repair damage?? (Full Version)

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mw082960 -> repair damage?? (8/2/2008 3:05:16 PM)

Help please!! Over the last year I have been so verbally abusive to my family (lots of stress, depression etc) that I was kicked out 6/21/08. I desperately want my family back! I am in counseling for anger mgmt, have read numerous books on anger mgmt, depression, positive thinking, the bible, pray constantly and believe I am making progress to change. I believe with these steps & lots of work I can repair the damage & have a stronger relationship w/my wife which I want SOOOO much! How do I get her back, she won't do anything w/me & barely will talk to me & when she does she if distant & clipped. I know I did a lot of damage but my life goal is to repair it & make us better than ever. One of her friend said give her time to miss me but w/only the last year on her mind, how can she? Do I wait or should I be bold?



slushie -> RE: repair damage?? (8/2/2008 3:55:50 PM)

Give her time to miss you? I'm not sure. If you've been really verbally abusive to her, then that's really not much to miss. But anyway, why don't you tell her that you've turned a new leaf and that you're going to be a better husband and that you're sorry for all the verbal abuse?



purplepearl -> RE: repair damage?? (8/2/2008 5:16:53 PM)

Humble yourself. Stop talking. Get into counseling and SHOW her how much you have changed.



hnt -> RE: repair damage?? (8/2/2008 5:45:58 PM)

Its going to take a while to get things back on track. You haven't been working that long at it yet, so you need to be patient. You still have alot of work to do, and you need to worry more about that first! [;)]

She has her own path of healing she must take, and that also takes time.

Don't rush it! Turning away from bad habit patterns - both of you - doesn't happen that quickly! It took a long while to get that way, and its not going to just SNAP out of it either! I will tell you that if you push her to hard for things you want - she isn't going to be receptive. You need to change yourself, and allow God to take the reins! That change doesn't happen over night, and after you do make some headway building trust between the both of you isn't going to be instant either!

You need patience! Accept you are in for a long haul, and allow God to guide you!



Sadey -> RE: repair damage?? (8/2/2008 5:53:30 PM)

Pushing your wife to recouncile and give you another chance so soon after you left or were thrown out is a sign that you are still abusive.
You work on you and let God work on your wife. You may have to resign yourself to a long wait or even that she will never take you back.

I think though that if you really work hard and make the necessary changes she can't help but see that you really have changed. It will take a long long time for her to trust in those changes though so you will have to be patient. I'm talking at least a year. I would never want to see a spouse go back to an abuser in less time.
God bless you and keep up the good work.



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