is it alright now? (Full Version)

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Akosua2402 -> is it alright now? (8/18/2008 4:22:40 PM)

i've been in a relationship for 3 years. My boyfriend and i decided that sex was out of the question till we marry. initially i felt uncomfortable abt us kissing bcos i didn't know if it was a sin or not. i told him abt it and we decided not to kiss again. that was about a year or two ago. just last week i found myself responding to a kiss he gave me. i didn't feel as uncomfortable as i did abt 2 years ago. does it make it alright to kiss him now?
I try not to do things i'm not comfortable with. now that i seem to be comfortable and honestly content with just a kiss and nothing more, can i say it's alright?



Jenny-Fair -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 4:26:28 PM)

When will you be getting married?



Akosua2402 -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 4:41:26 PM)

in like 7 years



Jenny-Fair -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 6:24:18 PM)

How old are you guys?

Personally, I would be worried that kissing wouldn't stay just kissing for years. The more you kiss, the further you will go, most likely.



agapetos -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 7:14:51 PM)

Well a lot of Christians kiss before they marry and then again, a lot don't. I don't think either is right or wrong to do. I think it depends on the couple though.

You and your bf decided that you wouldn't kiss until you married ~ but then you found yourself responding to him kissing you. Sounds as though there was no discussion about this ~ he just decided to kiss you. You need to talk with him about this because you may find that he will continue to decide what you should and shouldn't be doing throughout your life.

While the husband may be the head of the household, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't be discussing important issues with his wife and them (hopefully) agreeing.

Why so long until you marry?



creationtalk -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 8:26:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jenny-Fair

How old are you guys?

Personally, I would be worried that kissing wouldn't stay just kissing for years. The more you kiss, the further you will go, most likely.


ditto to this.

If you are both so young that you will not be old enough to get married for another 7 years, then you are probably too young for kissing and serious dating. If you are both old enough to get married, then why wait 7 years? You've already been dating 3 years?



MC4JC -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 8:42:43 PM)

I"m more curious as to the ages involved if you have been dating for 3 yrs and won't even get married for 7 more years. Why that long? Temptation is very strong and can get worse.

Its good to stay pure, but I'm not sure if waiting 7 yrs to be married to him is wise either. Unless you feel this guy may not be the one you will marry.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 8:49:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Akosua2402

I try not to do things i'm not comfortable with. now that i seem to be comfortable and honestly content with just a kiss and nothing more, can i say it's alright?


It depends on the lot of things.

If you're not mature enough to consider the complete consequences that is involved with kissing, then you simply should not be doing it. Feeling comfortable with something isn't a sure sign that it won't tempt you.

Also, after dating for three years, why are you waiting seven years to get married? Given the information provided on your profile, you're well old enough to get married. A seven year long wait will only prolong any temptations in your relationship. If he is the one you know undoubtedly that you want to spend the rest of your life with, why wait?

As for kissing, kissing in and of itself is not a sin. Kissing can very well lead to sin provided it isn't treated with caution and responsibility. It depends on the individual and their ability to maintain control over their actions.



nevaehs_gaze -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 9:14:55 PM)

And even if you think you're in control of your actions and feelings, it can be easy to give in to your body, much easier than you can imagine. It's amazing how quickly things are progress from "no kissing" to much, much more than that!



deermousie -> RE: is it alright now? (8/18/2008 10:40:55 PM)

First of all, bravo for deciding to not get sexually involved before you marry! Yay! That's a tough one, but God is pretty clear about it. I salute you!

Sex isn't just intercourse, it's the whole dance that starts with catching the other person's eye, hugging, holding hands, kissing and the rest that comes next and is God's will and our delight as married people. One thing leads to another; it's meant to be that way. So a good way to never have sex before marriage is to stop the dance before it gets started.

Of course, kissing is nice and easy to feel comfortable; it's the next step in the dance and it's normal. But if you can't marry now, I'd stop. Why torture yourselves?

Knowing what I know now after 20 years of marriage following 20 years of singlehood (age 18 to 38. Yeah, I married late), I wish I had never held hands or kissed until I was at least engaged to my now-husband.

Ten years until you marry? Yikes! That's tough, because God didn't make us to be celibate that long; it's like a dieting person sitting 4 feet from a table covered with food. You guys might want to see if you can make it much sooner, or even break up with the understanding that you'll come back together in 9 years. But still, this is a tough engagement.

God bless you guys, dear ones. I am praying for you tonight. (((Hugs)))



Akosua2402 -> RE: is it alright now? (8/19/2008 5:01:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MC4JC

I"m more curious as to the ages involved if you have been dating for 3 yrs and won't even get married for 7 more years. Why that long? Temptation is very strong and can get worse.

Its good to stay pure, but I'm not sure if waiting 7 yrs to be married to him is wise either. Unless you feel this guy may not be the one you will marry.


quote:

Also, after dating for three years, why are you waiting seven years to get married? Given the information provided on your profile, you're well old enough to get married. A seven year long wait will only prolong any temptations in your relationship. If he is the one you know undoubtedly that you want to spend the rest of your life with, why wait?


we're both 22 and in sch. we've each got a year to graduate. for me i've abt 2yrs to get a masters or 4/ 5years if i apply for graduate entry medicine. he also intends to get a degree since he is offering an HND program.
we figured getting married after my med sch and his degree wil give us enough time to prepare financially.
that's hw come we hv abt 7 years to marry even though we've dated for 3.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: is it alright now? (8/19/2008 6:51:48 AM)

quote:

I try not to do things i'm not comfortable with.


This is a very, very weak foundation to base your morals on. [&:] What if in a few years you suddenly "get comfortable" with the idea of having sex? 7 years is a long, long time to wait if you're deeply in love and if you add smooching to the equation. I agree with deermousie--don't torture yourselves. [;)]

Decide about kissing by whether it's right or wrong, wise or foolish, God-honoring or displeasing to God. Don't base your moral decisions on your personal comfort with various activities, because that really means nothing.



csl7037 -> RE: is it alright now? (8/19/2008 7:23:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Akosua2402
we're both 22 and in sch. we've each got a year to graduate. for me i've abt 2yrs to get a masters or 4/ 5years if i apply for graduate entry medicine. he also intends to get a degree since he is offering an HND program.
we figured getting married after my med sch and his degree wil give us enough time to prepare financially.
that's hw come we hv abt 7 years to marry even though we've dated for 3.


You've got to decide what your goals really are and focus on that. That might work on paper but those kinds of plans don't work in the real world. IMO, you can't date for ten years.



buckifn -> RE: is it alright now? (8/19/2008 8:56:44 AM)

How many kisses does it take for passion to take over good judgment? Or any judgment at all for that matter. For a guy, it's usually not very long.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking the two of you are somehow special and can play with fire without being burned. The Bible says that doesn't happen. Sin is sin and is always deceitful.

How many times do you think Eve saw the apple tree before she decided to go closer? As she got closer was she thinking"oh yeah this looks like a good way to get kicked out of here" or was she thinking "today I'm going to sin".....I don't think she approached that tree thinking about what a terrible consequence was there waiting for her.

I also think we don't approach sexual sin thinking about the consequences either. Just like the apple, something looks good, we take it...a kiss, another kiss, and another, and then what?

If you have a desire to be married then get married. Do you trust God enough to know He can take care of you both? I don't think there is any reason to ever wait 10 yrs. to get married if you know that is the person God wants you to be with.
It doesn't matter so much what you are "comfortable" with- what about God's plan?


Have you both prayed and sought His plan?



stamper_ben -> RE: is it alright now? (8/19/2008 1:20:49 PM)

What did the Apostle Paul say about it in 1 Corinthians 7:9?
but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Kissing in and of itself is not sinful. Giving into the desires it builds in a couple in love before marriage would be.

I agree with the above. If you have a desire to be married then get married. Sounds like the self control is going out of control... That's a looooong time to wait.



agapetos -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 10:17:28 AM)

quote:

we're both 22 and in sch. we've each got a year to graduate. for me i've abt 2yrs to get a masters or 4/ 5years if i apply for graduate entry medicine. he also intends to get a degree since he is offering an HND program.
we figured getting married after my med sch and his degree wil give us enough time to prepare financially.
that's hw come we hv abt 7 years to marry even though we've dated for 3.
I really don't see why you need should wait for 7 years before you marry if you are sure that both of you believe that it's right for you to be together.

Plenty of people marry while they are still studying. I know someone who's dd has just celebrated her 4th wedding anniversary ~ and she was midway though her studies. They did have to watch things financially but they coped with that.



TorchHeart -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 10:33:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agapetos

I really don't see why you need should wait for 7 years before you marry if you are sure that both of you believe that it's right for you to be together.

Plenty of people marry while they are still studying. I know someone who's dd has just celebrated her 4th wedding anniversary ~ and she was midway though her studies. They did have to watch things financially but they coped with that.



Well put! Why procratinate if you're sure? If you wait 7 years, you'll both be 29 by the time you marry. That will severely limit the amount of time you have to have kids and go on with your lives together.


As for the kissing, I'd be more worried if you WEREN'T kissing after as long as you've been dating. You're people! Not statues! Kissing is part of dating and falling in love. Enjoy it.



buckifn -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 2:09:19 PM)

quote:

Kissing is part of dating and falling in love. Enjoy it.


Is that wise counsel based on God's Word? Intimacy brings sexual desire. Sexual desire brings temptation/lust and we all know what the Bible has to say about that chain of events.

Temptation/lust is the short train to spiritual death outside of marriage.



fluffmonkey -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 2:21:37 PM)

Pray, Pray, Pray about these things with God, He will give you the wisdom to deal with your questions!

Both you and your boyfriend need to sit down and pray and talk about this, I understand wanting fiancial stabilty before you get married but waiting for a very long time can be very tough... especially when you have already been togther for 3 years. Their should be some stablity but you dont have to sit and wait for everything to fall into place b/c honstly things change and so does circumstances... everything want be perfect no matter what.

Kissing is great, but it can lead to wanting more then just a kiss....so take time and really pray about this and only you will know if its something you should be doing.

Best wishes!



TorchHeart -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 2:33:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

quote:

Kissing is part of dating and falling in love. Enjoy it.


Is that wise counsel based on God's Word? Intimacy brings sexual desire. Sexual desire brings temptation/lust and we all know what the Bible has to say about that chain of events.

Temptation/lust is the short train to spiritual death outside of marriage.


You know what? LOTS of things lead to sexual desire. If you want to go down this route, then they should also probably never wear anything that might be considered even remotely attractive, never wear make up to make themselves look more attractive, never get ear piercings, never wear deoderant or any kind of after shave,etc. Don't do anything that would possibly make someone even think you're attractive and thus cause them to want to date you because that would be lusting after you.

They also shouldn't dance (espeically not the "Hokie-Pokie", shouldn't look at anyone wearing a swimming suit or other form of clothing, shouldn't watch anything on television that might have a good-looking person on it, shouldn't dress up for a date, shouldn't complement anyone on how they look, etc.

How strict do we want to be? I'm all in favor of waiting to have sex until they're married. That's how God wanted it to be. Sex is more than just a physical feeling. But really? No kissing? No hugging? No signs of physical affection whatsoever? How about shaking hands? That's not being cautious; that's being ridiculous in my view.

I'll stand by my advice, and I'll say God will side me. We know what he says about sex outside of marriage (or at least what Paul says), but He's not a complete prude, either.



agapetos -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 3:49:32 PM)

quote:

That will severely limit the amount of time you have to have kids and go on with your lives together.
While I suggested marrying earlier, rather than in 7 years, I wasn't suggesting you have children earlier.

The couple I mentioned in my last post agreed that they wouldn't have children until she finished her studies because of the huge strain on their finances and their joint desire for her to be able to finish her studies.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 3:51:21 PM)

Realistically, though, if you have sex, you may have kids.



agapetos -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 3:58:24 PM)

Yes, you may. I've known a couple of people who've had children when they weren't planning any more ~ once couple even had twins![;)] All say the unplanned are as special as the planned children ~ once they've got over the shock of becoming parents again!

Children happen in God's timing, not ours. It is a risk, but then so is waiting so long before someone gets married (as has been mentioned).

I will say again that I still have concerns that your bf agreed to waiting until you were both married but kissed you anyway. Again, it could be a suggestion that he expects you to do as he wants all through your marriage.

This is an important issue and you need to talk about it.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 4:02:19 PM)

quote:

I will say again that I still have concerns that your bf agreed to waiting until you were both married but kissed you anyway.

I agree, it was very disrespectful and he seems to be trying to manipulate her into doing more than she thinks is a good idea. I would not be surprised if he pushed and pushed, a little at a time, until they were sleeping together.

Physiologically speaking, a man is primed for sex by the time he puts his tongue in your mouth. It really isn't 'safe' as we normally think.



buckifn -> RE: is it alright now? (8/20/2008 4:44:56 PM)

quote:

How strict do we want to be?


I guess the answer to that depends on where you want your soul to spend eternity.

I decided I didnt want to be in hell for a few moments passion in the here and now myself.



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