RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and support thread
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 11:46:11 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 32404
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.X
When a person smokes, they create nicotine receptors in their brain, the more your smoke, the more there are. When you quit, the receptors aren't getting any nicotine, and it makes a person real cranky. Eventually the nicotine receptors go away after being quit for so long.
That sounds almost word for word like one of the nicotine patches ads on the TV.
((((((((((((((((((((NICOLE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 12:12:11 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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(((((((Nicole))))))))
Cherish, yeah I got the info from the Mayo Clinic on BecomAnEx.org who I think are in cahoots with Nicotine patch companies.
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 12:26:49 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
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Nicole, I am glad Nath was able to sleep in his bed like that! And yes, it does sound like your hubby might be grumpy from smoking again. (((((hugs)))))))
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~Nicole~
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 12:45:01 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
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From: Newberg, OR
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Sometimes, my hubby doesn't even know when he's being grouchy, so I'll say something like "Is everything OK? You seem a little stressed." Now, he already knows what I'm trying to say, but he appreciates that I imply in a nice way that he's being grouchy and tries to change his attitude. Do you think something like would work with your hubby, Nicole?
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 12:54:27 PM
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HisCovenant
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(((Nicole))) Still praying for you daily!
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My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/22/2008 3:26:31 PM
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HisCovenant
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TwinCityGirl
Remember your own phrase of "trying to be the bigger person"....yes, it gets really old, but your children are watching you succeed at that, even in the trying times -- so you are ALL winning -- all 4 of you, when you are able to persevere.
That's the truth!
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/23/2008 5:47:28 PM
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nicole6598
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Hubby was really grumpy yesterday. Could it just be from not smoking? I don't know, I don't know how much to let slide either. It was one thing after another. He made hot chips (fries) for his dinner (we were eating something else he didn't like) and then decided he didn't want them so threw them in the bin, I said "you could of given those to Amy instead of putting them in the bin" not in a nasty tone or anything and he said "why don't you just go back to your mum's place". Hmmm nice. He just snapped one thing after another. Then sometimes he was fine. It was like living with Jekyl and Hyde!!
He is just going into bed now so hopefully he wakes up this afternoon in a good mood.
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/23/2008 10:05:39 PM
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Mrs.X
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Usually food is one of the only things that makes a smoker feel better, so I don't think that was it Sarah. Most people don't get the craving until after they've finished eating.
((((((((Nicole))))))))))))
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/23/2008 11:40:20 PM
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nicole6598
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Sarah- while I see what you mean about not talking about hubby, I think that what was said is valid in a way. I mean, I do think those things that Jae mentioned and I don't know what I am meant to do about them. Do I just let this keep happening over and over again or do I try and tell him what I believe is the problem and seems obvious to others who barely know him? So you don't have to answer that if you dont want, but I was going to mention it and ask for ideas.
Umm he used to smoke all day long really I think, he never smoked infront of me though after Dad got cancer. I know that he smokes if he is stressed, or if he was fixing a car or something and couldn't get a part to fit he would stop and smoke and then go back to it. Its like he uses it to calm down I think. So when he was at my mums and would get stressed he would shut down and then snap or walk away, I let him have some time then I went to him and held his hand or hugged him or asked if he wanted to talk or tried to make him laugh. Its just so tiring though.
What do I do if he doesn't find anyone to be accountable to or thinks its not necessary? I am not really sure why it is a problem if I ask someone to check in with him? Can you explain Sarah so I can understand and then offer a suggestion that you would do instead please?
I just can't keep up with his moods all the time. And its not like he was a bundle of joy when he smoked either, he was grumpy and moody then too. How can I feel happy to be around him when he just brings me down?
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/24/2008 1:02:09 AM
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Flintejae
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Sarah - I know this thread is about Nicole. The reason why I identified/mentioned her husband was due to the fact that she had. I see his 'moods' as a form of manipulation. I think Nicole needs to see that for what it is and stop letting the 'surface' issues be something either one of them can hide behind.
Nicole - Honestly, I think a place you ahve to come to (as well as all of us) is the fact that You are not your Husbands Holy Spirit. It is not your job to show him anything. It is your job to pray that the Holy Spirit brings truth, love, revelation, and healing into your mind/body/soul - as well as your husbands. The more you try to make something become obvious - the more he will probably run from it.
Does that mean you are called to be a doormat? Nope. You can set loving boundaries with your spouse (and anyon else) by not allowing them to abuse you verbally, emotionally, mentally, or physically.
"Husband, I'm sorry you are having a hard day. Would it help for me to pray with you?"
"Husband, I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but please don't speak to me in that tone. It hurts my feelings."
Or, just walk away when they are hateful. Don't return hate for hate (tit or tat). Simply walk away. Love him in his hurt and frustration. Ask God to show you what you've done to cause any frustrations in the past that have been carried to the future. Ask the Lord to quiet the tones in your voice and body language. Look within and as you look and work from within - without will change.
(my two cents.)
_____________________________
- Janine
Jadon, 3/12/08. Thank You, Lord, for Your Amazing Miracles
 Moo!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/24/2008 1:10:12 AM
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nicole6598
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I tend to agree with you Jae and that's my concern is that he is manipulating the circumstances to get what he wants even though it may not be right or the best thing.
Thank you for those suggestions Jae. Just before he woke up and wanted to go to the shops to get some bacon and bread. I asked him if he wanted me to go instead as I needed a few things. He did this big huff and said "can't I just get it? Why didn't you get it earlier". I told him that we were planning on going out shortly we had just finished lunch, Then he huffed and puffed some more. We went and it was fine. We got home and he snapped because the cutting board was left out (remember he is not that tidy himself) so I told him once Nath was settled I would tidy and not to not snap at me. ugh.
I will continue to seek God on it, thanks for those reminders!
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/24/2008 1:45:53 AM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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That book Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend, I'm reading it. I only got to renew once though, so I had to return it before I was done, but I'm gonna go check it out again the day after tomorrow. There's a part in the first part of the book, like third chapter....made me think of you and your hubby, also reminded of mine. It was talking about the wife having to walk around on eggshells and anticipate her hubby's moods, etc.
I really think you ought to get it. HERE is a link to an Aussie site that sells it, or maybe you can find it at the library. You can read the first two chapters HERE.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: Nicole's happily ever after encouragment and suppor... - 9/24/2008 1:57:57 AM
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reach
Posts: 1365
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Nicole - I just wanted to say that we all bring bad habits into marriage, and I am so proud of you for stepping up and doing things to help your marriage.
I am reading a book from 1960's. I am sure everyone has heard of it, but the title is Lord, Change Me. I have read it before, but I need a reminder that I am not the one that does things God is, and when I see things in others that I think need fixing, Lord change my eyes. Let me be slow to speak and quick to pray.
We go to a couple group, and we watch a dvd, and then we talk about what we watched as a group. THe dvd's that we watch are so good. Tonight they were talking about valuing your spouse. And helping them feel valued. I am so bad at that. I don't come from that kind of background, so it is hard. So we are back to change me, so that I can be the person my husband needs, so he can feel valued.
Another thing that comes up a lot is unfulfilled expectations. That might be something else that you can look at. This is an area that you can control. Do you have an idea of what your Christian husband should be like, and you nag him when he does not live up to it? (I am so speaking to myself!)
One other book I have read is "when women walk alone". The book talks about women from many walks of life, married and single, and how they have to find you own place in God. Your identity does not come from your husband , but from God. It is good. But I am sure you have a million books. :)
Anyway the book gives examples of things that you can do to turn your focus from your husband toward God. For instance: Write a list of ways the Lord can meet the needs that your husband hasn't been able to. Then, rather than grow resentful toward your husband, than God for His unconditional love and ask him to help you release these expectations that you've had on your earthly husband and leave them with your heavenly husband, when they belong. Then thank God for the things that your earthly husband is capable of.
Just some thoughts....
< Message edited by reach -- 9/24/2008 2:04:42 AM >
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