I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (Full Version)

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WaitingforBoaz -> I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 1:28:43 PM)

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

If you have never been to one, why not?

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?

If you are going to one and love it, I would love to know why.


I have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents.

Thanks,

~Blessings



John_O -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 1:40:39 PM)

(please note that my responses will probably not be typical)

quote:


What would it take for you to go to a singles group?


Knowing there were some eligible women attending the group

quote:

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

Probably

quote:

If you have never been to one, why not?
If you have been to one what did you like, not like?


Up until Sunday we didn't have one in my town. I attended Sunday but it was a waste of time. If I was going to attend a Bible study I see no reason to limit it to just singles. If I was attending a social function I'd want it to be just singles. Unfortunately this one had no social aspect to it and no eligible women (I was the youngest one there).

quote:


I have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents.


When I think singles group I think "A place to meet people" I can't think of another reason for one to exist. Sure there is a support aspect but I have little need of that (CW is my support group for the little I need). If there are not suitable people there, why bother even going. I don't want to waste my time and I certainly don't want to lead anyone on who isn't suitable for me. Both of which are dangers in a "support" setting


Sorry. I know that was probably no help so I'll try to make it up to you.

Way beck when M and I were chaperones for the singles group at the church we attended at the time. The'd meet each Friday night. Have a mini church service (Praise and worship and preaching/teaching) followed by food and fellowship. The group did social activities from time to time also. Was very well attended (60+ people) and very well received. It had equal aspects of study and social.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 1:54:09 PM)

I attend a single's group and the thing I like the most about it is there are men there. Not because I'm trying to meet someone, but in personal situations I tend to do better with men then I do women. *shrug*

The only thing I don't like is that I'm the only single parent...so I am still part of my regular group where there are plenty of kids the same ages as the Things.

I am the opposite of John; I don't want to go to a single's group to meet someone. While it would be the ideal place to do so, that's not my primary goal. My goal is to be with people who are not married and going through similar life issues that I am. My married friends are great and I learn so much from them...but sometimes I just want to hang out and not worry about someone's spouse or whatnot. You know?

I hope this answers your question, Nadine. I'm praying for you and best of luck! I'm sure you'll do wonderfully! *huggles*



shemaromans -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 1:58:16 PM)

I'm not a single parent, but I am on the back side of 30...


quote:

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

It would need to be one that focused on God and fellowship, not on the search for a mate.


quote:

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

Sure.


quote:

If you have never been to one, why not?

I've never been to one. We don't have a large number of singles in my church, and the population is overwhelmingly female--females who pounce upon the few single men. It creates the climate wherein the focus is to find a mate, not learn about God. I don't like that kind of "pressure" or focus. It takes the enjoyment out of the fellowship.


I guess what I'm saying is that I view Singles groups as a small group that enjoys fellowship together while learning about God and supporting each other in our walks. I don't view them as matchmaking or meeting opportunities. That would be a pleasant and unexpected offshoot.



losgan -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 6:50:06 PM)

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

I'd have to find a good one that wasn't:
-A 'meet market'
-A place where singles get together and complain
-All about being single, all the time

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

Of course, though right now I find God is providing for those needs through other groups.

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?

A lot of the people in the group seemed bitter, angry, crass, biased, and there was no guidance. The group just wandered from topic to topic with no leading. Singleness, and the solutions to and causes for it, seemed to dominate everything. It felt like there was an ominous cloud hanging over the group.

I'm not a single parent - but knowing a few - providing some kind of child care or activity for the kiddos is extremely helpful!



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:08:52 PM)

All of your comments have been extremely helpful.
I am not a decision maker, but I am sure to be able to share my opinion and all of your comments are helping me to really think it through and come up with a solid vision.
I am hoping for more responses.[:D]



woodwind228 -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:09:46 PM)

I'm involved in my singles group at church. I love it. There's a good mix of guys and gals. It's not a meat market. We're genuine friends and care about one another. We plan a lot of activities that cover areas of evangelism, missions, worship, and just plain fun. I like that we do things and go on retreats and such, and that our fellowship doesn't always consist of eating (like it does with the older singles (40+) in our department. Note: our singles are broken out in two age categories: 18-39 and 40-50 or 55, I think. The younger singles range are broken down even further during Sunday School: 18-29 and 30-39.)

We have a weekly worship/praise service on Wed nights but I've only been to it a couple of times. I love it, but it interferred with orchestra rehearsal and I have a temp job now so I can't get there in time. But if I had the time I'd definitely go every week.

I'd say the biggest drawback though is that there are only 4 of us that have kids and only 2 of us 4 are consistent in attending. Our Wed night service is off the church campus (the only place we had room) so the other parent always has to leave early to pickup her son from church (on the main campus). It'd be nice if childcare was provided. It's not a huge issue at the moment because there's just not many single parents in our group, but if there was growth in that area, childcare would be extremely helpful and I'm sure would increase attendance for that "people group".



John_O -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:35:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: losgan

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

I'd have to find a good one that wasn't:
-A 'meet market'
-A place where singles get together and complain
-All about being single, all the time


Let me ask a question here. If it's not about meeting people or about singleness, then why hold it as a singles group at all? Why not just open it to everyone?

Same can be applied to this forum. If the threads don't deal with singleness then why not just make it a general forum and let everyone play?

I don't see the use of segregating out part of the body just because they are single if the reason for segregating them doesn't involve that singleness (or resolving it).

Am I missing something?



Prairiehiker -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:47:07 PM)

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?
If it's heavily on the study of theology/apologetics, plus there's a lot of social activities, like doign the study while hiking every once in a while, then I might join. I'm thinking of starting one, actually.

And I'd like to widen my social circle...even meeting female friends would be good. Male? That would be even better.

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?
Definitely. But you have to identify that need before you go there trying to fulfill something that you have no clue what it is.

If you have never been to one, why not?
I've attended a few but only the special get together. I had no time in the past, but now that my daughter is growing up, I'm sure I'll be doign that again.

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?
Honestly, I just didn't click with anyone as I had nothign in common with them. And there was no leadership. It was just an eating party.

If you are going to one and love it, I would love to know why.


I have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents



KuKu -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:57:07 PM)

My church doesn't have a singles group, because you are talking to one of 3 singles in the church. We have a ladies Bible study that I like, except for the oft focus of either children or spouses.

John, in my opinion, a singles group doesn't have to be about 'solving' that problem, esp. for people like me who don't see it as a 'problem'. The singles groups I have liked in the past were fun things to do, and Bible studies talked about things like purity, loneliness, (generally singles issues) as well as budgeting, time management (general issues), though focused on the single. If you met someone, cool, but it wasn't the 'reason' for the group.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 7:59:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: losgan

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

I'd have to find a good one that wasn't:
-A 'meet market'
-A place where singles get together and complain
-All about being single, all the time


Let me ask a question here. If it's not about meeting people or about singleness, then why hold it as a singles group at all? Why not just open it to everyone?

Same can be applied to this forum. If the threads don't deal with singleness then why not just make it a general forum and let everyone play?

I don't see the use of segregating out part of the body just because they are single if the reason for segregating them doesn't involve that singleness (or resolving it).

Am I missing something?


No John, you're not missing it. One of the elements of a singles group will always be pairing off, but it does not have to be the focus.
We had a young adults/college age group where we tried very hard to focus on spiritual growth and not on finding someone. We were all great friends. They all ended up marrying each other. [:)] It was a great group and I would like to see alot of the elements we applied there in this new group as well.
The reason there needs to be a separate group, is that singles face things daily that marrieds don't. They have specific needs that can not be addressed as efficiently in a mixed group. Just as marrieds need marriage enrichment classes. It's just easier to meet needs if people with like needs are grouped together.
Their spiritual focus may be different as well. While all messages do not need to be on finding the one, waiting for the one one or "is there really just one?"[:D] There are messages that would speak directly to a singles where they are at.

There are always the 2 camps...one that wants the opportunity for pairing off to exist and one that is offended by the idea of putting all the singles in one room so we can get them paired off. There really is a middle ground we've done it and I hope to help them accomplish it again.

Thanks for the input.

~Nadine



KuKu -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 8:00:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents


As a single, non-parent (but almost- since I live with 4 kids that in a lot of ways I help raise), please identify the focus of your study :) You'll get those who are most interested in YOUR topics, and it's amazing how many you will find. I actually get some from the ladies family studies, but can't apply it all...



DrivenbyGod -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 8:33:09 PM)

quote:

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

If you have never been to one, why not?

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?

If you are going to one and love it, I would love to know why.


I'm currently attending a small one right now. I'm not sure what need it's really fullfilling though, since it is so small.

The reason I decided to go is because there isn't a large one in my Church and I thought it might be interesting and good to meet some other singles there.

The group has some structure because it must adhere to some basic rules by the Church for someone to host one. The group is casual and we're exploring some study topics as well as getting involved in some of the ministries at the Church. So, I guess by doing this I'll meet others too. This is another reason I wanted to do this was to check out some other ministries and to serve in some way.

To be honest I haven't really been too excited about the whole thing, but I'm going to stick it out for awhile. There are other ministries geared towards sports that I can get involved in too, so I may go that route later and then explore other ministries on my own.



rgod -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 9:50:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
What would it take for you to go to a singles group?
If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?
If you have never been to one, why not?
If you have been to one what did you like, not like?
If you are going to one and love it, I would love to know why.


1. Not much. If the group is positive, the people are generally serious about walking with Christ, and there is a healthy dynamic and a place for relationships to flourish and deepen beyond the "hi" "bye" stage, then yes, I'd be part of a singles group. It would be great if the group has men in it as well (I've seen way too many singles groups that only have women in it.)

2. Yes, if it fulfilled a need, I would go. At this point, my greatest need is relationship with like-minded and like-spirited people.

3. N/A

4. I've been to singles groups, bible studies, and seminars. For the most part, I didn't like them. The reason is because I didn't feel like it met my need at the time (at the time I wanted a singles group that would show me how to live victoriously as a single person). I have found that a lot of singles seminars, groups, and bible studies in my experience seem to focus on how to not have sex. Or on why you shouldn't date. Or on how to be prepared to be married. While I think these topics should be included (and some of them debated - particularly the dating part), I wanted something alive, vibrant, deeper. I didn't want to keep focusing on what NOT to do or on how to "cope" with single life - as if it is second-rate to married life. Instead, I wanted to really learn how to live as a single person - how to really answer God's call for our lives and how to develop deeper relationships.

I was also younger (late 20s/early 30s) and everyone else was in their mid to late 40s - so we were in different stages of life. I wasn't interested in what they were interested in. And seemed like we were forever eating at some restaurant or going to see some play that I didn't care to see. So, while I liked the people there individually, I felt bored and out of place. Usually there were very few men there as well.

5. I'll try the one at my church when I can (currently, I'm busy on the night they have it so I can't attend but my schedule might become more free later.) My new church emphasizes relationship and this is what I really need right now, so it might be good to be part of it. I'm willing to give it a chance.

I usually avoid a lot of singles "type" events for the above mentioned reasons. I find it interesting that I post a lot here. I think the reason that I do is because I feel like this is a community - there is a relational aspect which I need and we also talk about a lot of different things from the perspective of a single person. I like that. So, if something like this could be translated IRL - I would be interested in being a part of it.

Edited because I wanted to be more focused and concise with my points.



ladioffaith -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 10:17:44 PM)

IF:

* I wasn't so doggone busy.

* The only one I knew about wasn't so doggone far from my house.

* There was an opportunity to meet other singles with whom I had much in common, for friendship and possibly more, though that should not be the focus.

Frankly, with working and trying to drum up interest in my side business when I'm NOT working ... I have very little interest in spending an hour or two of my very limited time focusing on my singleness ...



losgan -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/22/2008 10:46:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

Let me ask a question here. If it's not about meeting people or about singleness, then why hold it as a singles group at all? Why not just open it to everyone?

Same can be applied to this forum. If the threads don't deal with singleness then why not just make it a general forum and let everyone play?

I don't see the use of segregating out part of the body just because they are single if the reason for segregating them doesn't involve that singleness (or resolving it).

Am I missing something?


I guess that's why I'm not in a strictly singles group at church?

Obviously single 'issues' would come up - but any group I've ever been to seems to be ALL about being single.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 6:43:54 AM)

I was involved in a city-wide singles group many years ago. (at its peak, there were over 400 attending 3 meetings in 3 cities/counties.) It was perfect. I'm too jaded from it to be able to really join any other singles groups now. Some of my best friends now are from that time in my life.



Prairiehiker -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 7:18:10 AM)

quote:

have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents


Is it a singles parent group, or a singles group. Those are two different groups, depending on the age range of their children and the length of time they've been a single parent....different issues to deal with. I know that every single parent group disbands after a few years because the support that each one needs initially, is not needed once you've been doing the single parenting for a long time.

As I stated above, I don't want a group that just gets together for activity, nor no I want a group that just sits there, open their bibles, talk, then leave. I like to incorporate the two together. The group that I'm thinking of starting in a few weeks (i have to bring it up to our small group coordinator), would do a lot of bible studies, hopefully, using the STR materials (check it out, it rocks...str.org I always do a plug for them...ha ha....love that site), then for those open to activities, we could do do a group hike one day, or a ski day one day, and end with a good discussion about any biblical topics/issues. It doesn't always have to be inside, sitting in a living room. I guess it's always easy for me to talk about my views when I'm in my element. What better way to do fellowships with other believers...and get a good work out too...

Well, that's my vision of the small group that I want to start...and I'm praying that God would give me the go ahead and, gather the people, and bless the group.



John_O -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 11:49:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
As I stated above, I don't want a group that just gets together for activity, nor no I want a group that just sits there, open their bibles, talk, then leave. I like to incorporate the two together. The group that I'm thinking of starting in a few weeks (i have to bring it up to our small group coordinator), would do a lot of bible studies, hopefully, using the STR materials (check it out, it rocks...str.org I always do a plug for them...ha ha....love that site), then for those open to activities, we could do do a group hike one day, or a ski day one day, and end with a good discussion about any biblical topics/issues. It doesn't always have to be inside, sitting in a living room. I guess it's always easy for me to talk about my views when I'm in my element. What better way to do fellowships with other believers...and get a good work out too...

Now that sounds good. Social and support together.



trainfan -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 12:58:14 PM)

quote:

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?



I would need to find one in my area first and then one that fit into my schedule. Sunday afternoon or evening would be best I think for just about everyone.

I would definitely go. Since I work on my own a lot I like the social interaction.

I went to one a few years ago at a church I was attending. It was kind of a joke the way the leaders were made to run it by the church leadership. The seating was segregated by gender and there were no social activities. We did a Bible study every week, nothing wrong with that it just got tiring with no other activites. An elder or staff member was assigned to attend and make sure the rules were followed. There goal was to not have a meet market and they succeeded at that, as well as at killing the group within a couples years. [&:]



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 3:33:45 PM)

quote:


What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

girls

quote:


If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

yes

quote:


If you have never been to one, why not?

never one at my church. i've seen one locally that was not sponsored by any one church but was intimidated.



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 4:52:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

quote:

have been asked to co-lead a singles group, and the first thing I thought of was you guys. I really need your advise so if you have a minute and can share your feelings on singles groups with me that would be great. I am particularly interested in hearing from single parents


Is it a singles parent group, or a singles group. Those are two different groups, depending on the age range of their children and the length of time they've been a single parent....different issues to deal with. I know that every single parent group disbands after a few years because the support that each one needs initially, is not needed once you've been doing the single parenting for a long time.

As I stated above, I don't want a group that just gets together for activity, nor no I want a group that just sits there, open their bibles, talk, then leave. I like to incorporate the two together. The group that I'm thinking of starting in a few weeks (i have to bring it up to our small group coordinator), would do a lot of bible studies, hopefully, using the STR materials (check it out, it rocks...str.org I always do a plug for them...ha ha....love that site), then for those open to activities, we could do do a group hike one day, or a ski day one day, and end with a good discussion about any biblical topics/issues. It doesn't always have to be inside, sitting in a living room. I guess it's always easy for me to talk about my views when I'm in my element. What better way to do fellowships with other believers...and get a good work out too...

Well, that's my vision of the small group that I want to start...and I'm praying that God would give me the go ahead and, gather the people, and bless the group.


I wanted the widest range of answers so I deliberately left out that info. But you are right there are very different needs. I really do want to hear what some of those needs may be and maybe some answers as to how other groups have met them successfully.

Blessings on your group....I hope it goes well for you!



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 4:56:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trainfan

quote:

What would it take for you to go to a singles group?

If A singles group could fulfill a need in your life, would you go?

If you have been to one what did you like, not like?



I would need to find one in my area first and then one that fit into my schedule. Sunday afternoon or evening would be best I think for just about everyone.

I would definitely go. Since I work on my own a lot I like the social interaction.

I went to one a few years ago at a church I was attending. It was kind of a joke the way the leaders were made to run it by the church leadership. The seating was segregated by gender and there were no social activities. We did a Bible study every week, nothing wrong with that it just got tiring with no other activites. An elder or staff member was assigned to attend and make sure the rules were followed. There goal was to not have a meet market and they succeeded at that, as well as at killing the group within a couples years. [&:]


Wow trainfan! I have never heard anything like that. That is far from my idea of a great singles group.[8|]
Slightly along the same lines, I did hear of a group that implimented a "10 rule" because some of the members that were couples were getting a bit too cozy.[:D]



ladioffaith -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/23/2008 9:37:51 PM)

I was in a small singles group a long time ago. I quit because a) it was too small and b) there were serious denominational issues with the people there. (Most of them were from more conservative churches than mine.) That's when I decided it was possible to be unevenly yoked with a believer.



passionateforJesus -> RE: I would go to a SINGLES group/Bible study if: (9/24/2008 10:52:03 AM)

Hello everyone,

This topic caught my eye. Very very interesting responses

I actually co-lead a singles group myself (although our group is referred to as a 'celula' or Bible study group concentrated on young people) and can relate to a lot of the different issues discussed here. We've had it for 3 years already, and we've had a little of everything happening in our group. But most importantly is the relationshps that flourish and are developed under these type of ministries; that is really what I find very valuable. You grow in your faith, and at the same time you get to socialize with people your age; and you can also use that as a venue to do great things for God such as evangelizing, going to homes, shelters and bring the word of God to places that are in great need of it as a group.

You all have given me very good ideas, that we still need to implement ourselves. THANK YOUUUU!!



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