Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (Full Version)

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solomonsprayer -> Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/9/2008 10:21:54 PM)

In instances when you are talking to someone (whether by phone or in person), who you would prefer not to talk to, how do you politely end a conversation?

And in cases where there is either subject matter that is of no interest to you or inappropriate (or perhaps just with a negative tone) how do you redirect your conversations?



twinkly -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/9/2008 11:10:49 PM)

For your first question, I usually say I have something I need to do and sorry I cannot stick around and chat.

For the second question, I am honest and say I am not comfortable with the subject matter, can we please talk about something else.



deermousie -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/10/2008 12:14:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: solomonsprayer

In instances when you are talking to someone (whether by phone or in person), who you would prefer not to talk to, how do you politely end a conversation?


I like what Twinkly said. You could also say the exit line, "It was nice to see you again. Goodbye." Or even, "Well, I hope you have a good day" or "I hope you enjoy your stay here" (if they are visiting). A well-wishing is usually a polite goodbye and its acceptable by everyone except someone who is determined to not let you go. Then you just say, "I have to go. Goodbye."

quote:

And in cases where there is either subject matter that is of no interest to you or inappropriate (or perhaps just with a negative tone) how do you redirect your conversations?


The "I'm not confortable discussing this" is fine. Start a new topic of discussion with your next breath, and all but the most uncultured person will let you. Uncultured people generally don't take hints and you just have to bluntly (without anger) tell them the truth: "This isn't something I will talk about. Please change the subject or I will need to leave."

Sometimes you just have to change the subject. If you fear that won't work, ask the person about a different subject that you know they like. Everyone loves to talk about their pet interests or themselves. It works nearly every time.

It's a good idea to work these out ahead of time so you don't have to fumble. Socially smooth people have a list in their heads of how to handle awkward situations... I hope I will someday, too. [:D]



solomonsprayer -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/10/2008 12:31:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twinkly

For your first question, I usually say I have something I need to do and sorry I cannot stick around and chat.



Is that a truthful answer? Or would the absolute most accurate truth be "I don't like your company and would rather leave and do something else." [sm=hammerhead.gif]

Is it possible to be both very polite and completely truthful?

Just adding more fuel to the chat, lol. [sm=thumbsup.gif]



jaimestarcross -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/10/2008 1:18:36 AM)

If it's someone wanting to involve me in inappropriate chats/calls --- I just say - I don't feel like talking right now... sorry, and I end the call or conversation.
People I want to avoid, don't have my phone number... and if they did manage to get my number ... I'd change my phone number!



twinkly -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/10/2008 9:22:59 AM)

quote:

Is that a truthful answer? Or would the absolute most accurate truth be "I don't like your company and would rather leave and do something else."


Solomon: oh trust me, I ALWAYS have something I need to be doing! LOL Single mom of 2 working full time and in school full time. So, for me, that would be truthful.



deermousie -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/10/2008 7:00:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: solomonsprayer

Is it possible to be both very polite and completely truthful?

Just adding more fuel to the chat, lol. [sm=thumbsup.gif]


OK, wise guy, I'll try to answer that. [:D] Your question is actually a really good one.

We are commanded to tell the truth in love (Eph. 4 something; sorry I don't remember the verse) and we know that God is love, we are commanded to love, and so our first priority is love, and truth comes in there shortly thereafter.

Sometimes the truth is "you annoy me" and we don't want to clobber a person over the head with what will sound like a rejection. Truth is not a club. You don't have to tell the person they annoy you because it might hurt them and damage your relationship with them (we are to fervently love the brethren 1 Pet. 1:22).

You look to see what you can do for that person - they might just need to talk with others for a little, and you can graciously sacrifice some time for their benefit. However, you have needs, too, like getting to the store before it closes or get a meal in front of your family at a reasonable time. So look where you can give, or compromise, or can't give. Then speak gently but matter of factly about what you can (or cannot) do: let them talk a little, then graciously disengage yourself, OR make arrangements to talk to them later when you have more time and set a limit (I'll have five minutes I can take away from what I have to do and I'd enjoy giving it to you) or apologize and make a blanket statement that you're sorry but you've got to go. Have a great week and see you at church next Sunday.

No, absolute truthfulness is not called for here if it means giving information that is inappropriate. You wouldn't tell a new acquaintance that you really have to go to the bathroom. You'd just politely excuse yourself, right?

Some information is general - your name, where you go to church. Some is a little more personal - where you live, your phone number, who is your family. And some is personal and only your mate and mother (should) care.

So we do our best to be gracious to others, we stay appropriate, and we make boundries for those whose boundries aren't working too well. That way we can all get along pretty friction-free and the body of Christ will be built up.

Example: we have a guy in his 40s at our church who is mildly retarded. He does pretty good with what he has, but he sits at home all day and calls everyone. Like, 10 times a day. Each person. And some of us work out of our homes, and it's hard to get him to stop talking when he talks over us. So I made a deal with him - he could call me once a day at 1 pm. If he calls at another time, I gently remind him to call me at 1 and I'll talk to him then. Then I gently hang up. It's no longer a problem. He calls at 1 (usually! [:D]) and we chat about his interests like his new dog for 15 minutes and then I beg off. I run a family, a house and a farm, and it's not a lie that I have things to do. Sometimes I need a nap so I can make it through the day, and that's important, too. I don't give him details (because he isn't in authority over me nor does he decide what is OK for me to do or not do) but just hedge him in. He gets to talk, I give him some time, and my phone isn't ringing off the hook every day all day. It works, and we have a pleasant relationship.

And his new dog really does sound cute. [:D]



solomonsprayer -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/12/2008 3:30:51 AM)

A follow-up question to my OP on how to redirect a conversation is whether we ought to correct a person, who is making inappropriate comments or has a negative tone?

For example, if "Nutty Neil" (made up name) is talking about how ugly a mutual co-worker is and you felt upset by his words and/or wanted to change the topic, would you take the time to tell him he is wrong to gossip and bash someone else? Of would a change of topic be an adequate hint for "Neil" to know how you feel?

This could also apply in general to any type of conversation that has objectionable material in which you feel uncomfortable with and would like to change the topic...Do you just change the topic or do you go a step further and tell the person you have a problem with his or her comments or way of saying something?



solomonsprayer -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/12/2008 3:32:05 AM)

A follow-up question to my OP on how to redirect a conversation is whether we ought to correct a person, who is making inappropriate comments or has a negative tone?

For example, if "Nutty Neil" (made up name) is talking about how ugly a mutual co-worker is and you felt upset by his words and/or wanted to change the topic, would you take the time to tell him he is wrong to gossip and bash someone else? Of would a change of topic be an adequate hint for "Neil" to know how you feel?

This could also apply in general to any type of conversation that has objectionable material in which you feel uncomfortable with and would like to change the topic...Do you just change the topic or do you go a step further and tell the person you have a problem with his or her comments or way of saying something?

(p.s. If my question is odd or does not make sense, it is because it is 3:30AM and I am tired, lol. Shall sleep soon ...right after laundry gets done.)



buckifn -> RE: Conversation Redirection & Exit Strategies (8/12/2008 7:08:38 AM)

quote:

In instances when you are talking to someone (whether by phone or in person), who you would prefer not to talk to, how do you politely end a conversation?


Usually I let the answering machine screen my calls so that isn't an issue. If I don't feel like talking it automatically goes to voicemail. If I take the call and feel a need to go for whatever reason I just say I need to go is there something I need to get back with you about......If I am pushed for time I have been known to say this is not a good time could you call me after such and such hours......


And in cases where there is either subject matter that is of no interest to you or inappropriate (or perhaps just with a negative tone) how do you redirect your conversations?


It depends on who, where, and why I am there to begin with...but most of the time I just say it was nice seeing you take care and leave. If it's someone we invited over and the conversation isn't approp. I usually suggest we move on to a different activity...watching a game, going for a walk, having refreshments on the patio, something like that...

If it is a highly offensive matter I say well I don't take part in those types of discussions see ya later... the place I most often find the above situation is with church people so I usually say have you prayed about this, could we pray about this, or have you went to that person and asked to pray with them about that...

that often shocks them into silence.



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