sleeping babies. This is a situation I am racking my brain to resolve at the moment.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:49:15 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
quote:
What does he want to do if he drops out?
He has no idea. He doesn't currently have a job. I was afraid to let him get one because of his grades. I thought if he got a job he would flunk out for sure.
So, why does he want to drop out? What does he think he will be doing with his time? How does he think he will support himself? If he hasn't thought of this, he either thinks he can sponge off you, or he's not really serious about it, and is just saying it because he is in trouble and doesn't know what else to say.
With my children, I told them, well before they were 16, that if they wanted to leave school at 16, they would have to get a job or they'd have to leave home. That we'd only support them if they were at school/college or working.
Encourage your son to look for his hopes and dreams, find his passions. Encourage him to look at what he's good at, what he likes doing, and see if that could be formulated in a job to aim at. That might in turn encourage him in his studies. Tell him that you will be prepared to talk about his wish to drop out of school *IF* he has a definite plan of action, something else in mind that is practical and achievable, and not airy-fairy (and doesn't involve sponging off you).
Do you think it would be possible for him to find a part-time job? Perhaps in a local store of an evening, or on a Saturday? My ds has worked 4 hours each Saturday since he was 16. We said that if it ever interfered with his studies he'd have to give it up. If your ds is willing to take on a job on that basis, you might find it improves his attitude too.
I've heard that you have something called community colleges over there that offer more vocational courses - at what age can they go there? What grades do they need?
quote:
This is the single biggest source of frustration in my life at the moment. They compete with each other by fighting, sometimes phsyically, every afternoon. They come home from school and have to be quiet because there is a house full of sleeping babies. This is a situation I am racking my brain to resolve at the moment.
How about informing your mums that, from x date, they will need to collect, or have someone collect, their babies at 3pm?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:52:16 AM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10787
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
With my teens I've found that the time they most want to talk about stuff that's troubling them is when they come home from school.
Mine doesn't want to talk until the house has settled down, usually around supper time or bed time.
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Thank you Veterans.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 11:57:52 AM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
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quote:
So, why does he want to drop out? What does he think he will be doing with his time? How does he think he will support himself? If he hasn't thought of this, he either thinks he can sponge off you, or he's not really serious about it, and is just saying it because he is in trouble and doesn't know what else to say.
He has no idea - therefore, I agree - he is in trouble and has no idea how to get out (but doesn't want to take suggestions from anyone), so he wants to give up. This is a pattern with him.
quote:
With my children, I told them, well before they were 16, that if they wanted to leave school at 16, they would have to get a job or they'd have to leave home. That we'd only support them if they were at school/college or working.
This is our rule as well. If he's not going to school, or not working full-time, or not engaging in some combination of the two, then he can't live here. We've been telling him that for a few years now. Of course, we can't boot him out before 18, since we are legally responsible to support him until then.
You can't attend community college or vocational school here without a high school diploma or an equivalent (GED).
Both moms work until after 5pm. The one sends her husband when he gets off work at 3pm, the other would have to find another sitter, which I am considering anyway.
On another topic, what do you guys do during the day when you have downtime? Do you do crafts? Watch TV? Read? Nap?
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 12:00:31 PM
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mamajennleigh
Posts: 969
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
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PinkCarnations, mine want to chatter as soon as they come home, but if even one baby is up (which happens often that 3 are down 1 is up), I just can't give them undivided attention.
_____________________________
We may not have arrived, but Praise the Lord we've set sail!
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 12:39:16 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 6481
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
You can't attend community college or vocational school here without a high school diploma or an equivalent (GED).
Check into this. It's not always the case. Brian went to school for truck driving and HVAC, and he has neither a diploma nor a GED.
quote:
On another topic, what do you guys do during the day when you have downtime? Do you do crafts? Watch TV? Read? Nap?
I get on here.  In the evening, Brian and I watch TV together or lay in bed and read together.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 2:28:50 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3383
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
quote:
You can't attend community college or vocational school here without a high school diploma or an equivalent (GED).
Check into this. It's not always the case. Brian went to school for truck driving and HVAC, and he has neither a diploma nor a GED.
quote:
On another topic, what do you guys do during the day when you have downtime? Do you do crafts? Watch TV? Read? Nap?
I get on here. In the evening, Brian and I watch TV together or lay in bed and read together.
I started community college before I had a GED. Yeah, all that screwing around that I did my senior year? I missed graduating by a stinking .5 a credit hour.
Downtime... During naptime I usually catch up on my TV shows online and do some sewing while I watch. In the evening I play around online if Micah isn't home, and when he is home we usually watch a movie or play a game.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 2:36:15 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3351
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I usually relax on the net as well. I've just started to dabble my toes in FB, but not by much. I'm trying to read more, and I've just started Journey to the Center of the Earth. Greg has been reading a ton since the surgery.
Well, I got in some good exercise today. Beth went down for a long morning nap, and as Greg is still not well, I asked my teen neighbor if she could come over, apologizing for the late notice. She was fine with it, and she played outside with Nathan while I used the lawn mower to cut grass and suck up leaves at the same time. I emptied that lawn mower bag 29 times, and although I wasn't finished, I couldn't bring myself to do it an even 30. I was tuckered, but the day was glorious, and I had almost 2 hours of physical exertion without a baby or a toddler attached to my hips.
I was surprised I felt so well. Nathan had a terrible night last night. He's been stuffy, and I stupidly allowed him to watch a movie that was to intense for him (Ice Age 3), so he had nightmares. We don't usually do a family movie night, but again, Greg can't do much, so I thought it might be fun. Oh well, live and learn. Nathan wanted daddy to stay with him last night, a practice I strongly disapprove of for me and my family, but hopefully tonight will be better.
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Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 2:59:07 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3383
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Ruth, have you tried letting Nathan lay with you for 20 minutes and then putting him back in his bed? I do that when Gabby wakes up and has trouble sleeping. She usually just lays between us and when she's calmed down and has had a good snuggle I plop her back in her bed. Neither Gabby or I do well with cosleeping but this seems to be a good compromise for us. And I get to doze while she snuggles with Micah.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 6:50:59 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8165
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mamajennleigh
On another topic, what do you guys do during the day when you have downtime? Do you do crafts? Watch TV? Read? Nap?
Walk the dog in the forest or on the beach, or come on here.
Now, if I had a whole afternoon free, and could afford it, I'd be flying a bird of prey. Only done it once, had a three hour session (half an hour's training, then two and a half hours' flying a Harris Hawk), but would so love to do it again.  For me, it's what dreams are made of.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: SAHM/W Encouragement thread! (6) - 11/7/2009 6:58:21 PM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1705
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
Status: offline
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(((ruth)))
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Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
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Anyway, what my parents did to help combat the problem was- 
I should know better.
MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!