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RE: When is a family too big.

 
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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 3:58:40 AM   
spitzu


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Memrie88

Spitzu;

Do you have a Bible scripture to your statement? The one "Age and experience does not a wise person make" ???

I'd really like to see that.

Not everything that comes out of my mouth is a scripture.

Surely you're familiar with that concept? Do you have one that shows you're more wise than someone with less children than you? Or one that justifies the way you've conducted yourself in this thread?

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:13:51 AM   
WhiteRoseBlessings


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What an interesting turn this thread has taken since I last read it yesterday.



A few things . . .


(1)
Experience and age are not synonymous with wisdom, nor do they necessarily always go hand-in-hand (experience can come at any age; wisdom can come at any age; not everyone who has reached a certain age has or practices wisdom; and not everyone who has experienced things has gained wisdom from such experiences).



(2)
Just because someone is not married doesn't mean that they haven't had their share very real trials.



(3)
Just because someone is in childbearing years doesn't mean that they are physically capable of conceiving or of bearing children. So to say that someone is lucky that they're still young enough to have children is not only incorrect, it's also insulting.



And lastly . . .

(4)
Disagreeing with someone is not the same as disrespecting them. However, talking down to someone is most certainly disrespectful.



Blessings,
Sharon-Marie

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:42:08 AM   
WhiteRoseBlessings


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I am speaking directly to the way that you have talked down to other individuals in this thread.

I have read some very good posts in this thread from people who either have not had children or have had only a couple of children. They were well-thought out and their points were very well written. I've also read some very good points from people with large families.

However, to automatically discount someone's posts right off the bat because they either are younger than you or they have not had children or the even number of children that you have had is really an arrogant attitude to take (regardless of who is taking such attitude). "You" as in the generic sense. I would say this to anyone who took this attitude.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:43:12 AM   
Memrie88


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No...
I have simply DISAGREED with most here.

Maybe you should look into the politics folder and realize that disagreement happens!

I stand by what I have stated in my posts.

I am sorry that some here cannot handle being criticized. This is a maturity thing, you know...

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Post #: 454
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:44:47 AM   
spitzu


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This thread is giving me indigestion.

Sharon-Marie, have I told you lately that I love you?

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:47:23 AM   
WhiteRoseBlessings


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quote:

ORIGINAL: spitzu

Sharon-Marie, have I told you lately that I love you?
Yep; you just did. And in a most lovely way at that!

{{{Crystal}}}
I love you, also.


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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:50:50 AM   
WhiteRoseBlessings


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And now, I think it's time for me to go read some other threads.

Y'all be blessed.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 4:54:40 AM   
spitzu


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I'm off as well... I've got to work on our adoption profile so we can, you know, be parents and get wise someday. Cause our family isn't anywhere near too big yet. (How's that for bringing it back on topic?)

Nighty night.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 6:43:31 AM   
3cappuccinosmom


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Yowzers.

Having gone back through all the fuss and feathers , I did run into one thing that I dare to comment on...
quote:

And the Duggars get A LOT of freebies from TLC, the community, etc.


I would like to point out that until after their 16th child was born the Duggars were living in a very small rental home while building their own home, and it wasn't until around that time that they were "discovered" by the media.

When they got their conviction to chuck the birth control, they were not getting freebies and had no idea whatsoever that one day someone would think their family interesting enough to be TV worthy. Even when they had 6, then 8, then 12 children they were doing it on their own, which is admirable in and of itself. It's not as if TLC went to them 20 years ago and said "If you'll have 16 children, we'll make sure you get an awesome house and lots of cool stuff and media exposure".

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Post #: 459
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 6:55:16 AM   
Sideways


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quote:

ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Yowzers.


No kidding. I'm kinda surprised spitzu, Shanon-Marie and the others stuck it out as long as they did considering what they were subjected to the last 3 pages.

quote:

I would like to point out that until after their 16th child was born the Duggars were living in a very small rental home while building their own home, and it wasn't until around that time that they were "discovered" by the media.


Well, not to pick nits, but they were getting TV specials by their 14th child, and community help and exposure long before that. Nowadays they do an awful lot of specials and TV appearances, but I completely agree that they are not having more children for that reason, but they sure do make the most hay out of every birth.

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Post #: 460
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 7:38:52 AM   
3cappuccinosmom


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quote:

Well, not to pick nits, but they were getting TV specials by their 14th child, and community help and exposure long before that. Nowadays they do an awful lot of specials and TV appearances, but I completely agree that they are not having more children for that reason, but they sure do make the most hay out of every birth.


If you say so. What I'm trying to say though, it isn't fair to say "Well, it's easy for *them* to have a bunch of kids, getting all those freebies". Because the conviction came long before the media exposure, and they stuck with it.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 7:43:33 AM   
macokjc

 

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quote:

My point was that from what I've seen watching the show, they are a good example of what a large family should be like (i.e. taking care of business). Jon seems to have a very well paying job and they have turned this show into another source of income by all appearances.


Can we please not bring them into this. Jon and Kate are both unemployed and are basically pimping their children out for money. That is probably a topic for a different thread.
Post #: 462
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 8:51:50 AM   
PrincessDonna


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Many posts made overnight last night were deleted. If you did not receive a PM, you have not violated TOS, even if I removed your posts.

The topic of this thread is "when is a family too big?". Further deviations from topic will not be tolerated, and violation of TOS are never tolerated. In particular, we do not allow foul or coarse language (TOS 5) or harassing of other members, whether you agree with them or not (TOS 6).

Please do not reply to this message within the Community.

Please do not send me PMs regarding this message as I am unable to discuss it further.

Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns. Please allow time for a response.

Posts which ignore this warning will be removed without warning and may result in other action in accordance with the Terms of Service.


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Post #: 463
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 8:57:38 AM   
kohls356


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Memrie88

So ALL of you expect to have babies EXACTY when you plan/desire it?

Man....I hate it for you.

But thats not usually the way real life works.


Well actually yes I did have babies when we planned for them, we even planned the two I miscarried. I know that is always the case but it was for us. I am not sure why you hate that for me, don't understand that at all.
Post #: 464
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 8:58:22 AM   
SweetLittleErin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

quote:

ORIGINAL: landabee
Many secular and Christian families choose to birth in hospitals. (Gasp!)
Many secular and Christian families choose to formula feed. (Gasp!)


I just had to add that it's not always a choice either and there are no guarantees that you will be able to breastfeed or have a home birth. You can ask my parents neighbors about that.


I havent posted any but have been reading this thread. I wanted to add to that. Many times you DON'T have a choice. And babies can be VERY expensive. We are currently paying (well hoping insurance will cover most of it) roughly$5,000 A DAY - no joke...I can show you the bills. To keep our son alive. That wasnt in our plan at all. Right now for us, it would be foolish to have another baby at this time. Who knows when it will be a good time, we will probably be paying for Isaac for a good while.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 8:59:36 AM   
LaurainAL


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We need to get more posts in here because the deleted posts are causing my subscriptions to be all hoopty and that bugs me so......

A family is too big when they have their own atmosphere. (that was my feable attempt at humor. I think we need some)

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:00:31 AM   
kohls356


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Memrie88

His:

Are you sasying that some conceptions are outside of His will?


Maybe, I don't know. But since that's off topic I don't really want to go there.

Just because someone can give birth 6 times does not mean they are a good parent or a wise person. Not saying that you aren't. I wouldn't know that because I don't know you. But you are trying to say that anyone who hasn't given birth as many times as you have can't know as much about parenting as you. That's just not true. Giving birth doesn't equal having wisdom, kwim? Experience doesn't always equal wisdom and vice versa. But this is getting a little off topic as well.....

The topic is when is a family too big. My opinion is that it is too big when the parents can no longer provide (physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially).


Isn't that the truth. I wasn't too impressed with how a few of the qf families I knew were raising their kids, some by the way of the Pearls etc. so I wouldn't take their advice.

I do admit that with PARENTING issues, I would look to someone who has been there done that. Raised a child to adulthood because they have seen the stages. But that isn't what this topic is about.
Post #: 467
RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:02:51 AM   
Consecrated2God


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You know, I don't really like the term "too big" being applied to a family. It sounds like they went over their limit and had one kid too many, and now they're in a pickle. Kind of like when my little one dumps too much salt on his food. We have to then try and take off some of the salt, by lifting off the top portion of his food and throw it out, or if he's ruined the whole plate, throw it all away. I think that's why some of us find the term offensive. None of us believe, no matter how many kids we have, that any of our children were a mistake. Our family is not too big--it's big enough.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:05:50 AM   
LaurainAL


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

You know, I don't really like the term "too big" being applied to a family. It sounds like they went over their limit and had one kid too many, and now they're in a pickle. Kind of like when my little one dumps too much salt on his food. We have to then try and take off some of the salt, by lifting off the top portion of his food and throw it out, or if he's ruined the whole plate, throw it all away. I think that's why some of us find the term offensive. None of us believe, no matter how many kids we have, that any of our children were a mistake. Our family is not too big--it's big enough.


I am sorry that the term "too big" is offensive. I titled the thread this way because it is the title of the article I linked.

However, it has been stated numerous times in this thread that no one thinks that your (general) kids are a mistake. I thought we all understood that by now.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:07:39 AM   
landabee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

You know, I don't really like the term "too big" being applied to a family. It sounds like they went over their limit and had one kid too many, and now they're in a pickle. Kind of like when my little one dumps too much salt on his food. We have to then try and take off some of the salt, by lifting off the top portion of his food and throw it out, or if he's ruined the whole plate, throw it all away. I think that's why some of us find the term offensive. None of us believe, no matter how many kids we have, that any of our children were a mistake. Our family is not too big--it's big enough.


I am sorry that the term "too big" is offensive. I titled the thread this way because it is the title of the article I linked.

However, it has been stated numerous times in this thread that no one thinks that your (general) kids are a mistake. I thought we all understood that by now.


Exactly.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:10:59 AM   
kohls356


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

You know, I don't really like the term "too big" being applied to a family. It sounds like they went over their limit and had one kid too many, and now they're in a pickle. Kind of like when my little one dumps too much salt on his food. We have to then try and take off some of the salt, by lifting off the top portion of his food and throw it out, or if he's ruined the whole plate, throw it all away. I think that's why some of us find the term offensive. None of us believe, no matter how many kids we have, that any of our children were a mistake. Our family is not too big--it's big enough.


Ok we will discuss when a family is big enough
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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:18:29 AM   
Consecrated2God


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quote:

Ok we will discuss when a family is big enough


Thank you.

A family is big enough when the parents decide, after prayer and counsel, that their family is big enough.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:31:30 AM   
landabee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

quote:

Ok we will discuss when a family is big enough


Thank you.

A family is big enough when the parents decide, after prayer and counsel, that their family is big enough.



Yes, and the Lord will not direct them to improperly care for or neglect current or future children physically, spiritually or financially.

Therefore, a family is big enough when parents can not/will not provide these things to the best of their ability if a child is added to the family.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:37:14 AM   
CoeurdeLeon_


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quote:

ORIGINAL: landabee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

quote:

Ok we will discuss when a family is big enough


Thank you.

A family is big enough when the parents decide, after prayer and counsel, that their family is big enough.



Yes, and the Lord will not direct them to improperly care for or neglect current or future children physically, spiritually or financially.

Therefore, a family is big enough when parents can not/will not provide these things to the best of their ability if a child is added to the family.

Precisely.

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RE: When is a family too big. - 9/9/2008 9:40:27 AM   
Mrs.Wifey


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Memrie88

I am seeing alot of judgement in this thread by many that have few to no children at all.

It reminds me of a term I once heard; "Only-child-itis"; when a parent of only one child assumes they know the answers to families of many children and then some.


I do only have one child, but I come from a family of many Between DH and I we have over 15 siblings so we know about large families.
quote:



So ALL of you expect to have babies EXACTY when you plan/desire it?


Nope, I don't. And actually, if we are counting, I am the first woman in my paternal lineage with a specific fertility disorder to actually have a child. I have an entire family tree full of aunts(including all of my fathers sisters) to have this problem. I am incredibly blessed to have my daughter. Things can go either way- unplanned pregnancy or infertility.

However, at this time in our life we don't feel it would be prudent financially to have another child. So yes, we are using a contraceptive.

quote:

Are you sasying that some conceptions are outside of His will?


You really think that a 12yo middle schooler getting pregnant is directly God's will? I believe He has blessed that child, and has a plan for his/her life but I do think there are alot of pregnancies that are the result of our free will.
quote:


Wisdom comes from the Lord. Not the number of days you're on the planet.


We needing a clapping smace


Shar-Mar, I just give you applause

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