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Geeky1 -> Why (9/3/2008 1:07:03 AM)

Why is it that when I am faced with the overwhelming evidence that someone is dishonest and repeatedly says one thing but does another, I continue to be willing to give the person the benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. Why do I seem to be unable to see the truth, learn my lesson and move on?



deermousie -> RE: Why (9/3/2008 12:16:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Geeky1

Why is it that when I am faced with the overwhelming evidence that someone is dishonest and repeatedly says one thing but does another, I continue to be willing to give the person the benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. Why do I seem to be unable to see the truth, learn my lesson and move on?


Do you decide who or what a person is and then don't change your mind when you see evidence to the contrary? Do you think that you are A and everyone else is B? Do you feel like you don't get to have an opinion and everyone else is better than you?

Lots of people (myself included, for many years) think this way. We were taught this, but we were lied to. So go to Scripture and find your truth there. We are sinners. A person's morality is probably the same amount as their desire to obey God. If a person isn't a Christian or is in rank sin, don't trust them to tell the truth, and don't put yourself in a postition that could hurt you if they lie (again). Because they could.

People either think lying is OK or it shouldn't be done, so they'll either lie a lot or not at all. That first person is a liar. When their lips move, it could be a lie. Mentally put that person in a box that says "Liar - don't not trust." See that box in your mind when they are talking.

I hope this helps. It's difficult, I know. I am praying for you today.



gal220 -> RE: Why (9/3/2008 12:22:46 PM)

I understand where your coming from and wish that I could offer a solid answer to the question. Prayerfully others will be able to give you some encouragement on this...I look forward to what others may have to say on this topic.

Here's my opinion, because I seem to 'fall for it ever time' [:)]: I see it is as being forever hopeful and optimistic. Others may perceive it as being naive or 'having not yet learned your lesson'. I understand at times that it may leave you feeling vulnerable or taken advantage of. Have you ever seen others totally dismiss someone because of their actions, but yet you look at the same person and see such potential in them in spite of what is presented to you. I believe it's God given (otherwise I'd lose my mind)...imagine if God only saw us for who we are verses who He created us to be and what's in our hearts...God gives you this quality for a reason...Pray about it. Stay encouraged!



Kat_D -> RE: Why (9/3/2008 12:28:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Geeky1

Why is it that when I am faced with the overwhelming evidence that someone is dishonest and repeatedly says one thing but does another, I continue to be willing to give the person the benefit of the doubt? I don't get it. Why do I seem to be unable to see the truth, learn my lesson and move on?


I'm sorry, but I have no idea because I don't know you.

That is a question you will only be able to answer after much personal introspection, prayer, time alone with God...and one-on-one Christian counseling, if you need further guidance.



car2ner -> RE: Why (9/3/2008 12:43:44 PM)

quote:

Here's my opinion, because I seem to 'fall for it ever time' : I see it is as being forever hopeful and optimistic.


I fall into this category. I like to give folks the benefit of a doubt and assume they intended to do the right thing. Unfortunately, it also left me with a tendency to make excuses for the infamous red-flags.

I have become older and wiser. I still like to give people the benefit of a doubt but I no longer make excuses for other folks bad choices. I am not talking about honest mistakes but down and dirty sinful rebellious choices.



Geeky1 -> RE: Why (9/5/2008 5:40:23 PM)

Thanks for the input everyone. Yes, I do tend to see/believe the best of people. However there has now been many instances of actions not matching words, such that to me this person's words are now pretty much meaningless. My only struggle now is that I know we are supposed to extend grace, but to what extent? The person in question has left me messages apologizing but I haven't responded because I don't want to get sucked back in to the lies again.



preserved -> RE: Why (9/5/2008 5:59:13 PM)

geeky...you have to learn to accept people for who and how they are...does not mean that you agree...you can not change a person. I tend to look beyond what people say and do...however, I also accept them as they display themselves to me...



Geeky1 -> RE: Why (9/5/2008 6:31:35 PM)

So I should not cut contact with this person? It's hard for me to be objective about this because I'm pretty angry right now- both at the person for the lies and myself for believing them...



preserved -> RE: Why (9/8/2008 6:45:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Geeky1

So I should not cut contact with this person? It's hard for me to be objective about this because I'm pretty angry right now- both at the person for the lies and myself for believing them...


I would not cut all all contacts with this person...However, I would place some distance. Especially now that you have seen what the true nature of this person's character. If they consistenly telling lies...then learn to realize that what this person says maynot be the truth.. Like listening and not listening. You are not to hate this person...just ask God to show you how to treat this person...since they tell lies...



Geeky1 -> RE: Why (9/9/2008 12:43:11 AM)

I don't I hate this person, I just don't like the idea of having to constantly wonder if someone is telling the truth or not. Therefore would it not be best to limit conversation?



car2ner -> RE: Why (9/9/2008 8:37:25 AM)

It is OK to hate being lied to. If you think God would want you to, let this person know that you appreciate that they find you something interesting to hang with, but you just prefer to spend time with people who are open (and truthful) in their dealings. You just don't believe in "little white lies are ok" and that it would be hard to get serious with someone who fibs.
It's been nice to meet you and good bye.


Will they believe you? Probably not, but at least you haven't just disappeared. I've used this method once. Told the gent that I appreciate his interest but we just weren't a good match and that I wouldn't be answering his calls. It took awhile for him to stop calling but I felt I had done my part.



preserved -> RE: Why (9/9/2008 9:33:26 AM)

You could also approach this person and tell them how you feel...Nothing wrong with distancing yourself...



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