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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/25/2008 9:24:35 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Should I have accepted the man's offer when I can do it myself? I would have wanted to meet the man, actually, because he's really cute, but how was I supposed to act? This is the tough part for me. I don't know how to accept any help from any man, or woman for that matter, and if they do something nice for me, I always make it a point to pay them, whether with money or gift certificates, or something. That's just the nice thing to do, in my opinion.
I guess it's the mindset then. Perhaps I project an image that I can do it all without any help from anyone.
YES you should have accepted his offer. Even if you can do it yourself. Don't rob him of the blessing of helping you by not letting him help (especially due to the bolded statement above). It's much much easier to give than to receiev for some of us. Learn how to receive.
ALSO, If they offer to help do not pay them, maybe offer to buy them a coffee or (if you're a baker) bake them some cookies or something. You're interest will be more than enough payback for anyone helping you.
For some of us guys it's the only way we know how to approach a lady, if you turn down the help we feel like you're not interested in us at all.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/25/2008 10:45:16 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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quote:
YES you should have accepted his offer. Even if you can do it yourself. Don't rob him of the blessing of helping you by not letting him help (especially due to the bolded statement above). It's much much easier to give than to receive for some of us. Learn how to receive.
Sigh....John, I think the years of doing things alone, it makes it so hard for me, (and for a lot of single parents out there) to accept help from anyone. Maybe it's fear of being vulnerable and helpless again. I really think that all the current self help philosophy out there have taught women to be so self reliant to the point where we learned to build walls that would take the strength of Sampson to take down. With the strength we gained, we've lost so much tenderness--which is part of the true essence of femininity. Maybe that's why I'm being called a man. Sad but probably true.
Something I really need to work on.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/26/2008 6:04:27 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Sigh....John, I think the years of doing things alone, it makes it so hard for me, (and for a lot of single parents out there) to accept help from anyone. Maybe it's fear of being vulnerable and helpless again.
Vulnerable is not helpless. You can be vulnerable, that is, open and honest with yourself and others, and still be able to do everything that needs to be done. You can accept help when you can easily do it yourself.
quote:
With the strength we gained, we've lost so much tenderness--which is part of the true essence of femininity. Maybe that's why I'm being called a man. Sad but probably true.
It is sad, not just for you (ladies) but for all the men out there too
quote:
Something I really need to work on.
You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/27/2008 10:09:21 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 3000
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quote:
Something I really need to work on.
just an observation: from CW
nothing you have ever said/responded to/posted, has ever resembled masculinity.
I can spot it, and you don't got it.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/29/2008 11:08:43 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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quote:
just an observation: from CW
nothing you have ever said/responded to/posted, has ever resembled masculinity.
I can spot it, and you don't got it.
You're maybe right. Maybe men see me more as a damsel in distress from far away.
JohnO, you'll be so proud of me, lol. I took your advice about asking for help. I went for a bike ride this morning, then, when I was dismantling my bike to put it in my vehicle, a man came up to me and offered his help. Of course, I said, no, it's OK, I can do it (my automatic response to everyone, which I realize is just a habit that serves me no purpose other than to keep people away). The guy asked me what I was doing, and I said I was just removing the tires, and he said he does it a couple of times a day as he's a cyclist too, so I said, OK, you can help if you really, really want to help. His friend even came by to talk about my SUV (he has one too). We got to talking and he gave me some trail information, and some pointers on how to store my bike in the car without damaging the interior, and the bike itself. So....baby step, right? I didn't die. I met someone (not for romantic reason...not interested at all)who didn't automatically hit on me , and found a good trail to ride on.
So, yeah, John, you could be on to something about vulnerability without appearing helpless. With that experience, I might be able to take down some of my walls, or at least lower them. This might get easier some day.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/29/2008 2:39:27 PM
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DrivenbyGod
Posts: 224
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quote:
This is starting to bug me. My very close female friends often say that I'm a man, lol. Seriously, they've been saying this for years. They don't mean it to imply that I'm a lesbian or that I"m butchy or that I'm not feminine. I look very much like a woman (at least I think I do). I also am not threatening because I"m very goofy and somewhat flirty (it's a cultural thing). However, I'm very capable of doing things for myself and I have such strong convictions when it comes to my belief. I don't bend easily.
The things I like to do are thing that men life. I can't help it. I like football, and hiking and mountain biking and I can drive anywhere that my vehicle would take me and make it back. I'm usually scared, but fear doesn't seem to stop me. Also, when I ask men to do things for me, I always always pay them but I do occasionally let men pay when I'm out with them.
I don't think I appear bossy, or authoritative; quite the opposite. I'm quite diplomatic in my dealings with people. Also, I'm also very friendly.
Then why am I being called "a man"? Is there anything in what I described that suggest that I'm displaying more masculine traits than feminine traits? Is my personality a turn off for some men? I'd like to be seen as feminine than masculine without appearing helpless.
I didn't read all the posts, but my initial take would be there may be a type of jealousy from your friends that make these comments. Maybe because you're more self sufficient then they are or get along better with males in general.. who knows, but you definitely don't come across as manly. So, don't worry about it and shake the dust off your feet so to speak as in the Bible when your friends make these comments.. 
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/29/2008 9:25:40 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
just an observation: from CW
nothing you have ever said/responded to/posted, has ever resembled masculinity.
I can spot it, and you don't got it.
You're maybe right. Maybe men see me more as a damsel in distress from far away.
JohnO, you'll be so proud of me, lol. I took your advice about asking for help. I went for a bike ride this morning, then, when I was dismantling my bike to put it in my vehicle, a man came up to me and offered his help. Of course, I said, no, it's OK, I can do it (my automatic response to everyone, which I realize is just a habit that serves me no purpose other than to keep people away). The guy asked me what I was doing, and I said I was just removing the tires, and he said he does it a couple of times a day as he's a cyclist too, so I said, OK, you can help if you really, really want to help. His friend even came by to talk about my SUV (he has one too). We got to talking and he gave me some trail information, and some pointers on how to store my bike in the car without damaging the interior, and the bike itself. So....baby step, right? I didn't die. I met someone (not for romantic reason...not interested at all)who didn't automatically hit on me , and found a good trail to ride on.
So, yeah, John, you could be on to something about vulnerability without appearing helpless. With that experience, I might be able to take down some of my walls, or at least lower them. This might get easier some day.
WOOHOOO!!! Well done PH!! (I am proud of you!)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/30/2008 12:37:56 PM
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willfs
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I don't think you have to accept help unless you want to (like if you just wanted someone else to help you so it would go more quickly or you want to meet friends OR you had other "ideas"... aka- a date with a cute guy). I don't know many woman that accept help from strangers unless they really really need it. Maybe I am wrong on this but that's my opinion.
Forgive me for bringing myself up again. But I have more guys tell me I am feminate than girls. However, I have some very masculine parts to me (Like you have some very femine parts to you). I see both as good. I work with elementary students. I think I would scare them if I was Mr. Tough guy and my senstive/feminine qualities allow them to see me in an unthreatening manner. However, some of them actually, very coincidently, passed me as I was sawing wood outside my house yesterday and had to know what was going on. I enjoy work like this at times because being a guy can be enjoyable, even to me. I enjoy guy movies where the good guys are strong figures and something inside me wants to be just like those guys.
I am just trusting the Lord that he will change in me whatever needs to be changed and he will use in me the good things that are there. You asked how to get more of a balance. It seems like I have had friends brought into my life that helped bring more of a balance, Alpha type males that I was able to influence to be more sensitive and they were able to influence me to be more masculine. Thats just a suggestion.
< Message edited by willfs -- 8/30/2008 12:46:51 PM >
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RE: Another tomboy question - 8/31/2008 12:58:37 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1516
Joined: 6/1/2008
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Prariehiker, In the larger scheme of things, I disagree with JohnO and agree with Willfs' statement below. I also have a take on this masculinity business, and I don't like my take, find it ugly and insensitive, but I don't think it's meant to be that way... your friends are just... different.
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I don't think you have to accept help unless you want to (like if you just wanted someone else to help you so it would go more quickly or you want to meet friends OR you had other "ideas"... aka- a date with a cute guy). I don't know many woman that accept help from strangers unless they really really need it. Maybe I am wrong on this but that's my opinion.
Forgive me for bringing myself up again. But I have more guys tell me I am feminate than girls. However, I have some very masculine parts to me (Like you have some very femine parts to you). I see both as good. I work with elementary students. I think I would scare them if I was Mr. Tough guy and my senstive/feminine qualities allow them to see me in an unthreatening manner. However, some of them actually, very coincidently, passed me as I was sawing wood outside my house yesterday and had to know what was going on. I enjoy work like this at times because being a guy can be enjoyable, even to me. I enjoy guy movies where the good guys are strong figures and something inside me wants to be just like those guys.
I am just trusting the Lord that he will change in me whatever needs to be changed and he will use in me the good things that are there. You asked how to get more of a balance. It seems like I have had friends brought into my life that helped bring more of a balance, Alpha type males that I was able to influence to be more sensitive and they were able to influence me to be more masculine. Thats just a suggestion.
Attaching the bike rack to your car situation mentioned... something like that in the hands of someone else could:
A) be mounted on your car three times as slowly as you doing it yourself, probably with a little cursing of it and the company who thought it was such a great idea. There'd also be a little discourse on why this cute guy prefers a different type rack system than yours, and so on.
B) it's on faster, but somehow the thing has scratched up the back of your car in the process;
C) this guy is physically cute, but you are now running away from someone who was trying to hit you with it! What makes him think you need help with it? The packaging isn't laying around everywhere and you aren't reading the instructions to learn what to do for the first time.
Now with the most preferrable course of events A, how do the story lines go should you end up starting dating him? Oh! We met out in a parking lot when he offered to help me with my bike rack? Are you talking to people who know you can put that thing on there in less than 30 seconds? They are not going to be impressed. As the guy gets to know you more, his tale of chivalry is going to really stink, right? How he rescued you from putting that thing on your car in 20 seconds by taking 3 minutes?  See, if you've got mechanical skills, to bury them where no one else knows about your childhood blanket with tool patches sewn all over it for a cape is going to be in for a real eye-opener.
The 'man' thing. Maybe its jealousy. I'm thinking independence does not bother you, and yet while you haven't given up on getting to know another guy, you have been pressured by life into learning things that typically you never knew you'd need to know- things like how to attach a bike rack to your car, and a bike to the rack, so that nothing falls off, or wobbles around scratching paint, or how to secure the rear wheel so the pedals don't rotate and dig into the back of the car, etc. etc. You are the woman of the family and you also know a lot of manly things because that's just the way things are. I don't think it's your mindset, or your friends'. I just think they are being somewhat cold in their descriptor of who they see you are at the present time.
I'd just keep doing what you do. That bike rack thing... if your bike will fit in your vehicle somehow, and that situation comes up again, maybe you could say something like well, I was going to put this on now, but I'm feeling the need for... a frozen yogurt from that place over there. Care to join me (hefting your featherweight Cannondale into your car and closing it all up. That would help Joe Schmoe know the bike is not for looks- that you've got some muscle and do know how apply it should he think you are helpless.
No, really, for your own good, just stay back because I can do this in 20 seconds, and I take pride in it too. Don't make me hurt that pretty face! 
OneJohn410
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/23/2008 4:36:22 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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SOrry, to ressurrect this thread back once more. I've gotten over the "you're a man" comments from the ladies. Now, it's the guys at work saying I'm one of the guys and that I should hang out with them. Huh?
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/23/2008 7:29:11 PM
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Prairiehiker
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But Carl, I don't want to be a man! MEn are icky! LOL.
Yeah, I work in a fun office. I mean, I work for the gov't....nothing like fun all day, lol. It's not the girls in office that says I'm like a man; it's my best friends.
YOu're probably right....I'm one of the guys, only with heels. One of them even asks for my opinion every time he's picking his football picks for the week, lol. I just wish they'd see me as a girly girl, because I am...when I'm not challenging them to a race, and arm wrestling, or....welll, you get the point. LOL>
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/23/2008 7:30:46 PM
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SamsonUSA
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Nothing is wrong with being a Tomboy. I can't foresee being in a relationship with a woman who isn't one in many ways. Such as hiking into the mountains with me for several days without her blowdryer, going home to the beach with me and actually bodysurfing with me, ect. Generally just being able to keep up with me on a few levels.
Unfortunately for me many tomboys are loud, outspoken, and sometimes crude. I'm looking for one that is somewhat shy and also very girly and enjoys pampering herself too. Does one exist on this planet? lol maybe not and probably a very good reason I'm still single.
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Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/23/2008 7:49:15 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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The thing is I'm very quiet at work and the only time I talk is when we're talking about restaurants, sports, TV shows, and my hobbies. I won't debate them, or even engage in any form of arguments. Most of the time, I'm very cheerful and giggly when I'm talking to them...which makes me sound like an airhead, but I'm not...because they come to me for my opinions on work issues.
I honestly don't think I appear tomboyish, (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol.). Though if anyone of them wanted to throw the football or frisbee around, I wouldn't have any hesitation joining them, lol.
YOu know, kind to think of it, I asked the last man I dated if he saw me as more masculine or feminine, and he said not a chance, though I'm one of the few women who can keep up with him.
Oh, and I ask my daughter if she thinks I'm manly, and her exact response is "no, you're so girly, it's so annoying at times. but you're also very athletic." Ok, that's the one opinion that really made my day even though she says I'm annoying, lol.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 10/23/2008 9:24:08 PM >
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 8:03:52 AM
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DaveW
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Athletic does not equal masculine.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 8:57:10 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I honestly don't think I appear tomboyish, (not that there's anything wrong with that, lol.). Though if anyone of them wanted to throw the football or frisbee around, I wouldn't have any hesitation joining them, lol.
...
Oh, and I ask my daughter if she thinks I'm manly, and her exact response is "no, you're so girly, it's so annoying at times. but you're also very athletic." Ok, that's the one opinion that really made my day even though she says I'm annoying, lol.
OK now PH. I've read other posts of yours where you've said that the guys you've dated have called you "hot", "hot" and if I remember correctly, "hot" and maybe even "cougar sexy".
Guys do not talk about guys that way. So obviously guys think of you as a girl. The invitation to hang out just shows that they are so comfortable with you around. It's part respect ("hey, this lady knows what she's talking about!") and part attraction (What Guy doesn't want a "hot" girl around?)
Just keep being who you are and don't worry about what people say. In my (not so humble somtimes) opinion, you've got the best of both worlds going.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 9:38:19 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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Thanks, JohnO. "Hot" isn't really an indication of femininity, esp if it's coming from men that, you know...lol. NOt that that's what they mean, because most of men I've dated, they were pretty long term (by my definition of long term).
But I guess I should put this issue to rest. Ok, gotta go and do my football picks, lol.
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 3:20:17 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
Status: offline
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quote:
Is your real name Delilah?
Wasn't she the evil temptress in the bible responsible for cutting Samson's hair while he was sleeping which caused him to lose his strength? Ummmm....no, that's not me, LOL!
But if you ever want to be Tarzan, I can be your Jane? I swing from vine to vine like a pro! Well, I don't swing; I just use the zipline, lol!
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Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 4:35:59 PM
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SamsonUSA
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Wow, and she even knows what a zipline is! Yes I may have to throw you a vine when I come up to Canada in the spring.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/24/2008 11:26:28 PM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1516
Joined: 6/1/2008
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Hey there, you (let's see... survey says)
annoying, athletic, so girly girl, hot, cougar sexy, not-Delilah, not the man, not the tomboy woman,
That's a lot of initials to remember with your signature on those gov't papers...
Prairiehiker, A. A. SGG, H, CS, nD, nTM, nTT, W
Isn't there a song you could walk around humming? Something like...
I can bring home the bacon....
fry it up in a pan....
Maybe just adding that to your daily repetoire would be enough to help set your stage.
As for picks... the ladies at my old office ALWAYS dominated on the men, yet always admitted they had some help from their husbands. So... maybe you want to consult with us all somehow on those picks? Or else just report on them all being right so we don't forget who's the woman. 
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/27/2008 9:28:32 PM
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makarizo
Posts: 3000
Joined: 4/13/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I'm one of the guys and that I should hang out with them. Huh?
if you like who you are, that is all that matters. it is a display of confidence and that is a good thing.
for me it is who I am in Christ, and what "other people" think does not really matter, especially where appearances are concerned
there must be something special about you, that is all.
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RE: Another tomboy question - 10/29/2008 4:42:11 PM
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DuckTalk
Posts: 228
Joined: 9/16/2008
From: A Duck Hole in Tennessee
Status: offline
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My husband LOVED for me to do the yard work AND the housework, wash the cars AND his clothes, clean the roof AND the toilets, watch the game AND the kids, field dress the deer AND dress like a dear.
Then I got smart.........l asked him if HE could do all of those things and he said he didn't know how to do the toilets, the clothes, the kids and the housework, so somewhere along the line, I don't remember where or when, but I forgot how to do yard work, roofs, and how to field dress a deer. Hey, it comes, it goes.
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