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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/8/2008 4:20:49 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7668
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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There are other things involved with that have to do with being a minister's wife. Perhaps it's more of an issue for women because of the standard placed on minister's wives.
Here's some food for thought: I don't have the good sunny disposition to be a good mother. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm short tempered, impatient and fairly selfish.
I however am doing well as a mother and take pride in how God is molding my children.
I am not actively seeking a pastor to marry nor do I think I have been called to marry a pastor. If a man can feel strongly enough to be called to that position wouldn't you think that a woman would have be called just as strongly to be his wife?
I do however feel that if after I marry and my husband were called to do that then it would be a different story. Not only would I follow my husband, but I would expect God would mold me and groom me into the wife he would want me to be for that specific profession just as he is molding my husband to do that profession.
Does any of this make sense?
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/8/2008 7:07:12 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Not only does it make sense, but I would say that it states my opinion as well.
shallbe
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 12:05:20 AM
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willfs
Posts: 332
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But do you think that God nessesarily tells someone "You will be a pastor's/minister's wife"? So they are to go out and find a guy who is a minister and/or any guy who wants to date them who isn't thinking of going into the ministry is off limits?
I think that we are better able to hande a variety of situations than we may think with God's grace.
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 4:10:24 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3969
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
But do you think that God nessesarily tells someone "You will be a pastor's/minister's wife"? So they are to go out and find a guy who is a minister and/or any guy who wants to date them who isn't thinking of going into the ministry is off limits?
I think that we are better able to hande a variety of situations than we may think with God's grace.
At least some of the time this is the case. I felt that I was called to be a pastors wife, so that is all I was looking for the first time I married. When my husband and I got married, he was on staff as the associate singles pastor of a very large church. The singles group had over 250 singles. He eventually became the singles pastor at another church. The goal was to eventually be a senior pastor. I actually felt somewhat betrayed when after 6 years of ministry, my husband decided he did not want to be a pastor anymore. The feeling that I am called to be a PW or some similar position, has never gone away.
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"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 9:41:01 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7668
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
But do you think that God nessesarily tells someone "You will be a pastor's/minister's wife"? So they are to go out and find a guy who is a minister and/or any guy who wants to date them who isn't thinking of going into the ministry is off limits?
I think that we are better able to hande a variety of situations than we may think with God's grace.
Why wouldn't God tell someone that? And just because that is not someone's calling now doesn't mean it will change.
My sister in law always felt lead towards marrying ministers but then she married my brother, a military cop.
A few years later he became a minister and they had a church for the few years they were in Colorado and then again in Arizona.
Just because he isn't one now doesn't mean God won't call him. Same as, just because he's not calling me now to be a minister's wife doesn't mean he won't change that in the future as well.
I just know that right now, at this point in my life, I am not seeking to be a minister's wife...I am going in a totally different direction. Ministering, yes...but not leading a church.
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 4:35:28 PM
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rgod
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I'd be ok with marrying a minister. It would be difficult though, particularly if he had more of a "shepherding" type calling - like many pastors and missionaries have - because that means lots of interruptions during family time, lots of sacrifices, and it means him (and by extension me) having to care for many people. I pretty much feel that I am suited to be matched with a person who has this type of call, particularly with me having had a brief experience with formal ministry myself. I feel that it has prepared me to minister to ministers - if that makes any sense. I understand some of the loneliness, the isolation, the heaviness of it, the joy, and the expectations of people who expect you to be God (perfect) while they expect God to be a person (make exceptions for them by showing partiality). It is a very unique, difficult, but rewarding life to live.
While I want to get married for personal reasons (love, children, companionship, etc.), I desire a marriage that also has a ministry dimension beyond my own ministry to my future husband. As I have already said "yes" to the Lord concerning ministry, I feel that I need to be partnered with a man who has a similar call/vision so that mine and his dovetail - and I can come under his leadership without worrying about whether I'll be able to fulfill what God has for me to do. This doesn't mean that he has to be a pastor - he could be a business man who has a strong desire to serve God in his employment and other areas of his life. But, I think that at this point in my life, it would be a bit difficult for me to be married to a man who doesn't have the kingdom of God on his mind or whose main goal is not to serve and please the Lord.
But, I don't always share this because I don't want anyone to feel like they have to be superspiritual. As his wife, I want to be the one that he can be himself with, the one who he can show weaknesses and difficulties to, the one who is safe to be vulnerable around. And I expect to be able to do the same with him as we encourage one another in the Lord.
Interestingly enough, most of the men that I've encountered who are kingdom-minded are already married. It seems like many men get the marriage piece out of the way - (I'm not sure why?) - then they focus on spirituality. The few men that I've met who are single and running after the Lord seem to not be interested in meeting anyone (kind of strange how that happens). This isn't always the case though - and there are quite a few single men who are sold out for Christ - a number of the men who post in the singles folder on this site seem to have a balance in this area (sold out for Christ but also desiring a mate). Perhaps the anonymity of these board helps people to be a bit more open about the desires of their hearts. Anyway, I try to be open, because God could pair me with someone who doesn't have this kind of heart and it could work I suppose - and I'd definitely marry someone who didn't if I strongly felt like the Lord was leading me to do it. But I would absolutely love to be partnered with a spouse and work together to serve the Lord and his people.
< Message edited by rgod -- 8/9/2008 8:44:34 PM >
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 4:57:03 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KuKu
quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
quote:
He just does it full time.
And there in lies the big difference. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that responsibility for everyone in your flock 24/7? It is incredibly stressful ... think of a time when you stepped in and did this for another ... now imagine it happening every week. Going from one moment having the joy of residing over a wedding, and in the next going to the hospital to hear the last rights of a dying parishioner. It is not the same as other types of ministries ... and it is why there are now ministries for pastors ... they need extra support. That is all I have to say ...
If you think 'ministers' are the only one who do this, you have never been a missionary- which is even more interesting because other things come into play... culture, 'authority', etc.
After that experience, I was no longer interested in that kind of situation- ever... until I met a really sweet single pastor  . It did'nt work out, but I am not so adamantly against it as I once was; but in the end, it's all about God's hand...
I have always considered missionaries to be in the same line as ministers/pastors.
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/9/2008 11:22:11 PM
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ebony101
Posts: 925
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: online
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I would not be a good pastor's wife. I'm a very radical Christian. When I don't like what you're doing - I let you know in no uncertain terms.
I feel that a pastor's wife should be a model of Christianity.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/10/2008 1:13:34 PM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1315
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
You see...that's funny because I never did put the two in the same 'thought process' if you will.
Well...also because I feel lead toward missionaries and they're a slightly different breed. *shrug*
Many of the missionaries I know were pastoring the churches they helped plant while training a local to take over at some point. But there are many different roles when it comes to missionaries.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/10/2008 2:00:17 PM
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willfs
Posts: 332
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
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I think calling has to do more with what you bring to a situation and not nessesarily the situation itself. Taking the example of being a minister's wife.
Linda is minister at a church.
She marries Bob. Bob's great skills at being a peacemaker help Linda in her role during the times she must play peacemaker at her job. Bob's passion for missions allows him to be an inspiration to those he comes in contact with, through Linda, to reach out to those outside the church walls.
OR
She marries Frank. Frank's leadership skills make him a great asset in the many ministries that Linda is apart of. Furthermore, Frank's line of work brings in a lot of money. Little does the church know how much he gives. And the time when Linda had to take a low paying ministry position, Frank's wages helped their finances greatly.
Bob and Frank could have married different women, who might not have been paid ministers, and had just as much of an influence, if not more, simply because they gave their gifts to God to use.
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/10/2008 4:11:30 PM
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free-to-worship
Posts: 84
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
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We are so seeing the same picture, your comment could have very well have been written by me. These are my thoughts and feelings exactly. Thanks for your input.
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I'd be ok with marrying a minister. It would be difficult though, particularly if he had more of a "shepherding" type calling - like many pastors and missionaries have - because that means lots of interruptions during family time, lots of sacrifices, and it means him (and by extension me) having to care for many people. I pretty much feel that I am suited to be matched with a person who has this type of call, particularly with me having had a brief experience with formal ministry myself. I feel that it has prepared me to minister to ministers - if that makes any sense. I understand some of the loneliness, the isolation, the heaviness of it, the joy, and the expectations of people who expect you to be God (perfect) while they expect God to be a person (make exceptions for them by showing partiality). It is a very unique, difficult, but rewarding life to live.
While I want to get married for personal reasons (love, children, companionship, etc.), I desire a marriage that also has a ministry dimension beyond my own ministry to my future husband. As I have already said "yes" to the Lord concerning ministry, I feel that I need to be partnered with a man who has a similar call/vision so that mine and his dovetail - and I can come under his leadership without worrying about whether I'll be able to fulfill what God has for me to do. This doesn't mean that he has to be a pastor - he could be a business man who has a strong desire to serve God in his employment and other areas of his life. But, I think that at this point in my life, it would be a bit difficult for me to be married to a man who doesn't have the kingdom of God on his mind or whose main goal is not to serve and please the Lord.
But, I don't always share this because I don't want anyone to feel like they have to be superspiritual. As his wife, I want to be the one that he can be himself with, the one who he can show weaknesses and difficulties to, the one who is safe to be vulnerable around. And I expect to be able to do the same with him as we encourage one another in the Lord.
Interestingly enough, most of the men that I've encountered who are kingdom-minded are already married. It seems like many men get the marriage piece out of the way - (I'm not sure why?) - then they focus on spirituality. The few men that I've met who are single and running after the Lord seem to not be interested in meeting anyone (kind of strange how that happens). This isn't always the case though - and there are quite a few single men who are sold out for Christ - a number of the men who post in the singles folder on this site seem to have a balance in this area (sold out for Christ but also desiring a mate). Perhaps the anonymity of these board helps people to be a bit more open about the desires of their hearts. Anyway, I try to be open, because God could pair me with someone who doesn't have this kind of heart and it could work I suppose - and I'd definitely marry someone who didn't if I strongly felt like the Lord was leading me to do it. But I would absolutely love to be partnered with a spouse and work together to serve the Lord and his people.
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RE: Marrying the man or woman of God. - 8/10/2008 6:46:47 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1535
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: free-to-worship
We are so seeing the same picture, your comment could have very well have been written by me. These are my thoughts and feelings exactly. Thanks for your input.
Glad to know that we are on the same page! Be blessed :) rgod
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