how to confront online addictions (Full Version)

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broyce1981 -> how to confront online addictions (7/7/2008 9:33:14 AM)

OK, so this morning I was checking my e-mail, fantasy baseball, etc. and I happened to see that there was a porn site on the computer's history. I want to be able to confront my roommate about this but I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm not a very confrontational person so this kind of thing doesn't come easily to me. But how should I approach the subject?



evryknee -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/7/2008 12:12:19 PM)

"I was on the computer the other day and saw on the history that you went to a porn site. Is there anything that you want to talk about or need help with? Well, if you do, I'm here for you."

If this is also a problem for you, you may also want to ask him not to access these sites so that you will not fall into temptation as well.



BlackCapnHarlock -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/7/2008 6:51:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YZGUY

"I was on the computer the other day and saw on the history that you went to a porn site. Is there anything that you want to talk about or need help with? Well, if you do, I'm here for you."

If this is also a problem for you, you may also want to ask him not to access these sites so that you will not fall into temptation as well.


Exactly. This problem needs to be addressed if not it will only get worse. Nip it in the bud don't be like many of us who waited far too long to come out of this foolishness.



APZR -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/7/2008 11:26:40 PM)

If you are going to approach the subject, do it in a soft and loving way. This sounds like it's a shared computer, where multiple people can access. I've even found people messing around on my office computer before, changing my background screen as a prank.



HighPlainsDrifter -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/8/2008 4:54:54 PM)

I can't help but to wonder if it's any of your beeswax which sites he goes to unless it's your computer and you're letting him use it, or he's asked you to watch over his proclivity towards moral turpitude.



APZR -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/8/2008 6:56:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HighPlainsDrifter

I can't help but to wonder if it's any of your beeswax which sites he goes to unless it's your computer and you're letting him use it, or he's asked you to watch over his proclivity towards moral turpitude.



I was thinking the same thing Drifter, especially since we don't know what kind of relationship they have.



broyce1981 -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/9/2008 12:52:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HighPlainsDrifter

I can't help but to wonder if it's any of your beeswax which sites he goes to unless it's your computer and you're letting him use it, or he's asked you to watch over his proclivity towards moral turpitude.


Sorry, but I strongly disagree with you. I can't sit idle and watch a fellow believer struggle with this. So yes, it is most definitely my duty to try and help and not just dismiss this because it isn't my computer.



buckifn -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/9/2008 4:15:39 PM)

Is it your computer or his?



HighPlainsDrifter -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/9/2008 4:42:45 PM)

quote:


Sorry, but I strongly disagree with you. I can't sit idle and watch a fellow believer struggle with this. So yes, it is most definitely my duty to try and help and not just dismiss this because it isn't my computer.


Good luck, but be prepared for the eventuality of paying the whole rent bill pretty soon. Have you looked under his bed? He may be hiding some porn there or in his closet. He could have porn hidden all over the house for all you know.



TheRefinersFire -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/9/2008 5:46:03 PM)

Galations 6
(NIV) "1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted."

(AMP) "1 BRETHREN, IF any person is overtaken in misconduct or sin of any sort, you who are spiritual [who are responsive to and controlled by the Spirit] should set him right and restore and reinstate him, without any sense of superiority and with all gentleness, keeping an attentive eye on yourself, lest you should be tempted also.
2 Bear (endure, carry) one another's burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it]."

Always believe the scriptures.



ex-officio -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/10/2008 5:49:03 AM)

Blimey this is a toughy. And good use of vocabulary - turpitude indeed! [:D]. I'd agree with TheRefinersFire. If Jesus didn't stand back and let people go on but did something, shouldn't we? Salvation and God's work should give us the same attitude towards sin as God's - a complete hatred of sin itself and its effects on people. As such, when we find someone caught up in some sin or other should we not be compelled to bring that someone to find healing and restoration?

The alternative is letting people be, letting sin thrive with the church, risk wounding the effectiveness of all that we do, cheapening grace and such. Not the best idea, methinks.



SavedByGraceMD -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/14/2008 12:58:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: broyce1981

OK, so this morning I was checking my e-mail, fantasy baseball, etc. and I happened to see that there was a porn site on the computer's history. I want to be able to confront my roommate about this but I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm not a very confrontational person so this kind of thing doesn't come easily to me. But how should I approach the subject?

I would say that you need to be honest and just ask him about it. See if he is having trouble with this, and see what you can do to help.



redeemedsaint -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/16/2008 10:09:16 AM)

I would confront him in a loving way and let him know what you found on the computer's history. As to some posters saying it's none of your business, that is so wrong. That is the problem, some Christians not willing to help and get involved in someone's life. They would rather see someone self destruct before they lift a finger with excuses like "It's none of my business or I don't want to get involved." By that time, it is too late and then it's the same people who say "Oh I wish I did something." You have a right to be concerned because pornography is self destructive. You are a caring friend and I say talk to him.



OneJohn410 -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/18/2008 7:00:38 PM)

Since you were checking your email on it, it is likely your computer. I didn't see you say whose it was one way or the other. Why should that be of any consequence in this? If it's his machine, then you could be accused of being a snoop, and there go your user privileges. If it's your computer, then you are hosting, he's the guest, and you can put some rules on that.


Sorry to ruffle some feathers here, but who's to say it was definitely your roommate that did the deed? He could've stepped out for a minute, and one of his friends heard about something. I don't want this to be some huge game of Clue here, with the room, suspect, and 'weapon', but this is something not touched on either. You accuse, he stares at you increduously, you insist it was him, he hates the stuff too, and War breaks out and a Friendship goes down for the count.

Maybe you declare 'What in tarnation is this mess doing in this browser history??!?? Some sort of porn site! Do you know anything about this?'

That would give him an out if indeed it was one of his friends while he was in the reading room.


I like the way you want to get the situation behind you, and by now it probably already is, yet you left us all wondering whose computer it was, and the OP makes it sound like you are a bonafide superslueth when it comes to sensitive matters. There's no room in there for anyone else but your roommate to have done that. It's a hard thing to respond to because I don't hear any grace in it, just judge, jury, verdict. When does this go to trial? How did it get resolved?

Sorry to hear it happened,
OneJohn410



dave4418 -> RE: how to confront online addictions (7/23/2008 10:50:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: broyce1981

OK, so this morning I was checking my e-mail, fantasy baseball, etc. and I happened to see that there was a porn site on the computer's history. I want to be able to confront my roommate about this but I'm not sure how to go about it. I'm not a very confrontational person so this kind of thing doesn't come easily to me. But how should I approach the subject?

Praise God that you want to help your friend. I would just like to say that make SURE he knows that you're doing it gently and in a spirit or love or else the whole thing could backfire and cause division and bad feelings.



keeperofpeace -> RE: how to confront online addictions (8/10/2008 7:59:42 PM)

Tact is very important while confronting him about this problem. I would pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you how and what you should say. If you have children in the home or have a girlfriend that comes over frequently I would tell him that it is not appropriate and if he is not willing to accept your help or stop, then I would consider a new roommate. The scriptures say that believers should not be unevenly yoked, and that even means your friends... I know I have had to cut ties with some long time friends in my walk and growth as a christian... Witness to him, and let that seed grow...



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