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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/6/2008 1:16:32 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8030
Joined: 9/5/2006
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Esther,
great posts about dealing with life one day at a time!!
You mentioned in your post on delaying your education that perhaps something will occur that will stop you from getting it at all (on page 11 I think). You don't have a promise that something won't stop it if you continue full time either. KWIM? We just have to do what we have to do and not worry about such things. We can't change them anyway so we may as well ignore them and let God worry about them. Our job is to just celebrate today, not to worry about tomorrow's potential (but incredibly unlikely) calamities.
(I came in here looking for a clue on what huge stupid thing you did. I'm still clueless)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/6/2008 1:40:41 AM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3877
Joined: 3/30/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
Maybe not, but I'm hurting really bad...so it really feels like I'm stupid.
Thank you, though. It is so neat to come here and have every one rally round me.
I know this will get fixed. God will fix it--he'll have to, cause I can't. I've been stupid before--I lived over it, and He fixed it. But the regret is extremely painful just now.
I'm very, very grateful for this place, even if my stupidity here was what caused the problem.
shallbe
The regret will subside, especially after time in prayer--asking for forgiveness from God (and from those you think you've hurt) and for his help to help you forgive yourself of whatever it is that you did.
Remember, if he forgives us, who are we to not forgive ourselves? Anyway, when I remember that it always puts me in my place rather quickly.
I know how much you like to pray over scripture. Psalm 25's a good one.
((((Esther))))
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/6/2008 9:34:32 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 6040
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quote:
We need to be careful that we aren't so afraid of the lightening that we don't let ourselves be refreshed by the cool water. We can't put up walls against all people because a few have hurt us in the past; we have to realize that sometimes loving hurts, that loving is worth the losing.
Wow! Such powerful truth. Thank you for sharing.
Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to step back and take a look at the whole picture, or even the piece of the picture that is currently being worked on. After all, we are all works in progress. 
Those storms are lessons we need to learn. God is taking us through them. What we need to do is realize He is there, guiding us each step of the way ... Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. That lamp isn't showing a whole lot more than the next step we need to take. We need to remember that even if we cannot see Point B at the moment, keeping our focus on God, maintaining a steadfast confidence in Him, knowing beyond any shadow of doubt that He will take us there one step at a time, eventually Point B comes into focus. We have reached the goal. We have learned the lesson. But without that trust in Him, and without allowing Him to be in charge, we will find ourselves in that same storm over and over again.
Interestingly enough, this was my random verse of the day: John 6:31 Our fathers did eat manna in the desert; as it is written, He gave them bread from heaven to eat. He gave them what they needed on a daily basis. Not what they wanted. He wasn't interested in indulging them with a feast. He took good care of them. He was teaching them to rely on Him. It was up to them to make the choice to trust Him, or not trust Him. To be satisfied with what they had, or to not be satisfied. To have joy in their hearts, or to grumble and complain.
Don't you just love when God puts the words right there in front of you right when you need them? He is amazing and awesome!!
Although I don't post as much these days, I have peeked in here and have been praying over the situation ... for your daughter, The Beau, his family, and for you. And in contemplating what's been going on over the last several months, a thought occurred to me: if their relationship continues, if they end up getting married ... will the attitudes and behaviors change? Will his parents eventually grow to accept her as part of the family? Will they continue to be suspicious of her and you and the rest of the family? Always questioning your motives? Keeping the wall they placed in place ... or will that come down? Will they continue not appreciating your concern for her, as her mother? Esther, of course you are concerned about her! She is your daughter. You have every right to want the best for her. And you have every right to seek counsel from other believers in whom you trust as to your feelings and how best to conduct yourself in a Godly way. It's clear you are praying and seeking God's will and guidance. But I cannot help but wonder ... why would anyone be upset about that? I really don't have any advice per se, but just wanted to share my thoughts with you. Sometimes getting a view from someone else's vantage point can help. I'll keep praying. I know God will be shedding light on the situation.
_____________________________
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/6/2008 7:41:10 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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Well...
I have received an email extending forgiveness. It was short and to the point. I'm sure they are still hurt and angry. But it's a start. And they did say they appreciated the things I did to try to rectify the situation.
I am still very regretful that I thoughtlessly caused so much pain. I wonder if I'll ever redeem myself in this person's eyes and heart...I have to start over so very often. I've been working on it all summer, and the reports were that I was making progress (by the simple expedient of just staying away.) Now that's all down the drain.
I am a naturally open and forthright person, and that just seems to be the antithesis of the kind of person he can feel safe and comfortable with. God, apparently, is trying to change this in me, to mature it and make it a personality trait that is useful to the kingdom; but I despair of it ever being so. I have failed every time I think I've finally managed to become a safe place for this person.
I do want to thank everyone for praying, for all the expressions of support. I really needed them, and felt so helped.
My new name is from Jeremiah 31:4 "Again I shall build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Jerusalem. Again you shall take up your tambourines and go forth to the dances of the merrymakers."
God is not intimidated by starting over from scratch.
shallbe
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/6/2008 11:18:20 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Focusing;
I haven't specifically answered either of your posts, but I want you to know that I have read them and they made sense. I do have concerns that I pray about should they marry. GP1 and I have discussed these at length ad nauseam. There's no way to know what will happen in the future and how the other people involved will react. But we can talk about the possibilities and what the scriptural response to that would be. We can pray about and seek God as to whether or not her marriage to him is God's plan.
But we can't know what the future will be. So we have to go with what we can do and can know.
I do realize, also, that God may be teaching TB and his family things through me. There are some parts of me that God made that way...I'm not going to stop being an open and forthright person, (though I'm quite willing for that personality trait to be more under the control of the Holy Spirit). I pray that God will make a place in TB's heart for me even with all the things about me that make him uncomfortable; for God has already made a place in my heart for him. May God make him able to accept the parts of me that I cannot change.
As far as my right to seek help and comfort from my friends: yes, I have that. But I could have done it in a much more sensitive way: I didn't have to spell out specifics nor use truthful but judgemental words.
John_O;
Thanks for your comments concerning taking one day at a time. I really appreciate the perspective that something can come along and interrupt regardless of whether I am pressuring myself to get done quicker, or taking a little more time. I actually hadn't thought of that, but it's true.
shallbe
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/7/2008 8:08:36 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8030
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
Focusing;
I do realize, also, that God may be teaching TB and his family things through me. There are some parts of me that God made that way...I'm not going to stop being an open and forthright person, (though I'm quite willing for that personality trait to be more under the control of the Holy Spirit).
My father in law is a man of very few unspoken words. If it hits his mind he says it. He suffers from extreme lackof tact sometimes (and will be the first one to admit it). So when M started dating me and I was lost he made me very uncomfortable. Yet he taught me bunches and I love him like (better than actually) my own father.
quote:
John_O;
Thanks for your comments concerning taking one day at a time. I really appreciate the perspective that something can come along and interrupt regardless of whether I am pressuring myself to get done quicker, or taking a little more time. I actually hadn't thought of that, but it's true.
Everything I say is true! (Ouch. I was joking! Ouch. oww. stop kicking me! Ouch. No No don't do that!! Oh that hurts. OK OK I give! I'll fix it)
If every once in a while I happen to say something true or good or wise I wish everyone to know it must be purely by accident.
(Happy now? Ouch! What was that for... Oh come on, you can't whack me for future offenses!!)
(pesky OH)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/9/2008 12:28:36 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Schizophrenia!
I miss her so much and wish her home: but I cannot wish her separated from her love.
I do not know what I will do without her: but I cannot wish her held back from the life God is calling her to.
I am so excited about mothering him: but I do not want to be in competition with his mother.
I want all my children to follow God and have exciting and fruitful lives: but I’m irrationally frightened about being alone.
I want to go to school and get my degree: yet it’s so hard to enjoy it when it’s so expensive and difficult!
I want to mother my children and make a beautiful and welcoming home for them: but I must go to school and support them.
I want to trust God to provide, yet my dwindling savings stares me in the face everyday
I want to be wise, yet I am so often foolish: I fear my foolishness because it brings such pain.
Geez. No wonder I’m so crazy lately! I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction…pulled to pieces…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**I've got a blow out!...She's breaking up! She's breaking up!**
..."And it shall come to pass, as I have watched over them to pluck up and break down, to overthrow, destroy, and bring harm"
..."As for these things you see, the days will come when there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down"...
*cue narrator*
"Esther J. A woman barely alive...We can rebuild her. We have the technology...Better than she was before..."
..."so I will watch over them to build and to plant, declares the Lord"
Better
..."And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit will I put within them"
Stronger
..."I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh"
Faster
..."that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them"
Jeremiah 31:4 "Again I shall build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Jerusalem. Again you shall take up your tambourines and go forth to the dances of the merrymakers."
ShallBeRebuilt...coming soon to a theater near you!
shallbe
Nadine; I hope you don't mind. I've been pondering these things and wanted to use your analogy...
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/9/2008 12:51:49 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3972
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
Schizophrenia!
I miss her so much and wish her home: but I cannot wish her separated from her love.
I do not know what I will do without her: but I cannot wish her held back from the life God is calling her to.
I am so excited about mothering him: but I do not want to be in competition with his mother.
I want all my children to follow God and have exciting and fruitful lives: but I’m irrationally frightened about being alone.
I want to go to school and get my degree: yet it’s so hard to enjoy it when it’s so expensive and difficult!
I want to mother my children and make a beautiful and welcoming home for them: but I must go to school and support them.
I want to trust God to provide, yet my dwindling savings stares me in the face everyday
I want to be wise, yet I am so often foolish: I fear my foolishness because it brings such pain.
Geez. No wonder I’m so crazy lately! I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction…pulled to pieces…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**I've got a blow out!...She's breaking up! She's breaking up!**
..."And it shall come to pass, as I have watched over them to pluck up and break down, to overthrow, destroy, and bring harm"
..."As for these things you see, the days will come when there will not be left here one stone upon another that will not be thrown down"...
*cue narrator*
"Esther J. A woman barely alive...We can rebuild her. We have the technology...Better than she was before..."
..."so I will watch over them to build and to plant, declares the Lord"
Better
..."And I will give them one heart, and a new spirit will I put within them"
Stronger
..."I will remove the heart of stone from their flesh and give them a heart of flesh"
Faster
..."that they may walk in my statutes and keep my rules and obey them"
Jeremiah 31:4 "Again I shall build you, and you shall be rebuilt, O virgin of Jerusalem. Again you shall take up your tambourines and go forth to the dances of the merrymakers."
ShallBeRebuilt...coming soon to a theater near you!
shallbe
Nadine; I hope you don't mind. I've been pondering these things and wanted to use your analogy...
Go for it! I'm loving it!!
_____________________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a mans character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/18/2008 12:07:44 AM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10841
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: online
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Hey Esther! I hope things are going well. I've been thinking about you this weekend.
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/18/2008 7:29:41 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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Thank you! Day 2 and all's well...
shallbe
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/18/2008 7:30:49 AM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10841
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: online
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Awesome! What ya making for breaky this morning?
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/18/2008 7:35:07 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2105
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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We've had big fancy breakfasts for the last two days, so today we are going to have cereal. We're going kayaking early this morning, then I have to drive to the school for an audition and a test, and GP1 and TB are headed to do some demo classes for dance in another city. TB will get to see GP1 finally doing what she does the best and is most passionate about.
Thanks for your prayers. I would appreciate prayers especially for the test I have to take today. It literally means the difference between graduating in Dec. 2009 and graduating a semester or more later.
shallbe
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RE: Besiderself's Batty Belfry - 8/18/2008 7:35:52 AM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 10841
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: South Carolina
Status: online
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Most definitely!
_____________________________
Reflecting with Terri
Dance like no one is watching. If they are, who cares!
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I wish I had time to catch up when I get on but I just don't. 
I can see that you have just gone through something difficult so I am sending up prayers. I hope that you are doing better!. 
