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SouthernBelleGrits -> RE: Cancelling Engagement (7/20/2008 7:04:09 PM)
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Wow! This letter made my head hurt and IMO anyone would run for the hills after this one because NO WOMAN can measure up to this list. Do you take ANY responsibility in this relationship or are you constantly blaming your girlfriend for all of your problems? I don't mean to sound brash but I would like take a few minutes/hours to give my reply to this letter as to what I would think in my head if I was your girlfriend.
Letter to my Girlfriend on the week after Valentines of 2008,
Should have been given on Halloween instead!
I am writing this list of points that we need to discuss, and figure out a way to resolve them. I love you very much, and thus I engaged to you, to show you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I always told you that I was in this for keeps, but, the problems continue, and I don’t know what to do. We need to work this stuff out. I figured now that we’re engaged you’d start changing, and getting better, but yet still the issues continue. I really don’t know what to do.
"Well, I'm not good enough for him. He is already wanting to change me. He doesn't love me."
• I did everything possible to give you a beautiful Christmas, and New Years. Yet funny enough on New Years, we were still fighting. I even gave you a promise ring, and it basically became money down the drain, since you didn’t care for it, because you wanted an engagement ring. You didn’t look at the thought behind it, and how much effort, I had put into it to get that for you. I’m not made of money.
" I didn't respond the way he expected me to respond. I'm not worth a real engagement ring even though he proposed."
• We later went out with friends to the movies, and you made my life hell. You didn’t get out of the car, you got into your tantrums, where you wouldn’t talk to me at all, and finally your friend had to come get you. Still I endured, and then you finally came around, and said you were Sorry. The problem is that it continues to happen. " I felt hurt about the ring and you wanted to go out with friends. You care more about being with them than how I am hurting. Even my apology isn't really accepted. Nothing is ever good enough for him."
• I go out to vendor dinners, since its part of my job. I’m not making chump change here, I need to do a lot, especially if I am to stay boss’s right hand person. Still you give me a hard time about it, and start with your jealous comments, and always ruin the night for me. Why? " He chose his job yet blames me for how he feels. "
• I had started going to Church & the Emmaus, and you initially had problems with this. Then, you had issues because I had not become a Christian, and you started being upset and stuff. "I'm confused about this. Is he growing closer to God? He's changing but I'm not sure why."
• We have missed some physical therapy sessions, and others luckily we’ve been able to do because they’ve made an effort for me at the Rehab center, but yet it always come down to not getting there on time. "Why does he blame me for not getting to the sessions? Doesn't he take any responsibility for his own health?"
• I have been telling you, that one of my colleagues at work is getting his people on a schedule, I’m not on a schedule, but my agreement with my boss was always that I’d arrive by 10am to the office, and yet you have constantly made it a problem, and we never get to the office by 10am, regardless whether we have physical therapy (which I end up starting late, thus delaying us, because your late to here), and when I don’t. I have mentioned it to you nicely, and it’s as if you don’t even care, still I arrive late to work. You give me all the excuses in the world, but what you don’t get, is that if I get in trouble or lose this job, we are screwed. I even got in trouble with my boss, where he wrote me an email and told me that I need to step it up more " His boss is on his case and yet he still blames me for everything."
• I need you to help me out by maintaining the house, taking care of the pets, and cooking some dinners so we don’t have to spend too much money. Help me to get to work on time by helping me take things I need in the morning. " He wants a Mom or Martha Stewart for a wife not me. I wonder if his exwife did these things. Maybe he wants me to be like her? Can I ever please him?"
• I stand up to my family all the time, and invent excuses as to why you’re the way you are. Such as when you get sick, you basically drop your guard, and assume like the world has come to an end. Then use this as an excuse for everything. You need to be stronger, you are not a little kid, just because you’re sick, doesn’t mean the world stops. You didn’t even pick me up at work 3-4 times, and I had to get vendors, colleagues, and almost a taxi to take me home, because you couldn’t handle that. "Why does he make excuses for me? Am I not good enough for his family too?! Will I ever be good enough for him? Even when I'm sick he doesn't care about me."
• Anything and everything that I do, you continue to compare it to my ex-wife. I cannot continue to live my life worrying about am I making enough of an impression, did I get the ring bigger, is the wedding bigger, oh be careful, can’t speak my mind on my thoughts, because you’ll start with whether I did it for my ex-wife or not. You act dummy as to whether I don’t give a dam about the wedding, because I already had one. What kind of **** is this? When does it stop? What does it take for you to be happy, and stop comparing yourself to your friends, to my past, to everything, just be happy! It shouldn’t be so difficult, if you love me. If you love me, you should be happy with anything I do, but no you have to get in your moods. I can’t live life worrying whether I did this for my ex-wife, or that for my ex-wife, and whether I did it for you or not, or whether I did it bigger for you or not. The **** that you put me through, I don’t think anyone would have put up with it, and it’s definitely something I don’t wish upon anyone. You are constantly abusing me! "Abusing him? What is he talking about? I just want to know that he loves me and only me and he doesn't think about his exwife. Apparently he is thinking about her a lot."
• I’m always speaking wonders about you to everyone; no one knows how you really are with me. But, yet you speak horribly about me. Take for example this morning, saying that I’m being a mission, he’s not answering my questions, or helping out. What kind of **** is that? I just engaged to you this weekend, and just because I hadn’t given you all the info you needed (which I actually even started helping with the names, and took you to Barnes & Noble to get Wedding books), you address me as being this horrible guy."Why does he lie to everyone? Can I trust that he isn't lying to me too? Why does he have to lie to everyone? Why does he resent my desires for the wedding? He doesn't love me as much as he loved his ex-wife."
• You start mentioning comments oh you spent $20,000 on the Wedding with my ex-wife, what do I get. What kind of **** is this? First of all, I don’t remember spending that much, but let’s say I did, so what. I cannot live my entire life always looking back at my past, to make sure everything is all high and mighty for you. The past is the past, times were different, I didn’t have the kind of bills I have now, oh yeah, guess what, my relationship in the past didn’t work out. So stop putting my past in my face. You speak to people on the phone like nothing about whether this guy chased you down from California, and whatever, and now he’s married, and having kids, and yadayadayada. Do you see me get upset with you, no I know that’s your past, so it don’t matter to me, because you are with me. I do the best I can for us, and that’s all I can do. For crying out loud, you were even bringing up did I get you a big ring or not, what was the price, as if to compare to my past. Then, because supposedly someone mentioned something stupid to you (probably your mom, but who cares, it could even be my family), you decide to accept it, and now start thinking I don’t want a big wedding with you because of my past. For crying out loud, I spent more on you during this Valentines and engagement than I ever did in my past. For crying out loud, I have spent more on you than I did for a long time in my past. "Why is he so angry and resentful for spending money on me? He didn't really want to spend that money on me. Even when I deliberately talked about a guy chasing me down he didn't care enough about me to even discuss it."
• I don’t start feeling down on myself, like oh my relationship sucks or anything like that. But yet you get like that when you see other couples. "He does think our relationship sucks. This letter is full of how he thinks our relationship sucks. Oh No, he just thinks I suck. He doesn't really love me."
• I have tried countless times to get closer to your family and win them over. You have barely tried winning my family over and getting closer to them. Instead, we always miss gathering with my family, or we get in a fight, because you start with your tantrums. Still I stand up for you, and tell them you’re the one I love, and want to be with, so they need to deal with it. But, you continue to get your ways.
"Why does he try to push my relationship with his family? Why can't he just let them develop naturally? Does his family try to foster a relationship with me or are they always talking bad about me because he always seems to have to defend me? What are they REALLY saying about me? I won't ever measure up to them."
• You’re always quick to either start crying or get in a tantrum when you hear what you don’t want, or you don’t get things your way. You act like a child; you can’t handle anything, if it doesn’t go your way. You have all this stupid pride, as though if you act differently or try to avoid a fight or do something just because it makes me feel happy, you are somehow a bad person. "My feelings aren't safe with him. He thinks I'm a child. He wants someone different. Maybe he wants his exwife again instead of me."
• I am constantly the one coming around to you, whether I was upset, or you were the one upset, etc… Regardless, whether I believe your right or wrong"Then stop coming around. ! If you don't love me enough to pursue me then just stop leading me on."
• You’re always having questions that doubt my happiness or love. If you were doing everything right, and not being the way you are, you would never ever have to doubt my love, and whether or not I’m happy or not. " He wants me to be perfect. I'll never be perfect enough for him. He just wants me to be happy all the time. He can't handle anyone with real emotions."
• I always feel I need to be proving my love to you, and it just doesn’t stop. And yet it’s never enough. You have become a real drain on me, and make me feel as though it’s just never enough, and I just can’t make you happy, therefore I must settle for a life of misery. Why? "Now he thinks he settling for me. This confirms it. He doesn't love me.I want a man who wants me for me not a man who is just settling until someone new comes along"
• When your friends speak of me, you never stand up for me, instead you agree that I’m an as*hole, what kind of **** is that. I always stand up for you, always! " I don't think he stands up for me with his heart because he doesn't really like me. He just lies to everyone and won't admit his real feelings."
• Every person in the world expresses their love in their own ways, and it’s up to their partners to be smart enough to analyze their partner and learn their ways of expressing their love, or how they are when their sad, upset, and so forth. For crying out loud, I go out and always try to make things special for you, and romantic. You have even felt sad as to how some of your friends, don’t have the luxury of having a guy like me in their life, and thus must settle. Problem here is why do I need to settle? If I am so good to you, why do you treat me how you do? "There he goes again saying he is settling for me instead of loving me."
• We need to have an open relationship, feel we can discuss anything with each other "Nothing I say will ever be enough for him. I don't feel safe sharing how I really feel with him. He won't love me and I'm starting not to really care anymore because it just hurts too much."
• Trust one another, because if I always have to worry about what you’re doing or not doing, that is a ****ty life to be living. I need to trust that you love me, and thus wouldn’t dishonor or disrespect me in any way, and that we’re going to make it together, because we want to be together, not because we have to be together. "He doesn't want to go through a real marriage. I'll never be able to make a mistake with him because he'll leave me or divorce me like he divorced his first wife. He doesn't really want to be married again."
• You know what it is that your family has never come to see me. Has never come to our home, and yet you allow this from them. You throw it in my face, how you’re sinning and so forth, and make it seem as though it’s my problem, and for these reasons, your family can be the way they are to you, and to me. That’s not right at all! "Doesn't he understand that it hurts me too when my family doesn't come around, but I can't control my family."
• I give you everything, absolutely everything, and yet it’s still not enough. Yet, you still have a problem when you need to do things, or if I ask you to take of care of something for me. Instead of being, dam my man takes care of it all, if he needs something or help, regardless of how big or small it is, you should welcome the opportunity to help me out, because in turn that means you’re helping us out. " He is so full of himself walking around tooting his own horn like that. Doesn't he know that I love him. I've lived with him for two years for Pete's sake. And he questions how I feel about him. Why should I welcome the chance to help him out. I'm not even going to bother to help him out because I won't ever say anything good enough to please him. He resents being with me. Perhaps he desires someone else. Someone who will tell him what he wants to hear instead of the truth."
• I have practically been holding us together for 2 years now, and yet still you don’t change your ways, and you don’t get help. You even act like this with your friends, I’ve seen it. " Oh! I haven't done a darn thing for this relationship. He is such a prideful person."
• I am Cuban, and therefore Macho in some aspects, it has goods and bads, but dam it I bet if you told someone everything I do, they’d be like are you crazy, you have an excellent man, and we all wish we had that. I’m not trying to look good, but I hear the fights people, and their complaints, and stuff and I realize what a great man I am, even though you don’t care to ever see that. "He'll never think I'm good enough for him. He thinks he is perfect and he needs a perfect wife. I'm not perfect. Perhaps he realizes his exwife was more perfect than I am and he regrets divorcing her."
• I engaged to you and told you that you need to change, and get help. You can’t continue in your old ways, and what are you still doing, the same thing. What am I suppose to do? For crying out loud, you even took off the ring, because you were upset over stupid things, and threw that in my face. That’s not funny, and I don’t appreciate it. "He wants to change me into someone he wants instead of accepting me the way I am. I took the ring off because I don't feel we are really engaged."• Things are going to start changing big time, because I am through accepting it. I deserve much, much more from you, and it’s got to change, or it’s going to come to an end. "I'm closing my heart to him b ecause he doesn't love me. I'm hurt and angry that he doesn't love me but loves a fantasy of a person he wants me to be. I'm going to take off my ring, change my my space and tell our friends that we aren't engaged anymore. I'm running before he has a chance to hurt me more."
• You used to be more understanding of my past, but now it’s just another thing to laugh at, and throw in my face. I don’t regret my life, and the paths I have taken, I’m glad things broke off with my ex-wife before it was too late, and we didn’t have kids. Life has you in my path, and I have gone full throttle with you, and I give you everything I’ve got inside me, and for what, only to be laughed at and ridiculed all the time. "If I laugh I don't have to cry. My heart is broken and he's too resentful and selfish about his own life to notice."
• I know you too have been hurt & heart broken in the past, but I feel as though I continue to pay for all their mistakes, and yet still I endure, and never throw things in your face. I just love you, and hope that will be enough to overcome it all. "He doesn't love me. He thinks he is showing me love but all he does is compare me to some ghost of a woman that I can never be."
Okay I was really going to try to continue this but I'm exhausted. I know that this may not be what your girlfriend is thinking but your comments are so prideful and if your girlfriend has a hurtful past then please entertain the thought that she may be thinking these things and guarding her heart because she can't trust you with it. Take responsibility for your own feelings in this.
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