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Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 4:39:00 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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What age were you/would you be okay with your child getting off the bus if no one was home? How long would you be comfortable with them being alone? Why?
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 4:45:48 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 1772
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I started doing this when I was 12 or 13 when we first moved here (from another state). I was alone about two hours.
I really don't think I'd be comfortable with my daughter in that position - we were in a new place where we didn't really know anyone. I think, at that age, having two kids together and having neighbors we know well, I'd be OK with it. But I guess when my mom let me come home alone was a different time.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 5:16:36 PM
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garsyt
Posts: 2239
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For my older kids when they were in 5th (10 going on 11) and 1st grades and they would beat me home, and they would be on their own for an hour tops. I likely would have trusted them longer but there was never a need for it.
I started letting Ty be home alone for a time after school once he was in middle school, and then babysitting of the younger ones once he turned 12, with the help of another friend and then on his own or with a friend at 13.
NOW this year - So far we haven't had any problems with an adult being home when the kids get home yet, BUT there may come a time when I might not be home. If my eldest, Ty is home I have no problem with it whatsoever. However, if Ty isn't home yet, well.... Then it is likely that I would make a point to pick the younger ones up at school. Now it it were just Aryn and one of the younger ones - maybe for a VERY short amount of time (no more then 30 minutes), but I would NEVER leave Aryn (now nearing 11) home with both of her younger siblings, at this point. She's not ready for it and she is not to be babysitting at all until she is 12 anyway.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 5:40:46 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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And more specific to our situation...would you be comfortable having a third grader (8.5 year old) get off the bus alone occasionally? He'd have no siblings to care for, would just come in and watch TV and get a snack. He would probably not be alone for more than 30 minutes to an hour, and would have a list of people he could call if he needed anything. He'd also call us on the cell as soon as he was home.
I don't even know if the district will allow him to be dropped off if no one is here...have to check on that Monday. But with Brian having doctor's appointments an hour away and waiting time there being so unpredictable, it would be nice to just have him get off the bus if we were on our way home anyway. *I* know he'd be fine for that amount of time.
If it makes a difference, we live in the middle of nowhere. Not even a stop light in our town and we know our neighbors.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 5:48:45 PM
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garsyt
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Would he be able to hang out at the neighbors or go home with a buddy from school those days?
I would be uncomfortable leaving a child of that age home alone for almost any length of time. But that's me and I don't know Noah.
Blessings,
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 5:52:58 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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If he goes home with someone, then we've got to get him as well as the other kids, and he'll be there such a short time that he won't want to leave. We have neighbors a few houses away that go to our church, but have no kids his age. I know they'd be fine with him going there, but right now is soccer season and they have two on the team, so it's not always guaranteed they'll be there either.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 6:04:29 PM
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JuliaHop
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I would be uncomfortable letting an 8.5 year old both enter and stay in a house alone. In our state it would also be illegal. That would leave too many doors open for problems if something did go wrong...problems that could involve the welfare of the entire family.
In the 1960's, when I was in elementary school, I was responsible for locking a door to the house (when I left for school) when I was age 10. I was not permitted to re-enter the house when my parents weren't home. My mother arranged for us to stay with the neighbor that lived behind us until my mother returned home.
So that you know that my parents were not the overprotective sort, when I was 12 I was permitted to take a bus into a major city and go shopping for the day with my sister or a friend. We would then take another bus to return home. (This is just one of the freedoms that I would never have given a 12 year old.)
Could arrangements be made for Noah to wait at school on the days that Brian has doctor appointmetnts?
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 7:43:14 PM
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stellaluna
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I was in fourth grade when I started riding the bus from one school to another, walking four blocks to my house and staying alone for 2-3 hours.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/5/2008 11:56:18 PM
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kohls356
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My children were around 12 when they would come home alone. I would not be comfortable with an 8 year old coming home alone. I don't know about your child but mine would have been scared to be alone at that age.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 12:13:25 AM
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stampinlady
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From: Northern IL
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quote:
In our state it would also be illegal.
Here in IL too.
I would check with your local authorities.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 7:08:06 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 1772
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I would be uncomfortable with the age and also with the fact that you don't live close to neighbors. I've wished I could leave my 7 & 8 year old home when I've had to run to the store - literally two blocks away. I've never done it, though. I remember one time I was baking and literally ran out of one thing. I called my neighbor and, if she'd been home, I might've left them for those 15 minutes but she wasn't. I dragged them up there with me.
I also don't think it's legal to leave a child alone at that age in this state either.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 8:24:27 AM
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manda59
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For mine, 11 or 12, and even then for only 30 minutes. an hour if absolutely necessary.
Donna, you say you know Noah would be all right - 99.99% of the time he may well be, but it would be the 0.01% time I'd be concerned about.
If it was me, I'd either have him stay at school longer that day (here in the UK, you can do that, I don't know about there), go to a neighbours (preferably have the neighbour meet him off the bus directly) or take him out of school early that day and take him with us to the hospital appointment.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 8:56:18 AM
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momma_bee
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I see your problem and I think I would be tempted to do the same thing, if it was BigBee, but not DeeDee.
And looking at it I think that was because he has the oppertunities to prove himself while I was holding a little one but she didn't.
In 5th grade, we let BigBee get him and his sister off the bus or get himself off without one of us being home. But we deliberately set it up so they could. IOW I could come straight home and then get kids and go to the store or go to the store first.
Last year, she got herself off once or twice in 4th grade and 10 1/2.
PA Law is you cannot leave a child at home who cannot take care of themselves.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 9:15:40 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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NY law does not state an age. I think we could get in trouble if we had him caring for younger children, but I would never ask him to do that at this age.
It would only be MAYBE twice a month we would need to do this. He can't stay at the school unless I find someone who is willing to be responsible for him after the buses come. If the neighbor kids don't have soccer, that is probably the best option...I'll have to look into that more.
I think different 8 year olds are capable of different things. Yes, he is only 8, but I can tell you with certainty he would know what to do in an emergency. And I know he would just come in (we don't lock our doors in the daytime anyway), turn the TV onto cartoons, and get a snack.
He has been left here while we walk to the post office a few blocks away, and done fine. He has also been left here with Brian and Levi a lot lately while I took Hannah and Esther to my appointments. Yes, Brian is here, but he is not able to get around quickly. Noah has proven himself responsible and trustworthy in these situations.
Oh, and when I said we live in the middle of nowhere...we do live in a very small town, not in a rural area. Our neighbors are close by, not like in the country.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 9:27:09 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6050
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
It would only be MAYBE twice a month we would need to do this. He can't stay at the school unless I find someone who is willing to be responsible for him after the buses come. If the neighbor kids don't have soccer, that is probably the best option...I'll have to look into that more.
If your neighbours are happy to help out, maybe they could let you know when their children do have soccer, and schedule Brian's appointments around when they'd be available.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 3:03:14 PM
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JuliaHop
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quote:
New York, like most states, has no law stipulating an age of aloneness, though parents can be charged with reckless endangerment if tragedy befalls children while they are home without supervision.
“There’s no definition,” said Sharman Stein, a spokeswoman for the New York City Administration for Children’s Services. “There are child-safety experts who believe some 10-year-olds are quite O.K. alone and others who would tell you that there are some 14-year-olds they wouldn’t leave alone.”
Found at: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/14/nyregion/14alone.html
I would be very tempted to ask the school or church secretary if Noah could sit in the office and do homework on the days that you will be late.
_____________________________
For God so loved the World, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 5:31:13 PM
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momma_bee
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That is pretty much how PA's law was written.
Does he know who to call and how to call? (I'm betting yes) Do you have someone who would drop everything to get him if need be? Someone who can get there if he doesn't answer the phone or the dr says that will be another 45 minutes, sorry.
Tell me this - would you leave him alone in the house if you were outside? What if you were 100 feet from the house and couldn't hear him? How long would you stay out there?
If you would leave him when you were nearby, but not watching him, then you can leave him when you aren't watching him? KWIM?
There are what ifs. At our house it is 'what if they fall down the steps?' Yep, it could possibly happen. But is isn't any more likely to happen if I'm not here verses in the garden weeding away. In fact, it is MORE likely to happen if I'm in the backyard. And, if they needed me, I wouldn't know it until I came in.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 6:08:44 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10433
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
Does he know who to call and how to call? (I'm betting yes) Do you have someone who would drop everything to get him if need be? Someone who can get there if he doesn't answer the phone or the dr says that will be another 45 minutes, sorry.
Yes, he absolutely knows who to call and how to call. I would leave certain phone numbers posted on the fridge in case he forgot them, but he knows 5 numbers from memory now (our home, our cell, his aunt, Grandma's cell, Grandpa's cell). I would add our neighbor to that list and also one of his friend's parents.
quote:
Tell me this - would you leave him alone in the house if you were outside? What if you were 100 feet from the house and couldn't hear him? How long would you stay out there?
Yes, absolutely. I have been in the play yard with the little kids and you can't hear in the house from there. I've definitely been out there more than an hour before and not worried about what he was doing at all.
quote:
If you would leave him when you were nearby, but not watching him, then you can leave him when you aren't watching him? KWIM?
Makes sense to me.
I also agree with the article Julia posted...that there are some 14 year olds that should not be left alone. I don't think it's necessarily an age thing, though I would never consider it at an age younger than Noah and I'm kind of on the fence about that. It will probably be 8 years before my 7 year old is left alone...he has no impulse control whatsoever and has proven that he WILL get into trouble if you take your eyes off him. Just different kids...[color]
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 7:48:45 PM
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ladyingrace1979
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From: Fresno CA
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If he is responsible I would have no problem. It's a one time thing and you could check on him by phone. It's a short amount of time and not a typical thing.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/6/2008 8:55:48 PM
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momma_bee
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Yep - thinking about it, and watching my little one today, I am much more convinced. At first I thought 'no way' (and I'll bet someone you trusted thought that for a second too or you wouldn't be asking)
And I remember talking Poppa into letting both kids along for a second.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/13/2008 12:15:03 PM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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Donna,
I had this discussion with some friends who were going through the same thing. While I believe that their child is capable of being home alone at a young age (here in Ontario it's 11 when you can start leaving them home alone, I believe), my caution is in the worst case scenario.
If something were to happen that emergency crews needed to arrive at the home, and they arrived to find an 8 year old home alone, then you would most likely be in trouble for it.
I know it sounds extreme, and we all say what are the chances of that happening, especially since you aren't leaving him home alone every day, but it is always a possibility, and like I said to my friends, is that a risk you are willing to take?
The other possibility is, what if someone found out he was home alone, they didn't agree with you doing this and decided to report it? There are some pretty nosy people out there who think it's ok to stick their noses in the business of people they don't know (for example, what if the bus driver saw that they were home alone)
Just a few things to think about.
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I want to be more than an ordinary servant.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/14/2008 6:08:29 PM
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macokjc
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For me, it wouldn't be a question of not trusting the child, but unfortunately, not trusting the world in which we live.
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/21/2008 11:23:04 PM
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Chrystal-J-007
Posts: 618
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From: Detroit
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quote:
ORIGINAL: macokjc
For me, it wouldn't be a question of not trusting the child, but unfortunately, not trusting the world in which we live.
I agree. I was home alone at age 13 when a strange man called asking me if I was home alone. We had been warned at school to just hang up if that happened to us, so I did. But, it was a very scary thing to go through alone.
Another time a Christmas tree bulb caught our rug on fire. My older siblings were home at the time (I was about 10) and they dealt with it. I'm not sure what I would of done if they hadn't been home.
I've been reading about your situation. *Hugs* to you and my prayers go out to you and your family! I hope your husband heals totally soon.
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Worry looks around, Sorrow looks back, Faith looks up
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...timing is everything!
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/23/2008 2:41:03 PM
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Auben
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I have a 9.5 year old and an 8 year old.
Personally, even though they are good kids and know their emergency numbers and are generally good in a pinch, I would never leave them home alone on a regular basis. Sometimes there is a time when there's just nothing else you can do. I don't worry about those situations as long as a clear list of parent approved activities has discussed beforehand.
8 year old boys have very interesting minds. I'm not saying they can't handle an emergency. Mine seem to be able to do that. Or take care of themselves. Ditto. The problem is the 5% of the time when they think of odd things to do without the added bonus of maturity to let them know it's not a good idea. For some reason having a parent at home who may or may not question what they're doing reins them in a bit (even if you don't see them).
For that reason I wouldn't allow mine home alone yet. I would prefer to find some place they can stay for those 2x a month.
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~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Getting off the bus with no one home - 9/23/2008 3:12:01 PM
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macokjc
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quote:
The problem is the 5% of the time when they think of odd things to do without the added bonus of maturity to let them know it's not a good idea.
My 8 year old boy got the idea in his head that it would be WAY cool (his words) to jump out of his second-story window into our swimming pool.
Yep - not leaving that other-wise intelligent son home alone.
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