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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/22/2008 12:45:52 PM
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Pengie
Posts: 1229
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When I first filed the DVO those years ago, my husband didn't fight it in court, but admited the abuse. He voluntarily went to the DR and thru months of therapy and counseling. He accepted my anger towards him as I worked thru it with the PSTD, and never complained, but let me rant. I consider this owning up to it. When I began to have seizures, he drove me to every dr apt and did all the houshold errand as well.
We just haven't developed ever learned how to be more than just roomates again. It has just been this past year that he has begun to slip backwards into his depression and angy side. I am trying to nip it in the bud.
He is willing to see the psychiatrist this Thursday, which is a good sign. I have already called the DR ( I see the same one. and he is a Christian. ) and reported my husband's mood swings and actions. I feel the apt will be a productive one.
I talked to my husband about what you said, Maggie. How forgiveness is a gift to him and reconcillation needs to come from him. I thought I'd let him chew on that for a bit. He didn't balk at it, but seemed receptive.
My daughter had a major bipolar meltdown yesterday. It trigged a lot of painful memories for her. Nothing I could say or do consoled her. She repeated something she overheard her father say many years ago: that she was just a product of the marriage! I didn't know she had heard that!
I told my husband she said that and he immediantly went to her to tell her he loved her. I'm not sure she believed him.
So this morning she and I went to her psychiatrist. We are setting up counseling yet again for her. He also adjusted her meds.
I feel just terrible for the poor child. Please keep her in your prayers.
Thanks.
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/22/2008 2:25:31 PM
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Pengie
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Well, it seems I've given my husband far too much credit for being a human being after all.
Saturday morning I asked my penny pinching husband if I could buy an early Christmas present. I have to always ask his permission before spending or taking any money out of the bank. I told him my purchase was around $20 with $7.95 shipping ( I ordered over the net. ) He said yes, so I placed the order.
He just called to yell at me because he checked with his bank and my order was $37. $5 over what I had said! Plus he didn't recognize the company and thought I was "being sneeky".
I asked him if I needed to leave him again and this time divorce him and take half of everything, including his retirement. He has made it obvious to me that money is far more important to him than I am. I told him I am too old and ill to go through his abuse again and that I wouldn't have to deal with PSTD if not for him.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm NOT going to go back through all that hell again!
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/22/2008 2:31:52 PM
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magdaleine
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Oh Pengie! I'm so sorry you're having to experience such callous abuse! It's simply not right.
quote:
I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm NOT going to go back through all that hell again!
Good. I hope the doctors have some answers for you. You need people geographically close to you to support and help you.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 6:54:17 AM
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Pengie
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My husband did the ultimate in twisting my heart yesterday. He knows how much I miss Little Bit and how I would love to get another Maltese.
Well, offered to help me get one!
Now I'm really confused!
I told him that not even a dog deserve to live with his abuse and a small puppy would be far too fragile.
But, in my heart, I would love to have another little white dog to love . . .
Is he really trying to be nice?
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 8:51:27 AM
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stamper_ben
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quote:
Is he really trying to be nice? If he is bipolar he might be cycling into an "up" phase and is trying to be nice.
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 8:59:37 AM
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Pengie
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Yes, he is most deffinately bipolar.
It's all so frustrating, I don't know what part of him to trust?
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 9:50:11 AM
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stamper_ben
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You will only be able to trust when he is stable on the meds. Then watch like a hawk for any changes that indicate the meds aren't working, and be able to suggest he confer with the doctor about that.
A sad statistic is one the marriage counselor told me - that only about 7% of marriages with a bipolar spouse survive. 
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We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 10:23:00 AM
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leah777
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{{{{{{{{{{PENGIE}}}}}}}}}}}}} . . . I'm so sorry he's being this way with you, and that you can't trust even his kind gestures. I am relieved he's going to see the doctor this week. Has he ever been diagnosed with anything other than bipolar. I'm just thinking that these behaviors are not in line with any behaviors I've ever seen from the bipolars I know . . including my husband. In fact, when he was deep into an episode, he could not have followed a thought pattern long enough to have carried something like that off, let alone followed thru on any promises or threats.
Yes, Ben, I've no doubt those statistics are true. I was advised by more than one 'professional' to divorce . . even to seek long-term care for him   . . . Bill is 62 now and getting ready to retire soon. He's supported our family all these years, and has been a caring, loving husband, father & and grandfather. Where would he have been had I given up hope for him and stuck him in a home -- even had I been able to, which I'm sure I couldn't have because he was and is very high functioning. Pengie, there is simply no comparison with what you've related and what my husband has been like during his episodes. I can't help but think there is something much more insidious going on there. Hopefully, this doctor will be able to sort it out and get him help.
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Leah
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/23/2008 5:55:35 PM
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leah777
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That makes much more sense, Pengie, and I am so glad the doctor has been informed. This is just not a good way to live, even if you didn't have your own health problems to face. But you do, and you need to be able to concentrate on them, yourself and your daughter at this stage in your life. You really need a help mate you can lean on, but that doesn't seem feasible at the moment. Maybe this doctor can help to generate a change. I sure will pray for that.
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Leah
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/24/2008 10:35:26 AM
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Pengie
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Thank you, Leah. I most certainly appreciate all the support and friends I have here. It helps me tremendously. It gives me strength. As well as backbone to stand up to my husband!
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Pengie
Pengie's Puddle
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 9:00:53 AM
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leah777
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Wow, Pengie, that is awesome news! I mean that he is so cooperative with it. We needed counseling so badly, especially in the early years of his illness, and then again after the last hospitalization, which was the worst and most stressful one. I finally sought it for myself, by myself. He would never agree to go. That is really great that he is willing, and that the doctor changed his meds, since the others obviously weren't working too well.
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Leah
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 9:40:42 AM
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magdaleine
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Wow, Pengie! That is amazing! Wouldn't you have liked to be a fly on the wall to hear what the doctor said to him? Awesome, awesome! Thank you Jesus!
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 11:27:31 AM
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rayofson
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 11:34:50 AM
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stamper_ben
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quote:
And you bet I would've loved to be that fly! But...but... I thought you were a penguin? 
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 11:57:30 AM
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rayofson
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Are you saying that penguins can't fly?
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 7:00:38 PM
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magdaleine
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And don't forget it, Pengie!
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/26/2008 7:52:47 PM
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magdaleine
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Pengie's Puddle - 9/27/2008 1:15:48 PM
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humbleinspirit
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(((((((((((((Pengie))))))))))))))
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and Lastly, he brought home 2 copies of a huge packet for each of us titled "Christian Assertiveness" Basicaly homework for each of us! 
. From my wife Beth: That's wonderful to hear! 
(aka Hatfield) 
