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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/19/2008 11:58:00 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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quote:
Third, if you meet her at, say the grocery store, you can't arrange for a group of stock boys etc to accompany you. Most women I've ever asked out have been on the first or second meeting.
Well, if she works there, you could shop there and go in her line for a season, before making the asking out decision...
If she's a customer, you could just talk on the phone a few times before making the asking out decision...(I don't think most women consider simple phone conversations to necessarily be the beginning of a relationship).
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 12:27:34 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
Secondly doing the "friends first" thing. By the time you know her well enough to know it will work she already considers you a "friend" which to most men is the kiss of death to any hope of a relationship. (Most women do not date their friends. At least not in my experience or the experience of most men I know.)
Well, you must know different people than I do, because I know a ton of women who dated, and then married, yes guys who were friends first.
Yep different folks entirely. I can't think of anyone in my family or in my circle of (IRL) friends and acquaintances who married friends first. Not a one.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 2:46:36 AM
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BlessedAngel1983
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Sometimes, you just know.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
AKA AngelInWaiting1983
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 3:18:49 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2963
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From: California
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The same people? Or do you mean you just know "the one?"
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 3:22:55 AM
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BlessedAngel1983
Posts: 11803
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
The same people? Or do you mean you just know "the one?"
If this is directed at me, then sometimes you just know 'the one'. When you realize it, its the best feeling in the world.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
AKA AngelInWaiting1983
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 10:49:03 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2963
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quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
Now I know why so many of my friends in the past and myself have had our hearts broken too many times....in a woman's mind, a guy is asking her out because he is starting a relationship, not because he is seeing IF he is going to start one.
There's no relationship until at least the third date. You don't even know them well enough to talk about a relationship before then. He asks her out to get to know her. nothing more.
I thought about this a while, and you may have a point, but as nervous as most people feel on the first date, I think it is unfair to weed out so quickly based on the one date where you know the nerves are racked. It's only fair to take her on several dates and see what kind of person she really is once she is more comfortable.
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 9/20/2008 10:56:37 PM >
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/20/2008 10:55:48 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2963
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
Secondly doing the "friends first" thing. By the time you know her well enough to know it will work she already considers you a "friend" which to most men is the kiss of death to any hope of a relationship. (Most women do not date their friends. At least not in my experience or the experience of most men I know.)
Well, you must know different people than I do, because I know a ton of women who dated, and then married, yes guys who were friends first.
Yep different folks entirely. I can't think of anyone in my family or in my circle of (IRL) friends and acquaintances who married friends first. Not a one.
FWIW, there are two people on these forums that were definitely friends first with their husbands :Karlie (one of our mods), and Mrs. Wifey----both happily married.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 12:37:56 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I thought about this a while, and you may have a point, but as nervous as most people feel on the first date, I think it is unfair to weed out so quickly based on the one date where you know the nerves are racked. It's only fair to take her on several dates and see what kind of person she really is once she is more comfortable.
It greatly depends what red flags show up. For example, if on date one I find she votes democrat, Instant disqualification (TOS does not allow me to define why) So much so that it may end the evening right there. If her attitude towards others is unacceptable (someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person). If she talks more on her phone then to me. Those sorts of things are instant deal breakers for me.
Other things may be attributed to nerves.
Oddly enough, in relationships where we progress past the third date or so, I've always been the dumpee and not the dumper. I've never really understood that 
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 12:39:06 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
FWIW, there are two people on these forums that were definitely friends first with their husbands :Karlie (one of our mods), and Mrs. Wifey----both happily married.
So far I've found that online is not a truly representative sample of reality .
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 12:44:12 AM
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losgan
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So I guess that means right now I'm in the limbo of after a really great second date? He he ...
So yeah - this question has SO much more meaning right now. At what point do you have some kind of "talk?"
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 12:54:34 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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From: California
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quote:
For example, if on date one I find she votes democrat, Instant disqualification (TOS does not allow me to define why) So much so that it may end the evening right there. If her attitude towards others is unacceptable (someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person). If she talks more on her phone then to me.
Ok, on the political thing, I'm of your political persuasion -so I understand that one...(I will say no more in this non politics folder)....
Cell phones....I can't stand when people over talk on cell phones, and I DO NOT talk on mine while driving, and I WILL NOT talk on it when I'm checking out with the clerk in a store...oh wait, I forgot, I don't even have a cell phone at the moment..ok, just make that did not or will not.
And I agree it's very important to be polite to wait staff.....but then I always have been....I am blessed in that from a very early age, my two very well educated parents (who COULD have been intellectually snooty if they had wanted to) INGRAINED it into us to respect all jobs (done well) equally.....we were to respect the garbage collector for what he did as much as we respected the president for what he did.
I do have one anecdotal note about the waiter thing, though...but I'm too tired right now..more on that later..
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 9/21/2008 1:02:29 AM >
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 1:00:19 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: losgan
So I guess that means right now I'm in the limbo of after a really great second date? He he ...
So yeah - this question has SO much more meaning right now. At what point do you have some kind of "talk?"
I've never had one. As the relationship went on I just transitioned into future planning mode. I always figured that as a Christian she wouldn't be dating if she wasn't looking to marry. Hmmm, perhaps that's why I get dumped?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 1:16:50 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2963
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
For example, if on date one I find she votes democrat, Instant disqualification (TOS does not allow me to define why) So much so that it may end the evening right there. If her attitude towards others is unacceptable (someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person). If she talks more on her phone then to me.
Ok, on the political thing, I'm of your political persuasion -so I understand that one...(I will say no more in this non politics folder)....
Cell phones....I can't stand when people over talk on cell phones, and I DO NOT talk on mine while driving, and I WILL NOT talk on it when I'm checking out with the clerk in a store...oh wait, I forgot, I don't even have a cell phone at the moment..ok, just make that did not or will not.
And I agree it's very important to be polite to wait staff.....but then I always have been....I am blessed in that from a very early age, my two very well educated parents (who COULD have been intellectually snooty if they had wanted to) INGRAINED it into us to respect all jobs (done well) equally.....we were to respect the garbage collector for what he did as much as we respected the president for what he did.
I do have one anecdotal note about the waiter thing, though...but I'm too tired right now..more on that later..
OK, why is this post being ignored???? 
And, so I don't ignore someone else, best wishes, Losgan...btw..don't worry about chocolate..it does not cause breakouts....that's an old wives tale...breakouts are cause by outside environmental factors and/or hormonal factors.....besides dark chocolate is actually good for you.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 1:29:59 AM
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losgan
Posts: 712
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
For example, if on date one I find she votes democrat, Instant disqualification (TOS does not allow me to define why) So much so that it may end the evening right there. If her attitude towards others is unacceptable (someone who is rude to the waiter is not a nice person). If she talks more on her phone then to me.
Ok, on the political thing, I'm of your political persuasion -so I understand that one...(I will say no more in this non politics folder)....
Cell phones....I can't stand when people over talk on cell phones, and I DO NOT talk on mine while driving, and I WILL NOT talk on it when I'm checking out with the clerk in a store...oh wait, I forgot, I don't even have a cell phone at the moment..ok, just make that did not or will not.
And I agree it's very important to be polite to wait staff.....but then I always have been....I am blessed in that from a very early age, my two very well educated parents (who COULD have been intellectually snooty if they had wanted to) INGRAINED it into us to respect all jobs (done well) equally.....we were to respect the garbage collector for what he did as much as we respected the president for what he did.
I do have one anecdotal note about the waiter thing, though...but I'm too tired right now..more on that later..
Sorry - didn't mean to ignore this! I read it - just happen to agree (though I don't know what y'all are talking about with the political thing, so not gonna go there).
I frankly turn my cell phone ringer OFF when I'm in the company of others at meals or the like. Or checking out at the store like you say. I was a cashier for a while, and once I tried to tell a man his total, and he got angry and said "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Well, as soon as he walked outside, he came back in to yell at me about disagreeing with the price of something. Hence why I tried to tell him the total BEFORE he paid ... to prevent wasting his time because then he had to go to customer service to fix it.
And being respectful of others, not just myself, is one of those things on my list :) God says that how we treat "the least of these" is basically how we are treating Him ... so should especially be important to us as Christians - though I know many secular dating articles stress such a point.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 1:39:07 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2963
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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Oh, that's ok losgan..it was more directed at John_O since it was his opinions I was responding to.
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RE: How soon do you know... - 9/21/2008 7:01:50 AM
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mutinywxgirl
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Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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Regarding the cell phone - at THIS time in my life - mine goes with me everywhere and is on at all times - even if I'm on a date (which I've not done, but should it happen). If I'm local - it's on. Now, if I happen to be out of town and out on a date (keeping fingers crossed for that to happen in Feb), then, yes, it will stay off.
Reasoning - when I'm in town, I'm on call 24/7 with my family. But, that would be mentioned at the moment the phone gets set on the table. And, it would be answered ONLY for family issues.
About the rest of the tread - I have absolutely NO idea - every time I thought I knew something, it changed.
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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