RE: Ministry and dating (Full Version)

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hellochurch -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/18/2008 10:51:24 PM)

to kerns family,

It sounded like I aggravated you, I know I wrote too much in one post, etc. I am new to posting,...
...
I am not saying 'lock them up', re separation, and not saying there is anything wrong with "falling in love" or " a nice car, suit, and good looks" I just mean;

1) the whole mate finding thing is a distraction for someone, especially someone young, while they are preparing to serve the Lord. I think the two things should be separated for the benefit of the one preparing to serve. Until they are prepared and older, if they are young. (this doesnot mean your minister doesnt have a good marriage or mate, etc. I am talking generally and responding to points made about high divorce rates, including those in the ministry, I am not talking absolutes, but generally speaking..)

2) families can be messy and not suitable for input into the whole matefinding process, but usually most families have insight that is good for the person in the matefinding category, while if they are very young and heavily influenced by what is around us in media etc. their choice will probably be made for many not good for them in the long run reasons.

3) many people have met their mates in bible colleges, however, I was alluding to the point that was brought out that many attending bible colleges for the sole reason of finding a mate, met and married those preparing to serve the Lord, and there were statistics talked about, high in divorce rates.

4) young women tend to more easily become emotionally involved maybe before they know their dating partner well enough to become that involved. Their ideals are shaped by media, even that of falling in love, as opposed to getting to know someone with similar values, morals and goals, - they are more influenced at young ages by good looks, and a nice car, than perhaps by compatability or even the spiritual life or spiritual goals of someone they would admire.

I was stating that this is not the absolute for every young woman, but the norm to a degree for every youg woman influenced by the media in our culture. If we are exposed to our media, we are influenced by it, so says the bible where it talks about what you allow yourself to look at and hear.



hjemerson -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/23/2008 11:16:37 AM)

The Whole dating thing is so hard for christian , We need to teadh our youth that we need to wait aand listen to the Lord and then Keep this in all area of life, Home,school. dating,etc easy said than to do. TO wait on the Lords. As for Men in Ministry as a leader he must be very careful the wrong chioces can hurt his whole service for the Lord. As for the Not dating in college as I have stated it many college are brides school. ( one school i worked with had the 4yr rule, and another a 1 year was not allowed to date and not allowed to be engaged till 2nd year and married till 3or4 year. ) (It was proved if they were married earlier in the college years most will not finsh and most start a family and leave school) The ladies /men need to have staff and peer leaders to guild them and keep both on track as to serving the Lord and then the right person will be sended from the Lords. But then again I have sit in on some church and they will not interview a non married person for leadership (or be in engraged)Because of all the problems in the pass.



RJR_fan -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/23/2008 6:14:53 PM)

Our daughter married, at age 20, a 20 year old man. The groom had just finished college, and developed a computer system that won an IEEE global competition. (he was a bit shy of his 16th birthday when he started college ... simply took a lot of extra classes in his Christian high school to get out early.) Within six months of hitting the workforce, he got drafted into the big leagues, and now programs for Adobe.

During the year leading up to the marriage, this gent "got into the merge lane," and started showing up at family reunions and gatherings on both sides. Listened to my dad's tales of service in WWII. "Enough about me," Dad said. "Would you like to talk about yourself for a while?" The lad smiles, and politely answers, "No."

Granted, Peter Pan is the archetypal literary figure of the 20th century -- the little boy who refused to grow up -- but why can't our children be grown up by age 20? Mature, capable, and productive?

(I didn't figure out my own vocation 'til I was 30, BTW!)



hjemerson -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/23/2008 7:03:25 PM)

Do not get me wrong I belive we have alot of great mature young people .It is wonderful when couple meet and know that they have founded the right one at early age . We are one of the couples that was like that met at 19/20 .married one year latter now 30 yr we strill IN love and made it longer than most of our friends BUT again we had Christ as the center(no it not alway been prefect but we did not give up) I feel so many ypung married couple call it quite to fast, but again i know married christian couples that have stayed together that should have made a split year ago. My .02 . Again it just hard for a christian person working in a church as staff to date some one in the church it cause so many spits etc, The hold church wants to be in the couples life , Our daughter and HD grew up togther with 5 other youth whan awa yto christian college VA Then after been out from under the micscrope they dated, best friend frist then now a famly, He is a pastor , Would it happen if they had stared when they were both at home .I belive to many would have been in the match making busness. So again it was the Lord leading friends for 8 year dated 4 then married after collegee. so thing do work it jus touchy when it a pastor or staf.



AboundinginHisGrace -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/24/2008 8:47:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hellochurch

to Dave W,to quote you"better to be married first" but I don't think "husband of one wife" means that you necessarily need to be male to be called, nor does it mean that you have to be married, I think the text is saying that as a male, if married, you should only be married to one woman, not have two, (or several thousand)and this may address divorce, I have not dug into studying all that surrounds this text yet.
- First covenant, old testament Deborah was called by God and operated in leadership as a prophetess, for the nation, I believe, she was like in status to Elijah, and she was never male and never was married to one woman, let alone two. She did have a husband, but for ie. we never read that ELijah was married, nor that Elisha was, which they might have been. The o.t. is our pattern for our example on many things, and in the new covenant we have the example of a woman who was called an apostle and who was outstanding amoung other apostles. apostles meant called and sent by God, for the delivering of the Good News, entrusted with God's message of Jesus as the Door into the Kingdom of God.----As our best example though, we have Jesus, who was single his whole life, but was the best Apostle, the Best High Priest, the Best Minister of God, and he had no wife. (Which doesn't mean we shouldnt get married to serve the Lord.)


What about the part about a woman not speaking up in church? It says for her to tell her husband to speak up for her. How could a woman be a preacher and not speak up?



BibleL7 -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/27/2008 2:10:53 AM)

Hellochurch
I think we have another thread for women and mens roles discussion in fact is one stop.

OP
Pray much about dating, be sure any woman is already believer, Pray and ask the Lord to direct your path to the woman, and as far as actual dating may not be a good idea if there is a woman you thing might fit the bill in your church talk to her and get to know her at church functions be sure you are compatible in doctrine and that she is available. Be very selective when it comes to asking a woman out and only do so if you think she could be one you would want to spend rest of life with.

The text does not say that a man must be married to be an elder it is meant to say he should have only one wife not many. Paul was not exceptional in being single and an elder there is little evidence of a few of the Apostles being married. And usual marriage age was 14 or older not 12. At age 12 a boy was not considered a man yet.



kernsfamily -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/28/2008 12:17:49 PM)

quote:

Be very selective when it comes to asking a woman out and only do so if you think she could be one you would want to spend rest of life with.


And, that's where the "Christian Courtship" concept fails.

Once you ask the woman out once or twice, and you know you THINK she could be one you would want to spend the rest of your life with, by then her family is emotionally 'connected' and 'invested' in you.....it makes the almost inevitable "breakup" that much harder, and there's certainly more "pressure" on the man (not to mention the woman), to just "go along" with it all.....(since, "on paper" they are "compatible", but, we know that only goes so far)......i know, as i have been in the "courtship" situation" before, and sometimes the "pressure" to continue on with a "relationship" and follow through with marriage can be almost unmanageable....then, when you are able to "halt" the "courtship", and let them know that, while "on paper", they are "compatible", that she just isn't the "one for me", or vice-versa, you get accused of "leading her on" about getting married (even though you were just wanting to get to know her better, as you THOUGHT she just might "be the one").....and, the girl has much less to say about whether she wants "in or out" of it....

but, just my personal experience, and observations.......



BibleL7 -> RE: Ministry and dating (7/29/2008 1:18:28 AM)

Kernsfamily

If you will notice what I typed just before that I was saying to be careful before dating for I really do not think it is a good idea to date as a ministry leader save just the woman you wish to ask to marry and basically then would be the time to get to know family.



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