Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (Full Version)

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dozermom67 -> Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 4:15:41 PM)

I am very frustrated with our 9-yr-old right now...he should be doing more on his own, but he gets so easily distracted. How do I get him to do more on his own and to stay focused? I don't have the time or energy to sit with him constantly to make sure he gets everything done, as I have another, younger child to teach as well (and babysit a set of 5-yr-old twins one day a week). I am not over-loading him. He just takes forever getting anything done and I feel like all I do is "remind" him to get it done. HELP!



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 4:18:27 PM)

Why do you say he 'should' be doing more on his own?



dozermom67 -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 4:21:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

Why do you say he 'should' be doing more on his own?


Because, as our children get a bit older, we expect a bit more out of them. He is not a Kindergardener who needs a lot of one-on-one time.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 4:23:03 PM)

At 9, I would expect a child to need a lot of one-on-one time, and reminders, a boy especially.



cindybode -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 5:45:39 PM)

You have a highly distractable child. Me too. [:)] I can tell you what helped us, and then you can use what you will and maybe think of some other things that would fit your son. BTW Erin has learned to overcome a lot of this as she's gotten older, so there is hope. [;)]

Erin used to have a really hard time screening out background noise. She heard everything. She could be in her room, and the click-click-click of the dog's nails across the kitchen floor would distract her. We got her some of those soft foam earplugs to use when she needed to concentrate. They really helped . . . and yes, you ARE able to hear someone right next to you even with the ear plugs in, so don't let him tell you he can't. [sm=icon_smile_roll.gif].

We also took an old carboard box, cut out a side, and put in on the table in front of her as a sort of screen when she was doing her math. Since we never have done a lot of seatwork, that's about the only time I used it, but it did help. I put a piece of paper on one end of it with clear contac and used a dry erase marker to write down what she was supposed to be doing. That way if she forgot what page she was supposed to be on it was right there in front of her.

Tape a string around the pencil and thumbtack the end of the string to the box. Otherwise, he drops the pencil, and then discovers that the cat is under the table, and the cat "just happens" to start batting the pencil around, and well, you can't take the pencil away from the cat 'cause she's having fun, and . . . [8|] If you have pets, I'd take them out of the room while he's working.

Disclaimer . . . I have said all of the above on the assumption that a) he really is capable of doing the work on his own and b) you are using materials that fit the way your child learns. If you are expecting a wiggly, highly distractable boy to do endless amounts of fill-in-the-blank, well, I'd be trying to escape too.



cynthia -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 10:50:11 PM)

My son just turned nine. We start school next week. He requires significantly more supervision than his sisters ever did. I cannot leave the room for him to work on something or he will be gone when I get back. I plan to continuing working closely with him this school year, but I am slowly having him do more work without me sitting next to him the whole time. This is something that takes time. Focus is not something that comes naturally to everyone. It didn't come naturally to me and no one taught me how to focus. As an adult, that has been a big problem that I'm still working on. However, as a parent, I am able to teach this to my children.

My point is that you cannot expect it to just come to him. He needs you to work incrementally with him to learn how to sit and pay attention to what he's doing without you standing over him or sitting next to him.



sen10tious -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 11:50:35 PM)

This does not work for all kids, but for kids who see what you might consider to be a simple straightforward assignment as being an endless and insurmountable mountain, a timer can be helpful. For a 9 year-old boy, 10-12 minutes at a stretch might be a realistic goal for independent paper & pencil work. The times might double by the end of age 12.

This might not help kids who get distracted by sights and sounds very much, but if the lack of focus comes from feeling overwhelmed and trapped with no end in sight, you will probably see significant improvement.

If you want to have a larger block of time to work with your younger child, try giving your 9 year-old 12 minutes of one assignment and then teach him how to re-set and switch to 12 minutes of a second subject.



bzirk -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 11:54:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

At 9, I would expect a child to need a lot of one-on-one time, and reminders, a boy especially.


I had to practically sit on my boy when he was 9 years old, but I figured that was just my boy.



bzirk -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/25/2008 11:59:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cynthia

I cannot leave the room for him to work on something or he will be gone when I get back.


This is exactly what my son would do when he was that age (and older[8D]).

quote:


I plan to continuing working closely with him this school year, but I am slowly having him do more work without me sitting next to him the whole time. This is something that takes time.


This can't be said enough or that kids are so different. My two older girls did a ton more work on their own at younger ages. I just never had a problem with them. But not my boy. He has required a lot more of me in training him to be disciplined. He's 15 now, and it's paying off, but it is a process that has indeed taken time.



dozermom67 -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 12:10:53 AM)

Thank you all. It helps to get advise from others who have "been-there-done-that" with a boy of 9. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, too soon. After my initial post today, I did sit down and talk him through some of his seat work. Also, while I was fixing supper I had him read his math problems out loud and answer them out loud as he was writing the answers down. This helped him to stay focused and he got through a lot quicker. I have used the timer, and will try to impliment that more as well. I try to cut out a lot of the "busy work" and mark out several problems on his math pages if I know he's already got it figured out. He's a visual learner and gets distracted "visually" very easy. It can be a fly going by, the dog lying on the floor, whatever "catches his eye." LOL.

Thank you all for your advise. I greatly appreciate it.



cynthia -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 1:05:10 AM)

I use a timer too. I used it a lot with my eldest daughter. It made a huge difference for her. My son hates the timer and normally I use it for tasks, like setting the table. It can be a very helpful tool.



bzirk -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 6:56:09 AM)

Don't know if this would work, but I learned to let my son go outside for a short time and do such things as play basketball or run around the block when he was restless. This really calmed him down because it got rid of that excess energy.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 7:23:35 AM)

I have all my kids (except for my 13 year old) work in the same room so I can keep an eye on them. I use BJU videos so even my 4 year old does most of her work on her own. The videos help keep them going (they are fun). I make sure that they don't don't drag their feet.

My 9 year old though... he just had a terrible time staying in his seat yesterday. I would turn around to an empty seat and the video still running with the teacher talking to herself. LOL



Homegrownkids -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 9:10:00 AM)

I have an 11 yr old that is still required to sit with me to do school work. He isn't As bad this year, but is still distracted easily.

I do give incentives for doing work dillegently. They are able to earn computer time and PS2 time. I also allow him to take more breaks, and am a little more layed back with him.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 10:16:22 AM)

As an encouragement...Nathan was always VERY distractable. He forever interruped himself (and still does some days) in the middle of an assignment to tell me about something that happened a week ago, or some Star Trek paradox or something.

He is nearly 13 now, and just in the last year has settled down a lot. He can mow a whole lawn without being re-directed, he can finish a handwriting assignment even if the TV is on at the time, etc. They do get better, it's just that many younger boys, I don't think their brains have all the parts yet or something, lol.



bzirk -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 1:55:15 PM)

It was toward the end of my son's 13th year that I began to see a dramatic improvement. Until then, I about pulled my hair out at times. I learned not to load him up with something but rather give work in much smaller bites and to also let him take a lot of breaks. I was afraid to do this at first because I didn't want this to be his conditioning for schooling when he was older. Wish I had not let my fear of that dictate so much. When I started letting him take breaks more often and not doing so much at any one sitting, he began to like school more and WANTED to spend more time studying.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 2:37:03 PM)

I would love it if Nate liked school, lol, but he still claims that even if he finds something fun to do and then I find a way to count it as 'school' it just sucks the fun right out of it.[8|][&:] So I am being satisfied by him getting his schoolwork done without constant redirection, lol.



cindybode -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/26/2008 3:58:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

I would love it if Nate liked school, lol, but he still claims that even if he finds something fun to do and then I find a way to count it as 'school' it just sucks the fun right out of it.[8|][&:]


You mean you actually tell him you're counting it? That's on a need to know basis, and kids just don't need to know. [8D]



MrsDC -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 12:16:36 AM)

Amen, Cindy!!![:D]

From the OP:
quote:

he should be doing more on his own, but he gets so easily distracted

That describes all 4 of my boys, especially my oldest.

quote:

I don't have the time or energy to sit with him constantly to make sure he gets everything done, as I have another, younger child to teach as well

Have you tried to sit him right next to you while you teach the younger, so that he can't "wander off" so to speak?

quote:

He just takes forever getting anything done and I feel like all I do is "remind" him to get it done.

Welcome to the "tweens"! The goal here is to transition from Mom-driven education to Student-driven education. You have to transition, or you'll end up with a 20 year old sitting on the couch waiting for you to drive him to his part-time job at McDonalds. As we say around here, "If you don't take responsibility for your own education, you'd better start practicing the phrase, 'You want fries with that?' cause that's the future you're choosing for yourself."

quote:

How do I get him to do more on his own and to stay focused

Well, it needs to be done in stages. What I've done for my boys is, instead of nagging (which gets really old really fast) I just put a time limit on lessons. For example, I believe that all our schoolwork should be completed by 1pm. So, we set a deadline for 1pm. The consequences will be that if the assignment isn't finished and ready to grade at 1pm, Junior loses privileges. 1pm comes and the math is only half-way finished. Junior just forfeited all electronic devices (TV, Computer, gameboy, CD player, Telephone, electric toothbrush, everything) until tomorrow. Chances are good that the math will be finished about 30 minutes after the discipline falls. Good. Now he knows you're serious and you know that he really is capable. Tomorrow, you give the same ultimatum. Chances are about 50/50 that the same thing will happen. It depends on how consistent you've been in the past.

It's not a problem which will go away without work. For me the most important thing was to quit threatening and nagging and just let the boys reap the penalties of their laziness. Each of them have different things which "drive" them, so each have different penalties.

quote:

He just takes forever getting anything done and I feel like all I do is "remind" him to get it done.

Stop reminding him. Tell him once and if it's not done, he's in disobedience. Treat it as disobedience.

I hope that was somewhat helpful!!!!

-- Rebecca



cynthia -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 12:20:25 AM)

I love this place. It really helps me put things in perspective and to realize that my child is not the only one and I am not the only mother dealing with specific issues. Kids are kids.



amybreit -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 8:01:40 AM)

quote:

Junior just forfeited all electronic devices (TV, Computer, gameboy, CD player, Telephone, electric toothbrush, everything) until tomorrow.
Rebecca - you crack me up!! I'd never have thought of an electric toothbrush as an electronic device to take away! But as you said:
quote:

Each of them have different things which "drive" them, so each have different penalties.
So you may have a kid that not being able to brush his teeth with the electric toothbrush is a devastating blow! I'm thinking mine wouldn't really care that much![;)]



zoebob -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 1:48:31 PM)

I had to laugh because as I read this thread because I had to stop 6 times to tell my 7 yr old boy to stop doing ____________ and look at his grammar book.

I even had to tell him and his sister to stop talking about cells right now and do grammar and math respectively. Talking about cells and blisters is good but they need to do their book work before we have to leave to go to work. We can talk about blisters in the car.

Both of them are easily distractible and both think they can't do it unless I am right next to them. My oldest is much better though. I explain at the beginning of the lesson and if she decides she wants to she does her work fine. Of course, sometimes she just wants to be lazy but it's a deliberate decision



cindybode -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 5:32:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zoebob

I even had to tell him and his sister to stop talking about cells right now and do grammar and math respectively. Talking about cells and blisters is good but they need to do their book work before we have to leave to go to work. We can talk about blisters in the car.


If my kids wanted to discuss cells right now, I'd let them. I guess that's why I like unstructured education better. As a child, I found it incredibly frustrating to be told I couldn't read about X right now because we were supposed to be studying Y. For me, the goal is that my kids learn and enjoy it, not that they finish the books. I have never taught grammar, and they can always do the math in the car if they're interested in cells right now.

I'm not trying to pick on Zoebob or anyone else who uses traditional curriculum, just suggesting that some of the battles can be avoided by allowing our kids to make some choices.



bzirk -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/27/2008 7:17:40 PM)

I have definitely moved toward less structure with my son, and he has excelled in learning. In fact, he's been the motivation for a lot of paradigm shifts about learning. I just had to get over my fear that I would be doing him a disservice.



zoebob -> RE: Help w/9-yr-old doing more on his own (8/28/2008 6:32:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cindybode

quote:

ORIGINAL: zoebob

I even had to tell him and his sister to stop talking about cells right now and do grammar and math respectively. Talking about cells and blisters is good but they need to do their book work before we have to leave to go to work. We can talk about blisters in the car.


If my kids wanted to discuss cells right now, I'd let them. I guess that's why I like unstructured education better. As a child, I found it incredibly frustrating to be told I couldn't read about X right now because we were supposed to be studying Y. For me, the goal is that my kids learn and enjoy it, not that they finish the books. I have never taught grammar, and they can always do the math in the car if they're interested in cells right now.

I'm not trying to pick on Zoebob or anyone else who uses traditional curriculum, just suggesting that some of the battles can be avoided by allowing our kids to make some choices.

If we weren't on a tight schedule with my work I would probably have let them. However, they could find a way to to avoid the things that do need to be done sitting at a desk forever if I let them. They shouldn't need all day sitting at a table but we do have limited hours to do that and they generally need me looking over their shoulder encouraging them with math. My kids couldn't do math in the car. I know you aren't picking on me.

ETA: I am way less structured than I ws when I started. My first year was school at home.



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