Hard to talk to people (Full Version)

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wlb03 -> Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 12:32:17 AM)

I am not able to talk about my feelings with anyone. I have a husband and friends but I just have a problem with talking about things in my life. I see other people being able to talk and be emotional and think its fine but I just cannot. I think it would be nice to get advise or be able to have a deeper connection with people but has yet to happen. Does anyone else have this going on? Thanks W



OneJohn410 -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 1:28:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wlb03

I am not able to talk about my feelings with anyone. I have a husband and friends but I just have a problem with talking about things in my life. I see other people being able to talk and be emotional and think its fine but I just cannot. I think it would be nice to get advise or be able to have a deeper connection with people but has yet to happen. Does anyone else have this going on? Thanks W

Hi W,
I'm a single guy, so I don't have that going on. However... maybe I can ask a couple questions to make it easier for others to reply?

1. Would you say you can't share because you feel like you go instantly overly-emotional?
2. Cannot and am not are strong statements. It sounds like you want to change and be able to be more outgoing and sharing- but for using these strong words. Do you know what using them mean to changing things? Don't say can't 'cause can't never could? That kind of thinking.
3. Are you aware of upbringing of your parents by theirs, where you are working against a lot of modeling, and just how things were for those who you sought to pattern life after?
Then the bonus round- How much of that open display of emotion do you think is truly 'raw' emotion, and how much is 'canned', practiced, or just a facade, you know?

I've read conversations about oh, you should see a counselor or someone because it sounds like you have suchandso. I thought that was frowned upon in the membership rules. My guess is you are not looking for the name of some medicine you can take that will make you the life of the party. So I don't think you've got a nervous disorder, or anything like that. If you want to display more emotion in conversations, and it feels like you just hit a brick wall there, where the emotions won't pop out though they are there, then that's different from feeling like you are emotionally embarassing to yourself when those emotions storm the castle wall and give your listener too much. And if you just don't see emotional expression as anything you have been good at, maybe you've had some really chilling parents growing up, right? The wonderful folks just never got really fired up about anything, or whooping it up in joy over stuff?

I hope this helps out some. Welcome to the Forums!
OneJohn410

edited to change the word cagne to change.



sparkleingsnow -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 10:05:11 AM)

Hi wlb03, and welcome to the forums.

I don't know that I have any advice, but I will pray. Maybe you will find it easier and less threating to open up some to people here.



TrustingGod -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 10:54:27 AM)

Why? I think that is an important question. Why don't you share - what stops you - why don't you feel you can? Are you afraid of being judged? Do you feel you have to be strong and infallible for everyone else?

I am this way too. I keep stuff bottled up. My answer to "why" is that I'm afraid for people to see weakness in me. If I break down and show emotion, people might not think I'm strong and.... what, I don't know. I believe it is a PRIDE issue for me.

I get frustrated when no one comes to me in my time of need, but I realize that I put up such a strong front that people feel I don't need them. I'm working at changing that.



restinginHim -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 11:30:13 AM)

quote:

W: Does anyone else have this going on?
Yes! I, too, have difficulty speaking and feeling comfortable around others -- but i think its an opportunity issue ( i have little contact with others outside of my family) and feeling like what i have to say is not important. But i think in part some of this is why i have grown closer to God. My prayers are with you.

Sparkeling Snow, you are right - that's the nice thing about this forum. That people can come together without judgement knowing that we have the love of Jesus which binds us together in the body of Christ. [sm=dance.gif]



Walker311 -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 11:48:13 AM)

I could not express my feelings for many years due to fear of what people would think. I was determined to overcome this extreme fear that caused me to turn inward and literally paralyze me.

With God's help, I can now say what I think and feel to anyone at any time.

I had to develop this "I don't care what they think" attitude and then practice it. I learned that the affects were not detrimental and usually positive because people had an opportunity to know me. They in turn would make personal revelations as well.

This took many years to accomplish. This was a God thing but many others may need help through Christian counseling.



Rivermoon -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 11:53:45 AM)

I have the exact same issue as you do, and worse than you that I don't have a husband or boyfriend LOL. Only very few friends on this earth, and no close ones within the same continent as I live. I don't have much family support either. :-)
Just as others in the thread said, I'm working on this issue too. It has taken me about over 5 years now working on it, and it's still far from work completed.
My problem is I'm a good listener, and seldom take over others' conversation. But I'm going to an extreme that I feel that my conversation is not worth listening. What I am talking about is no interest to others. At the same time, I see others can talk about their stuff emotionally which I feel OK. But when I do so, I feel like I'm an alien or sicko that nobody wants to get close to me. It's very hard. I'm not sure if I'm imagining things or truly my audiences don't want to get involved. Well, just keep trying and not to give up in building relationships. :-D



kyl -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 9:31:15 PM)

wlb03 I have the same problem you do.
I have trouble talking to almost anyone.
I have no reason except I have been pretty much a recluse for the last 15 years mostly because of health reasons.
This might sound strange but I actually almost panic when I try to talk to someone or even pm.
I can only do it for a very short time then I get completely panicked and exhausted,not to mention go completly blank.
I know I come off sometimes like I am probably unkind or aloof which makes me feel terrible.
I actually was so happy when I found this forum because I thought it would be good for me.
Help me to get back in touch with people. I am still struggling.
iT IS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN YOUR HEART YOU WANT TO SHARE AND CANT FIND A WAY TO DO IT
I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are definitely not alone in this.
The only advice I could say is to keep trying and take it a day at a time.
Dont be hard on yourself and take it slow,get to know people and hopefully things will change for you.
I think it will get easier after you get to know some people.
There are some very loving and caring people here so I think if you stick around things will get easier for you.
Trust in the Lord he will help you



PopsiLufsJesus -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/1/2008 10:04:17 PM)

My Pastor has this sermon about sharing the final 10 percent...I think you would like it, but I will see if we have it posted on our website.

I know how you are feeling. And I would say, just start talking...it helps. The enemy loves to keep our mouths shut.

My best friend made me talk to her. Do you have someone who would be willing to do that? I would.

It gets easier as you practice.



restinginHim -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 10:58:52 AM)

I'm thankful too that there is this particular forum. On the lighter side, i thought of all the other people who can't be quiet and end up being in a world of trouble[:D]. Proverbs 21:23 Whoever guards his mouth and tongue, Keeps his soul from troubles.

But i know, like me, it would be nice to feel comfortable (not feel the tightening in my chest or shaky hands etc) relating and expressing my thoughts. I just have to practice and trust in God's time.



sparkleingsnow -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 12:35:34 PM)

I used to have trouble talking to other people. For many years. I think it came from a very low self-esteem. I could make a whole list of the things wrong with me, that made me not as good as anyone else. Not worthy of someone else's time.

I first started being able to talk to others when I went into nursing. You see, then when i had to talk to someone, it was about them, not me. Or if I had to speak to a doctor or other staff member, it was for my patient, not for myself. (Maybe that might help some, if you do some volunteer work where you have to speak to people about them, or on they're behalf to someone else.)

I believe the Lord helped me in all of this. Later, when I worked in VBS and then in leading VBS, I believe the Lord gave me the courage to speak up. I used that example in VBS with the lession "Jesus gives me courage". First I asked the children how many of them were shy. Several raised they're hands. Then I told them that I was very shy, too. But Jesus gave me courage, and that was why I could stand in front of them and talk to them. And that Jesus would give them courage, too.

I hope that sharing this will be a help or encouragment to someone.
Jesus will give you courage, too.



JesusFan -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 12:55:12 PM)

I, too, feel this way. There ARE people I feel comfortable talking to, and around those people I am very outgoing. Other people, I struggle to find anything to say to them, and around those people I appear to be a very shy person. However, my problem is that I find it very difficult to talk about deep feelings with MOST people. I think it may be because it's just so much easier to talk about "lighter" subjects than "heavy" subjects. I get worried sometimes that I am just becoming a very shallow person. Even with my husband I feel more comfortable talking about light subjects. Once in a while I can really open up to my ladies' bible study group, and actually it's a good thing that it's only once in a while because if I did it all the time, the other ladies wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise!

I like this forum because it does make it easier to open up about stuff, and I think that's because of the anonymity (sp?).

What distresses me the most is that this uncomfortable-ness with opening up affects my prayer life. Most of the time I really want to talk to God about things that are troubling me, and I just can't find the words. It's a comfort, though, that God already knows what's in my mind and understands me.



JesusFan -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 12:57:29 PM)

quote:

iT IS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE SO MUCH IN YOUR HEART YOU WANT TO SHARE AND CANT FIND A WAY TO DO IT


Kyl, that's a very good way of putting it, it describes just how I feel. I couldn't have said it better myself.
[:D]



Thessa -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 4:59:12 PM)

I have a husband that is there for me anytime i need him. Even if its 3am and hes gotta get up at 5.
Im really lucky. Hes the one i talk too when i need someone.



Lufia -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 10:43:02 PM)

I don't have any problems talking with people on any subjects except my Faith [:o] I just can't , the words don't come out. I have an enourmous wall inside me that i can't broke. I pray that God will break my wall.



PopsiLufsJesus -> RE: Hard to talk to people (9/2/2008 11:05:15 PM)

Lufia,

It's just one blind man telling another blind man where he/she got his/her sight...

Is it because of fear?



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