When is a family too big. (Full Version)

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LaurainAL -> When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:30:15 PM)

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Celebs weigh in on family size. Let's discuss



Memaw. -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:40:49 PM)

I believe it is a personal decision as to the size of each family.
For some, one is more than enough, for others the number can go into the double digits.

However, there is some truth to the idea that for some it is "narcissistic" behavior, an extension of self and with that comes damage to the child(ren).

My DD witnessed this just the other day.

She is a student enrolled in cosmetology and a mother brought her young daughter in (aged 8 or so) to get an "updo" for a pageant that afternoon.
The child did not want to compete in this and told her mother numerous times. The mother continued pressuring the child, till it escalated to the mother slapping the child, leaving a handprint on her face. (Faculty called DHS immediately).

This particular mother did not want a "daughter" she wanted to live her life through her daughter. For her, IMHO, one child is too much.



LaurainAL -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:41:55 PM)

My first thought on the article is who cares what celebrities think about this issue anyway. Why should it matter?



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:43:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL

My first thought on the article is who cares what celebrities think about this issue anyway. Why should it matter?


It doesn't, especially since most of them are ZPG anyway. Even better if you can adopt and have a negative population growth[8|]

However(and I know I will step on toes) there is a point where people are having children for purely selfish reason and stop thinking about being able to properly provide for them.



Memaw. -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:45:31 PM)

Unfortunately, society has made celebrities "icons" worthy of being the "guide to parenting and marriage".

Well, if (insert celeb) said it or did it, it must be right.
Bah![:'(]



LaurainAL -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 1:51:21 PM)

It really bugs me when Oprah gives parenting advice as well.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 2:05:42 PM)

quote:

Even better if you can adopt and have a negative population growth


Ryanne, at first I thought you were dissin' adoption, or saying that adopting kids erases some of the population, which doesn't make sense, then I re-read it a couple of times, and I realized you were tongue-in-cheek quoting what the zpg would say.



isaacsmom -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 2:49:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL

My first thought on the article is who cares what celebrities think about this issue anyway. Why should it matter?


Exactly. IMO, many celebrities don't live in the "real" world, anyway. What do they know about the rest of us Average Joes? [8|]



Jenny-Fair -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 2:50:31 PM)

I try pretty hard not to take advice from people who are cleary out of touch with the real world.

Anyway, since I don't think humans are created against God's will, I don't think any family is too big. (ill-taken-care of, yes, but too big, no)



bluestone -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 2:56:41 PM)

Whoopi was closest to what I believe.

If you can afford to maintain a famly without using my tax money or ask for help from the church, have as many as you want.

If the taxpayer has to take the burden, or you are running to the church for handouts continually, you need to STOP.



reach -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 3:06:34 PM)

I agree totally with Bluestone!

My addition is, if you can't raise them, then don't have them. I am the youngest of 7. I basically raised myself (my mother will even say this). She was tired. And we were borderline middle class. I say that to say, we were more poor, but we did not get anything from the government. Only when my Dad was unemployed for a year. I did not get a lot of attention from my parents, and it causes me issues to this day. We are also an example of a family that is not close just because we are large.

The thing is that when Brad & Angie have 6 kids all so young, they have nannies that help out. So is that really raising your kids? As opposed to the people John & Kate. She stays home, takes care of the kids. They had some help, but no nanny. They specifically take a day to spend with each child.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 3:11:44 PM)

Reach, that's a great picture of you and your hubby!

I am one of 6 kids, DH is one of 8(4 adopted). No one in my family has suffered from lack of attention, but we are a bit spread out. There are 2.5 years between the first 3 of us, and the last 3 are all about 13 months apart.

DH does feel that he suffered, but it's not from the size of his family- it's from the adoption of his younger siblings.



Georgia-Peach -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 3:32:21 PM)

I think the number of children a couple have is a private, personal decision between them and God. Some parents can handle having six children and not just financially, in every other way too. Other families 3 is the number they can handle. As long as everyone is being loved and well taken care of then it should not be anyone's business to judge if they have to many kids.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 3:38:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

Anyway, since I don't think humans are created against God's will, I don't think any family is too big. (ill-taken-care of, yes, but too big, no)


This is basically how it is.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 4:02:43 PM)

I raised myself..and was one of two kids. It wasn't the number of kids, it was my mother's selfishness that was the problem.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 4:09:09 PM)

quote:


However(and I know I will step on toes) there is a point where people are having children for purely selfish reason and stop thinking about being able to properly provide for them.


No toes stepped on here. I agree. And I can't stand it when I meet women who think they are more Godly than others just because they had 7 or 10 or 8 or however many children..and yes, I'm met a lot like that..or they claim that having that many kids automatically means none of their children are ever selfish. Bah humbug! We all have naturally selfish natures until the spirit of God begins chiseling it from us.

Disclaimer: I am not talking about anyone on CW. I'm talking about people I've run into in my countless years of doing child care, live-in nannny work, live out nanny work, Sunday School teaching, babysitting, pre school teaching, etc. etc.



Sideways -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 4:31:38 PM)

I've heard from a few others besides Reach who came from large families and felt that they never spent much time with their parents, or that they spent all their time raising their younger siblings. I don't think it's always selfishness on the part of the parents, just that some parents are better at raising kids then others, especially large numbers of kids.

But in the end, it's not really my business. I came from a family of two kids, and there was a short period of time when we needed government help, but my dad found a better job, the US Army! [;)]

I used to be a lot more opinionated about large families, especially if they relied on government or church assistance, but I'm more hesitant about making those sorts of judgments now.



bluestone -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 4:37:17 PM)

I have had to deal with too many mooching families that refuse to be responsible . Then the low income father dies, and the mom has zero skills to make a living, and the situation goes from bad to worse.
If you can support them, fine. If you can't, don't. It is not the place of the government, or any one else to keep up your household.

And needing short term help from the government, or occasional help from a church is not the same as making it a lifestyle.



momof4 -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 6:22:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

If you can support them, fine. If you can't, don't. It is not the place of the government, or any one else to keep up your household.

And needing short term help from the government, or occasional help from a church is not the same as making it a lifestyle.


I think this pretty much sums it up. I have no problem with people needing help, it's when it becomes a lifestyle, and they have this attitude of entitlemnt that I begin having problems.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 6:23:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: momof4

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

If you can support them, fine. If you can't, don't. It is not the place of the government, or any one else to keep up your household.

And needing short term help from the government, or occasional help from a church is not the same as making it a lifestyle.


I think this pretty much sums it up. I have no problem with people needing help, it's when it becomes a lifestyle, and they have this attitude of entitlemnt that I begin having problems.


That really doesn't have much to do with family size though. I have met small families and even singles with that problem.



Sideways -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 6:48:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
That really doesn't have much to do with family size though. I have met small families and even singles with that problem.


That's very true. But even a childless couple who has a lifestyle of debt and dependence might want to consider some lifestyle changes before deliberately conceiving even one child.



bluestone -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 6:49:56 PM)

Family size has a lot to do with it. It multiplies the problem. Any one can have a "give me" attitude, but for some reason there are huge families in churches think they are entitled to charity because of their refusal to use any means of birth planning or birth control. As though having a bunch of kids makes them more holy.[:'(]



Ellie-Mae -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 7:02:05 PM)

Sooo... you saying that some people should never be born because their parents have sin in their lives?



bluestone -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 7:05:27 PM)

I did not say that at all. [&:] I am saying if you can't raise kids without help from the government or church, don't have them.



NotDoneYet -> RE: When is a family too big. (8/26/2008 7:07:36 PM)

As long as I don't have to help support them, have as many kids as you want!
Here, between "birth kids", stepkids, grandkids, there are a total of 10. I've actively partcipated (had primary mom-responsibility) for a total of 7 of them.

I probably would have had a house-ful of kids if circumstances and finances would have permitted, however, I know my limits...

So...if you can handle 18 kids, go for it, if you can't handle one, don't have any...

Just my $0.02

NDY



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