Managing Long-Distance Friendships (Full Version)

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solomonsprayer -> Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/5/2008 9:23:22 PM)

Hello everyone. [sm=wave.gif]

I am interested in learning about how others keep up with their friends over a period of time after one or the other person has moved a significant distance away (to make regular visits inconvenient/impractical)? What are some of the challenges you have faced and what are some regular effective "strategies" you use to maintain contact and closeness with these far-away friends? ...I'm sure there are more layers to the question that can be addressed, so feel free to post away!

[:)]
solomonsprayer



smilingcutie -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/7/2008 12:12:28 AM)

I have a few friends that live far away from me, but it's really not that hard to keep the friendship alive. Talking on the phone and online really helps a lot. Also, whenever possible we try to visit each other. We send each other photos to look through and tell each other about our lives. The website LordsMessage.com really helps us stay in contact with each other and plus, I've actually met even more people from that site. :)



linaire -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/7/2008 4:28:29 AM)

Many of my friends live a ways away from me. I think so long as you keep communication going (emails, calls, Skype etc) your friendship can thrive. My friends and I also send letters, cards and packages when we can (going that little bit further [:)]), and make visits whenever we can. I think if you love someone, the distance is a factor, but certainly one that can be overcome. Good luck, sweetie!



jaimestarcross -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/7/2008 1:12:44 PM)

I've found regardless of distance - both parties involved
have to be committed to communicating regularly and visiting.

For example: I moved to Canada in 2002 from NC - my friends/family
all live in NC(within a 10 mile radius of me) when I lived there. I made efforts to visit and talk with friends and family.... however, many of them (family/friends) put forth little effort to maintaining the friendship/family ties... I knew if I moved
away communication would cease because they'd make no effort to keep the
friendship alive... it's been six years and no effort has been made on their part yet.



solomonsprayer -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/8/2008 12:50:08 PM)

I take it from reading a few responses that effort, commitment, and love are the driving forces behind successful long-distance friendships. [:)]

Though I wonder in more specific terms how you may deal with certain challenges. For example, have there been times when you did not have any communication with a long-distance friend for a period of six months or more? Or have there been moments when you've felt the need to talk to or desire to catch up with a long-distance friend and they were unreachable for long periods (in this case, you wouldn't be able to just go over to someone's house as with a local friend)? Are there any instances where a long-distance friendship did not work out?

I have experienced many different outcomes with long-distance friendships with some of the less successful ones being where I receive an email once a year. I wonder, though, if those would really qualify as friendships, lol. [8D]



GregandJenny -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/8/2008 3:48:45 PM)

realistic expectations. The friend that lives down the street is going to probably converse more with me than my good friend in Japan. If I expect my friend from Japan to talk to me every day or even every week and with my work schedule and his, and I get upset because we can't I am being UNREALISTIC. I have to know the right balance. I have to put forth decent effort and make it a priority to keep him in the loop. He knows that I am not gonna come to Japan to visit him because the plane ride it way to long, but when he comes here we hang out.

G



lovestowrite -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/8/2008 5:46:39 PM)

I have quite a few long distance friends and I have to agree with what others have said, both parties do have to be committed. For a long time I was the one making all of the contact and it just got old. Even to do that for a friend you simply adore gets to be too much. So both parties have to be interested. And it will be less frequent contact, but it's always nice to have something to look forward to.
For the friends who don't keep in touch with me much, but I still care for them, I e-mail them a little note every few months just to let them know I am thinking of them.



beachcooky -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/8/2008 7:46:44 PM)

Well--I met this guy who seriously changed my life and we became best friends. But he moved to Michigan (I live in NY). And I was crushed. I knew I would never meet someone like that again and God hasn't provided me with a friend like that again. The majority of my friends that I have, I don't have that special click like the one I had shared with Andrew.

Unfortunately, we lost all contact. And it hurts, but I'm trying to accept it. :)



FunBetty -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/10/2008 12:34:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross

I've found regardless of distance - both parties involved
have to be committed to communicating regularly and visiting.


Agreed. I've moved across the country a few times <sigh> and I know that I can't always keep in touch with everyone. However, facebook has become my newest best friend because I can still see what is going on w/ friends.

And the friends I keep, I make a constant effort to keep in contact with. You can't wait for them to maintain the friendship, especially if you are the one that happens to leave. You have to make the conscious effort to email, call, etc. And make the emails personalized (not mass update emails).

It CAN be done, but when it doesn't, realize that sometimes life just moves on. Seasons change, and people change. But the friends that stick around will be there for life.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/11/2008 8:45:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FunBetty
And make the emails personalized (not mass update emails).


yes! one good personalized email is worth way more than a dozen forwarded little joke/urband legend/cool picture emails. i mean if you two did that before, that's one thing, but just forwarding on emails you get or a generic email, don't really go that far i don't think. we have it so easy with email versus having to find stamps and go to post office.



solomonsprayer -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/12/2008 3:50:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: FunBetty
And make the emails personalized (not mass update emails).


yes! one good personalized email is worth way more than a dozen forwarded little joke/urband legend/cool picture emails. i mean if you two did that before, that's one thing, but just forwarding on emails you get or a generic email, don't really go that far i don't think. we have it so easy with email versus having to find stamps and go to post office.


Quite true. ...At least for me, I absolutely hate mass emails with a forwarded joke/story/advertisement/game, etc. as a substitute for real communication. I do not mind getting updates that are important and understandably done in a mass way (such as an address and moving change), but if these are the only communications I have with someone over the course of a few years, then it does feel like a lost friendship in some ways.



ebony101 -> RE: Managing Long-Distance Friendships (8/12/2008 4:35:41 AM)

For all relationships to be successful, you must work at it and friendship is no different. Regardless of the distance between you two. I have friends who live a good distance from me and we always arrange to meet at least once a year. Fortunately technology is in our favour, because now there's emails and cell phones which enable people to keep in touch. And I think that's the most important thing - to keep in touch. Whether you meet once a year or once a decade is irrelevant.

It's always good to open an email or receive a letter from a friend. Once you stop working at maintaining it, the friendship will fade away.



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