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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/17/2008 2:14:55 PM
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jennleigh
Posts: 94
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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quote:
I can't use the typical parenting skills. She's been hurt by every other caregiver figure in her five years. She doesn't want me to like her, and she doesn't want to like me because in her little head, she doesn't believe that she's going to be here forever like we say. She didn't get forever with her birth mom. She didn't get forever with her birth grandparents. And she didn't get forever with us when we were her foster parents before that. If she doesn't like us, she won't get hurt when she has to leave again. That's what she thinks.
So she's going to cause chaos.
And if I have her in the store, there is a good reason for it. One that I can't control otherwise, and, respectfully, I don't care what you think. There are hundreds of thousands of kids across this country who have gone through the kind of things she has, and they don't wear a scarlet letter or something that let's you know they are "special needs." We parents deserve some grace, too.
This just reminds me that just we cannot possibly know what is truly going on with someone else's child, simply from looking at it from the outside. A little patience of our own, whether we have children or not, is indeed a virtue. And you are right, you should not have to wear a 'scarlet letter' to let anyone know your business. Focusing on getting this child out in public and acclimating her to the world is far more important than someone who has no patience being allowed to rob her of her opportunity at a normal life experience.
As Christians, we should have the most grace to give, since it was so freely given to us at some point, and if you lived in my shoes, you'd know it is given freely on several ongoing occasions lol.
God Bless,
Jenn
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/17/2008 2:40:46 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 108
Joined: 11/21/2007
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Barb, I have been meaning to get over here to tell you that you inspire me. Thank you so much for sharing. I will hold on to that story and hopefully bring it up when I need a little more patience/grace/love, even with an adult. We rarely know what is really going on in these situations.
I have 30 plus neices, nephews, and greats. I did learn to never say aloud, "My child will do/ won't do this, that, or the other thing." That kind of talk has a way of coming back at you. But I know realize that deep down I still thought it. I really thought I had some answers. LOL! Then I had my baby. I am pretty sure it was still in the hospital that I realized I was both clueless and in way over my head. It is by the grace of God and being willing to reevaluate old ideas that is enabling me to parent. (And a really, really terrific husband) I know that some day my precious child will throw herself down on the ground and raise a ruckus that will have all of Walmart talking. I hope at least one of the people that passes by will not judge use but instead offer up a prayer for my patience and that I will train her up in God.
Karen
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/17/2008 3:36:34 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 108
Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:
And then my son came along and God cleared up that misunderstanding immediately and forever.
Thank you so much for this. I am having one of these lessons today and needed to hear God has done this lesson plan with others. It made me spit water at the screen when I laughed.
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/17/2008 10:23:36 PM
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bzirk
Posts: 2915
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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Maybe, but I think it was someone else who didn't have as many kids as Dr. Sears.
If I remember it, I'll post it.
_____________________________
may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/18/2008 11:54:52 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 359
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I'm glad we live in a society where there are children around....I'd much rather be in the U.S. and hear a baby fuss once in a while then be in some society where I only saw adults. That would be sad.
I will say that in Germany, you don't see children as much, in places that are geared towards adults. Small children generally aren't seen in nice restaurants, late night movies or a formal concert. It's not because the Germans don't love their children, they just don't take children at an even where adult behavior is expected, when children are not capable of adult behavior.
Of course you see children at basic shopping areas, but that's completely different. I think the Germans have the right idea. They take good care of their children and they do discipline, but if they are going to the theater, they hire a sitter or stay at home when the kids are small.
Children have their place, except here in America, where their place is everywhere. 
I'm jumping into this late, but the comment about Germany struck me as interesting. I have 3 kids. My oldest is the easiest kid in the world, always has been. My twins on the other hand, have developemental problems and probably are somewhere on the autism spectrum. They are 10 now and autism wasn't as often diagnosed as it is now. Anyway, I knew and know certain situations will be overwhelming to them, so I simply don't take them. It isn't fair to take them to a place that is too much for them, that will cause what we call a meltdown. I've had to miss a lot of things or go to things alone, but I don't feel it is fair to anyone to put them in that situation. Like the other poster said we have built up their tollerance to things and we try to prepare them for new situations as much as possible. I look at it this way am I going to enjoy dinner out at a restaurant if my kids are freaking out? Are they? Is anyone? My kids are not little adults, it's not fair to try to forse them to be.
Just my humble opinion.
Kim Q
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/19/2008 9:36:52 AM
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Leslie_JnJs_mom
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I have missed movies at the theater and concerts I would have loved to have gone to, but they would have been either too loud or boring for such a little girl so I did not go. I would get a sitter if I trusted anyone besides my mom who is over 1,000 miles away.
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<------- Jessica and I had so much fun with grandma!
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/19/2008 9:37:07 AM
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jennleigh
Posts: 94
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
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quote:
If our sixth child had been our first, we would have written parenting books by now, too. Our first one was a handful, though, so we never were under any illusions about our parenting expertise! Lol!
My first was MORE than a handful, and it taught me quite a bit about humility, lol. I was pretty sure I was never going to have another child because I was obviously not very "good at it" as a parent. Then, he was diagnosed with a developmental disability and I had a renewed hope that not all children were going to be as much of a handful. . . and now I have four lol. I wasn't quite as right about that as I thought I would be
I believe that for all who believe their children are so awesome because of "THEIR" parenting skills, a good dose of teenager-ness will help you through that, as they tend to be the great equalizer lol  .
God Bless,
Jenn
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/19/2008 9:45:22 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4986
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jennleigh
quote:
If our sixth child had been our first, we would have written parenting books by now, too. Our first one was a handful, though, so we never were under any illusions about our parenting expertise! Lol!
My first was MORE than a handful, and it taught me quite a bit about humility, lol. I was pretty sure I was never going to have another child because I was obviously not very "good at it" as a parent. Then, he was diagnosed with a developmental disability and I had a renewed hope that not all children were going to be as much of a handful. . . and now I have four lol. I wasn't quite as right about that as I thought I would be
I believe that for all who believe their children are so awesome because of "THEIR" parenting skills, a good dose of teenager-ness will help you through that, as they tend to be the great equalizer lol .
God Bless,
Jenn
Yeah, my husband and I were all for the idea of kids learning to sit quietly in church with their parents until our first was born. It was absolutely impossible. He can't sit still. He just can't. My youngest can sit still for hours, but not our oldest. I could probably count on one hand the number of times we've spanked our youngest, and our oldest hardly went a day without getting spanked. When we take our youngest somewhere by ourselves, people gush about how good he is. He just enjoys sitting in my lap and doesn't fuss or squirm or try to crawl under pews or unzip the lady's dress in front of him like my oldest did.
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<--Plantation house in Louisiana
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/22/2008 10:55:59 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4271
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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From Rich's other thread:
ORIGINAL: CCCdnt
quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
quote:
ORIGINAL: CCCdnt
quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
I suspect he's referring to something along the autism spectrum.
Which in my opinion still doesn't justify having a 30-minute+ tantrum in a Wal-Mart. But there's another thread about that.
ASD = Autism Spectrum Disorder
As for 30-minute+... Again, the people observing this most likely do not know the whole situation. If the child has a disabililty such as ASD, then the parent may not have an alternative. There may be items the parent has to get and maybe it may take him/her 30+ minutes. If the child is not causing harm to others (not trying to hit others, for example) then the parent has as much right to be in the store as the parent of a child with any other type of disability. As far as "justification"... I can only assume here that you do not know much about ASD for you to make this comment. Most if not all children with ASD prone to meltdowns can not help this which is where understanding from others comes into play. Meltdowns stemming from ASD are not the same as temper-tantrums that "typical" children have.
What is the other thread?
I probably know more about ASD than the average bear.
Will you please eloborate then on what you mean by your statement "[that a child having ASD]...still doesn't justify having a 30-minute+ tantrum in a Wal-Mart"?
quote:
quote:
No explanation necessary.
I am not sure what you mean by this.
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Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/22/2008 10:57:00 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4271
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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I meant don't worry about explaning the ASD "meltdown" because I'm familiar with it.
And I also meant that 30+ minutes of any tantrum in a public place is too much for the child and too much for everyone else in the vicinity.
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Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/23/2008 12:29:22 AM
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CCCdnt
Posts: 359
Joined: 3/10/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
I meant don't worry about explaning the ASD "meltdown" because I'm familiar with it.
And I also meant that 30+ minutes of any tantrum in a public place is too much for the child and too much for everyone else in the vicinity.
And again to this I will say that this will greatly depend on the situation, especially if the child has a condition such as ASD.
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http://www.abort73.com
See for Yourself
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RE: Non-Parent Opinion on Temper Tantrums - 9/23/2008 1:53:28 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3643
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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When I was a young parent, I was a perfect parent and knew everything there was to know about parenting, because I read the books.
Although I eventually figured out how wrong I was, this thread alone reminds me.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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