Have you ever felt like your life was finally falling into place and then it started falling apart, or so it seemed? That is how I feel right now. I know God is in control and all, but just trusting Him is SO HARD?!

Finding out mom had cancer last Friday was hard, it still kind of seems like a really BAD dream, but when I have to drag myself out of bed to put my little brother who is crying because he had a bad dream back into bed, because mom is too sick and tired to get up, it reminds me that this is real. We are trusting that God will heal her, either by touching her body or using the doctor's as His instruments of healing, but it doesn't make this any easier on any of us.

And to make matters worse, my heart and head have been arguing with each other and I don't want to tell mom about it and make her worry about me, when she needs to focus on getting well. It just makes it hard because she is normally my guy advice-giver! LOL!
Long story short, there is a guy I like that matches my list of the kind of guy I normally like perfectly and he likes me, but isn't ready for a girlfriend right now he claims. Then, there is this guy that I am really good friends with, and he is opposite of everything I thought I wanted and yet, he is so awesome. My head says a million reasons to like the guy who matches my list and my heart says to go with the guy who is my friend and not what I thought I wanted, but the one who makes me smile. Anyway, I am just praying about it for now. Why is this something I even worry about is something I have yet to figure out, but I do want God's perfect will in all areas of my life and especially this one! My Grandma always said to never date someone that you couldn't see yourself married to. I try to keep that in mind when I like guys or even think about liking them.

I have been standing on Jeremiah 33:3- "Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you do not know." God is in control of it all and no matter what happens, I know it will be what God wanted it will be the best thing for me! He is my loving Heavenly Father and He knows all and He loves me more than I could ever understand or even know!

Anyway, that's it for now, I will keep you all posted on mom's progress!

Living to Live for Jesus Christ,
Chicka~

"It was like Heaven had kissed earth as the Father of all mankind touched the heart of His children." Those were the words of my friend SB as we walked out of the night of worship at Christ for the Nations last Friday night and they were so true! It was one of the most amazing nights of my life, it was like I was the only one in the room, it was as if it was the Lover of my soul Jesus Christ and I, it was as if we were alone in the world and I was so touched! It was completely AWESOME!

Going on a six hour road trip with all guys from your young adults group is interesting, but we had so much fun! My pastor and his wife got so tickled at us, we are all on that brink of being still a bit of teenagers and yet, we're also adults, we're at that weird stage and it's SO MUCH FUN!

God really reached down and touched me, I am a natural cry baby anyways and I thought I was going to be okay, then I looked up and saw SB crying, you know when you aren't sobbing, but the tears are just running down your face? Yeah, like that. And I burst into tears, to see this guy who seems so strong, so unmovable, just break down in God's presence was awe-inspiring for me. I realized that God can move and work on anyone as long as we let HIM! I also came to realize that I don't need to worry about guys right now, because God will give me the right one in HIS time and not MINE! And besides, the one that I really like is truly just not wanting a girlfriend right now because he is really serious about getting close to God right now...and he really is worth waiting for...and well, my best guy friend is better as just that...a friend. But, everything will work out...because I have a Heavenly Dad who LOVES me!

Mom had a fairly good week, the good days come and go, but we are clinging to the fact that God is in control! And that is all we need to know right now!

We are going to the hospital tonight, because my Grandma had an accident burning trash and ended up with second and third degree burns on her back, they did skin grafts yesterday and she really wants to see me, so we will be going up there tonight.

I have come to the conclusion that if I want to be in the center of God's will, I have to run towards it...

The song "Running" by Klaus Kuehn, has become my anthem-

"I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He's calling my name. I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He's calling my name. He's saying come up higher, you'll hear the angels sing, come up higher my beloved. Come up higher and leave this world behind, you'll find me to be beautiful...

I am running, I am running after You, You've become my soul's delight. I am running, I am running after You, here with You I find my life.


I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He's calling my name. I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love, He's calling my name. He's saying come up higher, you'll hear the angels sing, come up higher my beloved. Come up higher and leave this world behind, you'll find me to be beautiful...

I am running, I am running after You, You've become my soul's delight. I am running, I am running after You, here with You I find my life...one thing have I desired, this will I seek after, to dwell in Your house forevermore. Now I'm running after the thing that really matters, You've become my song and joy.

I am running, I am running after You, You've become my soul's delight. I am running, I am running after You, here with You I find my life. I find my joy in worshipping You, Lord..."

"Now I'm running after the thing that really matters..." that line is so powerful! I want to be that woman, the one who runs after the ONE that really matters, the only ONE who can truly know her and yet, fully love her. The ONE who knows what guy will be the one that her heart desires for and the one He desires for her to have. I want to be the woman who is so lost in God and His will for my life that the man that falls in love with me will have to find the face of God before he can see me. I have always wanted this, but this weekend erased all the worry, all the pain, all the memories of things that were and shouldn't have been and it reminded me of this dream, of this desire of my heart...God captured my full attention and love again!

Well, I have to hop out of here! Be blessed and be blessings!

Living to Live for Jesus Christ,
Chicka~