RE: Is Ignorance Bliss? Or should the Truth ALWAYS prevail?
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RE: Is Ignorance Bliss? Or should the Truth ALWAYS prev... - 9/9/2008 6:05:21 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1777
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
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I agree with the person who suggested counseling for you to work through this animosity. If your mother passes away your struggles will prob. intensify because guilt will also be a major factor.
You need to learn approp. levels of communication with her now and learn to handle disagreements without resorting to passive aggressive behavior.
Based on the words you have said here about her it's pretty clear there are a lot of stuffed feelings festering inside of you that are not going to disappear on their own.
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RE: Is Ignorance Bliss? Or should the Truth ALWAYS prev... - 9/14/2008 4:27:01 PM
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savedbylove112
Posts: 128
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Deep In The Heart of Jersey
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
If your mother passes away your struggles will prob. intensify because guilt will also be a major factor.
Since I started posting here about my Mom (because this is the ONLY place I can talk about her like this), I've gotten comments like this more than once. However, it occurs to me that those who make these comments probably have awesome mothers, or they don't live with them, or both--either way, it all boils down to "walking for two miles in my moccasins", as it were. I can't expect you folks to climb into my skin and feel my feelings like I do, but I also wish that others would try to look at the situations of others without comparing them to their own i.e. assuming all Mom-kid relationships are the same.
I wish I COULD go to counseling, but #1, I can't go to anyone at my church because Mom goes there, too, and everyone there thinks she's the cat's pajamas, and I don't want to "bad-mouth" her to other Christians that she knows, and #2, the chance is too high that someone will "out of love" approach Mom with what I said about her to them, and Mom will (and I know this for a fact, because I've seen it live) go ballistic, swearing that I'm the one with the issues and why am I badmouthing her like that after all she's done for me, and so forth.
Today was a kicker. She went to a concert last night to see a bunch of Christian bands, and bought a shirt from one of the bands that has some of their lyrics on it, that talk about humility and living in the shadow of the Cross and Christ bearing our shame, etc. I MADE THE MISTAKE (I confess that straight up) of asking her if she planned on wearing that to her job--at the local Post Office, where she is also adored but also known for her hot temper and sailor-like vocabulary. Needless to say, she went on the defensive, and took it all the way TO church this morning, and all the way HOME from church afterwards.
The point is--I'm not asking her to walk on water, because LORD knows I don't, and I've got no problem admitting it. The trouble is, the first person in line to agree with me is HER, and the LAST person to admit her own faults is also HER. I should know better by now than to try to be that friend who tries to gently correct her, because she gets so adamant about her NOT needing correction, MY blood starts boiling, and I have to clam up for fear of lashing out in absolute anger. Unfortunately, she sees my silence as acquiescence, and that "she won, I lost". I just told her one time, I stop arguing not because I think she's right, it's because nothing I say or do will ever convince her she's WRONG.
I can't afford a professional counselor--I had one at my old job, but when I lost that job I lost my insurance, so I stopped going. I really want to keep this among Christian circles, if only to keep MY head on straight about the whole thing.
Guilt?? Please. Right now, the only thing keeping me sane is the thought of...well, I probably shouldn't say such things here, but I'd be lying if I told you I thought differently. NO, I'm not planning on doing anything--I'm just saying that while others are weeping at her funeral, I'll be trying to stifle my sighs of relief. I've already given up on any chance of a life of my own while she's still alive--she came out and told me if I met a guy and got married, she's moving in with me, so I've given up looking for someone, because I don't want to saddle some poor guy with her. And NO ONE in my family will step up--they all have spouses and kids and houses and so forth, and they figure since I'M the baby and Mom's done so much more for me than them (never mind that's only because my hubby took off on us), that I OWE Mom the rest of my life.
Resentment? Anger? Bitterness? Frustration? Heck yes. Guilt? Nope.
_____________________________
Jesus is Lord. Deal with it.
If religion is a crutch, then JESUS is my wheelchair.
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RE: Is Ignorance Bliss? Or should the Truth ALWAYS prev... - 9/14/2008 6:24:23 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 531
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline
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It sounds like you have been consumed by your mom and I'm sorry about that. My advice is for you to pack your bags and get out of her house. If you don't you'll never have a life. Go to a shelter, go to a friend's house, rent a room and don't look back until you are on your feet.
For you to believe that if you get married your mother will move in,because she says she will isn't right. She can't break down your door or come in at gunpoint. You need to get away before you are an old woman who has had no life of her own. And if that happens you can't blame that on your mom, because you can get away. Please think about it and pray for a way out. God will rescue you.
Not everyone who said things you didn't like had a good relationship with their mothers, they just managed to get away from the toxicity of the relationship.
God bless you and I pray he will send help your way.
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RE: Is Ignorance Bliss? Or should the Truth ALWAYS prev... - 9/15/2008 4:31:55 PM
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KuKu
Posts: 919
Joined: 5/20/2005
From: Somewhere out there
Status: offline
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Saved, I live with someone like this- recently, she told me that my stating my OPINION was an attempt at proving her wrong (it was over a soccer call and I was sitting on a different part of the field than she was, so when I told her what I saw from my vantage point, after she asked me, I was proving her wrong). She also does the "I made this", "I did this", thing (my ideas are hers, she tells other people I said things, then apologizes to me for using me to lie to them, then the next day, swears I said it, etc...) In this case, she does't realize what she is doing most of the time, and I have to realize and live with that-5-10 minutes after something happens, she's forgotten how it was... Even if it is recorded on the answering machine LOL.
I've had to simply decide to be the bigger person, not say what I am thinking, and know in my heart that God totally sees the whole picture. We also have the 'church saint issue', so it's not a topic I [can] discuss, but I know that God has it in His hands.
I occasionally go there on major issues, or if the stuff she says makes me a big liar on something, but usually I shrug it off, walk away, pray for her, and find something else to do for a while.
_____________________________
I have run out of creative siggies. Please make up your own and give the credit to me.
Got it, Buddy? 
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