'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (Full Version)

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dianetavegia -> 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 10:03:20 AM)

I've heard a number of pastors say 'I don't like people' in the last 8 or so years. Two actually said it from the pulpit, one on a t.v. sermon yesterday and the others in private or small group settings.

CAN a man be a pastor (not preacher) if he doesn't enjoy people, like people in general? Would God call a man to be a pastor and not give him a love for God's people?

Is 'not liking people' an 'I'm better than all of you' attitude or lack of patience? I think of the Fruits of the Spirit here.

Diane



bluestone -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 10:08:31 AM)

No.

I had a pastor who refused to pastor, never wanted to take part in church fellowships, and even tried to get out of preaching weddings and funerals. He told the board he was not a "People person".[8D]

Why would you take a position that requires a LOT of people skills, and being around people if you don't like them?

His term was a disaster, and a church was wrecked.

Perhaps Itinerant evangelism preaching is more suited for guys like this.



JimboFletch -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 10:10:24 AM)

Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but there are people I love but generally do not like. (And I KNOW there are times my wife doesn't like me but still loves me.)

That being said, I think it would be strange that God would call a man to be a pastor if he didn't generally like people.



JimboFletch -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 10:13:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone
Perhaps Itinerant evangelism preaching is more suited for guys like this.

I don't think they are even suited for that. They are the type that come in and dump on a congregation (without bothering to get to know them) and, then, leave the pastor to clean up the mess behind them. No, they are better suited to collecting garbage or some job they don't have to interact directly with people.



zippty_day -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 10:36:53 AM)

I think not being able to love the people is a huge flaw. This guy sounds like an administrator, not a discipler. You have to be able to love the people, that's what a good sherpherd IS.

Sometimes, I don't like people, but I still love them and don't wish any harm to come to them. I'm a people person but there have been occasions when I didn't like pastoring because I don't like having to deal with the whiney or controling people. I don't like to deal with people who like their 'pets' (problems). So, I've learned that I'm who I am and I'll love everyone the same and just as is human, we click better with some than others. It's not my job to make people obey God, but it is my job to tell those under me what the scripture says.

[:)]



David_D -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 12:12:48 PM)

I've used that line before. What I really meant was "I have no idea how to deal with people and it frightens me. I am intimidated at the prospect and instead of admitting that I'll hide behind this facade."

It's difficult for most men to admit they are afraid of anything.



rcjames -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/7/2008 12:44:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JimboFletch

Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but there are people I love but generally do not like. (And I KNOW there are times my wife doesn't like me but still loves me.)

That being said, I think it would be strange that God would call a man to be a pastor if he didn't generally like people.


There are folks that I do not like; such those that will not accept the grace of God and walk in the Sanctification that we are called to walk in.

Include in that all the sinners who call themselves Christians such as gossipers, backbiters, the covetous, the jealous, the arrogant, etc. etc.

But that does not mean I do not love them and spend my life trying to get to them to just accept Christ, die to the flesh, and live the life we are called to live.

Thanks
RC



Consecrated2God -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 10:35:37 AM)

People who don't like people have no business being a pastor. That's like being an elementary teacher and not liking kids, or being a singer and not liking music.



beachcooky -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 10:41:36 AM)

I used to hate people, and it made me an angry person. I stopped in early May though, so it's all good!
But a Pastor should NOT be a pastor if he hates people. A pastor cannot be judgmental. How can he share God's Word to the people he "hates"?



greatdivide46 -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 11:45:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beachcooky

I used to hate people, and it made me an angry person. I stopped in early May though, so it's all good!
But a Pastor should NOT be a pastor if he hates people. A pastor cannot be judgmental. How can he share God's Word to the people he "hates"?

Not being a "people person" and hating people are two different things. A person can not be a "people person" and still love people.

To me not being a "people person" doesn't mean hating people. It means feeling a little discomfort in dealing with people or dealing with certain situations. And which of us has God not called to get out of our comfort zones. Do you really think that Isaiah was totally comfortable with walking around naked for three years? (Isaiah 20:3). [:)]

So, I can see how God might call someone who is not a "people person" to be a pastor.



crankius -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 12:00:35 PM)

This topic reminds me of when Martin Short was in a Saturday Night Live skit about synchronized swimming. They were going to be the first male synchronized swimmers, but Martin Short (playing a character named Lawrence) was in water wings--


Gerald: Oh, it's not going to be easy. My brother and I know. Men have never done synchronized swimming in a sanctioned competition in this country. Officially, it's got like a zero acceptance rate.

Lawrence: I don't swim.

Gerald: Lawrence doesn't swim. So, I mean, no, of course not. No one's going to just walk up and hand us a gold medal. Men's synchro isn't even in the '88 Olympics yet.

Lawrence: That's OK, because we could use the time. 'Cause I'm not ... I'm not that strong a swimmer.

Gerald: But I mean, that just means, you know, for '92, we're a lock for the gold.


[sm=Llol.gif]



dianetavegia -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 3:46:13 PM)

I believe God can use people who don't like people. I've attended hundreds of hell fire and damnation revivals in my time and benefited from each and every one. I think of 'Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God' type sermons...... (No, I wasn't there. I'm not THAT old!) but a Pastor, in my humble opinion, should want to be with his flock. He should enjoy working with and ministering to his flock. Sure, there's going to be people who are hard to like, but to 'not like people' is a horse of a different color.

I had a pastor hold tightly onto me, sob and pray with me when we were told my husband was ill. I had a pastor call me at midnight after traveling and coming home to an email saying my brother had been murdered. I've also had a pastor who runs the other way when anyone tries to even say hello. You can guess which pastors met my needs....



bluestone -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 3:51:26 PM)

all of which shows that there is a vast difference in a pastor and a preacher.



beachcooky -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/8/2008 8:44:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greatdivide46

quote:

ORIGINAL: beachcooky

I used to hate people, and it made me an angry person. I stopped in early May though, so it's all good!
But a Pastor should NOT be a pastor if he hates people. A pastor cannot be judgmental. How can he share God's Word to the people he "hates"?

Not being a "people person" and hating people are two different things. A person can not be a "people person" and still love people.

To me not being a "people person" doesn't mean hating people. It means feeling a little discomfort in dealing with people or dealing with certain situations. And which of us has God not called to get out of our comfort zones. Do you really think that Isaiah was totally comfortable with walking around naked for three years? (Isaiah 20:3). [:)]

So, I can see how God might call someone who is not a "people person" to be a pastor.


UMM, last time I checked, I didn't say that. Sooo yeah.



jazzact13 -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/9/2008 12:31:51 PM)

Let me offer a bit of a different take on this.

The consensus seems to be that a pastor has to like people, to be a 'people person'.

Does that not, however, have it's own dangers? A pastor who likes people may be tempted to want to be liked by the people, so very likely there will be the temptation to compromise the message so that the people will approve.

I'm not sure what any particular pastor means by "not liking people". I suppose that could mean that they think those around them aren't listening to their teaching, or his church has its share of difficult people and situations, or some driver had pulled out in front of him and given him the finger to boot.

But if anything, I think it could be said tha the church is suffering too much from the "people person" and /or "people pleasing" mindset. A pastor doesn't need to be, and I would go so far as to say shouldn't be, a salesman or CEO. They should care for their people, but their highest love should still be to God, and it's only in loving God highest that they can love their people best.



slushie -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/9/2008 2:47:23 PM)

I haven't read much of the other posts.... but I don't believe so. I don't think a pastor can be called and not "like" people. I don't think a pastor should be a people-pleaser, but he should be genuinely interested in people and their lives.



Liveloved -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/11/2008 8:42:44 PM)

Caring for people's souls is what pastor/shepherding is all about. And I don't buy into the 'we don't have to like people' think. Do you think Jesus would have said to the woman at the well, "I don't like you"? or the Syrophenician woman? or Judas? Do you think He would have said it to his disciples, "I don't like so 'n so"? If you think 'yes', I'd say you'd better think again. Jesus called Judas "friend" right up to the end---and it wasn't a sanctimonious remark. Jesus loved Judas and wanted His friend to turn and be saved. That's the difference between Jesus and us. We might say 'friend' but beneath the facade be thinking 'I don't like you, you creep' or something like that.

No, Jesus, the Chief Shepherd, loves and that includes likes all of mankind. He humbled Himself to the point of death on the cross---He certainly would hold Himself above no man by 'not liking them'.

Anyway, a pastor/shepherd's work is to care for people's souls. If that is not where their heart is, they have not been called to pastoral work.



evryknee -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/11/2008 9:03:36 PM)

Someone said that for the Pastor, the best part about ministry is the people...and the worst part about ministry is the people.

If it wasn't for the people, ministry would be great. If it wasn't for the people, there would be no ministry.

How difficult it is to love people and be kind to them, especially when many pastors feel that the people have turned against them. We can all be critical, be unsupportive, and judgmental at times. If I've been hurt by someone, I'd want to withdraw from people, too. But loving people and even liking them can be a process...succeeding at times (like Christ did all the time) and failing at other times. The pastors that say this are probably well seasoned in the ministry and need a spiritual retreat to regroup with the Savior. But as long as the ministry involves people, there will be hurt....and joy.



bzirk -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/11/2008 9:06:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

Someone said that for the Pastor, the best part about ministry is the people...and the worst part about ministry is the people.

If it wasn't for the people, ministry would be great. If it wasn't for the people, there would be no ministry.

How difficult it is to love people and be kind to them, especially when many pastors feel that the people have turned against them. We can all be critical, be unsupportive, and judgmental at times. If I've been hurt by someone, I'd want to withdraw from people, too. But loving people and even liking them can be a process...succeeding at times (like Christ did all the time) and failing at other times. The pastors that say this are probably well seasoned in the ministry and need a spiritual retreat to regroup with the Savior. But as long as the ministry involves people, there will be hurt....and joy.


Well put.



jn1010lf -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 10:01:19 AM)

Hello dianetavegia

If one doesn't want to involve himself with people, then whatever he does as a Pastor will reap frustration and disallusionment. Such a person needs deliverance or should get out of the Pastorate. In fact, if any Christian dislikes people, he has a hard problem.

What is God's attitude? Hey! Get this! People are the ultimate of God's Creation. People are the only creatures in which He placed his own breath of life. People are made in His likeness and image.

Now if there is any hatred allowed, it must be with Satan and sin that robs people of the blessings that God intended.

I've actually men some hard shelled brain dead fundamentalists that I truly believe hate people and maybe even God. They've never experienced what I call a Holy Ghost melt down. Their hearts have not been washed over with the compassion of Christ. Everyone they see are sinners headed of Hell. They have little concern to help people to get out of the pit of sin and to walk in the glory of the Kingdom of God.

So, I would shake the dust off my feet in getting away from such.



Liveloved -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 12:00:47 PM)

quote:

The pastors that say this are probably well seasoned in the ministry


While not disagreeing with your thought, I wouldn't describe them as well seasoned. . . just seasoned. Seasoning can take on a multitude of flavors (a cook is speaking). I'd say they've been seasoned poorly and have taken on a bad flavor and are emitting a foul aroma.

Any of us who have spent a significant time in the church visible know that people need the Lord and those in the church need Him most. And that is the challenge. Those who think they have Him, know Him, etc are the most difficult to reach with His message. And some of these are pastors.

But people are the sanctifiers in our lives. They show us who we are and how much we are unlike Christ Who died for us and loves us. So we persevere and ask the Lord to humble us, to change us into His likeness, helping us bear the burdens of others and love as He loves. It is not an easy walk. But He walks with us.[:)]



rcjones -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 1:56:54 PM)

Exodus 4

Testimony of the Son, voice of the Judge:

Moses, I want you to be a pastor of my flock and lead them out of Egypt.

But God, I'm not a people person. I stutter and stammer. I am afraid of rejection.

What's that is your hand?

A rod (of discipline). (He has killed an Egyptian by using discipline in the flesh)

Get rid of it, when it used in an earthly fashion, it is evil.

And Moses was afraid of it.

Now stop the evil by constraining the lying prophet (grasp by the tail) and pick it up.

When used in my authority you represent me. And they will know.


When Elisha removed the axe from the water, he removed judgment from the word, as a shadow of Christ. There is subtle difference between discipline and judgment, but it is the difference between your own sin or representing the authority of God.

So when a church hires a "pastor" God may actually be calling someone to discipline the church. A rebellious church won't recognize God's hand in it... if they were looking to God, they wouldn't be rebellious after all. And when it appears that the church is all busted up, it may be the new beginning that some were praying for. Would you prefer that some get swallowed by the earth?

It is too easy for us to think that God isn't in charge of his church, since we're the ones who pay the pastor. Moses' "church" died in the wilderness, yet God was in control.



greatdivide46 -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 2:02:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjones

Moses, I want you to be a pastor of my flock and lead them out of Egypt.

But God, I'm not a people person. I stutter and stammer. I am afraid of rejection.

Amen.

It might be interesting to research how many people God called to be His leaders who were not "people people." Apparently, as far as God's concerned, being a "people person" is not a high priority in Him calling a leader of people.



rcjones -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 2:10:54 PM)

Well, A bunch of them were rejected by the people they were called to lead:

Adam disobeyed by Eve
Noah ignored by those he preached to
Moses rejected by Israel
Samuel ignored by Saul
The house of David rejected by Isreal
Jesus rejected by everyone

I would think that a case could be made that more than not, the leaders were not people people. Jesus chased everyone off after only three years. That isn't much more than the average tenure for pastors these days.

If we limit the conversation to those who are identified AND called to be pastors, much of the conversation here might apply. By mixing in other leader types we might be hijacking the thread.



dianetavegia -> RE: 'I don't like people'. Can he be a Pastor?? (7/12/2008 2:16:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greatdivide46
Apparently, as far as God's concerned, being a "people person" is not a high priority in Him calling a leader of people.


I never said a pastor had to be a social butterfly (people person) but asked about a pastor LIKING people as a whole.

I believe Christians are called to 'like people' as God's creation. God said 'it is good'. We can hate their sins, choices, lifestyle and how they treat us but if you really don't like people, in general, how can you really care if they have needs?

The opposite of love is NOT hate. The opposite of love is apathy.

Scripture says in 1 John 4:19 'We love Him because He first loved us'. Isn't that an example of how others can be reached for the Lord when we show them love while they are still unlovable?

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Romans 13:9 For the commandments, "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not murder," "You shall not steal," "You shall not bear false witness," "You shall not covet," and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Romans 13:10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 15:2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.

Galatians 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another.

Matthew 25:40 And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.'



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