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need some advice - 6/17/2008 10:17:22 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
Joined: 6/17/2008
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At the end of February I took a new youth ministry position. Things since accepting the job have went completely downhill. It seems that the pastor may have lost his zeal for the ministry and his desire all together. Which I did not know before I got here. I say this for a few reasons. Firstly, in my desk I had found a copy of his original vision statement for the church, and I just innocently asked him about some of the things, and he immediately blamed the people for nothing happening. Saying he had tried things and they never came to fruition and eventually he gave up trying. I asked if I could help him with some of the thigns, and he told me he saw no hope at the end of the tunnel for starting anything or changing anythign because the people would not be receptive. Following this meeting, three days later I was told if all I did was minister to the kids I have and never grow and left after a year he would be fine with that.
A week later I was told if I thought that by staying my fire would burn out and I felt I needed to leave to keep that from happening he would totally understand.
We also have some housing issues that come from a he said she said issue and we are having to move because of it. Short issue i was told we were allowed to have dogs, after we move in three months later, we cant. I was questioned on my heart for ministry because I do not want to get rid of my dogs to stay in the home that I am in. It almost feels as if he wants me to leave by the thigns he says to me. In fact, Sunday morning before service he asked me if I was thinking about leaving, which was completely unprovoked. I don't understand what to do next...ideas?
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 10:51:41 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3392
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Wondering, if his stinky attitude has something to do with the peoples lack of excitment he needs another job, because it seems he has lost his first love.
< Message edited by lightshineon -- 6/17/2008 10:59:03 PM >
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 10:57:31 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
Joined: 6/17/2008
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Perhaps, it really could be that. It still doesnt help me. I've even considered going back home.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:07:25 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3392
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Well have you lost your first love? If not, then do not let any man steal your crown, run the race, and do not give up.
quote:
ORIGINAL: piltor
Perhaps, it really could be that. It still doesnt help me. I've even considered going back home.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:27:51 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
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I just am not sure where I can find a place to live. I would never give up on my calling, Its just hard to figure out how I am going to be able to walk in it now.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:33:50 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3392
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Well I will pray for you, with all my heart. God wants you to reach this dead church, and the kids. He can and will make a way. Can the dogs stay with someone, maybe nearby until you secure housing? Can they stay at your mom and dads, until you secure housing?
quote:
ORIGINAL: piltor
I just am not sure where I can find a place to live. I would never give up on my calling, Its just hard to figure out how I am going to be able to walk in it now.
< Message edited by lightshineon -- 6/17/2008 11:39:55 PM >
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:37:11 PM
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piltor
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I wish they could, my wife and I moved six hundred miles to take this job, and we have no one here. The pastor doesnt even do things with us outside of church.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:44:36 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3392
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I know there is a way, and God knows the way. I am sorry your pastor,is so unloving to you, but God loves you, Praise the Lord you are doing what you are supposed to do. It must be hard to keep going without encouagement. The Apostle Paul, had to encourage himself many times. I am a ministry at my church if I were ever looking for encouragement, I would have left it ten years ago. Let us keep praying in agreement asking the Lords will and provision. Blessings, and thank you for caring for children, so much you would move six hundred miles fro home.
quote:
ORIGINAL: piltor
I wish they could, my wife and I moved six hundred miles to take this job, and we have no one here. The pastor doesnt even do things with us outside of church.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: need some advice - 6/17/2008 11:57:27 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
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The worst part abotu all of this is at first I began to question myself saying that the problem was I was young in the ministry and maybe I shouldn't have such a passion for people and be more like him, but through prayer I realized that is not true
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RE: need some advice - 6/18/2008 4:51:18 AM
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bzirk
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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Something my husband, who is a pastor, and I are seeing is the growing number of pastors who feel beat up. Pastors have had a high burn out rate, but it seems to be getting worse. So many have unrealistic ideals, and then they get disappointed by people, and instead of turning it over to the Lord, they let that disillusionment work on them. It sounds like you've walked into just such a situation. I'm sorry this happened, but things don't happen for no reason. The Lord allowed this to happen, and He's got the answer for you. Perhaps you should move back, but it's for the Lord to show you. My prayer for you and your wife is that you can wait on the Lord and be at total peace and actually have joy while you're doing it.
< Message edited by bzirk -- 6/19/2008 10:36:39 AM >
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: need some advice - 6/19/2008 7:17:57 AM
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seagullplayer
Posts: 127
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Remember your calling; focus on what the Lord has you there for.
Don’t focus on the Pastor and whatever hang ups he may or may not have.
Get busy about the kingdoms work; it may turn out to be your place is to influence your Pastor. Pray for him.
Don’t worry about hanging out with the Pastor away from Church; you should be busy with the kids and their parents. Make it a point to visit at least one couple a week from the congregation, there is plenty to do. Pray.
You need to pray about the dog situation.
(Mat 19:29) And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.
Get a few of the spiritually mature adults to pray with you and your wife on these matters. If you feel God sent you to this Church, He has plans for you. I pray you find His direction in all this.
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
THE WAY.
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RE: need some advice - 6/19/2008 2:43:50 PM
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lhull
Posts: 15
Joined: 3/15/2007
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Hello!
I am so sorry to hear of your trial at this church. Is it possible that you don't have all the facts? It sounds like you're only hearing from the Pastor. Maybe he didn't feel the need for a youth pastor, but other church leaders did. Is there a board of elders or deacons or trustees that might give you more information and clarification.
It sounds like a miscommunication about the dogs, but I don't believe refusing to let go of the dogs is an indicator of a lack of commitment for the ministry. Keep looking for housing that will accept them and pray for direction to the home that our Lord has for you. Our Lord knew you would need a place for them.
Seek the Lord for direction for your youth ministry. Get to know the parents and kids and you will discover their expectations and their needs. Trust in the Lord and keep your thoughts close to the vest. Ask Him for direction, discernment, and understanding. Concentrate on the youth.
Hope this helps...
_____________________________
Words of Encouragement
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RE: need some advice - 6/19/2008 3:38:08 PM
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funny_girl
Posts: 852
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Piltor,
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. My gut response is, "GET OUT!" What a bummer! Believe me, this pastor has some major insecurity issues and should never have moved your family out under these circumstances. The dogs, apparently aren't small???? More than one dog, is a problem and will continue to be a problem, sorry.
If you want to try and salvage this...I'd find a new home for your dogs and start meeting with your pastor to pray blessings over him once a week. He's very discouraged and needs intervention.
Lord, I pray for wisdom and guidance in this situation. Father God, help this family, the pastor and the church. Lord, you can use all of this for your glory, in Jesus name.
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 2:03:17 PM
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hjemerson
Posts: 209
Joined: 3/4/2008
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WOW you could be write our life just 19 monts age we did almost the same thing and we stay trying so many ways to work with the peole we flted God was calling to us for help in working for the Lord . I pray you will find the place for you and the dog I understand that area very well . We prayed and stayed 6 monts or more till the Pastor started to show he felted threathed even when we worked along side and never when over his head . Sad to said he started talking and had a meeting with out us (personal broad meeting)and we it was 3 days before we were going to follow are heart and start over again ! But the hurt is and will be in your heart for a while to come. It can and will be in the history of your pass. Pray and seek It may have been the Lords way to show you how strong you are will to be in HIS service and sek a answer it may be time to move on to another place on the road to His service!, (After all this the the people we were close to saw how it was the Pastor was not following the Lords will and had him leave 6 months later!)I truly belive Pastor need to stand back and review the vison they have ever so often the burn out is so high and we lose many people because of it.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 2:22:00 PM
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piltor
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So, we're leaving, and I got told off this morning by the pastor. I was informed to immediately get my stuff from my office, and return my keys. Then I was told I had to call before I left so he could come inspect the duplex we were living in to make sure it was clean so the church wouldn't lose the deposit. I was also told that I wasn't allowed back at any church functions.
Sad thing is, I told him we were leaving yesterday and he said he understood, but today he goes off on me. Totally insane.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 3:54:57 PM
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slushie
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I think he's definitely discouraged and burnt out. Were you living in the church-run or church-owned apt building? That's really nuts that you're not allowed back at church functions... did he give a reason?
This is just a thought, but perhaps he wanted you to stay. Maybe he was discouraged and told you all those things "I understand, blah blah blah" but then when you decided to leave, he felt let down. Just a thought....
Keep on praying. I pray that you won't lose your first love.
_____________________________
Testify to Love
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 4:02:34 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
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No, its not church run, it was just set up for us before we moved here by the church.
Not sure, he told me yesterday he had no hard feelings when I informed him i was leaving, he just showed up at my door very angry this morning. So, we are packing. I just have no idea how to explain this situation to other churches that I am applying for.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 4:23:13 PM
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buckifn
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Did you have any signed contract for the housing? Or for the pets being allowed on the lease? Also, what about the ministry position. what kind of contract was involved with that?
If you have things in writing it will be much easier to explain to the person interviewing you for your next position that the terms of your contract were not honored and you left.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 4:31:32 PM
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piltor
Posts: 9
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There was no contract for the position. The housing was set up by the pastor so I never saw the contract. I was just told by the people I pay my rent to that we had to go.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 7:12:49 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1364
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To me it sounds like you are dealing with a man who is seriously depressed and needs help. A root of bitterness is growing in him and that is a very nasty growth. If there are those who you know to be men and women of prayer in his church, ask them to be in prayer for him. You don't have to reveal lots of details. Just remind them that it is a congregation's responsibility before God to PRAY for their pastor. And they need to do it!
A number of years ago the Lord called me to become an intercessor and the first person He layed on my heart to pray for was my pastor. And after I began praying, things really began happening! God hears. This man needs people going before the throne of grace on his behalf. Do it and encourage others to get serious about it as well.
I'm sorry things worked out as they did. I think God is calling YOU to intercede---not to bear a grudge or be angry or to let your pride be wounded. This is very much about this other man and not about you. Lay down, give up your life for his and intercede. Bless you.
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RE: need some advice - 6/30/2008 7:26:59 PM
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gmedifast
Posts: 36
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There must be a chapter on crushing youth pastors in the senior pastor "manuel". Don't let your fire run burn out. If you have been on these boards at all you know that I have been struggle with my senior pastor for a long time. It is like his Theology has changed, he does things underhanded, and embellishes often. A few weeks ago, the Lord lead me to the Story of Joseph. This was confirmed by the fact that for about 2 weeks I heard sermon after sermon on Joseph from various TV preacher that I watch and even at my own church.
I am sorry this did not work out for you, but this Pastors issues are not yours. Go in peace and let go and let God tend to everything.
< Message edited by gmedifast -- 6/30/2008 7:33:39 PM >
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RE: need some advice - 7/1/2008 12:30:26 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 2985
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Where the deer and antelope play
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quote:
ORIGINAL: piltor
No, its not church run, it was just set up for us before we moved here by the church.
Not sure, he told me yesterday he had no hard feelings when I informed him i was leaving, he just showed up at my door very angry this morning. So, we are packing. I just have no idea how to explain this situation to other churches that I am applying for.
Where is the rest of the leadership of this church?
_____________________________
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
Great quote: I just ain't God and don't know it all. -- SonInMe1
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RE: need some advice - 7/1/2008 1:24:52 AM
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gmc4Jesus
Posts: 216
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Torrance, California
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: seagullplayer
Remember your calling; focus on what the Lord has you there for.
Don’t focus on the Pastor and whatever hang ups he may or may not have.
Get busy about the kingdoms work; it may turn out to be your place is to influence your Pastor. Pray for him.
I agree. Pray for God's strength and wisdom to know how to handle this situation.
Is there anything that you can honestly compliment and appreciate about the Senior Pastor? Let him know that you look up to him and respect him for that thing(s).
If you feel that you can talk to him, ask him how you could pray for him and then do it.
I know from experience that church leaders (elders) that have lost their purpose can really hurt a minister who is trying to move a church forward. Unless you can build a relationship with them and teach them to care more about the lost than about guarding the institution, you may find yourself in a stale situation.
I pray that God will give you wisdom, the the Senior Pastor will open up and let you pray for him and that the two you you can build a stronger base to help him get back on focus.
_____________________________
Let's talk about Jesus, His life and teachings at the www.gettingtoknowjesus.org Gospel Study Forum.
Home of "Getting To Know Jesus", a complete Bible study on the life and teachings of Jesus.
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RE: need some advice - 7/1/2008 10:29:51 AM
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piltor
Posts: 9
Joined: 6/17/2008
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The only other leadership in the church would be the board. There is a two member board, but one has been out of town working for six months, and the other only comes to church once a month. They're both his friends that grew up with him when he was a boy in the church as this is the church he grew up in.
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