Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable.

Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (Full Version)

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PMCROSS -> Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/23/2008 7:58:46 PM)
I know the bible says tells us to honor our parents. My question is what does this look like/ how do you do this when one of your parents is not very honorable? How does one deal with poor choices, verbal abuse, and conflict in an honorable way?

LCannon -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/24/2008 12:11:23 AM)
Colosians 4:3-"At the same time pray for us as well that God will open to us a door for the word, that we may declare the mystery of Christ, for which I am in prison, 4 so that I may reveal it clearly, as I should. 5 Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time. 6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone." Just because other people act like sinners doesn't I have a right to treat them the same. Honor them out of respect of their position(at least) even commend their correct choices. The only person you have control over is yourself, others will do what they will; the next time 'they' try to 'push your buttons', remember, they're their choices. Don't be sucked into their sphere of influence. Who knows, you might be an instrument in changing their attitudes. (Prayed and praying...and Courage...

Bluethread -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/24/2008 4:38:16 AM)
Yes, no one can make you do anything. You always have choices. You can respectfully decline, ask permission to present an alternative or submit even if it means you lose some of your freedom, as long as it does not violate Adonai's commands. Also, remember it is not honoring for a child to allow a parent to harm themself or others without cause. Try to make it clear, after the fact if necessary, that your actions were not intended to embarress them or disgrace them before others. Finally, never allow anyone to criticize your parents in front of you. Tell them that they should take it up with your parents directly and in private.

mvic -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/24/2008 8:59:45 AM)
1 Pray for them. 2 Tell them gently and politely (in private) that what they are doing is wrong. 3 (This is a difficult one). Be a good example for them to follow.

mvic -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/24/2008 9:00:47 AM)
Just noticed - you're new here. Welcome to the Forums.

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/28/2008 3:20:58 AM)
Oh, how many times I have asked this very question. Years later, I don't think I have a handle on it yet. One wise person said that I should honor them for the life they allowed me to have. In the light of the fact that many parents today kill their children before they even see them, this is extremely valid advice. The same person advised me that when I honor them, I honor the G-d who chose them to be my parents; in other words, when I honor them, I directly honor G-d. One should also understand the corollary that when I don't honor them, I am not honoring G-d. That's the part I find to be most profound and important. Sometimes, I limp through honoring; other times, I fail miserably. But I think that the point is that we think. That you asked the question means that you are seeking Truth on this issue. G-d bless you as you seek His truth in all things.

Giggles56 -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 5:55:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga Oh, how many times I have asked this very question. Years later, I don't think I have a handle on it yet. One wise person said that I should honor them for the life they allowed me to have. In the light of the fact that many parents today kill their children before they even see them, this is extremely valid advice. The same person advised me that when I honor them, I honor the G-d who chose them to be my parents; in other words, when I honor them, I directly honor G-d. One should also understand the corollary that when I don't honor them, I am not honoring G-d. That's the part I find to be most profound and important. Sometimes, I limp through honoring; other times, I fail miserably. But I think that the point is that we think. That you asked the question means that you are seeking Truth on this issue. G-d bless you as you seek His truth in all things. I so agree with you!!:)

leonfigg3 -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 10:34:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga Oh, how many times I have asked this very question. Years later, I don't think I have a handle on it yet. One wise person said that I should honor them for the life they allowed me to have. In the light of the fact that many parents today kill their children before they even see them, this is extremely valid advice. The same person advised me that when I honor them, I honor the G-d who chose them to be my parents; in other words, when I honor them, I directly honor G-d. One should also understand the corollary that when I don't honor them, I am not honoring G-d. That's the part I find to be most profound and important. Sometimes, I limp through honoring; other times, I fail miserably. But I think that the point is that we think. That you asked the question means that you are seeking Truth on this issue. G-d bless you as you seek His truth in all things. I think a lot of people ask this question many times in their life. Perhaps we tend to ask this question of ourselves more eften as we grow older than when we were children. When we were children, many of us may not have had a choice in the matter. Honor meant obedience. Honor meant obligation as we found ourselves doing things our parents wanted more than we did, becuas they gave us life and we owed them. Honor meant being "good" so that they would provide for us almost everything we wanted. As we got older we bacame/becaome aware that though our parents may have done what they thought was best for us, it wasn't. They weren't as honest with us as they shoud have been. In some case, they may have caused us to become victims of emotional and physincal abuse. At the very least, they were not sensitive to our needs. If we grew/grow up in a "Christian" atmsphere we go to the Bible to learn of what honoring our mothers and fathers mean only to learn that like so many other matters, the Bible does not seem to be as precise in giving us answers as we think it should, especially if we do not understand what the whole Bible has to say about a particular matter. Is it more honoring to your parents to suffer in silence, or to lovingly confront them? Is it more honoring to be open and honest with your parents even to the point of telling them you hate them more than you love them, or to be silent and take out your frustarations out on yourself and others. Is it more honoring to seek some sign of love from them than from God whom you know loves you, no matter what?

doinkdom -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 12:15:14 PM)
Honoring your parents does not have a biblical disclaimer...just like respect your husband and love your wife. There are not conditions placed upon the concept other than obeying scripture. Even if your parents don't obey scripture...I would still caution the "heart" behind the confrontation from child to parent. Is your heart to glorify God? Not that any serious situation wouldn't need to be discussed, but to assume you don't have to honor your parents even in the midst of restoring or reconciling or even forgiving...might be a stretch.

leonfigg3 -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 4:11:30 PM)
doinkdom, What exactly is honoring? What exactly does the Bible say honoring your parents is? What does it look like other than a little child obeying his/her parents? Is is sacrifice? Is it obedience? Is it taking care of them as they near death dispite all that had gone on before?

doinkdom -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 4:47:59 PM)
What exactly is honoring? Honoring your parents is reverencing them: speak well to them, think well of them, speak respectfully to them Honoring is loving your parents: as an adult child, the bible is full of how we are to act towards another and it doesn't change when it's our parents Honoring is also treating them with a respectful attitude (Proverbs 30:11,17), obeying them when their commands are in keeping with God�s laws (�in the Lord� Ephesians 6:1), and taking care of them as them as they get older (Mark 7:10-12; 1 Timothy 5:4-8). As far as getting older, etc. Each family will have to make their decisions about nursing homes, retirement homes, etc. but there's no reason why those decisions cannot continue to be biblical and glorify God.

leonfigg3 -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 11:32:22 PM)
doinkdom, I think I have an idea of what you are saying, but I feel like I should pursue this discussion a little more. I am not sure if I am still trying to sort out my mother's issues with the commandment, or if I have some issues of my own as far as she is concerned. (All three have passed away). I tend to be a very visual person, so I quess I seem to be having trouble as to what honoring your parents looks like. Also I seem to be having some trouble with the notion that head knowledge of honoring your parents being one thing, the easy part, while the application of the principle being another, the hard part. Then there is the verse that comes right after Jesus's instruction for children to honor their parents. I believe it has something to do with parents doing what is right by their children. I quess I have long believed that the two go together, at least it seems like they are suppose to. I do not mean to imoly that the absense of one should excuse the other, I think it just makes the first quite difficult, if the second is not in evidence.

Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (9/30/2008 11:59:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leonfigg3 Is it more honoring to your parents to suffer in silence, or to lovingly confront them? I would say . . . not confront . . . but gently discuss the related subject; they would say they did nothing wrong. quote: ORIGINAL: leonfigg3 Is it more honoring to be open and honest with your parents even to the point of telling them you hate them more than you love them, or to be silent and take out your frustarations out on yourself and others. I would say to be open and honest. While I could not hate them, I did hate what was done. quote: ORIGINAL: leonfigg3 Is it more honoring to seek some sign of love from them than from God whom you know loves you, no matter what? I would say that trying to find some sign of love is an exercise in futility in some cases, leading to frustration, so that is better not considered. Bless the L-rd, all honor to Him, He knows. I believe that Father is with Him, but I may never see Mother again -- I don't know. I have learned not to worry about what cannot change, because He is G-d, and He chooses whom He will save. It is profoundly sad, so I don't think about it much. I have learned to leave it in His skillful and worthy hands.

tracydolls -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (10/1/2008 3:57:37 AM)
quote: I know the bible says tells us to honor our parents. My question is what does this look like/ how do you do this when one of your parents is not very honorable? How does one deal with poor choices, verbal abuse, and conflict in an honorable way? Deu 5:16 Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee;((that thy days may be prolonged)) and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. That always makes me try to honor them. And it is sometimes hard.[:(]

StephK -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (10/1/2008 8:36:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PMCROSS I know the bible says tells us to honor our parents. My question is what does this look like/ how do you do this when one of your parents is not very honorable? How does one deal with poor choices, verbal abuse, and conflict in an honorable way? It's not about them but you and your obedience to God. My father was abusive before my parents divorced and afterwards he out and out rejected his kids leaving deep wounds. God in His mercy allowed a time of healing through a period of no contact. Fast forward a to a few years ago my father was in a very bad accident and was left disabled mentally and physically. I ended up having to be the one taking care of him and about two months before he died he finally got it and was able to make amends with all of his children. Forgiveness is the key. It may take a long time to heal depending on the wounds but God is faithful when we are obedient.

doinkdom -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (10/1/2008 1:57:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leonfigg3 doinkdom, I think I have an idea of what you are saying, but I feel like I should pursue this discussion a little more. I am not sure if I am still trying to sort out my mother's issues with the commandment, or if I have some issues of my own as far as she is concerned. (All three have passed away). I tend to be a very visual person, so I quess I seem to be having trouble as to what honoring your parents looks like. Also I seem to be having some trouble with the notion that head knowledge of honoring your parents being one thing, the easy part, while the application of the principle being another, the hard part. Then there is the verse that comes right after Jesus's instruction for children to honor their parents. I believe it has something to do with parents doing what is right by their children. I quess I have long believed that the two go together, at least it seems like they are suppose to. I do not mean to imoly that the absense of one should excuse the other, I think it just makes the first quite difficult, if the second is not in evidence. It's about frustrating your children...i.e. not following through, changing rules without notice, demanding good grades but not allowing study time because of too many chores, etc. ,etc. I don't know your specific relationship - your age, if you're living with parents or away, are they Christian, etc. but I'm sure many of us here would be willing to walk with you until this made sense for ya.

leonfigg3 -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (10/1/2008 2:34:10 PM)
doinkdom, Thank you for the offer. As I said I am not sure if this question is any real problem with me. I think I basically understand about honoring, it's just that for me the difference between head knowldege and application of Biblical principles tend to be two different things unless one knows Jesus. To see and understand what the Bible says, and doesn't say, one needs a relationship with Jesus. As far as my specific situation, I have written about it a couple of times in this section, and a am a bit leary about going into it again. Much of the reasons for the conflict my mother had seems a bit minor now, but it had a lasting affect on her, my father, and my brothers and I, to this day. I am over fifty years old and though my mother passed away a little over three years ago, I have, thanks to Jesus's guidance, finally been able to deal with all my mother's harmful influence and decisions I made in response to them. By no means is the struggle over, though.

doinkdom -> RE: Honoring your parents, when they are not honorable. (10/1/2008 2:38:42 PM)
You are new creation in Christ, the old is gone....forever...gone. Your hope is in the future, not in dwelling on the past. (not accusing that you are, just sayin in general terms) Your hope is Jesus. I pray someone in your life will be there for you.

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