Torn between who to ask out. (Full Version)

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risingangel -> Torn between who to ask out. (9/3/2008 9:59:26 PM)

Ok, here's the deal. I've had two young ladies that i know from years ago come in to where I work. One I knew the year I went to a private school - but who was too young at the time (I'm now 31, she's in her mid-to-late 20's), the other I worked with and regretted not asking out when I had the chance.

Both are very nice people. I find both attractive. And I notice that both seem to remember me fondly.

I need to pray on this, because it could either be a case of me wanting to go for the more attractive of the two (the one from school) and the other being better for me. Or I could be letting a regret from my past keep me from being with someone really good for me.

I did notice that I had more of a chance to talk with the one from my school than I did with the other one (I was helping a customer).



karlie -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/3/2008 10:08:04 PM)

I personally wouldn't go out with anyone if I was trying to decide between two people. To me, that doesn't show a clear interest in any one person, and that seems like a mistake to me. I know I wouldn't like to know that someone did an "eenie, meenie, miney, mo" between me and another woman. I would want to know it was God's leading that led them to ask me, specifically, and not because I won a contest of some sort.

I would definitely take some time to pay and ask God for some clear guidance about which(if either) is one you should peruse.



MC4JC -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/3/2008 10:19:20 PM)

I politely disagree that you shouldn't have to decide between the two woman. Since you are not sure, what is the harm of taking them both out on a casual date and finding out who you think you might want to know better now.

Sometimes we are expecting the person to be like "we used to know them" - maybe neither one of these woman is what they were before and you might not like either.

Until you make the decision to pick a person that you'd like to know a lot better, then feel free to date casually. Be sure they know its a casual date and nothing serious at this point. Until you are engaged to one person, you are free to date.



risingangel -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/3/2008 10:24:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: karlie

I personally wouldn't go out with anyone if I was trying to decide between two people. To me, that doesn't show a clear interest in any one person, and that seems like a mistake to me. I know I wouldn't like to know that someone did an "eenie, meenie, miney, mo" between me and another woman. I would want to know it was God's leading that led them to ask me, specifically, and not because I won a contest of some sort.

I would definitely take some time to pay and ask God for some clear guidance about which(if either) is one you should peruse.


I agree. That's why I mentioned that in one case I was given more of a chance to talk, and not so in the other. I was wondering if anyone thought that was a coincidence or not.



karlie -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/3/2008 10:31:14 PM)

quote:

I politely disagree that you shouldn't have to decide between the two woman. Since you are not sure, what is the harm of taking them both out on a casual date and finding out who you think you might want to know better now

I think that depends on your personal philosophy of dating. I don't agree with casual dating and believe dating needs to be a God-led thing, so I look at it differently.

Either way, good luck to you, risingangel!



crankius -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/4/2008 12:25:27 AM)

I have some questions.

Are they both believers?
Were you friends with either one of them?
Do you have mutual friends?


Is it possible to ask them (1 at a time) if they would meet with you for a cup of coffee during the day, to say hello and visit and catch up a bit as friends?

OR, if you have mutual friends, you could maybe meet at a group event with the mutual friends, like a church activity.

I'm just remembering from my single days that there were ways to interact with each other without actually being on an official date.



sudden -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/5/2008 4:29:08 PM)

Hi Rising:

I agree that it is really kinder to only date one woman at a time...if you date both, even just a few times, you will eventually have to say goodbye to at least one of them and that may be very sad for them and exceedingly awkward for you.

Pick the one your gut is telling you to. If it doesn't work out would that necessarily preclude eventually dating the other woman?

Of course, you only met them briefly in your workplace. They may both be "spoken for" and/or one or both may not wish to go out with you.

Sudden



preserved -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/5/2008 6:08:00 PM)

risingangel...unfortunately none of us here will really be able to tell you which to ask out...This is an area that you are going to have to pray and ask God to help you...Another one of the poster indicating take both out one at a time...Sounds to be fair. Keep it simple and not add anything into it while you allow God to show you who is in the best of your interest...Remember just because a person looks good may not necessarily be good. It is what is going on in the head and the heart that counts...



blueriver -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/6/2008 3:24:09 PM)

I agree with Preserved, you need to pray about this. If you cannot decide on which one to ask out, then DON'T ASK until you know which one is THE ONE for you. Otherwise, you may run into situation where you've started dating one and keep wondering about "what if i've asked the other girl out in the first place". Don't make things complicated.

Pray about it. God will answer you. Only God can do a perfect match for you.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Torn between who to ask out. (9/7/2008 1:52:13 AM)

I think you need to get to know each lady as friends first...
to see if you have the necessary things in common - such as being Christian, same level of spiritual maturity etc...



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