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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/5/2008 5:26:19 PM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
wouldn't matter to me that she is in college, she is still just a girl fresh out of high school.
sounds like you are trying to either justify your feelings for a high school girl or trying to convince yourself it is ok to feel that way.
Once she turns 18 she is an adult. He has determined already that she is more mature than most of the ladies his age that he knows. As long as her parents are OK with it I see no problem with it. Sure it's 8 years difference now but in 20 years that will be nothing.
maturity level is not related to age at all. Some 18 year olds are much more mature than some 40 year olds.
(Remember that long a go most girls were married by 16. Both my grandmothers, and both M's grandmothers had families by then. They all did OK.)
quote:
good that you are not asking her out. I'd move on from even being around her. Check back in five years and see if she is the same person. If so, ask her out then.
Why waste 5 years? If she likes him and he likes her and they are mature enough to handle it and he passes her parent filter, then get to know each other now. In 5 years they will have gained nothing and lost 5 years.
quote:
But you are asking for trouble to be so fixated on her right now. Do her parents realize you feel this way?
It doesn't sound like he's fixated at all. It also sounds like she doesn't know he feels this way. So, at this point, why should her parents know. If he decides to pursue her, THEN he needs to talk to her parents. Not before.
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I am getting creepy vibes that work near her school. I am sure her parents would be having a little conversation with you....
So he needs to switch jobs just because a girl he finds attractive goes to school nearby? If that is so almost no man would ever be able to work within 5 miles of a high school. It's not like he's stalking her so why respond as if he is?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/5/2008 8:31:52 PM
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Chico30Colt
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Thanks John for that post. Another thing ive learned is her parents left her. Her dad doesnt want anything to do with her and her mom is I dont know where. She lives with her Uncle and Aunt and cousin and from what i hear they dont want her around either. I dont know about the whole asking the parents for permision thing how that would work im not really thinking that far ahead. And maybe going through these things has made her have to grow up faster i dont know.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/5/2008 8:33:44 PM
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twinkly
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John O, just not getting good vibes that is all.
Maybe I am over protective.
I have a young sister as I said. She is mature, but she is still a kid. A 26 year old man would NEVER pass my parent's filter I will tell you that. He would not pass mine either. It may not be a huge age difference but it makes a difference when the girl is just a girl.
Your grandmother? That was then and this is now John. I have to disagree with you here. If it were YOUR daughter, would you want her dating a mid twenties man? I wouldn't want my daughter to be.
Yes, once she is 18 she is considered legal, doesn't mean she is at the same maturity level as a man is. A much older man in my opinion.
Of course, maybe he is extremely immature and on her level.
I don't know this man, I just am not getting good vibes.
< Message edited by twinkly -- 11/5/2008 9:03:13 PM >
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/5/2008 9:00:55 PM
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twinkly
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I want to add that I do not mean to be rude here, but am very uncomfortable with this topic.
I appreciate the man's honesty and especially that he recognizes that it is not a good idea.
Reading her family background I would say even more so that it is not a good idea. She is fragile and I am sure hurting. Probably would grab the chance for someone much older's affections to make up for the relationship she is not having with her father... see what I am getting at here? And that would not be healthy nor would it be healthy for you to want to take care of her because of her family background, to want to heal or fix her.
I will tell you, when I was 18 I secretly dated a 28 year old. I say secretly because I KNEW my parents would have kicked my butt and rightfully so. He was more mature than I was just from more life experience, and I was an 18 year old child with still developing emotions and still developing maturity. I know because I have been there, that is why I would NEVER be ok with my sister or my daughter doing it. 10 years may not be huge when you are say 30 and 40 but it is when you are 18 and 28. or 17 and 26. Kids have to grow up fast enough these days, I say let kids be kids as long as they can and not have them dating older men right out of or while still in high school.
There, now I am done.
And back to the original topic.
As you can see I feel very strongly about this and my opinion is not going to change.
_____________________________
Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, let us starting treating them as such!
Come and join the 2009 BODY REVIVAL thread!
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The Body Revival recipe thread is in the "Home and Garden" forum
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/5/2008 9:05:51 PM
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Chico30Colt
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Im sorry that u got hurt so bad who ever did this to you was a jerk. But ive read through this thread and i have a hard time finding any post from you where u werent mad and bashing men or maybe ur just a very opinionated person i dont know. But sometimes u just have to forgive and move on i mean what are u trying to get out of this thread that there are guys out there that are jerks yeah there are and there are also just as many girls out there that are the same way.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/6/2008 7:28:57 AM
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twinkly
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I am very opinionated about certain subjects.
When I first started this thread I still had a lot of anger in me over past hurts. I was left by 2 different men for a young twenty something, one of those men being my husband. So, yes, that is a raw spot for me and why I started this thread, because I see this happen a lot and wanted to know why men feel the need to chase much younger women, or even leave their wives/girlfriends for one. It was not intended to be a male bashing thread, but simply wanting men to tell me why they do this. And feeling like, at 37 I can't have a man my own age because one my age wants a 21 year old.
Yes, there are evil women out there too, I am WELL aware of this. Every woman my husband had an affair with knowing full well he was married and not caring, was evil.
But, my thread was not about men or women being evil, it is about answering a question for me.
I feel at this point a lot of my bitterness is actually gone and with God's help and prayer I am moving through the rest of it.
Your posts, however, are a whole other topic all together. I am not judging you or saying you are an evil jerk. I AM giving you my very strong opinion on the situation however. I am a mother of a daughter and have a much younger sister, and my thoughts on the situation are not going to change.
You could be a mentor for her family, you could point her in the direction of some good christian counseling and help her onto a good life path. You could be her friend. And maybe in a few years after she has gotten through her family stuff and had a chance to merge into an adult both emotionally and mentally, then maybe you could consider her a dating partner. By then you would have forged a friendship and a trust.
That is what I feel the right thing to do would be.
_____________________________
Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, let us starting treating them as such!
Come and join the 2009 BODY REVIVAL thread!
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=4073599
The Body Revival recipe thread is in the "Home and Garden" forum
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 8:24:59 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
John O, just not getting good vibes that is all.
Maybe I am over protective.
I have a young sister as I said. She is mature, but she is still a kid. A 26 year old man would NEVER pass my parent's filter I will tell you that. He would not pass mine either. It may not be a huge age difference but it makes a difference when the girl is just a girl.
Your grandmother? That was then and this is now John. I have to disagree with you here. If it were YOUR daughter, would you want her dating a mid twenties man? I wouldn't want my daughter to be.
Yes, once she is 18 she is considered legal, doesn't mean she is at the same maturity level as a man is. A much older man in my opinion.
Of course, maybe he is extremely immature and on her level.
Or she could be very mature. I know of several cases of women in their late teens or early twenties (20,21,22) dating men much older under tehir parents supervision. Some of these have proceeded to marriage and things have gone exceedingly well.
If my daughter was 18 (Please God not that yet!!) and was interested in a fine upstanding Christian man (And yes I'd have a background check run) I'd have no problem with it as long as it was under my supervision. She'd be an adult. She's also already mature for her age (8), very very intelligent and bound to make some man both a wonderful wife and a lifelong challenge (She is sooooo like her mommy)
Age is an artificial distinction. Most times these days I can't judge just by sight if someone is in high school or their mid twenties (I was off my 8 years for one girl I talked to the other day, she looked much much younger).
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 8:59:13 AM
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twinkly
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I dunno.....
I am a pretty protective big sis and mommy....
my sister will be 20 on sunday. WAAAAAAAAAAAAZ!
my daughter is 11 and I do not think I am going to allow her to get any older after reading the recent posts on this thread!
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 10:56:59 AM
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tomhillbilly
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hello. twinkly i gotta say you seem entirely to focused on age. also with chico's story your comments make it sound like every 17-18 year old out there is some sort of bumbling idiot or something.
well, just a few months into my 18th year i was u.s. army infantry soldier. what exactly would you say my cut-off should have been for which women i associated with? i know the general comments ive seen is that everyone in the military is some sort of "hero" nowadays. this applies to men and women doesnt it?
be that as it may, my point is that i dont recall age being a requirement in the bible as far as being a christian and a decent human being. tom
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 2:24:30 PM
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twinkly
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17-18 year olds are not bumbling idiots nor do I believe that I said that in any way. I said they were still KIDS, not full grown adults yet emotionally or maturity-wise. I think I explained why I felt uncomfortable with the age difference of 18 and 26, especially given the girl's family history.
Again, a fixation on age was not what the intent of my original thread was and I am not sure why people keep saying that. My only fixation was why do a lot of men go after much younger women,after being left twice because the men wanted a young 20 something! That was all I wanted to know.
The other poster brought up the other situation and I am not changing my feelings on that nor do I feel I should have to. I think I gave some good input on that, even though it had nothing to do with what my original thread was about.
You were 18 and in the military. Hey, great for you. I think it is admirable when a young man chooses that path. Personally, I think 18 is young to be fighting in a war, and many many of that age have died doing just that. It is an honorable way to die, but my goodness, life is only just beginning at that age! I look at when I was 18 and even though I thought I was all grown up, I sure wasn't. I did stupid things, made some bad decisions due to lack of life experience and maturity, and I was in no way an adult yet as far as emotionally, mentally, anything goes. As far as your question about the cut off of what age women you should associated with, I'd say the same thing to you as I would my sister or my daughter when she is that age. I think mid twenties or older is too old! THAT is just MY opinon and we all have opinions. l
As a parent, I follow strict guidelines with my children because that is my JOB and MY RESPONSIBILITY. I, as a parent, would not be comfortable my 18 year old child dating a mid twenties or older MAN.
I am not sure what you mean about your last sentence and being a decent human being. I am a christian and do feel I am a decent human being.
This thread was simply, AGAIN, just to get some male input on the age old question "why do older men want a younger woman". That was it. That was all I was asking.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 6:16:59 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello nkly
Men, unfortunately both for them and women, have a giant sized ego. Some are worse than others. An overblown ego hates to admit that age comes. So, he looks to younger women to convince himelf that he's not losing any of his prowess as a man.
Such men need help in the flesh department. The best way to do that is to accept the Lord, kill that flesh and let the Lord develop his spirit. Then true manhood, as God desires, can be developed.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 6:42:25 PM
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twinkly
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jn
that is probably the best and most true answer I have seen on this thread yet. Thank you.
And I agree, a man needs to COMPLETELY commit to the Lord on issues such as that as I have seen Christian men as well fall for the younger woman issue.
Thank you again.
_____________________________
Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, let us starting treating them as such!
Come and join the 2009 BODY REVIVAL thread!
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=4073599
The Body Revival recipe thread is in the "Home and Garden" forum
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 7:30:52 PM
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tomhillbilly
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ok ill answer your original question. women in their youth have everything going for them in the beauty area.
its just that simple why older men chase after younger women. im not sure when and if this becomes wrong from secular or christian standpoints.
what i do know for me is that the christian values i saw and were taught at age five stuck with me all through life and is a powerful force in making one wise beyond their years.
my point here isnt to brag on myself, more that any people can learn the same things earlier than 18 or the "twenty-somethings" you are talking about that are chased by older men
while dating age differences might seem a liitle odd, i just never thought about it enough to care or for it to bother me one way or another. im not sure we can put a "right" or "wrong" to it or claim people at certain ages "just dont know what they're doing". generalizations dont cover everyone. tom
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/7/2008 10:19:34 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twinkly
jn
that is probably the best and most true answer I have seen on this thread yet. Thank you.
Twinkly, you can judge that it is the best answer (as it's the one you apparently wanted to hear) but you cannot judge that it is the truiest as you do not know all men.
In my obviosuly not so humble opinion (John looks around nervously for the OH), ego likely has little to do with it in most cases. Physical attraction, desire for children and even perhaps availability would count for more. (A twenty something is far more likely to move than a 30+something in an established career for example)
quote:
And I agree, a man needs to COMPLETELY commit to the Lord on issues such as that as I have seen Christian men as well fall for the younger woman issue.
This part is true no matter what issue is being discussed
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/8/2008 6:17:13 AM
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twinkly
Posts: 406
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John
It is not necessarily the one I wanted to hear, but it is the one I believe to be most true. Not in ALL cases of course, but I'd say in MANY of them.
_____________________________
Our bodies are the temple of the Lord, let us starting treating them as such!
Come and join the 2009 BODY REVIVAL thread!
http://forums.crosswalk.com/fb.aspx?m=4073599
The Body Revival recipe thread is in the "Home and Garden" forum
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RE: Why do men do this? - 11/8/2008 1:39:55 PM
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lightbeamrider
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Since men, by their biology are visually stimulated, young females are far more attractive. Young females are eye candy and many are easily duped by smooth talking older men. On the other hand all that glitters is not gold. A woman who recently moved into my house went to Vegas when she got her stimilus check from the govt. Her hubby cancelled her air ticket back to Minnesota and moved a younger gal in their house he met on line. She had to take a greyhound back, was homeless, in a crisis shelter and now lives here. I have sat and listened to her obsessing over him as long as i could endure and had sick fantasies about strangling her hubby for dumping his wife onto my doorstep. It's a real life soap opera i could easily do without but the Lord works in mysterious ways. I sometimes shudder when the inevitable knock comes at my door and there she is asking to speak with me. The reality is she is broken and i cannot fix her. It is my job to fix things, which is a lot easier than fixing people. She, however is not a machine. I do not have the wisdom of Soloman and am not sure Soloman would do her any good. So she takes comfort in the company of other men who have their own agendas which are not necessarily in her best interest. I go to work and come home exhausted and plan on moving out so as not to have to deal with all the drama on a day to day basis. The problem with single attractive women with children is the man has to usually deal with the children from another marriage and the ex-hubby running around. It makes for a lot more complicated situations as far as long term relationships are concerned. Been there and done that. It is not easy living with the step child who despises the step dad no matter what they do. Normally men who dump their wives for younger women pay a huge price in the long run. Sit back and watch the nightmare unfold as the bloom goes off the rose and reality smacks them in the face. A calm exterior normally only conceals all the chaos that goes on from within. Now you are no doubt above all that and would take no pleasure in the inevitable results of a man's moral stupidity. Whoever your husband was he was probably a fool for dumping u if your picture means anything u look fine to me. Hopefully a man will find u who is worthy of ur company in the future if that is what u really desire. I personally want all Christians to live normal sane happy productive lives.
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