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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 10/13/2008 10:35:24 AM
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Sally_G
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/4/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: StraightAhead
Hi Sally - great idea to have a woman be with you (NOT him, ever) during the presentations just in case you need someone to be there for you. I think you already know that the married man situation is a HUGE RED FLAG. Definitely don't want not even the appearance of any kind of relationship. Any single man or woman could wonder about your character if you appeared to have a close relationship with a married man. No matter how strong a believer someone is, everyone is vulnerable to get snared in the most subtle way into something that seems innocent only to go further than the believer ever wanted to go. Pray for wisdom for a course of action to follow ahead of time to ensure you are not snared in any way.
Thanks StraightAhead. Thanks also about the character issue. I did notice a couple of times in the past when I would speak with him, the other guys in the room really took notice. (Their body language changed.) This was before I realized what was happening - before he got to the whole talk about "problems with his wife." I don't for one minute think that I'm strong enough to not be snared into something that would be wrong. I don't want to misinterpret scripture - but the Bible says "pride goeth before a fall" - and I know that for myself, I cannot trust my flesh in this area - particularly because of where I am now mentally, emotionally, and physically. This is so clearly a trap.
So, I've asked for prayer from my prayer partner - and I'm doing what the bible says concerning this type of temptation - which is to flee from it. I've minimized contact with him so that there is no encouragement on my end. I pray and if I end up in conversation with him, I keep things on the surface and short. I'm also not going to enter into any further conversations with him concerning marriage or his wife - except to compliment her, encourage reconciliation, and suggest that he find a godly man to talk to.
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 10/16/2008 11:51:16 PM
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Sally_G
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/4/2008
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Here is an update.
I've been surrounding myself with other women during the presentation. It worked! He kind of came to stand close to me and was kind of touching my shoulder and I kind of manuevered myself next to another woman. (It was pretty smooth the way it worked out.) I've been pretty distant, but nice and that has also been working. Woo Hoo!
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/1/2008 11:49:10 PM
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splost
Posts: 48
Joined: 1/29/2006
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Sally, this sounds almost exactly like my post I just posted. God bless you. It's hard. I am 36. What's happening to us??? I feel like I am going through puberty all over again.
I know God is a wonderful God and he will get you through this.
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/4/2008 7:58:55 AM
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Petsmarty
Posts: 153
Joined: 12/3/2008
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I'm a lot older than you girls, and I never really had a problem with the touching thing, I mean I loved to hug, but it just never got to me. HOWEVER, there is a man in my life now, that I love dearly, and all he has to do is look at me.... I have to fan... You know what I mean???? When he hugs me, and pulls away, I feel that part of me has been separated from my body... fan, fan, just thinking about him, fan, faster, lol I don't know what is going to happen with us, but I sure do wish GOD would hurry and MOVE!!!!! Neither of us has ever been married, but he is "experienced", but that was in his past... I hope you don't think I'm crazy here now, I'm really not... I just never really had to deal with this until the last couple of years, especially the last six months.
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/6/2008 11:51:22 PM
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Petsmarty
Posts: 153
Joined: 12/3/2008
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Sally, As I went back and read my reply again, it sounded like I was making "light" of what you are talking about... I am not in any way. I know too well what you are going through. Some times, I ache so much to hold that one that I love. To hold him close and to be able to show him physically just how much I love him. Looking at his picture or going back over a favorite memory can even bring pain. I certainly didn't mean to sound like a smarty, because I do too well understand. God go with you and bless you.
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/10/2008 9:07:57 AM
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Sally_G
Posts: 24
Joined: 6/4/2008
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splost - yes, we are on the same page. This second puberty thing is horrible. I used to be able to shut down all of these signals that I'm giving out - but now ... I feel like I have a flashing red sign over my head - and guys are picking up on it. I'm trying to hang in there, but it is a struggle. The other day, a guy came up to me to give me a hug and we lost our balance and he kind of fell into me. I extricated myself, but none of this ever happened to me before - because I was never open. It is like ... now there is a weakness there for me. My desire is to really be godly - I've been waiting and trying to hold out - but I really need a husband.
Petsmarty - I didn't take your first reply as making "light" of what I spoke about. I've been in that situation before with another guy a few years ago. I prayed and asked God about him - but the Lord said no. We had that exact same kind of chemistry - I just wanted to touch him all of the time and he me. We didn't of course, and back then I was a lot stronger than I am now. So I just kept myself separate from him since I knew he wasn't the one for me. It was hard. If I had met him now ... I don't know. Thank God I didn't. And thank God I didn't see him a lot. So I understand - truly I do! I pray that things work out for you.
Update: I ended up speaking with the married guy and it got a little ugly (no yelling or anything but some hurt feelings for a while). But things have blown over and we are fine now. No more hugging - boundaries in place (woo hoo!). The other single guy kept asking for my phone number over and over so I gave it to him. He didn't call though, so he wasn't serious - but just wanted a number. Well, recently while he was talking to another guy - and he reached up and started running his hand through this other guy's beard. There was something about the way he did it - very intimate - very real. Immediately, I felt physically ill - he tried to play it off like it was a joke - I knew immediately that this guy is gay (or probably bi). I didn't detect it at all until that moment. So, that was the end for me.
I've been talking to a guy on the phone for about a month or so now. He seems like a nice guy so far. Above board - but I'm concerned that we aren't on the same page spiritually. I don't think it will work out but I hope that we can be friends - although I know guys don't like that.
You know, the one thing I can say about this experience is a new humility. I used to judge and condemn women who were "fast." I don't any more. Even though I'm no where near fast - the average teen has way more experience than me - I understand what this feels like and I now have compassion. This has been a good lesson. But I hope it is over soon ...
< Message edited by Sally_G -- 12/10/2008 9:16:31 AM >
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/13/2008 10:46:00 PM
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crimsonfollower
Posts: 631
Joined: 12/29/2006
From: the middle of nowhere
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(((((Sally)))) I am younger than you (26) but single and still a virgin. I understand your longing for your husband. I feel like I have done all the "right" things to find a Christian husband (Christian work place, Christian college, missionary work overseas for 2 years...) and yet I am still single. It sounds like you have found many different things that work for you. One thing that I like to do (especially when I really get the longings for a husband and/or there is a guy in my life that I like) is that I right a love letter to my future husband. In it I explain the struggles that I am going through, I pray for him on the paper and I ask God to contine to prepare me for the day that we meet. I have discovered (in my own life) that this is a good, healthy outlet for those emotions/feelings and keeps them from being expressed to the guys around me. I am ultimately writing these letters to God, but plan to give them to my husband after we are married. I also occassionally go back and read them and see how I have grown in this area.
It is hard to continue to wait. My mother had already been married for 7 years and was expecting her 2nd child when she was my age. Here I am still single with no prospects (and I live in an area right now where males actually outnumber females) and keep wondering when God will send me my husband. However, I also still know that God has a plan for my life and that He is writing my love story - in His time, not mine.
_____________________________
Beth
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2 ISV
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/14/2008 12:29:46 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
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I dealt with this same issue when I reached 30. It was very distracting. In a way, it provided me an insight to the struggles of men. We only go through this during a certain stage of our lives, but most men have to live with it all their lives. THat's just the way they are wired.
I wouldn't say that I struggled with it because I wasn't a Christ follower then. I went to church but I was very much an agnostic. I did what any normal non Christ follower would do. I had a boy friend, and I didn't hold back. It wasn't in my belief system to hold back then. In fact, my very first question when I started posting in the forum was "sex question". I was transitioning from being an agnostic to an authentic CHrist follower.
I have to tell you though that if I were going through it right now, I'd be struggling with it big time. Luckily, it subsided. Maybe because I'm not dating anyone. I know that it gets reignited whenever I spend some time with someone I previously dated. Remaining true to my faith is one reason that I broke that relationship for good; even the friendship. I know that it'll always be a temptation for me whenever we're together.
How would I deal with it now? I don't know. Take a lot of cold showers! LOL. Go for long walks. HOw do men deal with it. If they have to deal with it all their lives, maybe we should really be asking them.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: Single - How Do You Deal With ... - 12/16/2008 4:53:16 AM
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Petsmarty
Posts: 153
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: online
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I can't sleep tonight. All I can think about is how much I would love to kiss him. lol That is the honest truth. Sometimes he looks at me with a question in his body language and on his face. Next time I notice it, I'm going to ask him, WHAT? Maybe he wants to kiss me too. WHY doesn't he???? Sorry, I said this was on my mind tonight. lol
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Keep praying for God's strength doing this! Hang in there! 
