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truthrevealed -> Am I being mean....or a mom? (7/16/2008 3:45:42 PM)
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My husband enjoys being the "neighborhood dad," he likes to play sports with the children in the neighborhood, be a mentor of sorts to the boys etc. etc. A couple yrs. ago he met a teenage boy and his siblings who come from a VERY broken home(father recently passed and their mother.....let's just say she comes and goes) so the kids are in a foster home type situation(with a friend---an older gentleman, of the parents who, by default is now "responsible" for the children). Of course my husband and I have done what we can to help the children and have formed a pretty decent bond with them versus the other children in the neighborhood. We have witnessed to the oldest(he's the father like figure to his other siblings)my husband and I and our oldest son(they are the same age)have witnessed to him. Admittedly, I am not as....outgoing as my husband, he's very social where I won't go out and play with the children per se but I'll talk to them, provide in any way etc. This teenager began to come around quite often, and there were many times when he would come in the evening when it wasn't the best time for me so there were times I told my husband to tell him to come back the next day.
Then, because we are christian and this child and his siblings have lived a rough life on the "streets" they pretty much think we're weird, nerds...........peculiar people[;)] because we don't curse, listen to the popular music....my children don't dress as the other children, they aren't allowed to do what other children are allowed to do. I understand they they find us different----we're suppossed to be(and he's too young to have been around BEFORE God started the work on us). The problem is how they respond to my kids. My oldest doesn't like to fight....at all, which makes him a complete lame in his peer group so he's made fun of which HE'S learned to deal with-- but I'M highly offended when this child and his siblings poke fun at my children ages 15 and 7(they've also been particularly rough with my kids while playing...trying to "play it off" when my husband and I are present . My husband says he understands this dynamic between boys. This teenager acts this way towards my oldest to kind of "toughen" him up says my husband(my child may not like to fight but he's got a sarcastic mouth towards his peers---his only defense mechanism) but I don't like it as a mother. It's one of the reasons that I've now held this child at arms length. I feel like, we've done what we can to help you and treat you as if you're our own, don't treat my children like just another person on the street. My attitude has been evident, I'm sure, because many times when I see him he doesn't speak as he used to. Also, my husband and I confronted him becasue we caught him high one night. We simply spoke to him like any parent would(who's not his parents)about hanging out with the older boys on the streets, the life he's headed toward and being an example to his other siblings.
I see him today, as he's walking the neighborhood with those same older boys while they're(the other boys)cursing up a storm and I just act like he's not there because I'm disappointed that he's hanging with them and that he has nothing to say to them about being blatantly disrespectful in front of an adult.
The issue: I feel like I've been impatient and not understanding....he is a good kid and he's gone thru...A LOT...too much to tell you now. I wonder if I've allowed my offense towards how he and his siblings respond to my children to cause him to feel rejected by me and now he's moving head first into the streets whereas had I not responded this way he may feel more freedom to continue to come to my husband and I and not the other influences. I DO NOT blame myself for his condition but I wonder if I've allowed MY offense to turn him away. Whatcha' think?
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