to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering

to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (Full Version)

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[Poll]

It shows that invitations should go through the mail.

20% (11)

It helped teach me I couldn't always protect others' feelings.

15% (8)

The original girl hadn't been taught how to keep a promise.

9% (5)

The teacher made a bad decision that day.

9% (5)

It shows to invite the whole class, or all boys or all girls.

0% (0)

It's just one of those "bumps" along the way in childhood.

33% (18)

Invitations shouldn't be a grammar lesson.

5% (3)

other

5% (3)

Total Votes : 53

(last vote on : 8/25/2008 5:27:32 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

OneOfHisJewels -> to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 1:35:33 PM)
THIS thread led me to share a story about something that happened to me in 3rd grade. Other than the 2nd half of 10th grade, 3rd grade is the one year of my life when I went to public school (and ironically had the best teacher I ever had-ok, well my mom did home school me for 11th and 12th, so that's the other best teacher I ever had, lol), anyway, that was the one year that I got to have a "kid," birthday party(usually we just had a quiet family celebration). However, the guest list had to be limited to 5 girls. That made me sad[:(], but I understand a little more now from a parents' perspective. Anyway, with much agony, I picked my 5. However, I still did not want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I quietly handed the invitation to each person, and said, "Please just put it in your bookbag and don't show anyone else, and just take it home to your mom, because my mom only let me pick 5 people and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." And they all said, "Yes, yes, we understand, we won't show anyone." So, I thought to myself, "problem solved." Then lo and behold, when it was time for grammar, what should our lesson be, but a lesson on invitations. I didn't really think too much about it at first, but then one of the girls, who I'll simply call "H" raised her hand and said, "Miss ---------, I have an invitation", and the teacher said, "Ok, H, would you like to show it to us?"[:o] Then, to make matters worse, all the other four girls got up to show their invitations too.[:o] At this point, I am sinking in my chair, feeling very sad[&o], and thinking ,"Why God, why? I tried so hard not to hurt anyone's feelings, and now this happened." I, personally, think the teacher made a poor judgement call that day (although don't be too hard on her, like I said, she was the best teacher I ever had, but we're all human). I never told my parents what happened until years later, so they couldn't really do anything about it. As parents what are your thoughts on a scenario like this? You can vote for more than one answer in the poll.

coolfamily6 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 1:43:49 PM)
I think the teacher made a poor judgement and she possibly felt that way too in hindsight. I also think that not being invited is part of growing up and realizing that not everyone is going to be your friend. Now, I would never let me children exculde one child but we do limit the number of people they can invite to parties. Preschool was the worst because if you invited one you had to invite all and our budget was so tight that we often invited none. I would haunt the children's Sunday school hall to give out invites to mom's so the SS teacher did not have to deal with it.

3cappuccinosmom -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 2:07:42 PM)
Well, I would have voted for several. I really can't see blaming the teacher. I voted that invitations shoudl go through the mail, and if it were multiple choice, I would have added that it's "one of those bumps", and that it was a lesson in understanding that you can't always make everyone happy.

Roberta_ -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 2:10:15 PM)
I voted that invitations should go through the mail. It's one of those bumps in childhood. I really don't like the idea of inviting a whole class to a party and have never allowed mine to do that.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 2:11:24 PM)
quote: and if it were multiple choice Hm, thought I had made it multiple choice. Let me go fix it.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 2:15:37 PM)
I pretty much agree that it shows invitations should go through the mail, although in all fairness, I'm not sure we had access to the addresses at the time. I guess it makes me realize that if I were a parent now, I would have my child get the pertinent phone numbers, and then call the parents to get the addresses. And I'm not faulting my mom, I'm sure she did the best she knew at the time.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 2:22:55 PM)
quote: I really can't see blaming the teacher. But don't you think she could have said, "I'm glad you have one, H, but how 'bout you keep it with all your other stuff, and we'll continue to use the example that's here in the book?" She had already been teaching for several years by that point, and surely she must have known that the whole birthday party thing was an area where kids could get hurt.

zoebob -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 3:22:33 PM)
I would say in a situation of only inviting a few that if you have addresses you should use them. I know when my kids were in public school we didn't have those though. I think in the situation of only inviting a select number that you and your mom did the best you could. The teacher probably should have realized to say "Keep it in your bag" However, teachers are human and have momentary lapses. Maybe another option would be to give them to the teacher and maybe she could quietly distribute them at the end of the day. I don't know how things were done but if the kids had mailboxes or cubbies or a folder that the teacher put all their papers in to take home at the end of the day she could have done that. I don't have a problem with limited number parties or all class or all girl/boy. I would have a problem with all but 1 or 2. In part this is just part of taking your lumps. You and your mom probably did all you could at the time. If the girls don't keep it private then it's out of your hands.

MrsTracy72 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 3:37:12 PM)
We have a rule at our school that I like. If you are having a party for your child and inviting all of the girls or boys depending on your child, then the invites can be passed out at school. If you are inviting only some of the girls/boys then invites need to go through the mail. I think that is a great idea because I see no problem with having an all girl party and inviting all of the girls and not the boys. I also see that the mail is a good thing because you don't have to worry. But when I have my kids parties, I make sure that they invite all of the girls/boys because it is just easier. And I stop the parties at 5th grade. That is the last class party they get. After that, they are in middle school and they don't need that class party in my opinion.

manda59 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:05:41 PM)
I just so totally don't understand blaming the teacher. I think it's unreasonable to expect children to keep quiet about things they're excited about, and unreasonable to expect a teacher to not do a lesson about invitations (when they are a great visual aid and also something children would benefit from looking at). If you didn't want others to know about the party, then the invitations should have been given out at the end of the day. That's what my children did. I also sent sweets (candy) with them on the nearest day to their birthday, to be shared out with all their classmates, so that all felt included in the celebration.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:20:04 PM)
quote: If you didn't want others to know about the party, then the invitations should have been given out at the end of the day In all fairness, Manda, that school did not let you socialize at the end of the day. Our two opportunities to socialize were before school and at afternoon recess. At the end of the day, we sat quietly at our desks, and waited for the principal (over the intercom) to first dismiss bus riders, then we waited a few minutes, and all those who parents' picked them up in cars got dismissed, and then last all the walkers and bike riders were dismissed. I happened to be the only walker in the class, so I would have had no opportunity to pass out at the end of the day. Plus, no offense, but that statement to me came across as a little harsh considering I was only in 3rd grade at the time. It's not like I did it that way NOW.

lightshineon -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:20:35 PM)
Did the teacher know? I may have missed that part. If they are passed out at school, everyone must recieve one. I have seen many children hurt, when one or two were excluded. I can understand five girls, not the whole class was involved. I understand your little heart though, being sensitive to not urting anyone, not wanting anyone to be mad at you either. That age it is hard for children to deal with complex issues, and emotions, and they worry if someone will be mad at them alot. I think it was just an unfortunate event.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:22:44 PM)
quote: I also sent sweets (candy) with them on the nearest day to their birthday, to be shared out with all their classmates, so that all felt included in the celebration. In all fairness, we DID do that as well, only in our case it was cookies.

lightshineon -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:24:40 PM)
That was sweet, to include the cookies. You are such a kind person, I know it hurt you for this to be known. I still do not understand if the teacher understood. quote: ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels quote: I also sent sweets (candy) with them on the nearest day to their birthday, to be shared out with all their classmates, so that all felt included in the celebration. In all fairness, we DID do that as well, only in our case it was cookies.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:25:01 PM)
quote: Did the teacher know? I may have missed that part. She didn't know until the one girl raised her hand. She probably also didn't know how many others were or weren't invited until the other four marched up there.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:26:08 PM)
quote: I can understand five girls, not the whole class was involved. I understand your little heart though, being sensitive to not urting anyone, not wanting anyone to be mad at you either. That age it is hard for children to deal with complex issues, and emotions, and they worry if someone will be mad at them alot. I think it was just an unfortunate event. Aw, thanks.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:28:07 PM)
quote: I still do not understand if the teacher understood. See post below(sorry, I'm a dummy that can't double quote, lol).

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:30:27 PM)
quote: Then lo and behold, when it was time for grammar, what should our lesson be, but a lesson on invitations. I didn't really think too much about it at first, but then one of the girls, who I'll simply call "H" raised her hand and said, "Miss ---------, I have an invitation", and the teacher said, "Ok, Hannah, would you like to show it to us?" Then, to make matters worse, all the other four girls got up to show their invitations too. She did not know about the party until this point.

cynthia -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 4:52:46 PM)
I voted that all invitations should go through the mail, but should have chosen other. I think invitations should be given out privately, away from others. We usually give them to people individually and may mail them. For example, my son's birthday party is tomorrow. We gave them to a couple of the neighbors by hand, took one to a friend's house when ds was visiting and handed one out at church to the mother. Another one was given by phone and I don't recall if they got a paper invitation or not, as my older daughter is doing the party and she knows that family really well. I do recall speaking to the mother about it personally also. There are some neighbor kids that are not getting an invitation. I hope they don't show up during the party. We just did not have enough room for them and frankly one of the families has bratty kids that we don't normally have here when we have other friends. What happened to you was sad and embarrassing, but even adults don't always realize the implications of their decisions on little kids. I think your mother is really the one that should have thought it all out, but she probably wasn't used to dealing with the issues involved and didn't realize what might happen. As a parent, I have made quite a few of those faux pas, but do the best I can. I'm sure that's that same with the teacher, who you obviously felt cared about her students.

manda59 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 5:30:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels Plus, no offense, but that statement to me came across as a little harsh considering I was only in 3rd grade at the time. It's not like I did it that way NOW. Remember I am a parent, thinking as a parent, and posting as a parent. If I'd been your mother, I'd have considered it my responsibility to make sure things went smoothly, I wouldn't have left it to you to try and work it all out on your own and keep everyone happy.

csl7037 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 5:52:47 PM)
I voted "one of those bumps" only because it happens and several of us probably have very similar stories. I was about the same age when a girl at school had a sleepover that, it really seemed at the time, every other girl in the school was invited to! I'm sure it was more like six other girls but I was still the odd man out. I don't know how invites went out, I don't think it matters. Little girls get excited and they talk and it certainly wasn't a secret that could be kept from me when all my friends were going and I wasn't - or so it seems. When my kids were little, we always had HUGE birthday parties for this very reason - because I remembered so well being left out. If they invited one friend from church, it was all of them, every neighbor, everyone in class. To the tune of 25-30 kids at their parties as the norm! That was until dd started doing sleepovers (I guess at 6, 8, and 9 it's been a sleepover now). I'm also the one who lived through this with the next generation this weekend (in the other thread). I believe, at my kids' school, you have to invite the whole class to bring invitations to school. I mailed dd's because they've only been in school a few days anyway. Dd had two little girls (in her class) say they couldn't come and asked about inviting the new girl so we called her mom and invited her. But the girl that jumped up and asked me if she could come yesterday at lunch isn't in dd's class, she's not even in the same grade! No matter how you send out invitations, and by the OP story, even if you've got a child who understands to keep it discreet, girls will be girls and it'll probably get out one way or another. For my own sake, I probably should've let this be one of her little "bumps" but I had her here at the last minute anyway. I saved her the trauma, I guess. Stressed myself out in the process but oh well. Dd also would've liked to invite a little girl across the street but didn't want to invite the girl next door. The best efforts to be careful not to hurt feelings just don't always work out. I guess our consolation is knowing that they'll all understand when they're mommies and in my position down the road.

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 7:18:15 PM)
quote: I think it was just an unfortunate event. LOL, did you draw from the title of the book seres, "A series of unfortunate events?"

OneOfHisJewels -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 7:37:12 PM)
quote: After that, they are in middle school, and don't need that class party , in my opinion. LOL, Tracy, that made me chuckle. I think you are right, although sometimes in jr. high and high school it can be nice to invite one or two close friends to do something special. I never felt left out when that happened with other kids at that age. I do think a Sweet Sixteen party would be a lovely thing to do for a daughter, though.

sen10tious -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 8:31:12 PM)
Wow! I never realized how easy I made it for my mother! I have a middle-of-the-summer birthday so both times my party invitations went through the mail, and were never the topic of a schoolyard discussion. Receiving my own mail was always a big deal for me, and part of the "festivity" of a party. As an eight year-old kid, I thought people who just handed me an invitation were being cheap and denying me the fun of getting mail. (Was I an odd child?) So I agree with both invitations ought to go in the mail and that it is part of the "bumps" of growing up. But I voted for "other" because I think all the other parents, (both of the invitees and of those who were not invited but wished they were,) have a responsibility to teach their kids that friendships and parties are not things that happen just because they exist or because they were assigned to a certain classroom. If you have earned the friendship of the birthday girl, you will get an invitation. If you don't get one, then you know she may be a friendly acquaintance, but does not consider you to be a close friend. The parents need to teach their child that there are different levels of friendship. Some relationships are not worth investing your dreams in. I think it is a good lesson to be taught during the birthday party years (approx. 6-10) because it is a lesson that needs to be learned well before they start getting interested in boys.

csl7037 -> RE: to share a story..VERY important to read first post before answering (8/23/2008 8:47:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sen10tious But I voted for "other" because I think all the other parents, (both of the invitees and of those who were not invited but wished they were,) have a responsibility to teach their kids that friendships and parties are not things that happen just because they exist or because they were assigned to a certain classroom. If you have earned the friendship of the birthday girl, you will get an invitation. If you don't get one, then you know she may be a friendly acquaintance, but does not consider you to be a close friend. The parents need to teach their child that there are different levels of friendship. Some relationships are not worth investing your dreams in. I think it is a good lesson to be taught during the birthday party years (approx. 6-10) because it is a lesson that needs to be learned well before they start getting interested in boys. This is a very good point.

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