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ORIGINAL: buckifn

Is this guy living in a foreign country?

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He can't come to see me because of passport and other issues which is good.

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If this man says he is a christian yet desires not to pray at loud with you, feels that you are praying too much because God already knows...sorry I feel there is something wrong here. If he is to be the head of the household one day as he is led by God...and yet he does not feel comfortable to pray out loud? He feels uncomfortable about going to church?

I suggest you pray and seek God's Will on this...Is this the type or man you desire to marry? Is this the guy you feel God is leading you to?

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ORIGINAL: imdeanam

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If this man says he is a christian yet desires not to pray at loud with you, feels that you are praying too much because God already knows...sorry I feel there is something wrong here. If he is to be the head of the household one day as he is led by God...and yet he does not feel comfortable to pray out loud? He feels uncomfortable about going to church?

I suggest you pray and seek God's Will on this...Is this the type or man you desire to marry? Is this the guy you feel God is leading you to?

He did not want to go to church. These things he told me he would do with me anyway.

I sent him an email yesterday telling him that this just won't work and that I would miss him and this was good-bye and I would not be reading any more emails.

He started putting stuff on his blog about how he has been "trashed" and then I find out from my friend that he has taken the message I sent him and pasted it into a message sending it to all of his and our online friends. I had been praying today for him on the way home from an appointment and praying for discernment. After crying all day yesterday, I am now able to be strong. Anyone that would take my private message and send it to all of our friends has a lot more going on then I am willing do deal with. I will still grieve but, this sounds like something that happens in grade school.. I don't think I trashed him. We had talked and talked and he just wouldn't hear me. I feel sad for me but this is best. Now I can grieve and learn and grow.

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I think you actions is for the best. Continue to pray for him...but he acted immature in this whole matter. God will give you the peace that you are seeking and He will send the man He has in store for you...Your friend does not want to stand up and be the man of God as he says he is...Instead of him thinking about what you have said and asking God to help him see what you are seeking...

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One love poem and then lashing out and verbal abuse.

And yes the sex pressure was while I was there..

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He started putting stuff on his blog about how he has been "trashed" and then I find out from my friend that he has taken the message I sent him and pasted it into a message sending it to all of his and our online friends.

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we both still want to be in each others lives.

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I suggest you look up co-dependency. Because this sounds a lot like it. I would NOT want to be in the life of someone who would treat me or any other person this way.

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I'd understood that you'd decided that you could/should have no relationship with this man? By giving him the impression that there may be a relationship at some point is giving him false hope.

I do believe that people can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, but I'm not sure that it's a good idea in your case, given what you've said about the relationship.

Do be careful in the coming weeks and months that you're not sliding into something you know isn't good or right. While losing friends can be painful, sometimes it's necessary.

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ORIGINAL: imdeanamYes, I agree with this scripture. Isn't it okay for a couple to just pray together?

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Yes, but married couples. I think praying is too intimate for dating people who are not engaged and moving towards oneness.

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ORIGINAL: deermousie

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ORIGINAL: imdeanamYes, I agree with this scripture. Isn't it okay for a couple to just pray together?

Yes, but married couples. I think praying is too intimate for dating people who are not engaged and moving towards oneness.

Solomon prayed on his knees, his arms outstretched, in front of the entire nation! I think the thing about praying in the closet was a rebuke for the Pharisees who made a big show of praying to convince people they were so religious and not because they wanted to talk to God. It was their motivation that God condemned, not their praying per se.

54 And so it was, when Solomon had finished praying all this prayer and supplication to the LORD, that he arose from before the altar of the LORD, from kneeling on his knees with his hands spread up to heaven. 55 Then he stood and blessed all the assembly of Israel
1 Kings 8

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ORIGINAL: imdeanam

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I suggest you look up co-dependency. Because this sounds a lot like it. I would NOT want to be in the life of someone who would treat me or any other person this way.

Don't need to. I already know it. I have worked on it for some time now. I just need to continue to apply what I know in my weakness. It is a struggle that doesn't go away easily, if at all. I have heard the Newlife guys say that you deal with the struggles that come, as they come, because they will come. Its not something that really goes away unless God does a miracle which He could, but its a struggle that needs to be dealt with each time. Hopefully gets better with time. I do need to hear these truths and thank you for saying it. It does help.

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I'd understood that you'd decided that you could/should have no relationship with this man? By giving him the impression that there may be a relationship at some point is giving him false hope.

I do believe that people can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, but I'm not sure that it's a good idea in your case, given what you've said about the relationship.

Do be careful in the coming weeks and months that you're not sliding into something you know isn't good or right. While losing friends can be painful, sometimes it's necessary.

Its my co-dependency rearing its ugly head. I held out for a while. I did tell him I didn't want to give him false hope. I liked the idea of friends. I understand about the sliding back into it. I know its not a good idea. I appreciate the honesty from both of you.

I do know about the cycle and pattern of abuse. And the co-dependent's part in that.

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ORIGINAL: Dancre

Hi Deana,
I have a feeling you are around my age, in the 40's? You get past 35 and you're still single and all you see is this lonliness stretching out before you. This guy is better than being alone. But I think you need to take a step back and look at the entire picture. This man says he loves God, but obviously doesn't, wants sex with you despite you saying no, speaks harshly to you and put false garbage on the internet about you. If you think he's like this now, wait till you two get married. It will be worse. Is the type of guy you truly want? A manipulator who gives a rat's butt about you? Cut him lose, say, goodbye, no more emails, phone calls, no face to face meeting. Move on, I have a feeling once he sees you won't play ball anymore, he'll move on to someone else. Also it sounds like he's telling you want you WANT to hear, not what he means. HE'll go back to his old nasty self once you're settled. You deserve much more than a jerk who cares so little about you. You deserve a guy who will pray with you, speak kindly with you and won't be such a jerk. :)

in fact, I won't even be friends with such a person, just move on. You don't need friendship from a jerk like that. He sees a way into your bed and this is it, be friends and like a snake, slither in and get what you want, then slither out. Dump him, no friends, nothing. Move on.

kim

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ORIGINAL: imdeanam

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ORIGINAL: truthrevealed

So, I'm assuming your boyfriend is a christian man? If so, praise God for THAT! Is he a good man in all other respects? Does he treat you well? is he seeking God in his own private time? If so, praise God for that! Don't make this a point of contention between you two especially if he's doing what HE knows how, right now, to seek God. It will become a power struggle. He may become resentful and it will cause UN-NECCESARY drama in your relationship.

Yes, it's good to pray together but if he's uncomfortable right now...RESPECT that. I'm sure he loves you...right????

He says he is a Christian. He says he reads his Bible. He lives far away. He does not want to go to church. He feels uncomfortable. He says he loves me all the time even to the point of obsession. I think it is more infatuation for him. I just don't see the fruit of the walk. If everything is going the way he thinks it should and I keep quiet about stuff like this then things are fine.. If I speak up he can certainly speak harshly to me and doesn't seem to bat an eye about it. I am not sure he really knows what the love chapter means... He seems to be self-absorbed. There is a lot to all of this. I think in my heart I know we are not equally yoked and I have tried to tell him this. We just have more conflict and different beliefs. It is so hard to leave but know that it is reallly the right thing to do.

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he seeking God in his own private time?

He wants it to be private and not talk about it much. His actions don't show it...

Thank you both for your help.

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He says he is a Christian. He says he reads his Bible. He lives far away. He does not want to go to church. He feels uncomfortable. He says he loves me all the time even to the point of obsession. I think it is more infatuation for him. I just don't see the fruit of the walk. If everything is going the way he thinks it should and I keep quiet about stuff like this then things are fine.. If I speak up he can certainly speak harshly to me and doesn't seem to bat an eye about it. I am not sure he really knows what the love chapter means... He seems to be self-absorbed. There is a lot to all of this. I think in my heart I know we are not equally yoked and I have tried to tell him this. We just have more conflict and different beliefs. It is so hard to leave but know that it is reallly the right thing to do.

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ORIGINAL: agapetos

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Do NOT break it off via email, letter, text message, instant message or over the phone. These are extremely rude and immature. The relationship being long distant makes it more difficult but in person is best.

Ordinarily, I'd agree but the OP has said that she is repeatedly being subjected to emotional blackmail by this man and pressurised into having sex with him.

I had to wonder whether it would be a safe environment for her to speak to him face2face. Even in a relatively public place, he could either say something or do something to harm her.

We should help others who are struggling, but that doesn't mean that we have to place ourselves in danger. The OP could look up some churches in his area and pass them on to him. And with respect Richard and buckfin, you're both guys. It's very hard sometimes to see things from the perspective of a woman (just as it's hard for a woman to see things from a man's perspective sometimes). Please remember that men are mostly taller, heavier and stronger than women so can easily overpower them.

From what the op has said, I don't think that she can help him after she breaks their relationship off because of his constant emotional blackmail (ie is he constantly going to beg her to get back together if she stays in her life?).

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ORIGINAL: imdeanam

Wow, I haven't gotten over here for a while! Thanks for all the responses. Agh.... Since then. We have talked and I got sucked back in (yes, I know... I take responsibility). There was tremendous pressure but it is not an excuse. I didn't block him because I felt bad about it. I now have found out more though and I must break it off. I know it. I am finding out that he believes in the Oprah thing like the Secret. He doesn't come right out and say it but says he believes in that "Thoughts become things" idea. He has said other things to that tune also. Yes, you are all right. I know it. It has been hard. I am getting out. Please just pray for me to do it in a way that will be God's way and not mine. I know God has given me chance after chance and I thank him. Thank you all. You are right and I know it.

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ORIGINAL: deermousie

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ORIGINAL: imdeanamYes, I agree with this Scripture. Isn't it okay for a couple to just pray together?

Yes, but married couples. I think praying is too intimate for dating people who are not engaged and moving towards oneness.

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ORIGINAL: imdeanam
I have been trying to find the the courage to do what Shadow recommended.. "This can't work" without the "I love you." More of the same emails have come in today. One love poem and then lashing out and verbal abuse.

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ORIGINAL: DeeAnnBailey
It isn't love; it is obession and control. He will seek to pull you away from family, friends, church, and God. RUN and RUN fast!!!

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ORIGINAL: laura…God's way is to "flee."

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

1 Corinthians 10:14 Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.

1 Timothy 6:11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

2 Timothy 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.