RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:40:26 PM
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norajm
Posts: 43
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From: MI
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quote:
The "mad money" was in case you got mad at "him" and needed to find your own way home- something good to have on any/all dates really- a plan on how you would get home if needed and the $$ to do so. Safety first ladies... men too, but you are usually the drivers .
Good advice. A coworker told me he once told his date he had to use the restroom and left the restaurant. The orders were already placed. So, yes this is always a good idea.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:43:48 PM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7175
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From: Dr Pepper Country
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
. An hour or two of your life isn't ever wasted getting to know someone, even if it won't end up in a romantic realtionship.
I disagree. I had a couple dates a year and a half or so ago with this one woman. We spent some time talking , ate some good food, went a saw a movie. The dates weren't too bad (until her voice really got on my nerves) but she was so not a fit that it was an entire waste of time. I remember nothing of her except that her voice and mannerisms annoyed me. And she had kind of curly brown hair.
Total waste of time that could have been better spent elsewhere. But I wouldn't have known that unless I did the date. (first date was a blind date)
Once you're on the date manners demand that you be gracious until the very end of it. Whether you plan on asking her out again or not, you owe her your attention and time for that evening.
Johnno, I respectfully disagree. A first date that does not go well enough for a second date isn't necessarily a waste of time. If for anything, you're practicing your social skills, manners, and learning more what you are NOT looking for in another person. You make the most of your evening and let it go from there. A waste of time, imo, is if you knew that you would not be a match and asked said person out (or agreed) to second date. Then you're just setting your own self up for failure.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:43:49 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2984
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
. An hour or two of your life isn't ever wasted getting to know someone, even if it won't end up in a romantic realtionship.
I disagree. I had a couple dates a year and a half or so ago with this one woman. We spent some time talking , ate some good food, went a saw a movie. The dates weren't too bad (until her voice really got on my nerves) but she was so not a fit that it was an entire waste of time. I remember nothing of her except that her voice and mannerisms annoyed me. And she had kind of curly brown hair.
Total waste of time that could have been better spent elsewhere. But I wouldn't have known that unless I did the date. (first date was a blind date)
Once you're on the date manners demand that you be gracious until the very end of it. Whether you plan on asking her out again or not, you owe her your attention and time for that evening.
Sorry that you would look at it that way John. I have never felt tht meeting another person was a total waste of time.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:47:16 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
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From: WA
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quote:
A coworker told me he once told his date he had to use the restroom and left the restaurant. The orders were already placed.
What a coward!
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Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:48:40 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2984
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Hmmm, I'd say "coward" was the least of his character flaws...
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:51:44 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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He certainly did his date a favor in any case...she'll never worry about him again, so it was a small price to pay!
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 12:55:13 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7668
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: norajm
quote:
The "mad money" was in case you got mad at "him" and needed to find your own way home- something good to have on any/all dates really- a plan on how you would get home if needed and the $$ to do so. Safety first ladies... men too, but you are usually the drivers .
Good advice. A coworker told me he once told his date he had to use the restroom and left the restaurant. The orders were already placed. So, yes this is always a good idea.
Hmmmm...this didn't by chance happen in Illinois about 3 years ago did it? 
Luckily my mum just gave me a credit card or I would have been calling someone to help me wash dishes! *giggle*
quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
Johnno, I respectfully disagree. A first date that does not go well enough for a second date isn't necessarily a waste of time. If for anything, you're practicing your social skills, manners, and learning more what you are NOT looking for in another person. You make the most of your evening and let it go from there. A waste of time, imo, is if you knew that you would not be a match and asked said person out (or agreed) to second date. Then you're just setting your own self up for failure.
And I respectfully agree with her. Like Thomas Edison said, (or whomever it was) I don't have 1,000 failures...merely 1,000 ways it didn't work.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 1:04:34 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: hotsaucygma
. An hour or two of your life isn't ever wasted getting to know someone, even if it won't end up in a romantic realtionship.
I disagree. I had a couple dates a year and a half or so ago with this one woman. We spent some time talking , ate some good food, went a saw a movie. The dates weren't too bad (until her voice really got on my nerves) but she was so not a fit that it was an entire waste of time. I remember nothing of her except that her voice and mannerisms annoyed me. And she had kind of curly brown hair.
Total waste of time that could have been better spent elsewhere. But I wouldn't have known that unless I did the date. (first date was a blind date)
Once you're on the date manners demand that you be gracious until the very end of it. Whether you plan on asking her out again or not, you owe her your attention and time for that evening.
I remember going on a "meet and greet" date with someone two years ago and that happened to me. He told me in an email the next day that I looked, sounded, and my mannerisms were so similar to his x that it really repulsed him.
So, for him, it was a waste of time and his money to drive up and meet me. It wasn't a waste of time for me, though. It was God showing me that there were people like that living amongst us.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 1:10:28 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5128
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Indiana
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quote:
So, for him, it was a waste of time and his money to drive up and meet me. It wasn't a waste of time for me, though. It was God showing me that there were people like that living amongst us. LOL
offtheisland your post reminded me of another Don't for first dates......
Don't take her to a cave, go exploring and then claim the batteries went dead in the flashlight.............especially if she is already afraid........
I still can't believe he thought it was funny that I was so scared...........
I should have realized there are really some people out there who like to control with fear..........it would have saved me a lot of grief in the future LOL
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 1:17:06 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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From: NeverNeverLand
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Oh! Here's a good one for the guys.
Make sure you have PLENTY of gas in your car...LOL
Running out of gas is a sure fire way to avoid a second date whether you do it on purpose or not.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 1:33:17 PM
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norajm
Posts: 43
Joined: 8/5/2008
From: MI
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quote:
quote:
A coworker told me he once told his date he had to use the restroom and left the restaurant. The orders were already placed.
What a coward!
I agree it was a cowardly thing to do. I was shocked when he told me because at work he is friendly, polite, helpful and thoughtful. I told him, "If anyone other than you were telling me this I wouldn't believe them." I never would have thought that he was the type of person that would do that.
I guess that goes to show how much we think we know about people.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 1:44:43 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL:
(post deleted by author)
Since we've had this very same discussion before I'll try to keep it short. If my goal is to find a wife (and it is) anything that does not move me closer to my goal is wasted time. I could have been doing something else that would prepare me better or even been meeting other people (who would be closer fits) during the time I was on that date.
The closest any response came here to the truth was Tina's. At least I eliminated one more from the pool. Trouble is there are still about 2.5 billion others in it. One by one isn't an efficient use of time.
As to the effect I had on her or she had on me (positive or negative), probably none whatsoever.
(edited to remove deleted post by original author. But since other's replied to this I'll keep this one up)
< Message edited by John_O -- 8/13/2008 3:33:02 PM >
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 2:14:37 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4183
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
As to the effect I had on her or she had on me (positive or negative), probably none whatsoever.
i can see this point of view, if one has a strict list in mind ie) slender, younger age range for children, etc then there are people you can rule out immediately. but sometimes how can one know? i recall you posting before about your experience on online dating sites and not having great luck. yes in hindsight you probably think it was a waste of time, but if a relationship formed out of it, then obviously you might think otherwise. obviously your approach is showing fruit with your current relationship, but if not met on cw, would all your time spent on cw be a waste? not that we are dating here, but we are learning about each other, learning about life, reflecting on life and God, etc kind of the same things that can be done on dates even if the date doesn't turn out to be a wife. however it seems that a lot of people don't have such rigid lists and are going about living life for the sake of living life and don't base all their actions off of finding a spouse.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 2:46:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8029
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
As to the effect I had on her or she had on me (positive or negative), probably none whatsoever.
i can see this point of view, if one has a strict list in mind ie) slender, younger age range for children, etc then there are people you can rule out immediately. but sometimes how can one know? i recall you posting before about your experience on online dating sites and not having great luck. yes in hindsight you probably think it was a waste of time, but if a relationship formed out of it, then obviously you might think otherwise. obviously your approach is showing fruit with your current relationship, but if not met on cw, would all your time spent on cw be a waste? not that we are dating here, but we are learning about each other, learning about life, reflecting on life and God, etc kind of the same things that can be done on dates even if the date doesn't turn out to be a wife. however it seems that a lot of people don't have such rigid lists and are going about living life for the sake of living life and don't base all their actions off of finding a spouse.
CW is more like studying a "how to" manual. It's not a date. Therefore the prep time is not wasted.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 2:51:09 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6288
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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quote:
Since we've had this very same discussion before I'll try to keep it short. If my goal is to find a wife (and it is) anything that does not move me closer to my goal is wasted time. I could have been doing something else that would prepare me better or even been meeting other people (who would be closer fits) during the time I was on that date.
I think that's sad. I definitely want to be married, and some days it all but kills me that I have been divorced for nearly 12 years now and no end to that in sight, and no chance of having any more kids (without marriage). But I would hope that I would take joy in what happens in the meantime, and not be so single-minded that I couldn't do so. Plus, there is no guarantee that either of us will ever marry again...and to get to the end of a long life completely wasted on a fruitless search, well, that would be a sorrow indeed.
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Tony: Ziva, did you kill Houdini?
Ziva: It is possible. I do not remember all their names.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 2:54:48 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
As for this case yes it was a date......Eric even used the word date when he asked me..........AND it was a first date...........And he had a blanket, picnic along with a bottle of wine (he didn't know I don't drink)............It was fun, romantic and not once had anything to do with making out.........AND he was a non Christian to boot............ 
So it was the whole picnic thing that just happend to last into the night. Quite a bit different from pulling up into a dark park and popping a blanket out of the trunk.
A picnic is fine, fun and these days even unusual.
Ok, I kept from telling this story for a few days while this conversation went on, but since it is continuing...
The very best anniversary date I ever had with my ddh was a picnic. I don't remember what anniversary we were celebrating, but it wasn't an earlier one. Sometime after 1988, anyway. We were very, very poor because my ddh was going to school and also mowing lawns to help support us while I stayed home to care for and educate the children. But we saved up a few dollars and I used a little grocery money. I bought cheese, sparkling grapejuice, crackers and fruit and put them in an ice chest, and packed a blanket. Then we used the few dollars to go see a movie...I'll never forget the movie, it was Doc Hollywood. Then late at night, after the movie we drove out to the park. It was a beautiful moonlit night, both of us were rested and in pleasant moods, the water in the pond was sparkling and there were ducks.
We just sat and enjoyed the moon, the water, the ducks, and the picnic until very late that night.
And even though we were married, there was no need for things in the glove box. Sometimes it's just nice being together, you know?
Anyway. One of my favorite dates.
Of course, to keep this on-topic, I should say that he asked me to marry him on our first date. Sort of.
quote:
John_O
Total waste of time that could have been better spent elsewhere. But I wouldn't have known that unless I did the date. (first date was a blind date)
I get your point IF your goal is to find a wife, John. And I understand that in this particular context that is what we are discussing. But as Christians every person we meet has been placed in our lives deliberately by our Lord. Therefore we cannot say that time we spend with them is a waste, or we're making a rather serious charge against God.
We have a job to do here. It's more important than finding a spouse or any other job...it is to carry out the great commission and encourage the saints. If a date ends in the knowledge that two people are not being called to be together, it should still end also with the knowledge that God's glory was sought, and either seed was planted toward salvation or a fellow disciple was encouraged in their walk with the Lord.
Important to keep priorities straight.
shallbe
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 2:54:51 PM
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FunBetty
Posts: 7175
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
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Well...getting back on track...a tip from Emily Post (1943 edition of her Etiquette book)
(and this is totally paraphrased....my book is at home).
Ladies should never powder their noses at the dinner table in front of her guest. Powdering your nose gives the appearance that you were not perfect to begin with and need assistance to acheive that perfectedness that your date may have not noticed in the first place. Always excuse yourself to the restroom to take care of such tasks.
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Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 3:01:47 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2984
Joined: 4/12/2005
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LOL Fun Betty, I'm glad lots of thing have changed since 1943, but I guess I would still agree that applying make-up of anykind does not belong at the dinner table. My lack of "perfection" aside, it isn't something I'd do at the table!
_____________________________
Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 3:41:51 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8029
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
The very best anniversary date I ever had with my ddh was a picnic. I don't remember what anniversary we were celebrating, but it wasn't an earlier one. Sometime after 1988, anyway. We were very, very poor because my ddh was going to school and also mowing lawns to help support us while I stayed home to care for and educate the children. But we saved up a few dollars and I used a little grocery money. I bought cheese, sparkling grapejuice, crackers and fruit and put them in an ice chest, and packed a blanket. Then we used the few dollars to go see a movie...I'll never forget the movie, it was Doc Hollywood. Then late at night, after the movie we drove out to the park. It was a beautiful moonlit night, both of us were rested and in pleasant moods, the water in the pond was sparkling and there were ducks.
We just sat and enjoyed the moon, the water, the ducks, and the picnic until very late that night.
And even though we were married, there was no need for things in the glove box. Sometimes it's just nice being together, you know?
Anyway. One of my favorite dates.
Absolutely wonderful story!!
quote:
John_O
Total waste of time that could have been better spent elsewhere. But I wouldn't have known that unless I did the date. (first date was a blind date)
I get your point IF your goal is to find a wife, John. And I understand that in this particular context that is what we are discussing. But as Christians every person we meet has been placed in our lives deliberately by our Lord. Therefore we cannot say that time we spend with them is a waste, or we're making a rather serious charge against God.
...
Important to keep priorities straight.
Agreed. We need to keep our priorities straight.
If I was not looking to find a wife I would not have been on the date in the first place. I am not a casual dater. That (in my opinion) would have been misleading a sister. God does know the purpose for that brief encounter. But I don't. From my viewpoint it was still a waste of time. At some point in the future He may (or may not) reveal to me the purpose behind it at which point I will change my opinion.
(Please note that this says nothing about her charcter or worthiness or attractiveness or anything else about her. It only says that those two dates moved me no closer to my goal)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 5:04:35 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FunBetty
Well...getting back on track...a tip from Emily Post (1943 edition of her Etiquette book)
(and this is totally paraphrased....my book is at home).
Ladies should never powder their noses at the dinner table in front of her guest. Powdering your nose gives the appearance that you were not perfect to begin with and need assistance to acheive that perfectedness that your date may have not noticed in the first place. Always excuse yourself to the restroom to take care of such tasks.
Would that include lipstick
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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RE: A little dab will do ya....and other first date tips - 8/13/2008 5:08:40 PM
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offtheisland
Posts: 479
Joined: 7/17/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
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How about....
When you think you have something stuck in between your teeth UGH! Run to the ladies room and floss it out.
_____________________________
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.
Psalm 108:1
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