RE: Password sharing (Full Version)

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MC4JC -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 4:40:31 PM)

I missed the section about this journey being on the same computer/laptop was your work related records. That is a NO NO - never ever keep personal stuff on your work pc. I work for the fed government and we are warned about that all the time.

If you have other people's private records on the pc, you in no way should be having personal stuff. Get another computer for home use only and get that journal OFF your company computer!



Sadey -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 4:42:20 PM)

Shadowspring and Truthrevealed said it much better than I did, so DITTO.



Sideways -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 5:30:07 PM)

I agree that a personal journal should not be kept on the laptop if it is owned by your company. If it's owned by you and you happen to keep work records on there, then take the proper safety precautions, but do what you like with the rest of the computer. Here is what my husband says about encrypting your important data:

If you have XP Professional, the operating system has encryption built-in: http://support.microsoft.com/kb/308989

Several free and commercial products are out there. I can recommend two. Both programs can be downloaded from a website called www.download.com. The first is called "FileBarricader" and the second is called "TrueCrypt". I like "TrueCrypt" much better (I'm more familiar with the group that made it and I've used it longer), but FileBarricader has less of a learning curve. Today is the first day I tried FileBarricader, just for you.

FileBarricader works on individual files. TrueCrypt creates a volume (like your hard drive, CD Drive, or thumb drive) that you can access through "My Computer".

FileBarricader is easier to use (it's a right click option), but it is not as convenient as TrueCrypt is in every day use. TrueCrypt is much faster, but will require you to read the tutorial- it's still user friendly but their is more initial work setting up the program. TrueCrypt is easier to use if you uncheck the box "Never Save History".

Since both programs are free, you can try both and see which you like better.



Roberta_ -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 5:35:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MC4JC

I missed the section about this journey being on the same computer/laptop was your work related records. That is a NO NO - never ever keep personal stuff on your work pc. I work for the fed government and we are warned about that all the time.

If you have other people's private records on the pc, you in no way should be having personal stuff. Get another computer for home use only and get that journal OFF your company computer!


I agree!



hnt -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 6:48:35 PM)

I thought the whole principal of journaling was private for the most part? Journaling for most people is for their eyes ONLY! I think most people respect that as well! If people can agree on that, and most people would gather that their spouse wouldn't read it out of respect - why aren't people questioning WHY he would ask for the passcode, and then get angry when he doesn't have it?

Most people write more than venting when they journal. People also vent, and realize later they don't feel that way anymore later as well. People speak of major highs and lows. People talk about silly things in the family, and some awful things as well. Its an outlet. If its meant to be private - spouses out of respect SHOULD respect that! Its NOT meant as an insult or lack of trust or anything! Its a private thing just for you. Its not meant as some secret motive.

The principal of journaling for the most part is suppose to be private!

I would question WHY he is getting angry instead of respecting that!



Roberta_ -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 6:53:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hnt

I thought the whole principal of journaling was private for the most part? Journaling for most people is for their eyes ONLY! I think most people respect that as well! If people can agree on that, and most people would gather that their spouse wouldn't read it out of respect - why aren't people questioning WHY he would ask for the pass code, and then get angry when he doesn't have it?

Most people write more than venting when they journal. People also vent, and realize later they don't feel that way anymore later as well. People speak of major highs and lows. People talk about silly things in the family, and some awful things as well. Its an outlet. If its meant to be private - spouses out of respect SHOULD respect that! Its NOT meant as an insult or lack of trust or anything! Its a private thing just for you. Its not meant as some secret motive.

The principal of journaling for the most part is suppose to be private!

I would question WHY he is getting angry instead of respecting that!


I question why she won't give it to him because I'm wondering if there is a trust issue there?



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 7:20:09 PM)

We have open password sharing in this house, and both of our computers are shared although DH primarily uses a desktop and I use a laptop.

I have a paper journal that I keep in my nightstand, DH has never read it that I know of... But I don't write nasty things even after the most heated of arguments.

I think you guys probably have bigger issues if something this simple is causing such a ruckus.



shadowspring -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 8:27:29 PM)

quote:

The principal of journaling for the most part is suppose to be private!


Everything in my heart and life is open to my husband. I have no secrets. None at all.



bzirk -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 8:41:42 PM)

I agree with Sideways. It is just no big deal to protect the data itself. Problem solved.


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowspring

quote:

The principal of journaling for the most part is suppose to be private!


Everything in my heart and life is open to my husband. I have no secrets. None at all.


You mean that all of your thoughts have been shared with your husband? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding your point.

IMO, journaling is usually just a recording of someone's personal, unvarnished thoughts. Not necessarily secrets just a stream of thoughts that some of them might take too long to put in context -- even to a mate. Is it even necessary to share every thought with a mate? I'm very close to my husband, but I do not share all of my unvarnished thoughts with him nor is it a problem that I don't. This idea that a husband/wife should have access to all of their mate's thoughts is hard to understand.



Sadey -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 8:54:51 PM)

My poor husband gets this glazed look in his eyes when I go on for too long. But my woman friends don't. [:D] I don't share everything with my husband because I don't want to bore him to death or drive him crazy. Especially when I'm thinking out loud. Your girlfriends will let you change your mind but husband's always say "But I thought you said ___________ and now you're saying _________. and then thats when I say the famous words, You don't understand. Poor husband of mine, even I feel sorry for him[:)]



shadowspring -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 9:13:21 PM)

quote:

You mean that all of your thoughts have been shared with your husband? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding your point.


If it popped into my head while he was near, probably! [:D]

Definitely, if I thought is was important or thought much about it all. We talk about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Also, I meant this: There is no expectation when I write in my journal that no one in the world will ever read it. I mean, I could die tomorrow in a fiery crash! People would for sure read what I wrote then.

I consider the permanence of the written word in even keeping my journals around. I love to read my grandma's old letters. My husband's grandma left some writing too. It's awesome to explore your heritage through old journals, letters, etc.

In fact, I would think if you wanted to keep something eternally private, the last thing you would do would be to write it down. Words last forever!



hnt -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 9:16:57 PM)

quote:

Is it even necessary to share every thought with a mate? I'm very close to my husband, but I do not share all of my unvarnished thoughts with him nor is it a problem that I don't. This idea that a husband/wife should have access to all of their mate's thoughts is hard to understand.


That is what I was thinking.

quote:

I question why she won't give it to him because I'm wondering if there is a trust issue there?


Why can't it be a boundary thing Denim? To me its more principal than trust.



truthrevealed -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 9:17:04 PM)

If my husband became offended, highly upset or even enraged....at my wanting to read his journal, obtain his password etc....uh...I'd REALLY want to know why then! It seems this is an issue which evokes much passion...perhaps passion that SHOULD be shared with a spouse[;)].

I don't share EVERY thought with my husband(perish the thought!!!!)but I'm WILLING to share most everything. It's BECAUSE of that, that it's not neccesary for him to ask what some.... in other situations might find neccesary IMO.



draexo -> RE: Password sharing (7/13/2008 10:28:24 PM)

My brother-in-law used to password protect his personal work laptop. Of course, it was also his personal laptop. It was issued by work, but he used it for all his personal stuff too. The second he got up, he would lock the computer. One day he forgot and his wife checked his email. Needless to say, they are now divorced. (She unearthed a work-place affair).

I understand the need for personal space. My wife knows I am on some Christian forums. She never checks my email or my forum posts. I do not sneak into her email. It just seems ... not even the word wrong, but, unnecessary. Yes. Unnecessary. Now for a while I did journal and she never asked to see it. I am not sure if I would be ready to share it. I do not rag on her.
It is just very personal stuff.



car2ner -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 6:56:36 AM)

m'love and I were both stung by on-line secret meetings. The first thing we decided was no secrets (except his work with the military). All personal stuff is available for "peeking".

I do agree that there are some relationships where you cannot trust each other, sadly. There is alot of work to be done in these relationships that goes way past password sharing, like an above poster mentioned.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 9:47:13 AM)

quote:

Could you vent and then delete?


I was going to suggest the same thing. You mentioned that it was theraputic to put your feelings to words. Do you need to have it saved to look back at later? Could you type out feelings in letter format, venting your frustrations to the Lord as a prayer, and then give them over to Him? It could be very cleansing to pour out the ugliness and then hit delete, as a symbol of letting go of them and choosing to forgive and forget.



freakofnature -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 10:32:49 AM)

Why would anyone feel the need to write, even in personal journals, negative things about their spouse? There are, IMH, non-psychiatric educated, personal opinion. Not only does my wife have the passwords for the computer, we share the computer. I can't imagine her or I, even when we are upset with each other going to a journal or to the computer and writing negative things about each other. Just can't see it.

If you have work things on there, I would think you could trust him enough not to even look at that as I'm sure he probably isn't interested in that anyway. He probably IS concerned about how his WIFE really feels about him. I'm sure, since you have told him, that there is a personal journal there, that he is concerned about his marriage. And you keeping it a secret I'm sure isn't helping him feel like you love him. I can honestly say that if my wife was doing same, or even myself, there would be hellfire and brimstone brought down in my house on both sides. It isn't an issue of trust, it is an issue of love.



jaimestarcross -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 10:42:25 AM)

If you want to vent that's fine but don't keep a history/journal of that volatile info that portrays your spouse in a bad light.

A person vents in order to release - deal with the emotions and let go!
Don't forget to let go - Forgive! Keeping a track of his wrongs isn't the right thing to do!

*It would appear your spouse is upset already and he's not even read what you've written about him yet. Keeping the journal and password secret have done exactly what secrets will do --- create disharmony/mistrust.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 10:55:08 AM)

quote:


Why can't it be a boundary thing Denim? To me its more principal than trust.


Because, IMO, a boundary shouldn't need to be kept under lock and key. My journal is open for reading, but DH never has because it's a personal boundary. When their is a refusal to share the passwords with this much of a problem then it seems to me, that there would be a trust issue.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 11:15:54 AM)

quote:

Keeping a track of his wrongs isn't the right thing to do!


Very true! The Bible says that love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. If it's a journal, even if no one else ever reads it, it's still there for you to go back over and read again, reminding yourself again of all the wrongs he has committed. That stuff needs to be forgotten, not looked at and dwelled upon.



Roberta_ -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 11:27:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hnt

quote:

I question why she won't give it to him because I'm wondering if there is a trust issue there?


Why can't it be a boundary thing Denim? To me its more principal than trust.


It could be that too.



laura... -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 11:45:33 AM)

quote:

I also use the computer for work and it has some research that has patient identification features/albeit of some patients I no longer see).


As long as this info is on your laptop it is ILLEGAL to give your password to your hubby. I agree that just a single password access to client info is highly unsafe.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 2:34:19 PM)

quote:

Why the push for the password?

Why would he push for that anyway?

I have to admit my curiousity antennas would come up as to WHY it would be worth getting upset over if he knew what it was, and insisted on having the passcode to access them.

That to be would be odd, and getting upset about NOT having those passcodes seems a bit irrational to me!


Well, perhaps he has some reason to ask. Some past indescretion. Some inkling that she is hiding something. We only have the OP's side of the story.

Of course, he's a man, so it's entirely possible that he's just a controlling jerk. [8D] (note the smiley, folks, that was *humerous* so don't jump all over me this time. [;)])

My husband is a man of utter integrity, so it's beyond my imagination to hide a password or a journal from him. He knows where my stuff is and how to read it, but really has no interest. Now, if I made a big show about it being "secret" and mine and mine alone, he'd get his hackles up and most likely wonder what I had to hide and why I was thumbing my nose at him like that. [&:] I'm not saying this is what's happening--just putting forward a possible scenario that doesn't involve the man being horrible and controlling. [;)]



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 2:40:52 PM)

quote:

If my husband became offended, highly upset or even enraged....at my wanting to read his journal, obtain his password etc....uh...I'd REALLY want to know why then! It seems this is an issue which evokes much passion...perhaps passion that SHOULD be shared with a spouse .

I don't share EVERY thought with my husband(perish the thought!!!!)but I'm WILLING to share most everything. It's BECAUSE of that, that it's not neccesary for him to ask what some.... in other situations might find neccesary IMO.


Very well put. [:)]

I agree with the other's suggestions to vent and then DELETE. We all have bad feelings, we all run into issues with our spouses. But it seems just a teeny bit hostile to record for posterity passionately nasty things about your spouse, even if you believe that kind of ventilation is "healthy" (I don't).

An even better suggestion would be this:Get down on your knees, and start with "Lord, my husband is driving me insane! I am so angry. Help me to have the right attitude in this situation. Help me to do what you want me to do. Help me to love him in spite of the way he's behaving right now..." IMO, that would be more useful than musing over the horribleness of your spouse at any given moment. [:)]



freakofnature -> RE: Password sharing (7/14/2008 2:48:59 PM)

quote:

I agree with the other's suggestions to vent and then DELETE


I'm going to go a step further than this and say vent and share, THEN delete when you and your love forgive each other... Sharing the venting and frustration may eliminate divisiveness and encourage openess.



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