Marrying the man or woman of God. (Full Version)

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free-to-worship -> Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 10:56:57 AM)

How many of you ladies would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a pastor. Please give your reasons as to why or why not.

And

How many of you men would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a female minister. Please give your reasons as to why or why not also.



John_O -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 11:51:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: free-to-worship

How many of you ladies would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a pastor. Please give your reasons as to why or why not.

And

How many of you men would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a female minister. Please give your reasons as to why or why not also.


1. We should all be men or women of God. There is no difference (or should be) between a pastor and any other member of the congregation other than the job they perform.

2. I've no problem marrying a woman who is involved in ministry of some sort. As we are all supposed to be involved in ministry of some sort.

Not quite the answer you were looking for was it?



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 12:51:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: free-to-worship

How many of you ladies would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a pastor. Please give your reasons as to why or why not.

And

How many of you men would like to, be comfortable with the idea, or consider marrying a female minister. Please give your reasons as to why or why not also.


I already did, and that would be my first choice again. (I am a widow.)
I'm not sure if its a calling or that I am just attracted to someone who is passionate about the Word of God and the souls of men. He really would not have to actually be pastoring a church, but have those particular qualities and be walking in them. Teaching the Word in any capacity is very desirable.[:D] I am 42, finding someone with these particular qualities will take a move of God for sure, but I am willing to wait, hence the name. WaitingforBoaz.[;)]

~Blessings~



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 12:55:49 PM)

I personally at this moment do not feel lead to marry someone of that high of a leadership position. I feel that pastors wife are held to a higher standard and know that I fall short of that standard.

I'm snarky, sarcastic, caustic, grumpy, and have a short temper. Not exactly what I would subject a congregation to. I have never met a pastor's wife who wasn't kind, sweet, soft spoken, and lovely to be around. I'm just not that person.

More power to you who are, but that's not me.

Now a missionary's wife? That I could handle. [8D]



offtheisland -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 1:53:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

I personally at this moment do not feel lead to marry someone of that high of a leadership position. I feel that pastors wife are held to a higher standard and know that I fall short of that standard.

I'm snarky, sarcastic, caustic, grumpy, and have a short temper. Not exactly what I would subject a congregation to. I have never met a pastor's wife who wasn't kind, sweet, soft spoken, and lovely to be around. I'm just not that person.

More power to you who are, but that's not me.

Now a missionary's wife? That I could handle. [8D]


I agree with Tink. I can not be a pastor's wife. My aka is MCL (Mean Chinese Lady.) The younger staff members here at the church call me that.

As the first lady of the church you can not help but be put on a pedestal. I would not be comfortable to be married to a pastor. I would get in trouble a lot. There would be lots of "Lucy, got some 'splaining to do!"



Psalms274 -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 1:55:58 PM)

quote:

1. ... There is no difference (or should be) between a pastor and any other member of the congregation other than the job they perform.


Actually, scripture states otherwise. In 1 Timothy we find that those called to be shepherd a flock (and elders) are held to a much higher standard than those who are not called to those ministries. With the calling comes many types of stress that are not the same kind of stress those in the flock experience in their day to day dealings. They must go to the sick and dying ... they are present at the deathbeds of those that are saved and unsaved. They minister to those who are experiencing break-ups in their marriages, and those who have taken a path of destruction to bring them back into the fold. And that is just part of their calling ... they are also held accountable for what they say in the pulpit to ensure they are not leading anyone astray. There is a passion for the lost that goes with this type of calling that pulls at all levels. So to say there is no difference is rather naive.

I feel that the way God put me together, He has indeed equipped me to be the wife of a man of God who is called to minister to those who are lost.

On one level we all are called to different ministries that may or may not involve a vocation that makes it obvious that one is in a ministry, and we are all called to be His representatives in all we do. So if we have anything in us that others question as being Christlike, we all have the responsibility to fall before the Father and ask His help in taking those types of traits away ... and He is more than able to do so if we are willing to cooperate. So, yes we are all called to be men and women of God ... but the specific calling is not something to be taken lightly, and you do indeed need to be especially equipped to take on the calling of supporting the one who is a Pastor or Elder ... and it is wise to examine yourself before entering into a marriage with someone with that calling, because their will be times when the calling comes before you do ... like a parish member has a terrible accident where three of their children die .. and it happens on your anniversary. You need to be ready for compromises that are not typical in a layman's marriage. (This is not to say that he may neglect his family ... they are always first, yet the urgent will at times mean that plans need to be altered.)



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 2:02:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

1. ... There is no difference (or should be) between a pastor and any other member of the congregation other than the job they perform.


Actually, scripture states otherwise. In 1 Timothy we find that those called to be shepherd a flock (and elders) are held to a much higher standard than those who are not called to those ministries. With the calling comes many types of stress that are not the same kind of stress those in the flock experience in their day to day dealings. They must go to the sick and dying ... they are present at the deathbeds of those that are saved and unsaved. They minister to those who are experiencing break-ups in their marriages, and those who have taken a path of destruction to bring them back into the fold. And that is just part of their calling ... they are also held accountable for what they say in the pulpit to ensure they are not leading anyone astray. There is a passion for the lost that goes with this type of calling that pulls at all levels. So to say there is no difference is rather naive.

I feel that the way God put me together, He has indeed equipped me to be the wife of a man of God who is called to minister to those who are lost.

On one level we all are called to different ministries that may or may not involve a vocation that makes it obvious that one is in a ministry, and we are all called to be His representatives in all we do. So if we have anything in us that others question as being Christlike, we all have the responsibility to fall before the Father and ask His help in taking those types of traits away ... and He is more than able to do so if we are willing to cooperate. So, yes we are all called to be men and women of God ... but the specific calling is not something to be taken lightly, and you do indeed need to be especially equipped to take on the calling of supporting the one who is a Pastor or Elder ... and it is wise to examine yourself before entering into a marriage with someone with that calling, because their will be times when the calling comes before you do ... like a parish member has a terrible accident where three of their children die .. and it happens on your anniversary. You need to be ready for compromises that are not typical in a layman's marriage. (This is not to say that he may neglect his family ... they are always first, yet the urgent will at times mean that plans need to be altered.)

Excellent post Ps. You sound as if you know the life. Everything you say is true. The position of pastors wife is not for the faint of heart. You have to wake up every day and tell yourself that "it's not about me" But it is very very rewarding. [:D]
~Blessings~



Bridgitt -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 2:09:13 PM)

If God calls me to marry a pastor, then I will.



John_O -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 2:22:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

1. ... There is no difference (or should be) between a pastor and any other member of the congregation other than the job they perform.


They must go to the sick and dying ... they are present at the deathbeds of those that are saved and unsaved. They minister to those who are experiencing break-ups in their marriages, and those who have taken a path of destruction to bring them back into the fold.


We are ALL supposed to be doing these things. Taking care of the flock is not just the pastor's job. It's everyone's job. He just does it full time.

quote:

And that is just part of their calling ... they are also held accountable for what they say in the pulpit to ensure they are not leading anyone astray.


This is true. Anyone (pastor or not) who preaches is accountable for what they say.

quote:

There is a passion for the lost that goes with this type of calling that pulls at all levels. So to say there is no difference is rather naive.


Again we should ALL have that level of passion for the lost.

(Unfortunately, most of us, and probably a pretty large number of pastors, fall short of ideal in this)



Psalms274 -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 2:41:27 PM)

quote:

He just does it full time.


And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner. It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...



WaitingforBoaz -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 3:40:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

He just does it full time.


And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner.


Or imagine never having a day off, because if you do take a day off, someone will need you and if you are not available, they will question your ability to shephard your flock.
Or getting an email saying that your wifes dress was too short, or too tight or a color not fitting a PW.
Or a nasty letter claiming they saw your child misbehave or act irreverant and question whether or not your home is in order.
Or coming home to 28-30 messages on your answering machine, all needing a call back right away.
Or watching someone you have loved and discipled fall away and enter into sin. Or marriages you have nurtured fall apart.
Or to have a parishioner tell you that your messages do not have enough meat for the mature christian, only to turn around and have another tell you that your messages really need to be focused on feeding the young in Christ, that there needs to be more milk since the mature should be feeding themselves. Etc. etc.etc.

Yep, way, way, different.


quote:

It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...



sunluvingirl -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 3:47:35 PM)

Marrying a pastor would definitely not be my preference. I just don't think I'm cut out for that kind of responsibility. But I guess if God were to lead in that direction, who am I to argue!



offtheisland -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 3:49:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

He just does it full time.


And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner.


Or imagine never having a day off, because if you do take a day off, someone will need you and if you are not available, they will question your ability to shephard your flock.
Or getting an email saying that your wifes dress was too short, or too tight or a color not fitting a PW.
Or a nasty letter claiming they saw your child misbehave or act irreverant and question whether or not your home is in order.
Or coming home to 28-30 messages on your answering machine, all needing a call back right away.
Or watching someone you have loved and discipled fall away and enter into sin. Or marriages you have nurtured fall apart.
Or to have a parishioner tell you that your messages do not have enough meat for the mature christian, only to turn around and have another tell you that your messages really need to be focused on feeding the young in Christ, that there needs to be more milk since the mature should be feeding themselves. Etc. etc.etc.

Yep, way, way, different.


quote:

It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...



The wife of a senior pastor is a true hero!

When my friend and her husband answered the call to pastor a small church in a rural town she braved many situations I call abusive. One in particular: she wanted to work in the nursery and organized it in the way she thought would work well. The first Sunday, a woman who did not like it, threw all her hard work around saying that is not the way they do things here. My friend cried and cried. Her husband cried with her. Thirty five years later, she is so gracious and very sensitive to the young wives of their associates. Goes out of her way to encourage them and pray with them.



John_O -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 4:22:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

He just does it full time.


And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner. It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...


And here I agree iwth you entirely. It's a very hard calling. But just because he is doing it does not excuse us from doing hwat we are supposed to be doing (Which is many of the same things)



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 4:41:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: John_O

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psalms274

quote:

He just does it full time.


And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner. It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...


And here I agree iwth you entirely. It's a very hard calling. But just because he is doing it does not excuse us from doing hwat we are supposed to be doing (Which is many of the same things)

I don't think anyone is minimalising what we as Christians are called to do, but merely acknowledging the blantant fact that ministers have more responsiblity on their shoulders if only by the expectations of the congregation. The scripture even holds to them a higher standard. The scripture even holds deacons to a higher standard.



Bridgitt -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 4:44:30 PM)

A pastor cannot do it all. He should designate other persons, like deacons, to assist him, just as Moses appointed leaders under him.



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 4:52:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bridgitt

A pastor cannot do it all. He should designate other persons, like deacons, to assist him, just as Moses appointed leaders under him.

The key word in that sentence is should. Unfortunately some men are not that fortunate and have members who insist the pastor do all the calling.

I can't tell you how many times my father as a deacon called on someone at a hospital or nursing home only to hear, "Nice of you to stop in but I was counting on Bro. So and So to do so. Is he too busy?" or some stuff like that. [8|]



ShallbeRebuilt -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 5:34:49 PM)

I'm kind of with Tink on this:

There's nothing about me that would indicate God has called or gifted me to be a pastor's wife. I adore men who are passionate about the Word of God and the souls of men. But I fear that I would be a great liability in the job of pastor's wife.

I won't say absolutely no, I wouldn't marry a man in ministry. God can do anything He wants with me. But I just don't think it's part of His plan from the evidence I can see.

shallbe



shemaromans -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/6/2008 11:40:28 PM)

For some reason, my mom thinks that God's preparing me to be the wife of a pastor. Not really sure where she got that idea! I tend to look at myself more along the lines of how Tink described herself. It doesn't appear that I have the grace and patience that you see in so many of the pastors' wives.

Would I marry a pastor? Maybe.



gaylel1 -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/7/2008 2:13:35 AM)

Aren't we all ministers of God? Just because they say they are a man or woman of God does not mean much because people say that but they are doing the opposite, like fleecing the flock.

Matter of fact, we all are men and women of God, not because of titles. So to answer your question about being a pastor's wife, I would say no.



sunshinesoprano -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/7/2008 7:53:32 AM)

I have actually felt for a long time like I would be a minister's wife.

It takes a strong constitution and the understanding that you live in a glass house, no matter how much you think you shouldn't have to.

Once my pastor's wife was criticized for buying too many shoes. She worked, paid for them herself. Whose business was it?

We're all ministers, if we're living right, but the wives of pastors, music ministers, youth pastors, etc., have a great responsibility to be a partner in the ministry and to hold themselves highly accountable, knowing that their actions reflect directly on their husband's ministry.

I'm in ministry, too, and I would expect my spouse to do the same thing for me.



Bridgitt -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/7/2008 12:54:18 PM)

The pastor and his wife should make clear that destructive criticism and gossip are not allowed in the church. This is how it is in our church and it makes the job of the pastor and his wife much easier.

I know that if I was called to be a pastor's wife, I would have to be loving but, just like Jesus who would not tolerate the Pharisees' attitude and hypocrisy and confronted them, so would I.



free-to-worship -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/7/2008 12:54:54 PM)

I agree with the majority. Not everyone can or will be a pastor's wife. It is no easy task, but it is one that comes almost naturally to those who have been graced and anointed with the what it takes to be one. I honor and hold pastor's wives in geat esteem, because they do and endure a lot. We as just parishoners somtimes only see the beautiful part of ministry, but they have to see and deal with not only the beautiful part of ministry, but the ugly part as well.

I personally was told by my pastor's wife and one of the elderly mothers at the church, that I would marry a minister, because of the anointing that is on my own life. They said that it would take a strong man of God to be able to deal with my anointing. The first thing I thought and said was "No", because I di not think I had what it took to be a pastor's wife. I've been in the church and "saved" for a long time, and have always sat up under the pastors, their wives, and the mothers of the church for training and mentoring. the result of me doing that is the increase of God's anointing and power on my life. Now I see what the women of God were telling me, and the only men who really even approach me anyway are Preachers and Pastors. After having one conversation with me, most men shy away, the only ones who stick around are the Preachers and the Pastors[:D].

Some of us may feel we're not ready and aren't cut out for the job, but God knows what is best for us all. And hey, we're a great group of girls, and God has the right somebody for us all.[:)]



Bridgitt -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/7/2008 2:04:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: free-to-worship

......
I personally was told by my pastor's wife and one of the elderly mothers at the church, that I would marry a minister, because of the anointing that is on my own life. They said that it would take a strong man of God to be able to deal with my anointing. The first thing I thought and said was "No", because I di not think I had what it took to be a pastor's wife. I've been in the church and "saved" for a long time, and have always sat up under the pastors, their wives, and the mothers of the church for training and mentoring. the result of me doing that is the increase of God's anointing and power on my life. Now I see what the women of God were telling me, and the only men who really even approach me anyway are Preachers and Pastors. After having one conversation with me, most men shy away, the only ones who stick around are the Preachers and the Pastors[:D]. ...



Wow



willfs -> RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. (8/8/2008 4:11:24 PM)

I would enjoy being married to a godly woman who teaches four year olds on Sunday mornings just as much as I would someone who is on staff at a church and/or ministry.



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