Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (Full Version)

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WhiteRoseBlessings -> Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 2:13:09 PM)

. . . Company's coming!

[sm=icon_smile_tongue.gif]







Hey y'all.

This is simultaneously a somewhat tongue-in cheek and also quasi-serious thread, but the basis of it is a question I've been contemplating for a while now.


Why is it that we (generically as the human race; not necessarily specifically anyone who reading this thread) . . . why is it that we do things to visually impress other people that we often don't do for ourselves?

For examples:
* cleaning a house from top-to-bottom specifically because company is coming;
* a woman shaving her legs specifically because she has a date.

etc., etc., etc.


I'm not talking about someone who regularly cleans their house and then does so again when expecting company, or the woman who regularly shaves her legs and then does so again before a date.

I'm talking about people who, as a matter of regular course in their life, do not clean their house or do not shave their legs . . . until such a time occurs that other people will be seeing their house or legs.

If it's not that big of a deal to to someone on a day-to-day basis, then why should it suddenly be created into a big deal when other people enter into the picture?




This thread isn't about the virtues of keeping a clean house or the vast pros and cons of a woman not shaving her legs; those are just examples.

What I'd like to discuss is the motives for such behaviors.
Why do some people do things to impress other people that they don't normally do on a daily basis?

I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing; I'm just curious as to why people do it.

I think, to a degree, most of us do this in some form or another.

Dear Poster . . . What are some of the ways that you do this?

And . . . Why do you do it?






Why ask why?
Well . . . because.

[sm=redhairsmile.gif]



humbleinspirit -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 2:32:29 PM)

Well, I don't shave my legs so I am not really sure who I am trying to impress at all. [8D]

As far as house cleaning, it might have to do with upbringing and habit instead. You might be comfortable in a "messy" house but for the sake of others, clean it instead.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 2:44:11 PM)

Hey Mike; thanks for playing. [:D]



To respond to your post . . . what if you have unexpected company come by?
What then?





I'm not really talking about ensuring that someone is comfortable; I'm talking going unnecessarily beyond that.

Taking the house-cleaning example . . . I keep a very tidy house and I dust and vacuum usually once a week. I keep the kitchen and bathrooms clean also.

I do deep-cleaning stuff not even once a year; maybe once ever couple of years; or whenever I noticed that something needs attention.

I know people who do major deep-cleaning whenever they're expecting company. Why?
Is someone going to get down and inspect the baseboards or check for dust in the corners of the laundry room while they're visiting me?

I seriously doubt it; and if they do . . . more power to them, I guess.

When I have company, I don't do anything different with my cleaning routine than I do for me on a regular basis.
I'll put out pretty placemats, flowers and stuff . . . but that's to create a fun and hospitality atmosphere, and that's different than deep-cleaning because company's coming.



And again, house-cleaning is just an example of this thread. [:D]



There are many things that people do that give others illusions of who they are, that those very same people do not do on a day-to-day basis.
I guess, to me, if something is important to me, then I should do it for me on a regular basis. If it's not important to me, why do it simply to impress someone else?



.Pammy -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 3:04:55 PM)

I have no idea why people would do this sort of thing. I certainly don't. When I know people are coming over, I might do some spot cleaning, "reading" up for clutter, that sort of thing, but that's about it.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 3:44:55 PM)

I used to have a very big problem with perfectionist tendencies. And self-esteem issues. Combined, they created a monster that demanded that what people saw be perfect. Well, I take that back. Everything had to be perfect, period. If I had company coming over, I would not only wash all the windows and curtains and clean the carpets, I'd clean my oven and sort/clean my one junk drawer.[8|]

I've had some harrowing experiences (like a house fire, strangers get to see into more places than just your junk drawer[sm=icon_smile_boggled.gif]) that have mostly cured me of that. I still get urges to make things perfect but I talk myself out of them pretty quick![;)]

The other thing is that I often do things for others that I don't bother to do for myself. Still a self-esteem issue I guess. They are worth the effort but I'm not.[&:]



phosadaud -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 4:32:42 PM)

After years of watching my mom stress herself out and get all angry and such over tidying up for guests, I don't kill myself to deep clean. I keep a fairly clean house anyway, so I'll tidy up a bit and do some extra cleaning of the furniture (I have 3 cats and a dog), but if people have a problem with doggie nose prints on the windows and a little dust here and there, they can clean it. [&:] It's just not worth it to me. Now, if I were a slob, I'd probably spend a lot more time cleaning up for guests and stressing about it just because I wouldn't want people to think I'm a slob. However, I'm not a slob, so that's not a problem. [8D]

There are some things that I care more about when I'll be seen than if I'm just loafing around the house. For instance, it really doesn't bug me to be covered in cat hair. However, it does bug me to go out in public looking like a furball. I'm not obsessive about it because of course, having all the critters I do, I will always have some cat hair on me, but I do tidy up more.

As far as what to do with unexpected guests.

"Hi! It's so good to see you! Sorry - didn't get a chance to tidy up"

And there you go. No biggie...



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 4:48:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

I used to have a very big problem with perfectionist tendencies. And self-esteem issues. Combined, they created a monster that demanded that what people saw be perfect. Well, I take that back. Everything had to be perfect, period. If I had company coming over, I would not only wash all the windows and curtains and clean the carpets, I'd clean my oven and sort/clean my one junk drawer.[8|]

I've had some harrowing experiences (like a house fire, strangers get to see into more places than just your junk drawer[sm=icon_smile_boggled.gif]) that have mostly cured me of that. I still get urges to make things perfect but I talk myself out of them pretty quick![;)]

The other thing is that I often do things for others that I don't bother to do for myself. Still a self-esteem issue I guess. They are worth the effort but I'm not.[&:]
That's it in a nutshell, Lioness.

I think there's a big difference between showing genuine hospitality to someone versus thinking that one is not good enough for the very things that they do for other people, and I've often wondered if this is part of what's going (even if subliminaly) in relation to this thread's topic.



quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

I used to have a very big problem with perfectionist tendencies. And self-esteem issues. Combined, they created a monster that demanded that what people saw be perfect. Well, I take that back. Everything had to be perfect, period.
Yep. [:)] Perish the thought that someone might see something in us that is less than perfect.

And you're right; it is a monster; a horrendous monster . . . because even at our most ultimate best, none of us are perfect and nothing we do is done perfectly.


I had to laugh at myself . . .

I ordered a pizza a while ago (man, have y'all tried Papa John's wheat crust pizza?! Wow!) . . . anyway, I'm doing laundry today, so I have my dirty clothes sorted into various piles on the floor of my kitchen / dining area (of where my laundry closet also is). From the front door, it's a straight visual shot into that area.

I had to resist the urge to move (hide) the piles of laundry.

What? The pizza delivery guy wouldn't give me my pizza if he saw piles of laundry waiting to be done? He'd go back and talk about me to his co-workers?

Why would it possibly matter to the pizza guy that I had piles of clothes on the floor . . . and if it did, why would I even care what he thought?


Do we make things harder on ourselves trying to be perfect . . . or trying to give the illusion of perfection?
What are we trying to hide by doing so?



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:02:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

As far as what to do with unexpected guests.

"Hi! It's so good to see you! Sorry - didn't get a chance to tidy up"
But why even apologize, Kristin? [sm=longhair.gif] What harm did you do to the person who unexpectedly came by for a visit while the house is a bit untidy?




But so many of us do just that . . . through a variety of ways.

Being a pedestrian, I've had people spontaneously offer to give me rides. If their car is messy, the first thing they do is to apologize to me for it.

Why do they do that?

Someone offers me a ride (and 99.9999% of the time - a free ride) . . . I'm not about to complain about the way they keep their car (that's not to say I won't have a silent opinion on it, but having an opinion and complaining are 2 different things).

Admittedly, some cars have been so gross that the next time that person offers me a ride, I'll probably decline.

But sometimes, the person's car is simply temporarily untidy (which happens). Sometimes people apologize because they may have a stack of books or a bag of groceries in the front passenger's seat. And yet, they apologize.

I just don't get that. They've not harmed me in any way; all they need to do is to move what's in the front seat.



Kath -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:03:47 PM)

Well, if we have people coming over it's generally to eat dinner, and I don't want them to be afraid to eat my food.[sm=tongue.gif]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:04:19 PM)

Pam, I'm not ignoring your post . . . I just don't have an argument with it. [:D]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:05:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kath

Well, if we have people coming over it's generally to eat dinner, and I don't want them to be afraid to eat my food.[sm=tongue.gif]
[sm=frog.gif]

So, Kath, because I don't deep-clean my house before I have company, does that mean that you would be afraid to eat my food?



.Pammy -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:10:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

Pam, I'm not ignoring your post . . . I just don't have an argument with it. [:D]

[sm=icon_smile_approve.gif]



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:17:55 PM)

quote:

Do we make things harder on ourselves trying to be perfect . . . or trying to give the illusion of perfection?

Of course we do. Or at least I do.

quote:

What are we trying to hide by doing so?

Our/my utter inadequacy. Our/my feeling of never being quite good enough.


I think you will probably find that the way those of us who do this or have the tendency to want to do this were raised is the primary thing we have in common.



Kath -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:20:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kath

Well, if we have people coming over it's generally to eat dinner, and I don't want them to be afraid to eat my food.[sm=tongue.gif]
[sm=frog.gif]

So, Kath, because I don't deep-clean my house before I have company, does that mean that you would be afraid to eat my food?


I didn't say I am afraid. :)

Example: Well, I didn't clean out the silverware tray, didn't even occur to me, and at dinner Brenda freaked out when she looked at her fork and at the end of it, not the part that goes in your mouth but the handle, there was a ball of rolled up fuzz, and she just froze staring at it. I just reached over and pulled it off and told her she could get another one if she wanted. That kind of thing would not bother me, it doesn't bother me, but it sure did her. I'm not sure if I would clean it out just because they were coming over but I might clean it out sometime between now and then, just to clean.

If there was a ball of rolled up fuzz on the end of my fork at your house I would not be afraid to use it.

But, then I see the dust that builds up on the walls in the utility room and it doesn't bother me, I know it's not going to blown down on my food, but Brenda or my mom might think so. I clean it up but I don't stress about it. I know the yellow stain behind the seat of the upstairs toilet is clean water that blows out of the water tank when we flush because it isnt' sealed properly but company would think that yellow stain is something else and be afraid to sit.



kimberlysfrog -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:26:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

quote:

Do we make things harder on ourselves trying to be perfect . . . or trying to give the illusion of perfection?

Of course we do. Or at least I do.

quote:

What are we trying to hide by doing so?

Our/my utter inadequacy. Our/my feeling of never being quite good enough.


I think you will probably find that the way those of us who do this or have the tendency to want to do this were raised is the primary thing we have in common.


Yep, this about sums up why I do this. Put it down to a critical father and stepfather who made me feel about 1/2 inch tall if I didn't get things done their way.

It's a fear issue of not being good enough, of being judged, of being talked about to others and being ridiculed. It comes with a huge feeling of shame.

When my house is clean - and I don't mean spotless and perfect, but not awfully cluttered and needing sweeping, dusting, mopping, washing of the dishes and wiping of the counters - but reasonably clean, I don't deal with these issues as much.



kimberlysfrog -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:30:33 PM)

Thinking on this a bit more, I think this behavior comes from being shamed and made to feel not good enough when you were a child.

I know that's still basically what has been said, but it was just a small "a-ha!" moment for me.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:33:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

As far as what to do with unexpected guests.

"Hi! It's so good to see you! Sorry - didn't get a chance to tidy up"
But why even apologize, Kristin? [sm=longhair.gif] What harm did you do to the person who unexpectedly came by for a visit while the house is a bit untidy?



I have pretty well re-trained myself so that I don't apologize. I figure it's just like explaining something about your kids....those who know, already know and those who have no clue, won't believe you anyway![;)]



KuKu -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:36:16 PM)

I am not this way, but I have family that is. When it comes up, the basic difference is what makes you 'liked'. For me, if you don't like me because I have dust on the furniture, you can walk back out the door while I go look for people who like me for WHO I AM. For her, if you don't like it, it is because there is something wrong with HER and you are perfectly right in rejecting her, or at least judging her, by it. Her ex-h is OCD (quit taking meds because they made him stop cleaning so much- his words), and it rubbed off on her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud
if people have a problem with doggie nose prints on the windows and a little dust here and there, they can clean it. [&:]


Liking this ;) maybe we should put out a basket on the porch with a dust rag, toilet cleaner, etc. in it so the phobes can be ready to deal with it when they walk in LOL



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:42:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kimberlysfrog

Thinking on this a bit more, I think this behavior comes from being shamed and made to feel not good enough when you were a child.

I know that's still basically what has been said, but it was just a small "a-ha!" moment for me.
I agree, Kimberly (and others).

I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.





LOL!

Here's another recent, personal example.

The night before last, I wrote a thank you note and wanted to calligraph the envelope. I went through 4 envelopes and spent almost 2 hours addressing the thank you note's envelope. I would see minor imperfections in the the calligraphy and it unnerved me so much that I would redo another complete envelope. This wasn't even a paid project; nor did the recipient even know that he was getting a note, much less a note with a calligraphed envelope.

What was he going to do? See a slight imperfection in the calligraphy and rescind his offer and not allow me to enroll into the the training program?

See? . . . It's not just other people that I can see this in; I very well can see the absurdity of stuff like this in my very own life.

[sm=redhairsmile.gif]



KuKu -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:43:51 PM)

For me, shaving isn't quite on the same level- that is more a social norm. I don't do it to 'impress' anyone, but I don't want to offend them either KWIM? It's like not wearing the same shirt day after day, or brushing one's teeth on a regular (hourly... daily... weekly...) basis- I don't do it just for 'someone' I do it for society as a whole. I may 'freshen it up' for someone special, but it's something that is considered 'correct' to do anyway, so the ultimate goal is to 'adapt' to cultural mores.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:44:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

As far as what to do with unexpected guests.

"Hi! It's so good to see you! Sorry - didn't get a chance to tidy up"
But why even apologize, Kristin? [sm=longhair.gif] What harm did you do to the person who unexpectedly came by for a visit while the house is a bit untidy?



I have pretty well re-trained myself so that I don't apologize. I figure it's just like explaining something about your kids....those who know, already know and those who have no clue, won't believe you anyway![;)]
I love it!



quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

I am not this way, but I have family that is. When it comes up, the basic difference is what makes you 'liked'. For me, if you don't like me because I have dust on the furniture, you can walk back out the door while I go look for people who like me for WHO I AM.
I love this as well!



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:46:29 PM)

quote:

I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.

I think this is key, Sharon-Marie. It's the very idea that were weren't taught one way or the other, we were just shamed no matter what we did. We couldn't win no matter what we did! Thus, we determined that perfection was the only option. Who could find fault with perfection?




Is this the way you intended your thread to go?[8D]



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:46:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

For me, shaving isn't quite on the same level- that is more a social norm. I don't do it to 'impress' anyone, but I don't want to offend them either KWIM? It's like not wearing the same shirt day after day, or brushing one's teeth on a regular (hourly... daily... weekly...) basis- I don't do it just for 'someone' I do it for society as a whole. I may 'freshen it up' for someone special, but it's something that is considered 'correct' to do anyway, so the ultimate goal is to 'adapt' to cultural mores.
So, what happens if you go to a country whose culture doesn't promote women shaving their legs? Would you then grow your hair on your legs to adapt to that culture?



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:48:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon

quote:

I wasn't really raised by anyone (i.e., I wasn't taught one way or another how to do things), so I really can't relate to that.
I very much, however, can related to being shamed and made to feel quite inferior (by different people) when I was a child; and I grew up (and I believe, consequently so) with no self-esteem and huge perfectionistic issues.

I think this is key, Sharon-Marie. It's the very idea that were weren't taught one way or the other, we were just shamed no matter what we did. We couldn't win no matter what we did! Thus, we determined that perfection was the only option. Who could find fault with perfection?




Is this the way you intended your thread to go?[8D]
LOL!

Lioness, I didn't really have a specific direction that I wanted this thread to take; I just want to discuss possible reasons for why we do things to impress other people.

I'm actually enjoying this thread very much, so whatever y'all want to talk about, go for it. [sm=frog.gif]



KuKu -> RE: Ack!! I’ve got to clean my legs & shave the house! . . . (8/2/2008 5:49:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings

quote:

ORIGINAL: KuKu

For me, shaving isn't quite on the same level- that is more a social norm. I don't do it to 'impress' anyone, but I don't want to offend them either KWIM? It's like not wearing the same shirt day after day, or brushing one's teeth on a regular (hourly... daily... weekly...) basis- I don't do it just for 'someone' I do it for society as a whole. I may 'freshen it up' for someone special, but it's something that is considered 'correct' to do anyway, so the ultimate goal is to 'adapt' to cultural mores.
So, what happens if you go to a country whose culture doesn't promote women shaving their legs? Would you then grow your hair on your legs to adapt to that culture?


I did (or actually simply didn't shave- which was NICE!!!!)



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